The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hey there, I have been an off again and on again here when I needed a little extra and not getting it from live real meetings. But it seems that I also have had a hard time staying connected. I just moved and am using this as a great new opportunity to find a new group and get back at it. well geographical cure underway and not much fresh new start action happening. I thought if I wrote about it then maybe I would make myself more accountable. I am trying to do a lot right now and feel like I am getting not much done. I am always working at two jobs one being my career and one being my job (to pay the bills). I have everything going for me, new house, engaged to the best guy ever but it's still hard to stay positive and keep going. Nothing is rolling off my back anymore. Whats brought on the realization, I am in the midst of planning my wedding for the summer and my best friend / maid of honor is driving me crazy. why? becuase I am letting it happen I guess. I am not where I want to be to be able to deal with this trivial stuff (in the big scheme of things its not big stuff, just big feelings). I am not being the friend I want to be and that was my first clue that I am slipping. so I figure like everything thats worked in the past, meetings and more meetings will help and maybe just talking about it will. I've had slipping away from my sponsor too and its been a while and I've been a bit slack. well I don't know about you if you've been around the program for a while, I feel worse because I have been around for a long time and I feel like I should know better or be able to do better. But the good thing is that I really am ready to just be where I am and start today ONE DAY AT A TIME. but god its uncomfortable. So what do I want to do? I want to be the person I know I can. First things first. some days it feels so exhausting just thinking about it. but its worth it, "growth though painful is worth seeking". I've been here in the crappy spot before and I know it works, I just need to not let myself get in the way. So I am heading out to an open meeting tonight. its so easy to talk myself out of it sometimes. but the good thing is that I know that my fesh new start begins with me. so today I am going to take it - easy does it. so I figure I will start and see where I get. just for today.
I really want to stay positive and realistic and be easy going programgirl. I have so many gifts, my folks will be sober for 30 years next month, what a blessing. This shows me how cunning and powerful and baffling it really is. anyway all I can say is thanks for being here. my committment starts with me. today the glass is half full. I a little better already. Just for today, one day at a time. :)
I don't really get what I need from f2f meeting either. I will hang in there and keep going though, but this sight has been a life saver. Nice to hear from you Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
thanks for the posts. I hit a live meeting and it was great. heard just what I needed. it doesn't matter what kind of info meeting it is if my mind is not open. I am so grateful for the slight change in my perception today and to put the focus on myself (on myself in the right/better way). I will continue to pray for courage and gods will. I had a wonderful afternoon helping out a friend and it was nice to put some time in just being and not worrying. it's true I am the hardest on myself.
the speaker tonight read from the 20 questions, what a great piece of literature. I was happy to be reminded of that and to think about those.
