The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attended my first AA meeting yesterday, not as part of Al-Anon, but in admitting to myself that I also have a drinking problem. I feel like a total hypocrite, bashing my AH for his behavior while secretly drinking all of the time. I could really hang my head in shame :( It's odd; we're getting along much better since I admitted to having a problem. We actually did something outdoorsy together this weekend, and that hasn't happened in ages.
I'm trying hard to adjust. I'm used to being the one who offers the support and the critical eye. Now I need that support, and I understand how much my criticisms weren't really helping. I hate feeling this fragile.
Don't feel shame my friend. I was drinking right along with my dh. It wasn't until I realized he had a problem that I realized I was right behind him. The only shame is hiding and not getting help. You can learn together and share. Still take care of yourself because only YOU can change YOU. Lots of love to you. Your always in my prayers ^i^
Yet again one of the miracles of this site is that you are not alone. I have been in your shoes. I was drinking along with my AH as well. Only he was having health problems and social problems, etc. I was comparing out. I was being the "responsible" drinker.
It is great that you are working on your own problem. Part of that is forgiving yourself and letting go of that junk. My AH and I also get along a lot better now that I go to AA and Alanon. We are able to talk about both programs with honesty and integrity. When we talk we make sure not to take each others inventory and never tell the other how they should be using the programs. As you work the steps you will feel the miracle x2!
I think its that shame and guilt that keep this disease alive in people. My AH continued to drink to numb out the shame, hurt, and guilt about the behaviors he'd do the night before or the week before. Maybe had you not taken the step to come to Alanon you might not have come to this revelation. Keep working the program... you will learn from both AA and Alanon. Sending you good thoughts of peace and serenity for you and your AH.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thank you all!! I always end up feeling alone, and then when I use my voice I discover I am not the only one :)
I never thought I would have a problem with alcohol. A few months ago, I couldn't even finish a single drink, and when my life got out of control, I turned to drinking as a way to cope.
AA was so warm, friendly, and inviting. I picked up a white chip at the end of the meeting, and this made me cry hysterically for some reason. I went outside afterwards, on the AA porch, and all these women came up to me to congratulate me!! They gave me their phone numbers and invited me to call. I haven't phoned anyone yet, but I am thinking it would be nice to check in with someone today around lunchtime. I don't have a sponsor or a temporary sponsor, and I know that will come with attending more meetings.
Thank you all for your kind support! I was really beating myself up about this, and you all have given me hope :)
