The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A is very sick right now. The alcohol is killing him. In the out of the hospital 6x. we live over a thousand miles from his family. They are all alcoholics. I have avoided telling them, they think everything is fine. It'll be more stress for me when I tell them, but I think they should know. They'll probably laugh when I tell them. They'll think he's a wimp & can't handle his boos. I can't stand this insanity anymore & have to get out of this situation. I love him, but can't find serenity when watching him kill himself, won't work, is drinking all of our money away. It's impossible to ignore when I walk into the house every day after work & hope he isn't dead or burned the house down etc. I go to meetings almost every evening & I feel that is the only time I can find serenity away from him. I need it in my own house too. I am afraid of telling his family. They think the sober people of the world are crazy. They laugh at people that go to AA & Al-anon. I just don't need this on top of what I already have to deal with. He will never tell them as they always laugh at all his misfortunes in life.
Hi Carol... If you know that his family will react this way, what is the point of telling them? Especially if you feel it will cause more stress on you.
If they would show compassion and/or support him in any way it may be different, but if they are going to laugh and humiliate him, what's the use?
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
i agree with Christy to a point - not to go to the hardware store to get milk - and tell his family with expectations that they will give a shit. On the other hand, i can see the decency of letting them know their son is going to die/be hospitalized or what have you.
I would just try not to have any expectation on their response. with love cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I agree with Christy, why talk to more alcoholics and subject yourself to more alcoholic BS?
If he is that sick that he is in and out of the hospital and he still doesn't get it, what makes you think anyone else will help? They have to want it for themselves! We can't wish or love them into recovery. Trust me I tried.
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
You will tell others when you are ready. Whether they choose to believe he has a problem or not is their deal. I am sorry for what you are going through. I relate very much to watching someone kill themselves. It is very painful. It came to a point for me that I said enough was enough and why am I living my life through another?
Open AA meeting helps me tremdously. What I couldn't get from Al-anon I got from AA and it was beautiful what I gained. Everything seemed to happen when it was suposed to.
Amen to what Christy said. Why waste your time and energy on people who don't care? It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love kill themselves. All you can do is take care of you at this point. If for some reason his family asks about him, then you might tell them if you feel like it. But to me, it seems a waste of your time. You certainly don't need the stress. Take back your life and do what you have to that is in your best interest.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Kariynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My a's brother was dieing in a major hospital two hours away. I was there almost every night and day, I promised I would not leave him alone. They came up one time, one time.
I arranged for my friends to come sit with him when I couldn't and also an old girlfriend came up and was great for him.
All the A family did was gripe, talk behind backs, upset the hospital staff and me. Was awful.
This is my experience.
I would concentrate on what you want. Sounds like you have more than enough bs with his disease. much love hon, debilyn
Ok what about this........Can you find a meeting that has some men that are very similar to him that would be willing to call him and talk to him with no strings attached? Maybe he needs a guy friend, someone who is like him or was like him to understand. His family does NOT seem like an opinion. He needs to be surrounded by people who understand him and have been where he is. That's my only suggestion. I hope you think of something. Lots of love ^i^
I agree with those who say why bother. If the family is not going to be supportive, then leave it alone. It really isn't your burden to tell them anyway.
