The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"So waddya gonna do about it?" That was the quote that stood out to me from my post yesterday. No matter how many positive things were said, I zoom in on the one negative thing. Like any "good little ACA," I take on the attitude of Bob the Builder, "Can I fix it? Yes I can!" Can I make you like me? Can I change your prospective about me? Can I find ways to get you to think that I am an outstanding person? Watch me go! But what about me? What about what I think about me? How I feel about me? Well, if you really wanna know... I don't think too much about me. Oh, don't get me wrong. I think about me all the time. I think I'm the biggest piece of crap that the world has ever known. I still base my worth on the external things: got money? Got a guy? Got clothes? What do I have--or do I need--to show you that I have worth? And what does it take to persuade you of this fact that is based in complete fiction? But things are still changing. And this is where that zinger ("So whaddya gonna do about it?") stings the most. Because I'm doing ALOT about my rather, ahem, negative world view. Still working the steps. Still doing service work. Still visiting a councelor. Still going to meetings. Still working with a sponsor. Still doing the best I can everyday to be of maximum service to others. Give time time to do what time does best: heal the wounds it creates.It's what I was told and it's what I'm doing now. Give the program a chance to do what the program does best: love you until you can love yourself. Give God a chance to do what God does best--for humans what they cannot do for themselves. "So whaddya gonna do about it?" Well, Lil'Miss, a better question might just be what are YOU doing about it?
Funny when I saw that tag line it brought this up for me... When I was in HELL living with my junkie husband and he treated me like total dirt I recall him saying many a time... "What is your leaver broken" when I would threaten to leave. Finally my leaver worked and I left. then went back and now apparently it's working again! Funny what things bring up I hat that whole whatcha gonna do about it attitude because I remember when he had it - it made me feel really small and insignificant!
Hey Tiger! SOmewhere you said something like...I still base my worth on the external things: got money? Got a guy? Got clothes? What do I have--or do I need--to show you that I have worth?
And I remember a time when my whole idea of self worth was based on what I believed the AH thought about me. I was fat, boring, dumb, irritating...ect. Can you believe I would sit with a noose around my neck and bawl my eyes out? I don't really have a point, except to say how silly that seems now. We all have our own intrinsic value, and we know that we do because it makes us sad when we feel worthless.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I looked at your post from yesterday and didn't see that "quote" post/reply by anyone. The closest thing I saw was "what's next"? Followed by a sentence of encouragement.. Maybe you should read it again ? If that is what you are referring to I'm not reading it from the same perspective I guess. Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I, grateful member of Al Anon, have to remind myself daily:
What other people think of me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!
remember to take time to pat yourself on the back for your progress... i see myself in you in that i ALWAYS have to be working... gotta get better... gotta progress... gotta move on... gotta do a step 4... gotta do a whatever... step 10... step 3... gotta work it.
i think you are doing awesome. i think i am doing awesome. i just had to stop for a few days and cut myself some slack. serenity, to me, is taking the time to find joy in the littlest of things. even taking time to find joy in the hard work i've put into my recovery.
love ya cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Just sending my (((((((((((((((((((Sarah))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and love to you sweet girl.
I got a total different read from your post than everyone else and am now confounded (so what else is new ) but I just want to say that I am gonna love you no matter.
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
) but I just want to say that I am gonna love you no matter.