new problem with my daughter and alcohol ESH please - Al-Anon Family Group

hippietrippiechick · Senior Member

new problem with my daughter and alcohol ESH please

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Hippie))))),

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Not having any children (except Pipers Kitty) and not being the child of an alcoholic I can't address those issues. But I can send you and extra big hug and keep you in my prayers tonight. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Stacie, this is a horribly hard one. I don't know how you have raised her.

Please don't allow her to do a sex change until she is older and goes to therapy about it.

Being a teen is so hard.NO it is not acceptable to be using. It is against the law. I hope she got into some disciplinary thing and will be send to drug and alcohol classes.

At least get her to learn the basics. Tighten up, know where she is at all times, meet the parents and kids she hangs with. That is our job as parents.

How is she doing at school? tighten up there if you have to. I know you probably can't but many parents will go to classes with their kids if they don't straighten up. Believe me it only takes one time. lol

they are testing at this age, a parent needs to set the boundaries and stick to them.

Part of sp. ed is at risk kids, the tough ones. They are crying out for people to care enough to say NO. and to set limits.

I liked the gothic kids, many were into drama. Is there a drama class at school, a drama theator in your city?

What is she into? encourage it. My son was into motorcycles. I was a single widow working full time. I made sure he had one. If they are encourage in their passions, it helps keep them away from other things. Mine was animals, and i tell ya, my horse kept me from all kinds of trouble.

anyway I sure understand. Check and see if there are drug and alcohol classes for parents and kids. My kids and I did that and it was really fun and bonding.

love,debilyn

Alanoner · Veteran Member

Sorry, no, breaking the law is NOT "just part of growing up", unless you accept that dysfunction and neglectful parentingis "normal" and just part of everyone's upbringing. That is part of Alanon's mission, to help us all to NOT accept dysfunction as normal and healthy, but to learn to be healthy ourselves so that we are better people and can not only live our own lives to the fullest but also be healthy and responsible parents who role model a healthy and happy life, which does not include illegal drug use (since alcohol is a drug and is illegal at her age) or breaking rules.

Acting as though underage drinking is "normal" is part of the mindset that often leads to binge drinking and can contribute to alcholism. Many people think that binge drinking is normal for young men, especially in college, and many others think that drinking to excess is normal behavior for men, SIGH!

I thought Debilyn gave some great ESH.

Allowing your daughter to engage in counter culture activities such as her goth dressing is perhaps giving her the opinion that other counter culture activities are harmless, such as the underage drinking.

Some kids outgrow this phase, however, for others, it can lead to problems as they learn to live on the fringes of society. Unofortunately, underage drinking, drug use, smoking, and many other unhealthy and illegal health habits seem to go along and be a part of the goth lifestyle for many kids, although not all.

Some kids dress up as goth as a phase but they continue to do well and get good grades. However, you describe your daughter as "troubled" so this is likely not the case with her and her goth phase may be a symptom of deeper issues and problems, a 'cry for help" as Debilyn mentioned.

I am pretty conservative so if you are offended I offer the advice to take what you like and leave the rest, but I am concerned for your daughter and you asked for ESH and you too are obviously concerned.

I am not saying that parents need to be perfect in order to be a good parent, but teens are quick to notice what they might see as hypocritical behavior, and use it as an excuse to be openly rebellious. Sometimes parents need to examine their own behavior and example to see what kind of behavior they are modeling for their children.

Raising teens in tough and I know you have had surgery recently, which makes it even tougher, sometimes they use those times when you are out of comission to test the limits as they feel that you may be too sick to pay much attention.

My heart goes out to you as a parent, and yes, raising teens is TOUGH.

I would definately take her to counseling on the sex change issue. Fifteen is a time when teens are learning about themselves and establishing their identity, if she seems to have so many problems finding her way through this time, perhaps some professional help may be in order.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I would suspect that wanting a sex change makes her feel abnormal and drinking could be a way of medicating her feelings.
I think a good therapist A.S.A.P. with knowledge in the field may help her find her way with who she is.

If she truly does have gender issues (and not a teenage shock trick) she needs some help to cope fast. This is the stuff deep depression and suicides are born of.
I suspect you may need some help with this issue too? Most importantly let her know you love her no matter what and that drinking is not the answer.

Take care,
Christy

-- Edited by Christy at 02:01, 2007-03-28

hippietrippiechick · Senior Member

Boy would it be nice if she had a good therapist. She is and has been in my parents custody since she was 3 mo old, i left a violent, turbulent marriage--her dad is in prision for almost killing a 4 year old learning disabled child. I am glad I got her out of there. I was a mess when I returned home, and mom took over basically. Longer story there.
I feel like my hands are tied. If they take her somewhere she will say she don't like it, or the meds or somthing, and my parents seem to be run by her wishes. She gets everything she wants. But as my dad says, the nut didn't fall too far from the tree. I am on meds and trying. She in my opinion should go inpatient to psychiatric haosp. for treatment.
I do not have her in my custody, and thank God my parents don't drink.

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