The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
April 30, 2006 I told my AH that he had to leave our home. June 6, 2006 the divorce was finalized. It is almost a year since the last time I have seen him. It is almost a year since I have been divorced.
I have tried for this entire time to be sorry that he is gone. I have tried to grieve the end of the marriage.
The truth is, I am really delighted and I don't miss him at all. Life is so much better without him.
It is a sad thought that in the end he became so worthless as to not even be missed and his absence greatly appreciated.
Consider this. take me, I love someone who repeated tells me he doesn't love me and wants out. I choose to not get out. I think that you are being very honest and it shows your progress in recovery. I am however still sick.
I was that way with my ex, who was not an A but a control freak I slept like a baby the first night I was at my own apt., surrounded by boxes. I moved out while he was at work But, I did not love him, so it was easy for me. It was very hard on him, tho. Now, I am the same as nmike. I am in love with an A who wants out. And I do not. I would turn myself inside out for this man. Am trying to do Alanon, but heart hurts all the time. Have been here a year on Jan. 1, 2006. Consider yourself blessed to not have those horrid feelings. You are one of the lucky ones. Love in Recovery, Becky1
There's nothing like grief to tell us the truth about something. Or, it's absence! My first husband, father of my kids, was like this. I packed the car and my little girl (son still gestating) and never ever looked back. My second/current husband has done more damage to my life than my first could have done, but for reasons beyond my knowing, I love him, and no, love is not enough. When and if we do part, and I am completely willing in spite of my love for him, I will be devastated, lonely, heartbroken. At least I'm aware and prepared (well, what is prepared is situations like this?).
I'm amazed at the permutations so to speak . . . how awful to live with an A and love them, and know they want 'out'. That seems particularly sad. Take care, Becky.
I don't know if any situation could be called "lucky", but for sure they are all part of being alive.
Considering all you've been through, I think it's okay to feel the way you are. We all react differently. I can remember a time and place where I was involved in a relationship that frankly when it was over, I was relieved! The relationship had run it's course, and it was time to move on. He didn't see it that way. Years later after he married and my A was back in my life, he would send me Christmas cards! I never opened them, and marked them return to sender. He finally must have gotten the hint. At some point we move on with our lives. Things get left behind because they are meant to be. I think it is very honest and couraious of you to say what you feel. It tells me you are comfortable with who you are and what you believe in. I say "Brava!" Good for you!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Good for you! 