The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you may remember when I first came into this room more than a year ago I was absolutely lost in resentment and chaos with the A. I have definitely had my moments over the past year. I've been totally desolate at times, I have also been petrified at what the A might do next. I never did see the connection between my resentment and my virulent depression. There were some days I could barely function and all I could do was sit on the internet and try to find some solace from outside myself.
After being in this wonderful room for a year and getting to know various people including a sponsor whose subsequently moved onto other pastures I have made so many changes in my life. I was finally able to get one job (an awful one but a job nonetheless) then found another (in theory and candor I can say this is not really a great job at all but I am not devastated by it). I got to manage many of my resentments mainly because I found a place to be "heard" and validated and known. I also found friends outside of these rooms who were willing to hear me. I experimented with therapy, it helped some. There are lots of obstacles to getting low cost therapy I did not sucumb to seething in resentment around them.
But the really good news for me is to no longer feel absolutely controlled by the A's behavior. Today the A sat in bed all day or played computer games. He did nothing around the house (which was pretty dirty). I used to just get so livid and resentful over that. Now I don't but for me its more than that I can choose my attitude which of course when I first came here I could not. ..I could only sit paralyzed in it. I certainly don't appreciate it at all that he didn't help around the house. I certainly didn't encourage it one iota either. Don't get me wrong I am certainly not enabling it or endorsing it. I don't like it one bit. At the same time his behavior no longer affects me, devastates me and destroys me in ways it once did. For me that is incredible progress. I am so proud of being able to feel free of him and his actions rather than totally ensnared in them.
I had moments today where for the first time I could choose not to be resentful. I could choose to take care of me (which I did). I also chose not to beat myself up that I am not further along in plan b. I know that having freedom and not being addicted on so many levels to the A and so dependent on his behavior will mean I have more energy and time for me. I do care that the A behaves in such self destructive ways. I also know there is not much I can do about it.
your an inspiration. your words... just want to give you a ((((BIGHUG))))) for your post. so true. it is to me those moments i'm caught letting myself try to control a situation, or be controlled in a situation that is not mine to do *i remember my program... Alanon. Friends , like You (((sweet Mare))) with wonderful heartfelt Es&h. Es&h that reminds me to put my "tools" to work. i use the Slogans..... like To Let Go and Let God. To Let it Go...... and if i can't.....sometimes.... i also ask myself, "How important is it?" ... "How important is it to my Happiness?" I can then LET IT GO. go on..... and get busy doing something I like to do. Keep it Simple. If need be ... it's One Minute at a Time just as it's also One Day at a Time. it does get easier. i am one to say it too. i'm going to keep on working the steps and sharing my es&h .... because i' know i'm worth it! i love my AH. i hate this disease. i let my Higher Power / God take care of my AH. i pray for guidance and strength each day. i love my AH as best i can without having the chaos i used to let my mind fill me of. today i realize i dont have to fill my mind of him.... what ever it is he may or may not be doing. instead, Today I "get busy." doing what i feel is right to keep me in touch with me. today, it's easier to do.... easier because i found a healthy way to do so (with Alanon) to stay in the moment. stay in *today. i know i have choices... i only need to choose to make them. one day at a time. learning healthy ways to act upon them. choices that bring about more peace within me and my home. more quality to the time we do have together. time to enjoy life. to enjoy being alive. to enjoy my family, friends.
I can enjoy "Today."
Keep Looking uP! So glad your Here ((((Maresie))))) WORK IT WORK IT WORK IT
Happy Anniversary! You have come along way. I remember when you first came into this room. I see the continued strength in your posts and always, always being hopeful. That's a wonderful inspiration to young and old. I'm proud of you. You have taught me much.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
your words... just want to give you a ((((BIG
HUG))))) for your post. so true. it is to me those moments i'm caught letting myself try to control a situation, or be controlled in a situation that is not mine to do *i remember my program... Alanon. 
Friends , like You (((sweet Mare))) with wonderful heartfelt Es&h. Es&h that reminds me to put my "tools" to work. i use the Slogans..... like To Let Go and Let God. To Let it Go...... and 
if i can't.....sometimes.... i also ask myself, "How important is it?" ... "How important is it to my Happiness?" I can then LET IT GO. 
go on..... and get busy doing something I like to do. 
instead, Today I "get busy." doing what i feel is right to keep me in touch with me. today, it's easier to do.... easier because i found a healthy way to do so (with Alanon) to stay in the moment. stay in *today. i know i have choices... i only need to choose to make them. one day at a time. learning healthy ways to act upon them. choices that bring about more peace within me and my home. more quality to the time we do have together. time to enjoy life. to enjoy being alive
. to enjoy my family, friends. 
"Today." 
So glad your Here ((((Maresie))))) WORK IT
WORK IT 
You have come along way. I remember when you first came into this room. I see the continued strength in your posts and always, always being hopeful. That's a wonderful inspiration to young and old. I'm proud of you. You have taught me much.