The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I was awakened by a call this morning from my A husband's new $20 an hr. job asking if I had seen him, he hasn't been to work in two days and this is their emergency contact... I had to tell them sorry don't know... I called his sponsor and he had kicked him out on Friday I guess for being drunk. Anyway all that upsetness over how he can just go out and get a great job doesn't really mean anything because it always comes down to how long will he keep it. I gave him our other car on Friday and even put gas in it for him. Again I was letting that hope slip in. Seems like HP is really trying to get me to wake the hell up! Every single time I think he looks good BAM something happens, he goes to jail, he does it again, he loses his job. I guess it's time for me to really understand that he is never going to be better so that I can give up the idea and move on! Not to mention the guy I had been seeing totally blew me off as of Sat. and we were supposed to meet today. SOOOOOOO I'm making an A-Z list of things to be greatful for today! I just have to hold on to the little glimmer that it will get better. It's a very little glimmer a long long way away at the moment but I know it will. This time I only cried for a minute about the lost potential and the little bit of hope I had for child support and the waste that is his life now. Then I called my sponsor and got on with my day. I wasn't shocked, I wasn't even surprised just happened sooner than I imagined but that's about it.
man, you're human too?! i think this is just a sign that we are human beings with feelings and hearts that we can still be hurt by the person we loved. my ex ah would turn to crack or alcohol or other women just so he didn't have to feel. some days i wish so badly that there was something (or someone) to take away just a little of this pain. but look at your progress! what would you have done in the past? i know that phone call from the boss would have sparked me to fly into action. searching the world for him, involving friends and family to watch the kids while i went to crack alley screaming like a wild woman. oh it would have made me insane! you cried, you called your sponser, you grieved and didn't do anything out of control. you are getting better! you are going to be more than ok. much love and luck.....
Good for you! It is very hard to face what you are facing. We have to bump our heads so many times before we get tired of it too, and realized we must go another path.
The A has to be miserable enough to have the gumption to stop, so do we.
Probably true of all of us who have a behavior or situation that is not good for us.
If I were you I would get the car back. Especially if it is in your name too.
My husband was a contractor. He had so much work he could not keep up. He was working drunk or whatever. Messed up so many things. One being my friends addition. I feel so bad about that.
It took a real slap in the face for me to realize I am to do absolutely NOTHING 6to help him. Not even give him food or water.
Been saying for years now, what worked for me is to take care of everything myself. That if I love my A, then all he is, is someone I love. period. If I get to see him, or spend some good time with him, great. However, I want/need nothing from him. The need part is the hardest as being his wife, I long for him still.
I do my best Carolina to be happy when things happen. But not expect them too.
If someone says they are going to do something great, if they don't oh well.
My son will say he will be here at a certain time. He won't show up. I only hope he is ok. Then he calls and I say hi, whatcha doing? He says, mom I had to go pick up the kids. I will be out soon. if I had said you said you would be here at blah blah I cannot depend on you...that would have caused a mess.
I have chosen to look at life different. It is not my job to make people accountable. Including the A.
It may seem passive but to me it is so much more comfortable.
I am glad I don't have to depend on the A for anything. I learned to put a window in myself, my son learned how to do electrical work, I can fix my pickup myself, get hay, whatever. What I cannot do, someone helps me or I pay someone.
If you expect nothing, then you are not dissappointed or hurt. I would not expect anything of my mother when she was being murdered by cancer. I would expect nothing from my AH who is being murdered by aism.
You are facing major things Carolina and handling it well. I am so glad you are listening to your HP.
I know you can get thru this horrible time and come out so much stronger and happier. Your kids will be also.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! You are lovingly let him reach his bottom, however painful, however heartbreaking. You are lovingly letting him go through whatever it is that he needs to go through, however painful, however heartbreaking. AND THE WHOLE TIME, YOU'RE WORKING A PROGRAM!!! HOORAY!!!!!
carolinagirl wrote: SOOOOOOO I'm making an A-Z list of things to be greatful for today! I just have to hold on to the little glimmer that it will get better. It's a very little glimmer a long long way away at the moment but I know it will.
Well, let's start with A your Alive...I know it doesn't always seem like a great thing to be, but it's a strat. Where there's a start, there's always potential.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Carolina, I am so sad you are going through this.You are strong, you are a survivor, you'll make it! Knowing everybody here is pulling for you, praying for you helps so very much. I don't know how I ever would have made it as far as I have without my wonderful Alanon family! Prayers for you that you can feel our support and HP holding your hand through all this, With Love, and TLC
