For all who have an ex AH - Al-Anon Family Group

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

For all who have an ex AH

ZiggyDoodles · Senior Member

Isn't it wonderful when we can get that concept? I will tell you my last divorce has gone this way. Our common interest is the child we share. We do seem to get along much better now. Understanding that since we have this child together we "have to" have a relationship for our child. Why make that relationship as miserable as we did when we were married? I wish I could get this concept on the first divorce. It is never too late to still have that relationship with the other.
Thank you for sharing that. There are a lot of people out there that tend to lose sight and feel they have to ridicule everything the other parent does. I have a sibling going through that. From the outside looking in, I think they have done their time together. Now, is time for the kids. There is a lot of compassion in allowing the other be who they are. There is a lot of prayer in the hopes that they are sober when they are in their possesion.
Ziggy

doxie · Senior Member

I am really happy for you josey.

Doxie

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

I am facing a divorce from my AHsober. His choice. I am not mature enough to even consider a relationship even for our grown kids. I love it that you found it.

In support,
Nancy

-- Edited by nmike at 00:20, 2007-03-05

shadow1 · Senior Member

Thank you Josey for your post.

Its just what I needed to read. I am in the midst of splitting up with my AH and hearing your story adds hope to my situation. All I have heard is doom and gloom about divorce and how unhappy people are. I have people tell me to not split because it is worse after. I can't imagine it being much worse than this. All I can do is pray that we are able to have a good relationship after for the childerns sake.

Shad

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

I just wish my kids biological Dad would step up financially and actively take a role or get out of their lives. He doesn't go to hardly any sports functions, didn't pay child suport for a year. We get along and he is welcome in my home. He stops by for an hour now and then, but is not a parent! It's like having triplets when he is here.

Good Luck to all of you, and if you see it, you can have it. It wasn't always a bed of roses, but once we got past the initial hurt, and I got my program head on it really helped.

Josey

Orchid Lady · Member

Hello all,

I have found a class that is really helping me deal with divorce. It is called "Divorce Care" it is generally held at a local church. It does have a spiritual side but is also practical, real information of all the emotions that you go through during a divorce. Check out www.divorcecare.org for more info. and locations, it is a nationwide organization. My class is lead by people who have "been there, done that" and it is really helping me.

It is a way to take care of yourself that is so important dealing with an A.

Good luck,
C

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it takes time to get to that point. I wanted to have that but now I am just a little too bitter. I think that time will come eventually when he isn't in jail for at least six months in a row but until then I'm just gonna hang onto my bitterness and resentment a little longer... Most times now I don't even think about him. I think if we tried to have a friendship one or the other would be jealous and hurt or we'd get back into the relationship rut and I'd think this time he changed AGAIN... I guess I just don't trust myself to be around him until my life is more stable and I am more secure.

Feather · Senior Member

I too have a similar relationship with my ex-AH.

I have set boundaries such as no drinking (or drunks in my home) he has his own house for that.

When he is sober we spend quality time together with our three children. We go on outings, out for dinner, shopping, he helps around my home etc. together, but as soon as he drinks, it's home time for him.

We too, make great friends but lousy husband and wife! And people are surprised that we are separated.

It did take time to get here but was well worth the effort.

But that is not to say there are never any problems because occasionally there are, the disease is still very active within him and sometimes when drunk my ex will try to overstep my boundaries but I have learnt to stay strong and my ex will step back quickly. I often think he is much like a child, he will try to get away with doing something naughty, knowing full well is it against the rules but he just has to try.

At the end of the day I love my ex and it's his disease that has come between us. I hate the disease not the man.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.