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Every time I might feel a little sad about leaving my AH, he does something that reminds me of why I left him and I don't feel quite so bad anymore. I haven't started the divorce process yet, but I have been gone now for almost five months now. We have been in touch and he does want me to come back, but he won't admit he's an alcoholic so there is no way I would ever come back anyway. He told me that he slowed down on his drinking (not sure if that happened or not), but even if he did, it's too little, too late.
Anyway, I finally got a garage at my apartment complex. I still had some things in his garage that he was going to bring over when I got my own garage. I talked to him Friday evening and told him if he wanted to finally get my stuff out of his garage, he could bring everything over in his truck on Sunday. The weather was absolutely beautiful and it was the perfect time to do this. I also told him I could cut his hair, which I'm still doing for now. Saturday night, he went on a bender and didn't make it home until later on Sunday. He doesn't even know how he ended up where he ended up. I
'm so used to his broken plans that I really shouldn't even be surprised, but for some reason, it never fails to surprise me. If he wanted me back, that sure wasn't the way to show it! NOw He's probably going to want to this stuff next weekend, but I have plans and then he's going to whine and say he's not important enough for me. This is so draining and tiring and I'm not even living with him anymore!! Just needed to vent. Thanks! Lindy
i have noticed something very interesting with my husbands behavior. i put up a wall between us......, just a little way of my saying, just for today this is to much for me. as long as i keep up the wall and remain distant [detached] he is on his best behavior. then when i relax a bit, let the wall down some........, off he goes on another binge. almost as if he says to himself......., ''well now that's over, things are back to normal, i can get back to my regular way of being".
Lindy remember he did not drink to show you anything, he drank becuz he is A. I sure do relate, things would go so well, we would be so close then bam, he was abusive.
Nothing nice ever lasted long. And it would shock me and sadden me every time.
May I ask what makes you depend on him now? What I learned was I could do anything, everything with out asking his help. I like how one of our members reminds us we cannot get bread from a hardware store.
I would ask around if anyone had a pick up. I know I don't mind helping people. You could even go on Freecycle or Craigslist in your area requesting help, offer to pay for gas and even to pay the person so much.
If you go to face to face, ask there.
I found part of taking care of me, was that taking care of me in every way. A has nothing to give, never did. It felt good to do everything myself. Even put in my own window.
If you had arranged it yourself with someone else it would be finished. And you would not be hurt.
I wanted to stop those hurts.
wish I could bring my pick up over and help you. maybe what you can do is arrange it and tell him I have arranged to have my stuff picked up on this day. Then he does not feel you will owe him anything, you don't have to be hurt by the aism.
Wow, thanks for the reminder of what life with an A is really like!
I'm 1 week away from my divorce being final. I got a phone call Saturday from my AH asking me if we could get together at our house so he could see our dogs and we could be together as a family one last time before the divorce was final. I started to feel sorry for him. I started to feel sad for ending our marriage.
But then I managed to get my strength and determination back. I've been doing great... I'm making a new life for myself... I hardly ever think about the AH, other than to curse him for not doing the right thing and taking care of his debts. I don't need this right now. I want to tell him... ya know, I would have loved for us to be able to be friends through all of this. However, you've done nothing to get yourself clean and sober and you've not taken any responsibility for what you've done to screw up my life! Get a job, give me some money to pay YOUR debts... then maybe we can talk!
Thanks for the reminder and thanks for letting me vent!
The soon-to-be-single (and fabulous)... Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I agree with debilyn, I would arrange around him. I have had to do that before too and although u may be bitter and resentful about it you feel self sufficient once it's done! By the way Artygirl YOU ARE A FABULOUS SINGLE WOMAN!!! LOL
