The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feeling a little scared today, well a lot scared. Why do these feelings just creep up on us? Well, we are human and we feel. I am scared. Scared of sober AH going to jail in six weeks. Scared of what will happen, not really of being alone, but sometimes think of that. Scared of changes that may occur. Scared for him being in jail... he has been before, but when he was 19. He is now 46 and going for six months. I am just praying. I know HP has plans for him and for me. I know that he will be sober at least in there. I hope that he finds AA meetings and finds time to work on him, though I know this may not happen. I have learned not to expect much.
I really need to get involved in something. Exercise, something to take care of me. Thanks all of you that have literally saved my life in the past year I have been on this site. I have learned SO much about myself, and I can realize how and when I need to take care of myself and quit worrying about someone else, and their choices, and their consequences.
I have a new puppy, a Chihuahua terrier mix named "Louie", that is just about the sweetest, most energetic thing in the world! My favorite time of the day is getting him out of his little bed and taking him out to go pee pee, and he is soft and cuddly and half-awake, and gives me little good morning kisses on my face while we are walking downstairs. I know he will keep me mighty busy (along with brother and sister kitties that just LOVE him!) and I have many family members and friends and Alanon family I can help and just hang out with this summer.
Thanks for listening, just needed to vent today!!!
I notice, at least for me, a feeling that creeps up a lot is a feeling of being "less than." Less than anything, fill in the blank. For me, this feeling that surprises me is often times what happens as a complete result of the end of a chain of things that challenge my sanity; right now for example is the fact I'm running a show on the mainstage at the university. This means from 7-11 or so I'm with the same people, for about 8 or so days. It wouldn't be so bad, were this not the final week of the quarter when EVERYTHING is due, NOW! That's when I pray I think the hardest. As in "God, keep me from going nuclear on everyone within a 6 mile radius of me. Please, now. THANK YOU." It works. I can't explain it. But I don't go nuclear. :)
Why do these feelings just creep up on us? Well, we are human and we feel. I am scared.
I really need to get involved in something. Exercise, something to take care of me.
I have a new puppy, a Chihuahua terrier mix named "Louie", that is just about the sweetest, most energetic thing in the world! Love, HeidiXXXX
The quotes I took are ones that I feel I can relate to. I know what it's like to be fearful, and you are doing the right thing by communicating it somehow. The only thing that has got me through those anxious moments is the fact that they went away with time. At least we can depend on that!
I need to get involved in something too, just for me. Alanon worked for a little bit, but wouldn't you know, the only meeting now is on a night I have to work! Still, I think I'm deciding to become more involved. I'm only on step 3 you knw.
And I have a Jack Russel Terrier, when I came home today she was so happy she crawled up on me and rubbed into me for as long as she could. Hey, that makes you feel nice doesn't it? Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Change is very scary for me. I am a real creature of habit and when my habits get disturbed ... I feel kinda lost. I am not sure it is "scared" ... but displaced.
You do have an oportunity to work on you though... Some uninterupted time to heal and grow. I hope you can find new miracles to fill that space of time in with.
Have a great weekend.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Change is scary. I'll tell you a secret - I hate it too. But I know it is necessary as that is how we learn and grow. In time you will learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Although with a household full of animals, one is never truly alone. You're learning to stay busy and refocus your mind. All you can do with your A is turn him over to his HP. Let Go and Let God. You'll be just fine. You have grown so much since you've been here. I'm proud of you. You're doing just fine.
Love and blessings to you and your animals.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When I am afraid, I literally say "God, if you bring me to it; you will bring me through it." Something about the actual words and act of letting HP know helps me a lot.
Keep walking through it Heidi one day at a time.
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Heidi, of course you are concerned.You care about him, he has a disease, he is not a criminal.
It is the same old thing, one day at a time,do what you you can and make sure you enjoy each day. Even if it is just in the eve after dinner you make yourself warm tea and read the paper.
I have been there Heidi and his disease broke me. He did get very sober, talked program. Was loving, wrote me love letters, reassured me. I gave in but it took a long time.
He got out, did not call and I found him at this gross womans apt.
I hope you will keep in mind how he is when he is at his worst. As even in recovery, chances are he will be there and worse again.
The best thing is to make sure YOU are secure in every way you need to be. I am so happy you have your critter family. Mine sure does keep me going.
Yes you have us and I hope you will keep us posted alllll the time.
That's when I pray I think the hardest. As in "God, keep me from going nuclear on everyone within a 6 mile radius of me. Please, now. THANK YOU." 
