The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been seeing a therapist now, an intern for a few months. I have to say its never really gone that that well. I saw another intern before her for a few months too and that helped although I never spoke about my relationship there. I think its pretty hard to get a therapist who really understands the part I play in my addiciton.
I think personally I am just going to go back to working on work issues and my childhood in therapy for a while. This particular therapist doesn't understand al anon and how that works for me. Before in my craving to be understood I'd bombard someone with literature. I don't now.
Before I would also be eaten up with resentment that she doesn't get what I am talking about.
I don't generally exit graciously from any relationship. I exit with huge resentments and huge issues and a desire to control. This time I'm hoping I can exit this relationship with well some of it worked and some of it didn't.
I guess that's progress. I am going to look for another therapist. This particular therapist wasn't going to work anyways because of the times she has available to me. I saw another intern at this agency who would have been great but the time issue was prevalent too.
I'm also not going to beat myself up because I don't have the funds or the insurance to see someone else at the moment. I have a few agencies I can contact and I'm going to take action on that.
Perhaps this is my practice at exiting graciously. There are ways to do it and I don't generally do them.
"Find and use what ever is helpful to you to gain and maintain your serenity." This is what my sponsor taught me in the early years of recovery. It was actually a permission for me to go see a therapist. I needed permissions from my sponsor back then because I didn't know how to make decisions for myself and I was sooooo fearful of making a mistake. I got a therapist and a darn good one. He didn't like Al-Anon, "group of sick crazy people!" he would say to me that had little affect on me because the program was saving more of my butt than he was and at no cost!! (HaHa I snicker!) He had some good skills and he was helpful not in the lifetime way the program is but in the sorting out my thinking vs emotions vs behaviors. He wasn't spiritual at all. Therapist rarely use a spiritual approach and will usually refer out. Therapist refer to Al-Anon as "Social model recovery" because those who have been struck crazy about the disease of alcoholism can be more effective in helping others in the same condition and often better than professionals. Therapist have different modalities that they can use to help others bring the picture into focus. I know that they are only people with a specialty. I know that they are not perfect. Even thought mine was very good he was a person, not perfect and at times would screw up. He was so human that I even got to counsel him on a couple occasions (I also worked in that field and came from the school that said, "If you are a therapist without a therapist, you don't believe in what you are doing.")
What helps me not feel resentments (I hate feeling resentments) is it's opposite..."forgiveness". You cannot feel resentment and forgiveness at the same time. Resentments are powerful ego tools and are fertilized by judgmentalism and expectations. Resentments give me permission to be spitefull, hateful, angry, rageful and all kinds of spirit deflating practices. Acceptance, compassion, understanding, patience and of course forgiveness and more keeps me out of the muck and harms way. When you exit a relationship with this attitude the relationship doesn't end and you wouldn't want it to end nor would others want to end it with you. Honest!!
