The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Has anyone had any experiences with interventions? I was told it may be helpful with my ex husband who is an alcoholic. I would like to hear some input on them because I know they don't always work. thanks.
You are correct...they don't always work and in reality the odd are in favor of an intervention not working. There are several to many processes going on in an intervention with the alcoholic and/or addict having more control during the process than anyone else. One of the many things they have the power to do aside of saying no to the intervention is to also say no to the recovery program that is often suggested as a path back to the family or who ever is calling the intervention. Interventions are pricey with the last one I heard of from a local member of the family group citing 15 thousand dollars. Her alcoholic/addict person walked away from the program after 10 days. This also usual and frightening to the unsuspected family. Just some info I have picked up along the way. I have done controlled interventions and the success rate is dismal.
The few recovering A's that i have talked too said they rarley work , if there is one weak link in the chain of people sharring the disease wins . I understand they are planned in advance and everyone has to know exactly what they wish to say . A councelor told me to not bother as most times they just are not effective. Louise
My feeling about interventions is that they are yet another way of putting all the focus on the Alcoholic. Alanon's teaching is, more or less, to let the A go, and put the focus on ourselves, instead. Any alcoholic who wants to quit knows where to find help - AA is no secret, and is not hard to find. Any alcoholic who doesn't want to quit will use the whole thing as an excuse to drink more - "They are all against me".
Better, in my opinion, to put the focus on your own self - get healthier, learn to set appropriate boundaries, decide what you will and will not accept, and find the joy and serenity that is out there for you, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
What the others have said is basically what I have heard as well. I do have a very close friend from AA whose sobriety began with an intervention by his wife. For him it worked because he had a spiritual awakening at the treatment facility. It was very much a "God thing" all around. His wife got him to the facility by just sticking him in her car one nite when he was in a blackout and just drove and wound up at a facility that she didnt even know existed. This may not be the same thing exactly as a planned intervention, but it is similiar in that the alcoholic didn't actively plan to go.
Anyway, I guess my point is, no they don't always work. Nothing always works. However, it may be a place that a seed gets planted that may sprout in the future...who knows? I would pray about a decision like that.
I do agree wholeheartedly with keeping the primary focus on yourself.
Glad you posted and welcome to MIP. Please keep coming back.
I had just inquired about this a few weeks back about my AH. My MIL wanted to do some sort of intervention and I wasn't really sure if it would help. In the end, I told my MIL that if she wanted to do it, I would not stand in her way but that I didn't want to be a part of it. I am sure that my AH would have felt like cornered animal and his reaction would have been violent. I shared these feelings w/her and she ended up not doing it....but just confronting him herself. Of course he didn't respond well to that either.....he said he was tired of everyone preaching to him about stuff they know nothing about. Typical response as far as I am concerned.
Good luck w/your decision. It is one you will have to make for yourself.....whether it will be right for your A.
The "odds" may be against it, but it can happen...
In the case of my AH, it was a "God thing" and it worked. But going into it, I would have bet a 1,000,000 that he would have walked in the room, told his family to f*** off and left. But, as it turned out, we had both hit our own respective bottoms and I got out of the way. He was out of town for the weekend. I called my family and told them what was really going on (physical and emotional abuse, infidelity, etc.) and my Mom flew in for me. I told his family what was really going on and told them that if they really loved him, they had to do something. I filed for divorce and a restraining order and took the dogs and went to my MILS. When my AH walked in the house, he was greeted by 5 or 6 members of his family and my Mom. While it was going on, he was personally served with the divorce papers. He chose to go to detox, but I think he thought that he could come home after 4-5 days. When I went to visit him I took him info about a rehab center and said it was his choice but he wasn't coming home. He chose rehab--it cost $12,000 (he is paying it off over time).
That being said, it was a "God thing" because we didn't know what we were doing--just prayed alot and, like I said, I got out of the way.
Also, while he was ready to take the help at that time, I don't think that the program of AA really took root in him until he was 6-8 months sober. Up until that time he was very "dry" and continued to engage in many of the Aisms. We have been separated almost 1 1/2 years, but he is sober, we are both in recovery (him AA, me Al-Anon) and we are "dating" each other and looking towards reconciliation this summer.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
__________________
Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Welcome to the MIP family. After hubby got sober he went on some interventions through AA so that he could tell his story. In some cases it got the person into detox and rehab. Of course there is no guarantee with anything. I don't ask what goes on because that's between them. I would call your local AA chapter and see what they have to say. Even if they succeed in getting the person into detox/rehab it's up to them to do the rest. The odds are usually against them. Remember your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if the A chooses recovery or not. Best of luck to you.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty (one of the many mascots of the MIP family)
-- Edited by Karilynn at 13:35, 2007-02-20
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My family hired a professional interventionist for my brother. We didn't really surprise him with it. We told him it was a 2-day workshop designed to teach us how we could put our family back together due to the problems from addiction. He did not attend the 1st day, but did come the 2nd day. He agreed to go, but couldn't leave immediately b/c we had trouble finding a place that would take him (he was on methadone). Unfortunately, after having a few days to think about it, he backed out. However, b/c it really was a workshop that educated us on the disease and how we responded to it as a family, my mother entered a 5-day co-dependency workshop that she says was well worth the $6,000 they paid for the intervention. It also taught my father how to separate the disease from the person, which has made a big difference in his ability to deal with all of it. If you are considering hiring an interventionist, ask for references and call them. Personally, I question the ethics of the interventionists who, in my opinion, charge unreasonably high rates. I think they take advantage of people's desperation.
