The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Both my A and I are involved in program (fairly new to it having bounced back and forth with it for a long time). We have never talked about how we each may interpret any of the steps, etc. and we are just at the beginnings of truly being involved in our own recoveries and leave each to his own with each our own thoughts. But he recently made a comment that seemed to relate to one of the steps and he also seemed to be pointing at negative finger at me. I did not ask him what he meant by that but it has occured to me that perhaps we could get into a discussion about that step or maybe another when the timing is right. I just don't know if that is something anyone in recovery should do at all with their own A or co-dependant. Any comments? Thank you.......jjaja
My A and I have discussed our programs. It was actually helpful to me when I was working the steps. We've even attended open AA meetings together. I found going to them helped me understand what he was going through. We also have a daily ritual where we read to each other our daily meditations. As for the timing, it each depends on the person. If you are comfortable discussing things with him, then go for it. The best pointer I've gotten here was when Abbyal posted a topic: Are you ready for his recovery. Look back in the old posts because it was incredibly helpful to me.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
We find it very helpful, and it has become one of the things that brings us closer in this time. After all, it is an interest and an activity that you both share, it's important in both of your lives. It would be strange if you did not talk about it.
However, some care needs to be taken here. You are dicussing the program, and your different takes and ideas on it. You are not discussing how he works his program, or how you work yours. You are not taking each other's inventory. When you talk about this with him, treat him not as 'your' A, but as another 12 stepper - if someone at a meeting said something you didn't agree with, or showed some inconsistent reasoning, you would not attack that person and tell him he was wrong. Make sure you show your A the same courtesy and detachment.
I'm not in any program but this board, my husband does go to AA and I love talking to him about his meetings and the steps. It's a sort of communication. It could be very healthy for the both of you if it's done as calm adults. I think it's great he actually suggested talking about it with you. That's awesome. Good luck. Just do what makes you comfortable. xo
I agree with FoY. If you feel comfortable discussing this, by all means do so. I often wish my A would discuss ANYTHING having to do with his problem with me. It is mostly a non-subject in our house. That's too bad. So, keep up the good work. Working together is never a wrong thing to do.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My sober AH and I talk about program-related topics and it is great because we now have this new language in common!! It has enabled us to talk about things I never thought were possible and I believe it has helped a great deal in our healing.
However, I have to be careful to stick to my own side of the street. I am not his sponsor or even a fellow AA. We are both quick to point out if one of us is trying to take the other's inventory--and apologize if we do. I don't ask him about the specifics of his program (how many meetings, when will he see his sponsor etc.) because it is none of my business unless he chooses to share about it. The nice thing is that as we become more trusting of each other again, he does share those things with me and I do the same with him.
I honestly believe that if I did not have my own program of recovery in Al-Anon that our relationship would have died last year. It is yet another reason that I am grateful for this program.
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
For me it is okay to discuss the program. It is great therapy and you get to see the views of others. Everyone is going to look at an apple differently. Just as everyone is going to look at the steps differently. My BF and I are both in the program. He is AA and I am Al-anon. We discuss it. The difference is, our programs are seperate. I have to work mine according to my perception, what works for me, how my sponsor may suggest and he works his the same way. At no point are the two of us to tell the other how to work their program. The things that we discuss are the same kind of things I will talk to others in the program about or if I am talking to an AA. They don't tell me how to work it and I don't tell them either. So, I bring that home with me in my close relationships to. I am also learning not to open my mouth and give my view unless I am asked to do so.
As long as u can remember that each of you are allowed to interput the steps YOUR way don't turn it into a debate or argument it is great to share what your both learning . Tho Al-Anon prog comes from AA we are aproaching alcoholism from two diff sides , you will never truly understand his disease any more than he will understand how his behavior has affected you . The major diff between our programs to me * and it's just my opinion* are AA for the first time asks that the alcoholic begin to think of other people our program tells us to think of ourselves for a change . biggggggggggg difference in perspective for me .
