The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So over the past year I have struggled to understand and surrender to the fact that my wifes drinking is beyond my control. Just when I get a handle on that... she has appearantly started going to the outpatient treatment program here in town.
I say appearantly because I don't have any proof, other that that is where she said she was going when she dropped off our Son after work yesterday.
So I went crazy last night wondering ...
- did she go? - what did they say? - what do I do now? - what does she think about it? (would I believe that) - blah, blah, blah
When I realized what I was doing... I had to stop and laugh at myself. I want so much for her to get help... I want it to be perfect. How rediculous.
If she's going... then she did what she said she was going to do. No more no less, and there is nothing I can really do.
I chaired the meeting again yesterday and we had some newcomers. Someone suggested we do readings and shares on Acceptance. THAT CAME IN HANDY...LOL
Hope everyone is doing well today!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
isn't that just like our A's - we begin to accept where they are, what's going on & boom they throw a kink in it!! Well i guess that's life.
Acceptance good topic - glad you did the next right thing- go to a meeting, chair a meeting - taking care of you! i'm sure you helped those newcomers just like you help us.
will continue with good thoughts & prayers that your wife did go to the outpatient program & that the "light" comes on for her with the love of her HP.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Morning! I found that letting go was the hardest part because yes I couldn't control my A and his behavior but in some ways it could affect my life in more ways than just the drinking/using. I spent so much of my time playing what I refer to as the "what if" game. I still work at letting go everyday. I told my mother in-law one time I was practicing "let go, let God" she said you can do that but remember you have to trust God is going to do what is right for that person and quit trying to interupt his work! LOL That made so much sense to me, how could my HP do what was right for me and my A if I wasn't allowing it to happen by trying to "fix" things myself. Hang in there, it does all come together. My A is still actively drinking however he has used in over 7 months, he really is trying to share his life with me......when things started changing with him almost 2 years after I started working on me, it was a scarey thing! Change is scarey, then the "what if" game started again. I am so happy to be right where I am now. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs Mary
Keep holding on to what you know works buddy. You've done such an admiral job. Personally, I feel this particular area can be even more of a rollercoaster for us. We can't help but hope, especially when we see that little pinhole of light. I hope for you (and your A) that the pinhole continues to grow, but always be prepared to be thrown in to the darkness again.
Keep a back up (plan B) flashlight (program) handy :)
You're awesome!!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Isn't that so strange? You finally accept that they maybe won't ever try to get help, then when you think they do or they say they are, your mind goes nuts again! I experienced that when AH went to his first AA meeting after getting the DUI, I was frantic wondering whether he got anything out of it, what he said, etc.... I truly could not concentrate on my work and felt so worried and nervous. The truth is we have no control over anything, including whether they are going to "get" anything out of treatment. All I did was pray again and pray and pray some more that he finds his path.
I pray that this is the turning point for you and your A, that there is a glimmer of hope that she will see if she is going, (or if not, at least she is thinking about it?) and she will find her path also!!!
I certainly know where you are right now. Hoping that the A will do as they say they will, and then wondering if it the effort is genuine or contrived for more manipulation. Know one can be sure accept for the A and HP. I have to constantly remind myself that I can only guess what is going through my A's heart and mind, but I believe that HP already knows what my A needs. At the most difficult times in my life I realize that my HP was waiting on me to surrender that which I have no control over. As much as I hope my A will get a glimmer of hope and recovery in his heart, only he can make those decisions to let go and choose a new way of life. You will know eventually how thins ae going for your AW, its the actions before the words and the small changes. You are doing great and taking care of you, and that is the most important thing.
Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thank you for sharing this! Just what I needed right now too!
I find it thoroughly amazing that more often than not, what I need in my recovery shows up at the perfect moment...much like the suggested topic of acceptance for you. Definitely someone more powerful in the works and guiding us!
((((((((((((rTx)))))))))) I love the honesty of your posts. And how you are working the 3 A's in your program. Thanks for sharing how that lightbulb of Awareness went on for you as you were thinking about your AW. And it was so great that your HP gave you "HANDY!" reminders re Acceptance right then! Thanks much for sharing this ESH. I could relate and it made me smile. Yours in recovery, emma
Well i guess that's life. 