The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone! I'll start with a little info on myself. I'm 24, self employed (cleaning service) mom to 3 wonderful children. They are 7, 5, and 3. older 2 from previous relationship, 3yr old from current. We live in Sunny Central Florida.
Going way back.....I had to grow up pretty fast, not exactly the peachy life... but not so horrible that I haven't learned and grown from all my experiences. My father was an alcoholic, my mother left him when I was 3 and remarried a man that basically raised me and thank goodness I turned out semi-normal through all that. I still had contact with my father all growing up, but mostly it wasn't good...I realized very early on how messed up he was and just tried to learn from it and be better. Vowed to break the cycle...... I guess. My father wound up in jail for killing his girlfriend in an alcohol driven rage when I was 12. I was close to her... hated him... yet still loved him for being my father. Don't even understand that. I just thanked my lucky stars my mother got out.... got me out.....sorry that my warnings didn't save my friend, (his girlfriend).... and her son and family from all that heartache. :( I still see my father to this day in jail... I don't believe minus all the alcohol he has changed one bit... I don't even know why I go see him.... I don't like him. <ugh>
Almost 5yrs ago after leaving my ex, getting out on my own and making a nice life for me and my 2 boys, I met My current BF. I soon became pregnant.... and my stupidity kicked in and I put my kids in a situation I swore I never would... living with an alcoholic.
My current BF is nothing like my father, well I guess they have the alcohol in common.... but he's not abusive, possesive, a bad father, etc. My BF actually has a heart of gold, is a great father not just to his own, but mine as well But the alcohol just is more than I can handle. He used to drink and dissapear then after spending a few days in a facility he did very well for about 6 months.. then slipped back. He no longer vanishes, now he just comes home from work and drinks while we are sleeping. He seems to think because he can manage work and our lives other than this have come a long way that this is just ok... or something. I'll wake up to him totally trashed, the dogs out because he's left the door open and now he's cutting himself sometimes. I've tried to be there for him all I can, tried to get him help, nothing he sticks with and I'm just so at a loss at this point. He thinks he can stop on his own, will go a couple weeks but then when he drinks again its even worse than the time before. Im just stuck in neutral.... I love him but I can't keep this up. I have tried to leave many of times but honestly the money just isn't there. I don't make enough to make it but make too much for help. Go figure that one out. :( Really not trying to make excuses, I hope it doesn't seem that way, just stating facts...
Everyone tells me what a great mom I am and how happy go lucky I am... how I'm so positive... yada yada.... I feel like a horrible mom for staying, I'm so depressed.... I must put on a good front :(
I'm just glad I found this board.... tried not to make this post too long, I could go on and on for days....look forward to getting to know everyone
Welcome to MIP (((((((((Trying to Cope)))))))))))))). Sounds like you have a full plate, hon. I hope you will consider attending some al-anon meetings where you don't have to put up a good front. Al-anon allows you to be you. You are not alone anymore.
The kids deserve one sane parent - he can't be it, so that means it's up to you.
I raised my two in an alcoholic home - my husband sobered up when they were 11 and 13. Once I took my nose out of his drinking, and started focusing on my life and theirs, things got better. Not perfect, but better. As long as there is no abuse, and finances are reasonably stable, it is possible for kids to grow up more or less OK in an A home - as long as there is one parent keeping an even keel. If you are just as crazy as he is, that spells trouble.
Just cause Daddy doesn't come along doesn't mean there can't be evening walks, trips to the beach, easter egg decorating, movies and popcorn - you get the idea. But if, while Daddy is at the bar, Mommy is pacing the floor cursing and hysterical, or phoning everyone he knows to track him down, or driving all over town looking for him, then those kids have no stability and no sanity.
So, it's up to you. Alanon can either give you the tools to stay reasonably sane while living with his drinking, or help you find the strength to leave him, whichever you choose. We can help you get the clarity to make that choice. Welcome.
Thanks for the welcome :) I guess I'm as sane as it gets :) He doesn't go out anymore, just drinks while we are sleeping, so so far the kids haven't a clue anything is wrong. I used to get so upset and yell and on and on.... these days I don't bother saying a word, what's the point? right
