The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My journey to happiness, it’s not something that fell into my lap complete, I had to earn it, and once I grasped the knowledge, the tools I needed to facilitate my power, my will over situations, I found just as I had become expert on self pity and control, I could learn to become an expert on happiness.Oh I thought I was a long suffering co who deserved a medal, Oh I knew the answer to everything every ones problems, my addiction to control equalled that of any substance I could have chosen to self medicate with.Isms were me.God sat watching me and cringed when he saw me go head long into self destruction time and time again, he waited and watched as I struggled to realise that my life is mine and mine a lone, and he continued to watch closely as I exhausted every avenue I thought would be the answer to my demise.God was crafty too, he kept sending me little advantages reminders pointers hint’s, he sent me a beautiful daughter and he sat back and watched me as I didn’t recognise those gift’s, he got frustrated at the rules of the game I wasn’t learning.I was losing badly so again he put more gentle persuasion in my way, I know what he was doing he was guiding me trying to help me find my own path, but I couldn’t, I was too proud to say, hey God, help me please, I’m struggling here, I can’t do this. But then I hit my rock bottom and I did say, please God help me, I need you, and to my amazement he heard me. God took a big sigh of relief, at last he thought! about time too.So I let go and let God, he kind of let me though, because he didn’t like the competition, he had to laugh, he’d won, well to be honest, we both had.So now with me out of the way he can cast a watchful eye over other’s that struggle, and his job is a little easier because he’s got me to help him too.He’ll be ever so pleased I figured out for myself that nothing is free in this life, and it didn’t take me long to cotton on to the fact that it’s better to give than receive, and I feel it is my thank you to him, to help others, but only if they ask me to.For those that know me, you will remember, that when I first began this journey I was impatient I wanted all the answers yesterday, I was being greedy, God knew I wouldn’t cope with too much too soon, he has to make sure that what he does give I will take good care of and appreciate, he hasn’t got time for me to get it wrong again, he’s already put in over time for me.So now what for me, well, I have had 27 years living with my active A, who is now inearly sobriety, God laugh’s he’s always going to have trouble with us, when every now and then he see’s me trying to throw his game, he does one of two things, he sends me something nice or he kicks my @ss, I have learnt the hard way, I’m not going to win god, you see he’s been around too long, he’s seenit all before.God won’t mind me saying any of this, he’s proud of me, so these day’s I try to keep my head quite empty, if I get too much in there it’s chaos, I know now I’m only as good as my actions, it’s enough in a day to take care of me, it’s not any of my business to medal in anyone’s else’s life, and I’m sooooooo glad that God stood by me, and I have to concede he won the game fare and square!But I won the lottery of life. Katy x
