The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has been out of jail for one week. He said he will NOT go back. He was really angry the 1st part of the week but the anger was moving aside a bit more as the days went by.
He text messages me constantly. He tells me all the normal promises and sorrys. Standard procedure. He went out and bought me and the kids a laptop computer. He has been doing stuff for me around the house. All of this I know is to try to get me to take him back. And I have asked him not to do these things. He says he wants to do it for us for no other reason than he wants to. I see it for what it is but whatever.
So on Friday he text and text and text me. It was driving me crazy. Then when I wasn't giving him the info he wanted he asked me point blank if he had lost me. I told him yes. We had a long phone conversation that night and basically I let him know that he was free to do what ever he felt he needed to do to move on. Basically if he had to have sex, then by all means - go get it. He isn't going to be getting it from me. On Saturday night he was all dressed up for a night out w/"some friends". Whatever that meant.
He was supposed to come over to my house and finish up some repair work he had started on my tub/shower. He never showed. I called him to see if he'd be there around dinner time b/c I wanted to make sure I had enough dinner made for him. He said he wasnt' going to make it b/c he was staying in to fill out his job application he was starting today and get rested up for this new job. He sounded fine w/me on the phone and thanked me for asking him over for dinner. (Not exactly what I did....just wanted to make sure I had enough to feed him if he was there at dinner time).
Well, his grandma called me this morning and said she was worried about him b/c he had been calling and coming to see her every day last week and now NOTHING. Then his step dad drove by the hotel he is staying at and his truck was still there @ 2:00 this afternoon. So now they are all worried that he is messed up in there. He has not answered his cell phone or the hotel room phone. I text him to see how his 1st day @ work was going and haven't heard anything back yet. So I am assuming he is in there - jacked up on crack and alcohol. Who knows.
Do I even dare worry? I can't allow myself to get roped back into it. I set him free and he has to do whatever he is going to do. Get better or not. I just pray he isn't laying in there dead by himself w/no one to find him until the maid comes to find him in the morning to clean the room. Arrggg.....these A's. They haven't a clue what they put us all through.
Don't you wish when we set them free, hand them over to their HP and all those other things we work so hard to do that ALL of the emotions would go away, too.
I know I do.
Thinking of you & keeping you in my prayers, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
It is that emotion behind the worry that drives me crazy too. It's not like we stop loving them or caring about them, its just the most I can do as well but to let HP take care of my AH. I couldn't even presume to know what my AH needs although I have my feeling and opinion on it. HP knows best. You sound really strong and it shows that your program is working well for you. Keep going with it, you are an inspiration to me and the others here.
Peace, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I have thought the same things about the emotions; but if we did not have them, how would we be able to feel the joy and serenity, etc. Sometimes I wish I could just feel the good ones and not the hard ones. But then..... maybe I couldn't appreciatethe good ones when they come.
I know I would be totally confused by having my ex tell me it is over, and even go ahead and sleep with somenone else. Then still be expected to fix the tub and whatever, come to dinner etc.
If I was told that, over is over. No talking, no nothing.
Especially for an A it its confusing.
It is so much easier to let go, and really let go. The A is a very sick person, they already do the yoyo thing themselves, if anyting they need strict guidelines/boundaries from us.
When you tell him it is over, then call and call, and want to know how his first day of work went???? The disease is still in control of you.
I know it is hard, I have been there. I guess that is what makes us come here, or one reason, so others can tell us what they see and share their experience.
It was hard, but when I cut it, I cut it. done no fixing, no calls, nothing.
took many trials!!! Just hope maybe my experience will help ya.
I'm so proud of you! You are NOT getting involved; you are NOT playing the game; you ARE taking action on your own behalf; you ARE taking care of yourself. WAY TO GO GIRL! YOU GO!
You go girl, its ok to wonder, that is an instinct, but chosing not to act is awesome! I still catch myself counting my ex AH beers he drinks when we are with mutual friends. It upsets me, but I say nothing to anyone but on here. You just keep rubbing that coin I sent ya, and it will remind you that we are all here right behind you. And you cannot change him, only you.
Love ya, Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
