The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. --Unknown
If it is hard to adjust to our age. How much harder it must be to realize we can't even run our own life with any degree of competence. Until we get used to that idea we will keep having living troubles. Accepting our incompetence doesn't have to take forever, though. The Third Step is a shortcut that requires no action, only a decision.
Once the decision is made to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, things begin to happen. We are likely to find ourselves being drawn to spiritual people. Maybe we'll read a book or hear something as simple as the lyrics of a song that speak to us in a special way. God is acting on our decision. And we find ourselves a great deal happier in God's care than our own.
I'm getting used to the idea that God does a better job of running my life than I do
I sometimes say that "I've given up applying for God's job, but that doesn't mean I still don't try to be his 2nd in command." And it's the truth. The bottom line is of my emotional circumstances and growth right now is that I'm grieving the loss of my parents while their still alive. *can hear people going ?* I am, seriously. My mom told me in her last, very vicious, phone call that she didn't want anything to do with me and she was cutting me off. My father and I have a polite, direct, financial relationship. And I'm left with the reality I've always wanted, always prayed for, and now am finding out the true pain of. I've always asked God "Is there any way for me to function without my parents in my life?" Well, YES! There is! They reject you and they blame you for making THEIR LIVES a living hell! Yeah.... The reality is that grieving is a process. And I'm scared to let myself go through this process. I hear that each of us go through this process--parents grieve for their children in disease because they feel they are "throwing their lives away;" spouses grieve for their spouses in disease because "of the memories we DID have and the life that we've lost;" whenever I've read of someone filing for divorce, they go through a grieving process for the marriage, the feelings the memories. I'm scared to go through the process because I'm scared it's never gonna end. I'm scared to go through the gates of grief because I'm scared of going through it alone. I'm scared to actually allow myself to process through these feelings because of how intense these feelings have been in the past (see: anger, outrage, the "I hate my life and I hate myself and it's all my fault" cycle I went through last October) I'm scared that when it's all said and done I'm gonna come out like a capital train wreck and I'll feel all the worse. I know, I KNOW!, alot of this isn't true. Because I went through SO MUCH rage last fall, I feel SO MUCH MORE at peace. Serene. Alive. But it's like someone inviteed me to watch an execution--and I'm in the electric chair! It's like someone invitied me to be pureed and grilled in front of all of the people I most despise in this world--and it's like "Uh, no. But thanks for being such an a** to think of such crap. " I don't know. Processing through big feelings scares me. SCARES me. And I think that's all I've got. Thanks for listening and reading my post.
Not sure about your situation Tiger, but I will share something with you from my side of the fence.
Before I began actually working my program, I was not the alcoholic, but I had pretty much perfected the manipulation and reaction tactics I had used to survive for years.
There were so many times I would get so "fed up" with my children's actions and talk that I didn't understand or didn't agree with mine, lol. That was when I see now how much I used my manipulation tactics on them ... there was the "guilt trip" .... the " well, just leave me along then, if you don't want to do what I tell ya." yada yada yada.
I knew every one of the manipulations in the book girl. Now I realize that was all "my" sickness. I was a pro at manipulation!!
So I don't know your entire situation, just letting you know that maybe...just maybe .... this too is one of those tactics ... and maybe, just maybe you need to back off for a time and let it rest and not throw yourself into something that may just be a reaction to that. Maybe again...no reaction might be the best ....just continue to take care of yourself.
Do something nice for yourself today!
Love, Irish p.s. as far as working through the grief ...there is no "right" way I don't think. I have (am) dealing with the grief of a divorce that happened 20 yrs ago!! .... several deaths of close family members, my son in prison for a long time, etc. Grief seems to have it's own timing for each of us and we each seem to have to deal with it in our own way. However, if this indeed is what you feel, read up about it .....most importantly, give yourself some breaks here and there ...you are just human ...and we love ya!!!
(((tiger))) Please don't take offense but remember that :
Consideration should be taken that people have various Higher Powers and various religions here and the laws of your particular God are not everyone elses.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
while watching a video with my grand baby........,
puff the magic dragon said, ''don't be afraid''.
jackie paper said, ''i am to scared not to be afraid''.
tiger......,
i learned a long time ago to be to scared not to be afraid. my fear was as much a habit, an addiction, a form of manipulation, a behavior i had developed to cope with the abusive family i was born into. i didn't cause the abuse, i can't cure the abuse, i can't control the abuse. i found that dealing with my father was not the issue......., only that i had learned to be ''TO SCARED NOT TO BE AFRAID''. that is what i can and did change......., it takes courage to change the habitual reactions of behavior that helped us survive as children. i hear you tiger !!!!!!! i believe YOU have the courage to not be ''TO SCARED TO BE AFRAID''.
Christy: I'm confused, did I miss something?? I didn't read anything offensive in the original post--unless you are suggesting that she should have included "who is my Higher Power" or "as I understood him" after the first reference to God. I thought it was implicit as she was talking about working the 3rd step.
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Tiger....just wrote a long reply, but the computer lost it somehow...I am sorry for your pain....just remember you will survive.
"If it is to give light, it must endure burning"......... "When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left." Two quotes probably say it better anyhow. My prayers are with you, fifi
So, just to be clear. Each time we use the term "God" in a post, we should clarify that it is the "God of our understanding" or something like "my Higher Power, which is God for me" and then it will be acceptable??
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I'm just simply saying that lines previously mentioned were stated as fact. If someone replaced the word "God" with Buddha or Allah it wouldn't be acceptable either.
I don't know how to make it any clearer.
How Alanon Works states "regardless of the God we come to understand, we are careful to avoid imposing our personal beliefs on one another.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
?* I am, seriously. My mom told me in her last, very vicious, phone call that she didn't want anything to do with me and she was cutting me off. My father and I have a polite, direct, financial relationship. 
Yeah....
" 