The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH left my house at 4:00 on Monday afternoon. Leaving for good. He was supposed to go to his sister's in Arkansas, a 14 hour drive from here. He loaded up his clothes, his car onto his trailer, hooked it to his truck & off he went.
I suspected that he hadn't left town yet. I thought that it highly probable that he ended up at his friend's house where he goes to binge. Sure enough I got confirmation of that fact just a little while ago. My MIL told me this morning that they hadn't heard from his sister to let them know he had arrived. I suggested they call her and when they did, she said she hadn't seen or heard from him since Monday. She is the only one that has the phone number to the house where he goes & so she called him there. No answer of course. So she left a message saying that their grandma was going to call the police and report him missing if he didn't call her back. He called her immediately and said he wished everyone would leave him the F-Alone and get off of his back, that he'd get out there when he got out there.
So that is that. He is still in town. Probably has a death wish for himself b/c he is feeling so sorry for himself and he will probably stay at that house & rott. As much as this saddens me that he truly is not ready to get help, I can't help but say FINE. SO BE IT!! THE F- WITH YOU! I knew his promises about getting better & showing everyone what they'd be missing by not having him around were total BS. He said he'd get out to his sister's, get a job and send me money every week for the kids. He said I'd be surprised by how much money he'd be sending me. BLAH BLAH BLAH. What a joke. I knew it and now he just proved it.
So much for a crack addict.
Thanks for letting me VENT. I sure does feel good to let it all out. Sincerely, QOD
It is hard to watch while those you love or loved journey down a destructive path. It is even harder at times to keep the focus on you. But, boy does it feel good. I have found that being alone has given me the space to learn to take care of myself. In doing so, I have been so much more active and connected in my daughter's life. You had some great ideas in your last post about karate with your kids. Keep up your good work. Enjoy your progress. YOU DESERVE IT! You are an inspiration to me!
You are doing great and it is disappointing when they constantly f*** up. I found that never being able to rely on anything they said was wearing and depressing, keep the focus on you, you are the important one here.
You knew it so what? Did you change the locks yet? Get on with it and let them carry the load, you did your time. Let his family carry it now, he packed his own stuff, its not like you loaded it and made his arrangements. You are done with it, until he is sober , in recovery, supporting his son and seeking visitation. Stop right now what you are doing and go to the bathroom and wash your hands as a symbol of your comittment to your program!
And yes all I have permission to talk to her like this, I am just too lazy to pm it! LOL
Hugs, Josey
ps: If you don't do it, you don't get your present!
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Thanks Josey - I always know I can depend on you to give it me straight. LOL. Ya know what? I was really pissed earlier at my AH. It was eating me up. I couldn't even concentrate at work b/c of it. I typed up this long post full of rage and disgust.....guess what happened? My HP stepped in and wouldn't let me post it. I clicked on the Post Button and my screen just went blank. Oh I was really mad. I clicked on the Back Screen Button and got it to come up again. I clicked on the Post Button again. Same thing. Now I could have copied and pasted to a new message but thought better of it. I took it for the sign it was from my HP. I was able to release my anger in my typing and then take a breather afterwards. I felt better too. Mysterious.
Thanks again...and oh yea....I am working on the whole changing locks thing. I don't have the proper tools to do it so will have to wait until this weekend when I can have my brother come over to help out with it. :) Thanks for your support. You are great.
(((QOD)))) You are doing great. It is perfectly normal, you have been prisoner of his disease for a long time....and change FEELS different, even kind uncomfortable, even when it is a good change. Just takes a little getting used to. And about changing locks, all you need is a phillips head screwdriver....ask me how I know! Love in Recovery, Becky1
Becky1 - just a philips head screwdriver? I have that. Heck, I bought myself a whole toolbox full of tools back in the fall. My AH said it was a cheap set & would break. I figure that I am just not that strong & if a job I was doing breaks my tool, well then I am just not the person to be doing the job. LOL. I will look into doing this on my own ASAP! Thanks again. :)
Yup, a phillips head screwdriver. I needed to chisel out a little bit of wood here and there, too, no biggie. I've done it twice now. You only need to do it once if you don't fall for the self pity crap like I did.
I felt sorry for myself for while, that I have to lock my doors against my own husband, but there was a new feeling that started growing too . . . with my doors locked, deadbolts thrown, I felt a safe peacefulness for the first time in so long. I recommend doing it, it's an act of powerful self care.
