The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just when everything seemed to be mellowing out, he had a place to stay, a job and was paying support and seeing the kids...all hell breaks loose again. Maybe that is just my dramatic rendition of the story. Anyway, last week I was on the fence going back and forth about giving him another chance, etc and moving on and then this morning I get a call that he's in jail again. His sponsor (who he lives with) called to ask for me to bail him out. What kind of crap is that? So I called the jail because all the guy said was that he got into an altercation. Turns out it was at a motel with a girl and he was arrested for assault on a female. Until that very moment I was still contemplating giving him another chance. Now I find myself wishing that six more months had gone by so I could file divorce papers NOW!! Funny thing, I feel a little hurt, and disappointed that I probably won't get my child support this month but other than that nothing. Normally it would be chaos time right now. At this point I just feel resigned that HP is making it VERY clear to me that I need to move on in no uncertain terms. Bout time I paid attention to the brick hitting me in the head I guess. What a disappointment he is, I don't know if he was drinking or not, he had been sober. I have tried to call the sponsor several times but he doesn't answer or return calls. I am going to try to get a copy of the police report just so I can review it every time that thought creeps into my mind about another chance. Plus I have every intention of using it during the divorce for custody if I have to!!! I am assuming he's about to be on the street again, another job lost, back to the same ol same ol. Glad I don't make stupid decisions like that. Funny, that makes me rethink a post just now about envying their freedom, there is a price to pay for that! Freedom is never free as they say.
My night last night...I met a guy from the internet for dinner and drinks and nobody got drunk, went to jail or hit anyone. It was a good peaceful night although he is not the one I didn't sit home and do nothing as usual and had a moderately good time.
I am sorry to hear his sponsor has to endure this. I would be quite put off. I used to go to AA meetings (with a former boyfriend) and some of what sponsors shared was amazing. I presume you are right that the sponsor is going to say he doesn't want to deal with it. I also presume that you are not going to bail him out.
I don't see how the custody thing is going to be an issue if he never manages to get stable. I do that kind of stuff all the time saving up ammunition against the A in case he tries things. I never found that kind of walking on eggshells to work that well.
I think for anyone with children it must be a difficult proposition. Of course you want to get on with your life but how can you completely wash your hands of someone who is involved with your children. The boundaries and limits must be hard going.
As you know most of my story, I think we both can relate - except my wife doesn't have a program or sponsor or anyone guiding her besides a shrink.
To that end, when we've truly become detached, there is little left to feel about the choices our A makes. Your A made another bad choice, and he is receiving the consequences. My wife claims to have not been drinking over the past couple months, but her bad behaviour continues untreated. To me, it's all the same. Our realities are so different that she sees herself as righteous, victim, spiritual, kind and loving. It's none of my business. She sees me as a liar, my changes because of program as purely negative, and my only course of action should be to take her back. Also, none of my business. What she thinks of me is none of my business. What I think of me, and me alone, is what needs tending. I don't want to take your inventory, but perhaps you tending to you, your self-esteem, and your reality of your situation is the best place to put your energy.
much love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
It's a process, breaking the denial, that usually takes time to figure out. Don't beat yourself up over it. Use it to empower yourself.
Until we get sick and tired of being sick and tired does anything change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I am glad last night you took good care of you and are beginning the process of living again.
Regarding your decision of X number of months, remember we can change our minds, especially when given new information. Part of my disease is being loyal to a fault.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
