The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm just feeling a bit lost and sad today. Just need to vent and I know you'll all understand.
I broke up from my Abf at Christmas. I had too. I couldn't cope with it at all. But I love him and I miss him so much. I try to fill my time, be busy, but I can't ignore the void. Is this the void of him gone or a void in me? I don't know. He's still drinking and moved in with his buddy (who really irritates me!). Sometimes I feel that I lost him to his buddy...he'd rather be with him that be with me.
He calls me sometimes and tells me he misses me and asks if he can see me. I know he's drinking so I refuse. I can do nothing.......
Trying to move on now, starting to understand actually how ill I myself am. I need you all. Thanks for being there! Love AM
I am sorry you are feeling this pain. Just remember that the void you are feeling is the same kind of void your A is trying to fill. He is choosing a very destructive way to attempt to fill it and he will not be successful. You have the power right now to choose something healthier....go to the gym, take a new class, anything that interests you that will bring you pleasure. I think of it as "soul food"
Just wanted to send a hug your way and tell you that I'm pretty sure most of us can identify with the "lonliness" you are feeling. In my experience with my AH I have felt that lonliness just as deeply when we are together and he's drinking and has "gone away from me" into a world I just can't and don't want to follow him into. For me what has helped is the f2f meetings and coming here where others care and share in understanding of what we are feeling and going through. Today be encouraged that there are many here feeling that same lonliness along with you and let your HP just get you through this one step and one day at a time. As I learn to let go and let my HP have all that I can't handle or change, I find peace and serenity taking the place of the lonliness. When lonliness overwhelms me, I find that putting my focus on things that bring joy to me, reading a good book, making some homemade bread, watching a favorite movie, going to visit with my grandchildren, etc. also relieve the lonliness. Today I send hugs your way and the encouragement that "this too shall pass."
Maybe your void is really just a lack of chaos in your life and you simply need time to adjust to something different. Please have patience and be easy on yourself. This void will pass and one day you will look back at it and see it in different light.....perhaps just a healing time. We are here for you.
Hate that you are going thru the grieving process, that can be really painful. Keep taking care of yourself - it's ok to allow yourself to feel those feelings in a healthy way. Some days when things are so overwhelming - I look in the mirror in the morning & say "Thanks God, we got thru yesterday" Just so that I can start out the day with something positive until the other positive things in my life become more evident.
Hope the pain eases for you soon.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I'm sorry ((((annmarie)))) the power of lonliness is often underestimated but is as troublesome as everything else. I gotta tell you, I would adopt a pet. Animals can't totally replace human companionship, but I know a tabby cat that saved me from deep despair once. Sincerely Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Wow I can relate to the loneliness. I am very very very lonely most of the time.
I think when the A isn't around causing chaos I sometimes feel it and I sometimes feel so grateful not to have him present causing havoc.
I am sure you do miss the good parts of the A. I am so happy for you that you could set limits and not get too involved. As someone who spent years being overinvolved, its hard to step out. I knew there were moments when I could have stepped out so much more easily than swiming out in a long involved plan b.
