The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again... but also, she will never sit down on a cold one any more. --Mark Twain
"Last night I asked for help, but the person couldn't give it to me. Tonight I'm not going to ask because I'll be refused." Poor us! One person has rejected us, so now we've got the whole world rejecting us. We believe if one person lets us down, everyone else will too.
Such thinking, as negative as it is, can provide safety. If we believe we can't trust anymore, then we won't. But there won't be any growth in this kind of safety. By condemning everyone, we won't see those who want to help.
To find help we may have to ask several people. If a few people turn us away, we shouldn't give up hope. There are many flowers in the field of life, but to pick the best, we need to look at them all.
If I get rejected it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or no one can be trusted. It means I need to take another risk or maybe two
I have such trouble with God's will. When I came into the program, I (girl scout salute, here) believed God controlled stop lights and the songs on the radio. If all the stop lights were red on the way to my destination and the songs on the radio were affirmative, then it was God's will. If not, then....yeah. Bail out while you still can. Obviously, you can see the faulty logic here. What happened when there were storms and the stop lights were out of power? What then? No answer. What happened when the songs on the radio weren't affirmative? What then? Panic. Anxiety. Dread. More resentments against God and myslef. Today, I still have this "faulty logic system," especially when I'm in a low time in my life. The bills are due! Mom's in town! Dad's leaving hateful voice messages! The car's due for repairs! Midterms! Papers! I have to see another doctor! Et cetera! What I forget is that at the root of this dysfunctional system is that I forget that God is not found in my parents, who, like many of us, gave me my first God concept Alternatively, my parents are not God; nor is National city, Wright State, Saturn Mechanics, or any professor In other words, whenever I feel like, "The world is against me! I can't win! I hate my life! I'm gonna fail!" what I'm really doing is embracing my previously held dysfunctional living system--a system that is not recovery based. My solution, today, is to continue with step work. My morning 10th step is special to me. By getting in touch with myself, I open myself to what really is my Higer Power's will. I also open myself to solutions that can only be offered by a power greater than myself and alcholism. I still go to meetings; work with my sponsor; talk with others in recovery. The basics that got me here haven't failed me yet. What about you? Do you still have "old dysfunctional systems" that rear their ugly head? When? How do you fight back? Do you even try?
I so often get caught up in still putting my faith in other "things" rather than my HP - Geez you would have thought I would have learned that lesson many, many, many times ago - but noooooo!!!! I may have soft words, but apparently a really hard head or maybe that's a hard self will!!!!
Not putting my faith in my financial situation, my jobs, or anything else instead of my God (who has proven to not be limited by my finite thinking) is always the smart recovery way to do things. So why not always the first thing to come to my mind? Because I need to take Step 1, 2 & 3 again. I can't, God can, I think I'll shut up & let him.
As I have said before my friends - I shall be on this road of recovery a long time - I have a lot to learn and relearn.
Thanks, Tiger.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
yup, and yup... but i took the brain in for a tune up. the mechanic, Al, told me to be patient, it might take a while. he said it might cost me a bundle, but that baby is also worth having in fine running condition. there is a bit of rust and some gaskets need replacing, but Al and the team have all the confidence that she'll turn out to be a beaut.
love always
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
((((((((((tigger)))))))))))))))))))) wow thanks for the post.... I have trouble seeing what God's Will is for me at times and then other times I see it clearly...... I still have many "dysfunctional System" when i see it rear its ugly head i take it to my HP and work on it..... But there are times when my "hardhead" will get in my way and I go and do my own will which only ends in disaster so then I have to take a few steps back and wait for HP Will for me cause that seems to work a whole lot better....
Gosh I could relate to your post. I currently go to an agency that services those with disabilities (I have several). I see an intern who is ok on some levels and not on others (so have been all my therapists). In the past I would just have labelled the agency as useless. These days I am more willing to see they can help me on some levels. They are not the answer to all my problems which is of course what I expect.
I have to remind myself about my mother (who has been dead for a few years now) who refused help all her life and demanded so much from her children. She was never able to negotiate what she "could" get.
My 10th step is pretty difficult for me. I can be in total catastrophe victim mode in a minute. I can also go into tremendous resentment and direct it towards the A. He is very difficult to live with and his family are incredibly difficult to deal with (which is why I liimit my interaction with them). Nevertheless the A never has been (as much as I claim it) the source and total cause of all my issues and problems. I will have plenty of them when I leave him. I will have some of them because of the way I have responded to him and his chaos and crisis but I had plenty before I met him. That is one reason I was attracteed to him I felt he would never call me on them and to a large extent he has not he's been too busy causing chaos.
Alternatively, my parents are not God; nor is National city, Wright State, Saturn Mechanics, or any professor 
In other words, whenever I feel like, "The world is against me! I can't win! I hate my life! I'm gonna fail!" what I'm really doing is embracing my previously held dysfunctional living system--a system that is not recovery based. 
