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My husband is my alcoholic. He is very sick. He is sober for a few weeks sometimes, then he starts drinking again ( about 120 ounces in 3 days) & then he is violently ill, vomiting, ketoacidosis( diabetic) and heart problems. I get him into the hospital and he is usually good for a couple of weeks again. then the cycle starts again. This has happened 6 times. He is very sick insulin-dependent & and on about another 10 medications. I can't live with him anymore. He has been unemployed for 7 months now, not even looking.. I have signed a lease for an apartment that I can't get out of & I am paying the bill. I can't leave as I can't afford another place. I don't want my credit ruined by this man. I can afford to live here but he can't & I signed the lease for another 6 months. When I told him to leave, he won't. I can't afford this man. Emotionally, I have accepted he's probably going to kill himself drinking. Physically, Ive learned not to stress out so much about something I can't do anything about. I want a life withuot alcohol in it. How can I get rid of him? He is not violent just passed out & won't leave. This time he got out of the hospital, & I came home from work & found him drunk. Can i just phone the police to take him away? He is not violent. He is just drunk, & passed out most of the time. Will they take his pills? Should I go to a lawyer? Carol
Oh Carol ....My heart just broke for you as I read your post.
I do know exactly what you are going through as my first husband was an alcoholic/diabetic also. It is so painful to watch!!!! He did die at age 51.
Advice?? I guess I don't have any. I don't know any legalities about these things.
What I can tell you is I am so glad you found us and please, please keep coming back!!!! What the alcohol has done to his body .... it is doing to your mind, emotions, physical..everything. That I know.
Al-anon has the steps to a better life. Please come back and keep us posted.
Just a little advice based on my own experience . . .
The next time he goes into the hospital (you know he will!), go to the nurse's station on his unit and ask to meet with the case manager or social worker in charge of patient discharge. Tell him/her everything that is going on, and if you really want him out of the home, tell them that too. Say, "He cannot come home. I won't have him in the house."
The social worker can arrange for a psychiatric work up . . . very appropriate here, as with his diabetes, he is a danger to himself b/c of out of control drinking. The hospital staff will probably be very supportive of you, and could really work him over, push him to go to treatment.
It worked for me when my A had a short relapse three years ago. My A went right to a sober living house from the inpatient treatment.
He didn't have another disease his alcoholism would jeopardize. They really ganged up on him good. I sincerely hope you can get the support I got. I'm a nurse, and there are certain little things you can say that will get the medical staff to pay attention you. Little words like "suicidal" and "depression, sleeps all day" will wake them up if they seem slow to get "on it".
You can't make him stop drinking no matter what you do, and you can't save his life, but you can utilize the medical community to help you. If all you do is get him out of the house, at least you'll have peace. That is where you DO have a lot more control.
(((((((Carol)))))) Hi, you have to take care of yourself; if it's good for you to have him out, it'll be good for him. It sounds like he needs an intervention and that the hospital staff can help. I wish you the best and hope this will go as smoothly as possible.
Thank you so much Kim for your advice! He really is very depressed. He never goes out of the house, does nothing all day while I'm working, on antidepressants from his family doctor, but never had a psychiatry workup. He tried to call psychiatrist but they wouldn't see him until he was sober for at least a month. Maybe he needs a more inpatient treatment. I really believe he is trying to kill himself( the easy way as he sees it) I can see he really is helpless with his drinking & I would feel much better leaving him, knowing I at least tried to get him help. Carol
Agreed with above about visiting with social worker, but don't wait to start taking care of you. Al-Anon is about you, not him. What he is doing to hiimself is his problem, what you are letting his problem do to you is your problem. Money and credit are nothing, living a healthy life for yourself is important! Please keep coming back! You are among family now.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Hi Carol...I don't know the legalities of this, but I'd start by finding out. Yes, do see an attorney. When it comes to the point when you can no longer stand the life you are leading, it's time to take positive action. I think money and credit ARE something that we must protect, like it or not, along with our self-respect and dignity. I can't think of anyone who could live a serene, happy life under the circumstances you describe.
I send you best wishes, blessings, and good luck, Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 20:44, 2007-02-27
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Thank you all. I think I have been looking after me. I have been going to Al-anon and met a lot of good people there. It has been the only thing that kept me going. It helped me accept that I can't stop him from drinking. It helped me focus on my own health & made me realize alcohol may kill him but it IS NOT GOING TO KILL ME. I have resumed my activities except for when he has to go to the hospital. Then I take him to the hospital & then go home and get some peace in the house by myself. I had hoped that he would choose to live as doctors have told him he is seriously harming his body and he talks about going to AA. He said just before he went into the hospital the last time that this time it felt different, he felt like he was going to die. 6 months ago, that would have made me crazy, now , I can be objective and talk to him without begging or crying. Al-anon gave me 2 lives-one with him when he is sober and one without him when he is drunk. Now I can't watch him kill himself anymore.
Enlisting the help of the medical profession sounds like a good idea, but I would also talk to a lawyer. There is no reason not to get information - it can help you decided what to do. Once you know what your options are, it is easier to really think about them in a useful way.Getting this information does not mean that you have to follow it - you just know more than you did before. The choices are still yours.
Hate so much that you are going thru this difficult situation.
There are a few options - if your AH has a family doctor that is familiar with his disease (alcoholism & diabetes) you could possibly talk to the Dr - have your AH - PEC'd (Physician Emergency Committed) - which is usually for 72 hrs. While he is committed you can have him served with a TRO (Temporary restraining order) by your local law enforcement - then he won't be able to come back home after he is discharged from the hospital.
This takes a lot of paperwork and each state of course has different laws concerning these procedures. This is what I did about 4 yrs. ago. My AH was fortunate enough that he was able to go to a treatment center after the 72 hrs & this Friday is his "birthday celebration" meeting at his home AA group. He will get his 4 yr chip. Not all stories work out this way. We tried this with our daughter - she didn't stay the full 72 hrs & she definitely is still "out there" - but maybe next time.
Please take care of you and if you can seek some assistance thru some of the "Legal Aid or Women's Shelter's" They may can assist you with the local procedures & state laws.
Wishing you the best of luck -
Peace, Rita
-- Edited by Rita G at 11:42, 2007-02-28
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
((((carol)))) i agree that a social worker, and/or a lawyer or womans abuse councelor will help you with options so you can decide what is best for your situation.
i just want to send you a ((((BiGHuG))))) and say, MIP is a terrific place and many people here have been where you are. also, face to face meetings are also sooooo worth it. (((carol)))....you know, in Alanon everyone loves you and understand you as noone else can. very special people, that become a very special kind of family.
please know that "this too shall pass."
Learning to "LET GO And LET HP/ GOD." There is a Higher Power(HP) to turn over all that you are so confused of. please know that You did not cause it, You can not cure it , You can not control it. (the three c's)
Today, time to take care of YOU your doing great because your here. keep working the program. WORK IT YOUR WORTHIT!
They do have kick out restraining orders, not sure if he has to be abusive in order for you to get one but in some places they have a wide definition of abuse. Don't know if there are kids in the home but if so that could help your cause. I am not sure what the laws are about kicking someone out who has been residing there without a restraining order u might have to do a legal eviction which is costly and lenghty. Although, if he's not on the lease, the manager might be able to have him leave.
One thing I would say is to try to have some al anon under your belt. Don't rush into anything. Get your options clear than make the decision if you need to. If you dont' feel you can make a decision honor that. One of the best things I have done is to wait, learn al anon's tools and try to learn self care.
When I'm in overwhelm, back against the wall mode I don't think clearly and make good decisions. Since any big change in my life is important its really relevant for me to be clear on my options.
I think most of us would be in the can't afford it mode about living with an A.
I also think many of us get lost in the dependency, guilt, sorrow phase.
There wil come a time in Al anon when you start to have clarity.
(((Carol)))) Good for you for knowing what you want and asking for help. There are options out there. Since state laws differ, it can be a bit different, but I know if your name is on the lease, you can call the police and tell them that you have asked him to leave and he wont'. That is concidered trespassing here. The'd take him away.
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carol)))) i agree that a social worker, and/or a lawyer or womans abuse councelor will help you with options so you can decide what is best for your situation. 
HuG))))) and say, MIP is a terrific place and many people here have been where you are. also, face to face meetings are also sooooo worth it. (((carol)))....you know, in Alanon everyone loves you and understand you as noone else can. very special people, that become a very special kind of family.
. please know that You did not cause it, You can not cure it , You can not control it. (the three c's)
time to take care of YOU 
your doing great because your here. 
keep working the program. 
WORK IT YOUR WORTHIT! 
Keep Coming Back~
