This may be premature, but...  I think I may be in the beginning stages of a relationship.  As I've shared here before, it has been a long time, and I've only had one "real" relationship in my life which resulted in a decade long marriage and ultimately, divorce.

At my last f2f meeting the topic was trust.  I spent much of my youth obsessed with trust.  When I found that my alcoholic father was not capable of doing the things he should have done, or said he would do, I developed a burning distrust of most people.  I took the term very literally and harshly, to the point that any violation of my *expectations* meant a violation of trust.

Through my program and growth I've learned to get along with most of the world, most of the time.  I have stopped looking for some perfect person that I can trust 100%, or the perfect job, etc.  I have generally reduced the importance of absolute trust to a non-issue most days.  As someone said at the meeting, "Trust God, love people". 

But as you all know, I've dodged the issue of trusting a person in an intimate relationship by simply avoiding intimate relationships.  Not always on purpose, but since my divorce, no relationship has ever gotten off the ground.  In my latest round of one-date blowoffs, I've recognized a few mistakes and corrected them - the mistake being, I think, revealing too much too soon.  But it weeds out the tire kickers that's for sure... LOL.  Which, up to now, has weeded out _everybody_.

My latest prospect is much more communicative, definitely warming up, planning our next get-together.  My very limited past experience is that things move very, very fast.  Within the next few days, this relationship will go to the next level -- or it will be over.  That's the entire sum of my experience... one that went to the next level, and the next, and the next, in rapid succession... and dozens that went to over... poof.  I don't want it to go quite so fast.  I've expressed it, and she agrees with me, but we may have very different meanings for "taking it slow". 

If the relationship fizzles out because of who I am, then so be it - that's the way it should be.  I just don't want it to fizzle out because of a tactical dumbass mistake on my part... and as I've experienced before, sometimes being too cautious can actually BE the tactical dumbass mistake.  So what does this have to do with alcoholism?  Everything... although I'm sure non-alcoholics go through a similar thought process. 

I'm posting this mainly to collect my thoughts.  I know the answer is... Trust God, Love People.  Easier said than done, but it takes a lifetime of practice.  I know how people jump into relationships, but at the same time, I know it takes me as much as a YEAR to get to know someone, to truly feel comfortable with them.  Even my ex-wife.  We knew each other for well over a year before we became an "item".  To be quite honest, I didn't learn much about her during that year - but I did become very comfortable around her, and some natural attraction formed that took precedence over knowledge.  Now here I am, middle aged and seeing another middle aged, experienced person - probably both of us focusing on the knowledge aspect (although retaining how much, I don't know!) and I'm worried that if her attraction kicks in before mine is ready and up to speed, I could be caught in a very awkward position.

Then again, in 72 hours or so, it could all be a moot point and I'd be back talking about the joys of single life, and how trust is a non-issue.  If so, there might be some temporary sadness but... it would be comfortable and familiar.  The unknown is always more scary.  And this is one area of my life where my resume consists of 2 dozen small failures and one large failure.  But then again... that too has a certain cozy familiarity to it.

Barisax