The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my father's friend, the co-excutor on his will, the one who has been living in his house, the one who i have been trusting unconditionally to handle the finances of the estate......is a crack addict! i knew he was alcoholic and i dropped him off to rehab 2 weeks ago. i was at the house taking care of the cat and setting up for an open house and i opened a box on his dresser to see if it had one of my dad's paperweights in it as it looked like one of the boxes they came in and i found condoms (YUCK!) and lighters. and i knew right then. but really, i didn't know anything. why was i so suspicious of lighters in a box? what is wrong with ME? he doesn't smoke and there were no candles in the room.....but why would my mind jump to crack? he is a retired teacher, responsible, he has money, he looks like anyones young, relatively hip grandpa. he drives a station wagon that is 10 years old and in perfect condition inside and out! what is wrong with me? so, he said it would be ok to borrow his car while he was gone. yesterday my ex and i went up to get the car so he could take the kids to their activities. this is my sober ex--former crack addict. he calls me from his job today and tells me he needs to tell me something and he's hemming and hawing and finally he tells me he found paraphinalia in the car. my suspicions confirmed. so, i get off the phone, rant and rave and cry.then i get totally spinning....what if it's my ex's stuff and he "planted" it in the car so that i would hate my dad's friend...after all my ex is jelous and paranoid even on a good day and working a program.....what if my ex is the one who turned my dad's friend onto crack so he could get to the money in my dad's estate....on and on. i am mad. i am so disappointed. i know how to deal with this s#*! i just really think it sucks that i have to. i am trying really hard to re-focus on myself. take care of me. my dad's friend is still in rehab....for how long no one knows...the rehab doesn't tell the patients or anyone else when release dates are. but right now i am kinda numb. and pissed off. if i think about it too long i think my head will explode. and this is what my dad leaves me to deal with? my mother, ofcourse. she has always let the alcoholic/ addicts abuse me. from the time i was little. this i expect of her. but my dad never ever broght anyone into my life that hurt me. until now and then he goes and dies and leaves me to deal with the fallout. and then my ex and his nosey poking around in a car that is not his leads to "THE DISCOVERY". just like he found my mother's boyfriend's viagra (SUPER GROSS!). what do i do now? i guess i just keep stripping wallpaper, go on with the auction, take care of the kids, go to work. i am just so damn mad. i'm screaming at the kid, i want to kill my ex. i'm having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other.....
When my mother died a few years ago I felt I had done a ton of work on myself beforehand to be able to handle my family. I think I spent that entire year afterwards on over react mode with my family.
I felt the A was totally hopeless when it came to being supportive. I had very little support outside of my support system.
I am glad you are talking about what is coming up for you.
I think it has taken me 3-4 years to get to grips with my mother's death and the way my family of origin behaved around it.
Heard about HALT !! yet? If you are facing decisions or responsibilities and you are Hungry Angy Lonely Tired? Don't do anything but let it all go for the time being and relaxing and praying and meditating so that you can get a clearer look at the stuff around you that is happening and your part in it and how you want you to come out of it.
If you are super p*ssed? go out in the back yard or laundry room or your closed door bedroom and throw a hissy fit and tantrum. After that is finished put a smile on your face and rejoin your life. It works for me.
I didn't see any areas in your share that you really had any control over anything and just marginal control over yourself. Might as well build on marginal huh?
A crack addict having access to large sums of money is a disaster - please protect yourself. This has nothing to do with your dad - you didn't know this about this man, and your dad may well not have either. In fact, you still don't really know it - if at all possible, lay all this in front of a lwayer and get some advice.
