The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here and would like to share my story and get any advice/support and or hear from others who can relate.
I grew up with an alcoholic father all my life. He isn't the kind that drinks everyday but rather has a binge once, twice, or three times a year, usually lasting between 2-4 weeks. Sometimes he goes on these binges due to problems/stress and or sometimes for no apperant reason. Growing up with an alcoholic was very difficult for me. I am the oldest and only girl with 2 younger brothers. I love my dad very much, when he is sober he is a great person and was always responsible and worked hard to support us. But when he's drinking, he's unrecognizable! It's very hard to see someone you love turn into a monster who's only mission is to hurt himself and the ones that love him! I've seen my dad do the most craziest things, I have clear pictures in my mind of all the things he's done to himself and my family! As I grew older I saw how much my mom put up with and I asked her "Why she put up with it?" She always said it was for us! New Years this year was the straw that broke the camel's back, my mother finally said NO MORE and told him it was over! He quickly sobered up and for like the 100th time promised her he would stop! She said it was too late. After 28 years of marriage and alot of pain and suffering she finally filled for divorce. She just recently left the house with my youngest brother and is staying with a friend. Needless to say my dad is a WRECK! He's threatening to kill my mother then kill himself! Says he doesn't want to live and doesn't care about anything! He stopped working like he always does on his binges and doesn't answer most calls nor does he answer the door. He is diabetic and I'm extremely concerned he willdrink himself to death and die alone! I live 5 hours away with my own family and I just feel so hopeless/sad/angry and frustrated with this whole situation. A part of me wants to turn away and live my own life,furfill my own dreams, but a part of me keeps thinking about my dad and keeps telling me to do something. My husband wants to take him to a rehab in Mexico, the kind that doesn't require the addict to be there voluntarily, but I don't know what if any we should do. I believe that we can't help him if he doesn't want the help, but I just can't let go you know? There are alot of things that need to be done, my parent's house needs to be sold, their belongings need to be packed or sold and they each need to find their own way. I know there is very little I can do for them as they are both adults, but I somehow carry this HUGE load on my back that doesn't belong to me. I need help!
-- Edited by Hopeless in AZ at 01:10, 2007-03-28
__________________
Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
you said it perfect. Go ahead and go for your dreams hon. Don't allow the disease to kill your life.
no matter what you do it will make no difference. If he goes to rehab great. otherwise it won't do any good. His disease will say anything for attention. When they feel the most threatened the bring in the I will commit suicide thing.
Fact is we cannot be with them one hundred per cent of the time, so if they are serious, we cannot stop them.
Has your father ever been abusive to your mom? She may need a restraining order.
If he has not been abusive, usually A's are very insecure and don't carrry out threats. We cannot control them anyway.
Your mother is very brave. It is hard to do what she has. I will keep her in my prayers.
This is your mothers responsibility. If she needs help I am sure she will ask you. ONE day at a time. do what you can do and make sure you love, and enjoy every day too.
As far as the house and stuff, again small steps, it will happen when it does.
I am glad you came here. please know I am not telling you what to do, just giving you my thoughts.
I am sad for all you went thru, however sounds like you are doing great in your own personal life. love,debilyn
Please find meetings for yourself , u need support from people who understand what your going thru now . I understand the feeling of powerlessness it is diff to watch someone u love doing what your dad is doing to himself and family . This is a disease and at the moment it is running his life. Your absolutley right there is nothing u can do for him except to love him , don't enable him and detach emotionally from what he is doing . Not easy but possible. Glad u posted here tonite this is a good place to be . toll free number for meetings in your area 1-888-4alanon . they will give u a contact for your area. You don't need to go thru this alone ,u will find people like yourself who will share thier own experiences and support u thru yours. good luck Louise
Welcome to MIP! You are definitely not alone in AZ. I am here too. Find a meeting. Learn as much as you can about the disease of alcoholism. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad died an alcoholic death. As adult children we learn ways to cope. One thing that I came out of my home was this huge sense of responsibility. I know now that I am powerless over alcohol. YOu have your own family to take care of and yourself. Working on being strong yourself helps you handle what you are going thru with the alcoholic. Keep coming back.
So glad you posted here. I am gonna jump on the bandwagon of what others have said to you already, please find a meeting you can attend for you. Also, we have meetings on this web site twice a day in the chat room. To get into chatroom or to see meeting times, click on the link at the upper left of this page in the yellow area.
I too grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and came away with that sense of responsibility to everyone else on the planet but myself. It is so hard to see someone we love hurting themselves, my ex wife used to throw out the "I'm gonna kill myself" threat too. Used to scare me witless. But I have learned now that what they are gonna do, they are gonna do, no matter what we think, say or do. We didnt cause it, we cant control it and we cant cure it.
Please keep coming to the board, try out our chatroom (almost always folks in there 24/7, to just chat with and meetings twice a day) and please find a meeting near you.
I'm sorry you are going thru this. I now you feel a great responsiblility for your parents. It's hard to come to terms with what is going on. I'm going to repeat what someone else said...the 3C's you didn't cause it you can't control it and you can't cure it. I too would suggest finding an Alanon meeting in your area. You will find strength and hope. You will learn about taking care of you..you will learn you are worth it. In time the pain will lessen and you will learn to live your life. I hope you come back here and post..and join the chat room...lots of wisdom here. Take care of you. I'll keep you in my prayers. your friend in recovery, rosie
I can't address the issue of being a child of an alcoholic. But I can address the issue of trying to force someone into rehab. Usually unless they are mandated by a judge and are forced with either sobering up and staying sober or faced with jail time, it usually doesn't work. Even with AA interventions, the success rate is low. Having said that perhaps you might want to contact AA and talk to them about doing one. The bottom line is is that your Dad has to want his sobriety and more importantly be ready for it. It has to come from within him. No one can truly force an addict to get sober. Even the ones that are madated by the law, don't always make it.
I know I'm sounding like there is no hope. But there is. There is hope for you and your recovery. There is always, always hope (no matter how small) for the addict's too. But you can't make him recover. But you can recover yourself. You have gotten some great feedback here. Now it's your turn to take back your life. You can do this. We're right here along with you. Go back and read some older posts, as they are full of great experience, strength, hope, wisdom and humor. (Humor is great for the soul and heart.) Please keep coming back to us.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all very much for taking the time to read my story and welcoming me to this board! I have read all your repplies and some of the other threads and I am really happy to be here. I will definately stick around and read and post as much as I can.
Thanks Again!
__________________
Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
