day 5 update..he's still here - Al-Anon Family Group

evey · Veteran Member

day 5 update..he's still here

doxie · Senior Member

Hang in there kiddo and stay strong.

Just make sure you or your children are not in any danger if you stay.

Doxie

aunitedway · ~*Service Worker*~

((((evey))))

your in my thoughts and prayers for strength through these unsure moments., times. just knowing that what ever I am facing.... "this too shall pass." ... and how time has gone by us all soo quickly...

this helps me to put things into a better view.

(prospective) I try to not project on things I cant control. I make myself get out and about. make an alanon meeting.

do something for my"self." could be something as simple as to sit in the park , listen to the birds

or make it to the neighborhood movie house for a show. call a friend and talk about good stuff....a .."lift both of our spirits

talk." I added my name to a daily devotional that helps to lift me uP.

(there is always good reading here at MIP too.

)

these kinds of things help to keep my mind open and free from all those thoughts that will work them selves out ...... any way about it.

I have learned and am still learning this; to tell myself "Stop." any/all those thoughts that keep me down and out. with my HP/God ~ ready

to tak em' away from me ~ as I am more able to see that I can "Let em' go and Let HP," I only feel better about myself and even

my decisions, my choices. I want healthy choices and I can do that with a clear mind and love for life in my heart, inside is where.

Keep Looking uP

.... so glad your here! **

Keep coming back

((((BiGHuG))))

Fifi · Senior Member

evey
i relate to that awkward (putting it lightly) place of wanting space, awaiting it, but it not happening NOW. hang in there - sounds like your perspective is good - sounds like there is progress - sounds like your heart is open and your mind is strong. sometimes for me i get caught in this urgencey feeling...i have to remember that taking it easier and trusting my hp always lead me to a better place....good luck. my prayers are with you. also, so happy to hear about your friend/tenant...a blessing like that is enormous!
love , fifi

jennifer9 · Member

Been there and know how you feel, evey. After we decided to separate it was another year before it actually happened. I worked the program as much as I could and only dealt with one day at a time and tried not to think of the future. I made sure to get my own space even if if was just going to the store. We also had the issue of children and my worries about all the things that could happen. Again, I had to just let all that go. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but looking back I could have spent the last 18 months of my life stressing over their impending doom and it would have been detrimental to my health and the enjoyment of them and my life when nothing ever happened and they are still safe and sound with visitations with their father. Something you might think about in your divorce which is what I did. My AH admitted he would never tell me when he was using. When he was sober we talked about this problem and he agreed that if he couldn't protect them when he was using then I needed some kind of power so I could. In our decree we have it if I suspect he's using I can tell him to go get a drug test. If he refuses that is presumptive positive. If he's negative I pay, postive, he pays and he cannot have unsupervised visitations until he satisfies the court.

One day at a time. I took a lot of baths during that time too. I'd soak in the tub for about twenty minutes just to calm myself down and de-stress.

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh I can very much relate to not being able to stand another minute of the A. I can also relate to wanting it all to be over tomorrow and all the issues to be settled.

I really beat myself up over not having life on my terms. These days I deal with what is. There are many many many obstacles that keep me stuck in many ways. Other issues I can work on. I work on what I can work on and the issues that are stuck sometimes become unglued. Sometimes they don't.

Days when I can't stand the A I seek space. I no longer set myself up with the issue of when will he leave or do whatever. He does those tantrums of saying he will leave and not come back. I know its just for a few days then he is worse than ever. The issue for me isn't overnight. I wish it were but it isn't.

For me personally its a long long journey of unentangling myself from the A. I've been here 6 years. Its 6 years of mess to clean up my side of it. That's a big mess. I don't clean it up overnight but every day I make the best of what I can. I know I am somewhere along the line. I have people who cheer me along rather than coulda woulda shoulda me.

Maresie.

evey · Veteran Member

Thank you all so much. AH called a rehab and they said to come throught the emergency room. He asked me to take him and I did, however they did not keep him, he has to go back in the morning. He was very upset going, he keeps asking me if we are over. I can only tell him the truth, I dont know right now. Right now I cant live with the drinking.

What else could I say? I love him but I'm done with the drink. I'm done with it.

evey

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