The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has been staying in a raunchy little motel just a walk away from me. See, your secrets catch up with you. He was not supposed to be living with me, and did for a Long time, until a little over a week and a half ago. Someone actually turned me and him in. I believe this was divine intervention. I was doing so quirky with myself, and my own mental illness. As his drinking was progressing badly, so was I, emotionally and physically, and mentally. It was real nice for a little while, then I noticed his mouth. He was drunk now. It took forever to explain to him, see we were trying to have some intimate time together. He knows I am having the hysterectomy Wed, but doesn't see how it is affecting me even before the fact. I feel sexual feelings, but I just seem to end up not wanting to be touched. Is this normal, even with the A in our lives?
I am getting my apartment really fixed up nice. For the past 2 years or so it has been a sloppy dump. I am slowly--s l o w l y working on getting it the way I want to.
Also, we had talked about getting a place together. I don't know if I want to leave the security of the very decent living situation I have, bills are not as they were if I was not in public housing. And if he gets worse---and he will, I don't want to be in all the chaos.
I had him leave today. He said. Don't call me. Then he said f**k u and said I don't love him. God he just don't get it.
I know I am not the only one who feels the way I feel right now. Appreciate feedback
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
Who cares if it's normal, it's how you feel, and it's OK for you to ask him to respect that.
You already know what life will be like if you live with him - it will be the way it has been, and possibly worse. I know that with a difficult time coming up, you are reaching out for support. However, looking to a A for support is not the wisest policy - he just doesn't have it to give, and instead ends up draining you, taking more than he gives. That is just the way they are.
My personal opinions from all of your posts is that you need away from this person. In every post you are miserable because of him and what he does. Have you ever taken "real" time away from him? I don't want to come off mean but you are not married and have no children with him right? Sometimes walking away and making a new start for yourself is the best thing to do. Focus on you and leave him behind. That's just my opinion. Good luck hun.
You just keep right on taking care of you. Let him deal with him. As far as what he said when he walked away.....it's nothing personal against you, it's the disease not getting its way so he acts out.
If you are more comfortable living where you are right now and how you are right now, then you have every right to stay there. It sounds like you are turning your apartment into a nice "home" for yourself now. I think that will help you tremendously emotionally and mentally. I know when I started doing things around our house to make it more comfortable and homey after all the chaos it helped both of us (me and my A). I guess it gives me more of a stable feeling.....knowing there is somewhere comfortable and safe that is home......gives me alot of grounding.
