The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my latest key insights is that the A crashes from fantasy about as much as he crashes from alcohol.
Right now he has a huge fantasy about doing a geographic. I am trying to get out of his way as much as possible. I am tired of taking the heat and blame when his fantasy crashes.
So he is either catatonic, watching TV, playing games, doing nothing, blaming everyone around him or totally in this fantasy about how a geographic will cure him. I have told him that I can't go with him on a geographic. I have not disputed he needs to do something.
He has nothing concrete at all about how he will manage transition, no viable plan to speak of.
I do know something it takes every tool I have and focus focus focus not to seethe into total resentment about his paralysis and fantasies. Tomorrow I go for an interview for a 2nd job.
I'm on one day at a time. Tonight I go out to meet a friend. I can't stand to be around the A and his manipulations. He waits all day for me to come home and then dumps all the housework and cleaning/cooking on me. Tonight he can cook his own dinner. I am opting out. I need space and I need time for me. I am not put on this earth to babysit him and take care of his every single whim night and day.
I know I had my own fantasies that he could pull himself out of the paralysis if he wanted to. He can't. He is so stuck in his disease he can't do anything but act out and usually it is on me. He can't take responsibility for one thing, not to wash a dish, not to feed a dog, not to mow the lawn nothing.
He makes a huge huge production out of a cough, an ache, a headache. At the same time he refuses to acknowledge he is disabled. I am supposed to take care of his every ache, pain, headache and act like he is a total invalid. The fact is he is just allowing his disease to progress in every single way. I just need to get out of the way because his disease will kill me too if I don't.
I think all men make a production out of being sick. I mean, at least for me it's like "OMG I feel like sh***...I need to see my dr. " I go to the dr, you know who's there? WOMEN! with their kids! You never see men there?! Anyway, hon, let him take his geographic. And knock'em dead on the interview. YOU ARE WORTH IT. They'd have to be crazy to not hire you. you know that, right?
