The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My old need to please and control others is starting to diminish.
I have a business, and got a new quote for our weekly cleaning that was a savings of 1200 per month. Unfortunately, my collegue and friend is the one who currently cleans...for 525 per week or 2100 per month. The new quote is only 900 per month.
Now honestly, she does a great job. Our facility is 11000 square feet and gets wrecked by Sunday. But to save 1200 a month just seems like a no brainer decision.
I explained the situation to my her and she seems really mad...she said..."don't worry about it- but if they do a bad job...don't call me". I am so worried that I've hurt her. She is a single mom and really needs that extra money...however...so do I.
This type of situation is very uncomfortable for a co-dependant. As co-dependants, we are so focused on looking to make others happy and put our own needs second. But this time I feel as though I've made a decision to benefit my business and myself.
It's not real comfortable at the moment...cause I'm obsessing over the decision and sitting here wondering what I should say and do to make her not mad....but I know...there is nothing I can control but me. If she can't understand my business decision...that is something she needs to address for herself.
Good for you.... We can't please everyone, we will never make everyone happy.... We have wasted too long doing for others, and neglecting ourselves..... NOW is your time to take care of you...... I am so pleased to read your post tonight..... I am in the same situation.. I am reading "Co Dependent No More" By Melody Beattie....And I see myself written all over the pages.....
I have to learn to "Accept", "Detach with love" And then I can hopefully become less of a codie.... But you post gives me a HOPE I never thought I would get.....
REMEMBER:::::
"Let It Begin With Me"
Also If the shoe were on the other foot, would the results be the same??????
Wow that's great money for just cleaning....You can call me!! lol I'm sure she hates to see that kind of money go. I've done a heck of alot more for alot less money. ;) But good for you. I'm sure you gave her enough time to replace that job. You have to do what you have to do. Don't feel quilty. Good luck
Yes, that 'oh-so-heavy' need to please has also diminished for me over the last several years. What a feeling! Good and bad...(more uncomfortable than anything) but very, very freeing!
(((kicky))) Good for you for standing up for the preservation of your business. It is so hard to make those tough choices especially when we have other people we work with or work for us. Its even tougher struggling to overcome codependent traits in business because it means being able to say I'm not comfortable with doing this or that and be o.k. with it. I think its great that we have this place to come to to share those uncomfortable feelings. For me I feel better after I have gotten it out. You have to do what's best for you and the stability of your business. I struggle as well with making the hard choices to avoid hurting someone else. I guess in my experiences people have not received my No as being No!! Its not just with the A with but with friends, collegues, and family. I have encountered many situations when I have finally said No, I just don't want to do this, and people look at me like you, your saying no to me? Those people have tried to talk me out my decision, using guilt, shame, blame, manipulation. It makes all the more harder to resist caving into their demands. Don't cave in, do what your heart and gut tells you is next right thing for you. You deserve it.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I really needed to read this today. I'm here today because I feel like my whole day yesterday was consumed with everyone else's needs and I'm exhausted, looking for some reinforcement. I felt so free when I detached myself from my A's drinking. Why is it so much harder to detach from all the other responsibilities I flood myself with? I think I would've continued to pay more for the cleaning, not because I think that would be the right thing to do, but because I don't think I'm secure enough in myself to put my needs before hers. My A even says to me "Why do you find it so easy to stand up to me, but not to anyone else?" Good for you, kicky!
Hm.... wondering a couple of things here. Could it be that she's hurt at the thought that you went LOOKING for a lower quote? That might come across as dissatisfaction with her work, in spite of assurances to the contrary. If in fact the new co. approached you, maybe it would be worth your while to explain that to her.
Another thought - is it possible the new company is lowballing you to get the business, but will then "add on" charges for "extra" services until you get about what you had before for about the same price? Did they, for example, offer references, and did you check them?
I was once in a situation slightly similar to your friend's, and what hurt the most was that my "friend" (besides letting a third person tell me our working relationship was over before the end of our promised year) never called me, never assured me she didn't want to lose the friendship as well, never did - well, any of those things I might expect a friend to do. I concluded we hadn't really been friends at all, and it was devastating. You're already way ahead of my "friend" in that you told her yourself, but thought I'd share this as a possible look at the other side.
