The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. Just wanted to let you know, for those who are interested, what is going on with me. My computer is sick. My husband tried all day yesterday to fix it, but it is still broken. We even bought a new Modem, but now the screen resolution is unreadable. I was having withdrawls yesterday from not being able to be here, have not been able to since Tuesday. But, since I know how my MIP addiction makes my huband upset, I did not say anything about it, just got all the housework done, so hopefully I could be here and in chat today, but it is still not working. I am at the public library, which did not open until 1pm. I am in a sorry state, I must say. This morning I asked hubby where the manual to the monitor was, and he became angry and hateful....go figure. He had to run into work to do the weekend rounds which takes about 1 hour, and he had some movies due back at the video store. I ran out and tried to catch him as he was backing out of the drive. I had the movies in my hand, I was barefoot in this freezing weather, and wearing my bathrobe. Did he even look at me??? No...he was looking in my direction, but never acknowledged my presence. I tried to call his cell, but he wouldn't answer. About 3 hours later, while on my way here to the library, I passed him going towards home, and he just looked at me with a snarl. I am so tired of being ignored. Tired of being invisible. Tired of having a broken heart. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I will not be in chat until my computer is fixed, if it ever is. And I need to be in chat, desperately. The library computer does not allow any chatroom access. Wish I had the $$$ for a laptop. That way I could be here and in chat anytime I wanted to. I need MIP as much, or maybe even more than he needs his beer. He has a disease he does not want to do anything about. I have a disease that I want to get help with. I want to get better.
The problem is his disease wants us both dead.
I am even considering going back to my Dr. to see about going back on antidepressants. I have lost interest in so many things in my life. Am so tired all the time, and I hurt. Not only mentally, but I ache all over physically all the time. I really do not want to go back on the medicine, as it made me gain weight, and I hate that. But I know I cannot keep going this way. Please keep me in your prayers. I am not doing too well today. Love in Recovery, Becky1
Hi, Becky, sorry to hear things are going so badly. Do you go to f2f? You can work that phone, when there is no access to computer chat. Or meet someone in the program for coffee. If you don't go to f2f, I really urge you to go. Those hugs can help so much, when we are isolated, the way this disease makes us.
Gosh I can relate very very much to being ignored. The A does that to me. I feel totally lost in my needs. The A I live with let the internet go for more than a month I was bereft. I found it very very veryhard not to show my needs. He didn't of course care much about my needs. All there is with him is "me" and he can often tantrum over my reminding him of my needs at all and see it as a burden. At the same time he'll demand certaing things. These days I am better at not jumping to his demand if he is not being respectful of my needs. I hope I can get better at reinforcing that. .
I had to come here at the cafeteria at work and when I could. Nevertheless I was aware people here were thinking of me and wishes me well. I know what it is to be without resources. I feel for you.
