The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH went to a first time individual session with our therapist last night. I did well with detaching emotionally and just giving over my hopes and fears to HP. I simply asked if the session went o.k. but did not ask him to get into details. Later on he told me on his own that he talked about his marijuana use with the therapist. He said that he was able to talk to her about what marijuana does for him. ( Calms him down, relaxes, and helps him to fall asleep) He discussed the medications the psychiatrist gave him 10 years ago to help balance himself out and said those medications worked, but since then he said he has not been able to find a medication that won't stir up more anxiety, and keep him all night. The therapist stated that the meds he was on were mood stabilizers. She talked more with him about how he feels on any given day, is there a pattern to his highs and lows? Apparently he does not have a pattern. One day he'll feel good and positive about his life, the next day he's depressed. I've seen his moods switch from one extreme to another within a relatively short period of time. She basically said that he fits the bill of a new treatment of depression called "spectrum depression". I guess doctors are treating it with mood stabilizers. I think it took alot of courage for him to get that out to her. The fears he has about being honest with himself or anyone else is usually pretty deep. She gave him some options of psychiatrist that diagnose and perscribe on a sliding scale fee for people without insurance. Don't know if he'll try again, but she spoke frankly with him about his daily use and the side affects. She is aware that he's an A as well, and he was able to at least say that he's been substituting weed for alcohol.
In light of my own issues of growth and being able to detach emotionally and allow myself to grow I went ahead and made my own individual appointment with her too. It would be nice to see my AH take a step toward getting off all substances, putting some balance to his thoughts, dealing with his emotions in therapy, but I also have to remember that this is his recovery not mine. When he decides he's ready he'll be ready.
I can say that in the five years that we have been together I have seen us both mature a great deal. His maturity is slow, the times when we both grew a little were through the tough times and we chose to be in counseling. I am thankful today for my program and thankful that HP is trying to reach my AH. Its difficult to remember that my AH has the same HP I do and HP is watching out for him just like he watches out for us all. So I'll take the small steps today and be glad with that. Another positive today, my AH got a call for some work the next few days. He got right up this morning, no complaining. Just happy to be out the door and busy.
Hope everyone has a calm, peaceful weekend. Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Glad the therapy session went well for your ah. Sounds like you are handling the situation well. Sometimes I find it so hard to take it one day at a time--I want the situation fixed and in my own time. I know HP has a greater plan and one that will take care of everything, it's just hard to stay focused on that sometimes!! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking care of what you can take care of.
Sounds like you guys are doing great. I can really relate to the "growth from the midst of conflict" statement. When I hit my bottom, If she would have just been imediately "fixed". I would have never begun this journey to really understand and work on me.
As ridiculous as it sounds, I am grateful that I was messed up enough to need this program. LOL
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
that's great for your AH - glad he is sharing with the counselor & then to voluntarily share with you - i'm so glad for both of you.
keep taking care of yourself - realizing that you have grown a lot in your time of recovery & you are exactly where you HP wants you to be - in the loving care of His hands.
Love & hugs, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
The A I live with has treatment for chronic hepatitis that may be affecting his moods. I know he has an ace medical team helping him and monitoring his symptoms. My martyr/caretaker stuff is still in there. I say very little to him but I still think about what he "should" do. I guess recovery comes in stages. I hope someday to put myself as the center of my existence. I know much of my behavior and compulsion comes from being a child who had to deny most of my needs in order to survive. I felt so neglected and abandoned by my family of origin I was determined I'd care about those around me. The issue for me is that I care more about them than I do about myself and the effort to constantly re-focus on me is so so hard.
