The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was doing well not too long ago - then we had the big mess-up at my parents' house two weeks ago when they saw my husband staggering around their kitchen drunk on a Sunday morning. The outcome was a lot of "talks" that I probably should never have initiated, because frankly, I don't really know for sure when he is sober or not anymore.
One evening this week he told me he was going to "work on things". He was going to handle his problems on his own. Last night he went to bed at 8:30 totally wasted - barely made it, took five minutes to get a shirt off, you name it... The kids saw it too.
Today I yelled, cursed, cried... you name it. Our kids ended up comforting me, which made me feel like a totally inept mom. Part of me wants "out". Big time. Part of me wants it all better. I feel like I have reached MY bottom. I have a migraine and am exhausted. Can't wait 'til tomorrow when the weekend is over since there is far less insanity Monday - Friday. Pray for me...
I've been where you are right now many times. You feel stuck, and don't know where to start, well you have come here today, so that must be a step in the right direction.
If you think you have hit rock bottom, make that work for you by doing what you have to do for you.
You don't say if you are attending meetings for yourself , I hope u consider doing this for you it will change your life. There is nothing u can do about him or his behavior or are u responsible for either. Your probably right about discussing this with your family not a good idea they don't understand and all they want is for you to be happy and safe. I talk to Al-Anon members they get me - and offer solutions that don't include leave him !! I like you chose to stay in my marriage and have not been sorry I made that decission . We have sobriety in our home but bottom line,what I have learned in this prog changed my life for the better thanks to al anon I am a better mother , wife daughter and friend , so with or with out them we win . I get to be who i was intended to be. good luck Louise
I was told that, over the course of a lifetime, if we were to map out our progress, it would be one step forward for every 2 back. That we need to make mistakes to accomplish progress. Consider Edison's summation on the lightbulb: "No I have not found the 1 solution. But I have found 99 non-solutions."
When I was young my aunt took me to her alanon meetings. It may be something you may want to do with your kids, or look into alateen meetings for them, to help them process what is going on.
So, how did that work for you? If you weren't happy with the results, you do have the choice to try something different next time - take the kids out for pancakes and walk in the park, let him sleep it off.
One of the most useful things I learned - when *I* stopped yelling and screaming, there was half as much noise and unpleasantness in the house. Right there, a big improvement in everybody's life.
null I can so relate. I am living with an active alcoholic husband in denial. That is a tough situation. The good thing for me is we don't have kids together, although I have a hateful step daughter that blames me for him not rasing her, but that is a whole other novel. I do find that I go along doing good, working my program, then BAM! I seem to loose it. One step forward, two steps back! But yelling, crying & screaming make the situation worse, I know from personal experience. The important thing to use those incidents as learning tools, not beat your self up over it. Again, speaking from personal experience! You did the right thing, came here to talk it over with alanon friends. I have learned the hard way not to involve my family or friends in the alcoholic behaviors, they do not understand. I need to use the slogan "think" more often, as in "think before I open my big mouth." I too dread weekends. I normally work 2nd shift, 3pm-11pm by the time I get home, if he had been drinking, he is passed out by then, usually, there are the infrequent occurances when he is still awake & next door drinking. I have been out of work due to back problems since Jan. 25 & not due to return until I see doctor again March 27!!!!!!!!! These can either be the longest 2 months, living with this disease every day! Or I can chose to make it time well spent on ME!!! I am choosing to use it wisely!! One day at a time! My prayers to you!!!! Keep coming back, and like others have mentioned, please , if you dont attend meetings, it is highly recommended. Take care of you!!! Debbie
I have been at my end many a time. I am sure we all have. I am glad you have this group to come to. At one time I lived on my end all the time. Now it is every few months. I know it gets better. I use the tools. I live one day at at a time. I set reasonable goals for myself. I think making a plan b helps. Some of us cannot leave overnight, some can. If you are thinking of leaving then getting together the plan b will map it out for you. Some of us need many many adjustments I know I do.
