The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Riding my Bike!When my life had become unmanageable and my husband had started to bring all and Sundry home for me to sleep with, I got mad and made a plan, I would learn to ride a motorbike and ride off into the sunset with the first man that would have me, in my mind that was a good idea because I thought hell if it’s ok for my A to chose men for me and he doesn’t see any wrong in it, it can’t be wrong, so I’ll find one of my own. And so I did, I learned to ride a motorbike passed my test and fell head over heels in love with my riding instructor, I thought this is good, just the man I’m looking for, we can ride off into the sunset together, nope wrong, there were little things I’d over looked, like he had someone already, damn I didn’t reckon on that, and then there was this wanting to love me back, no I didn’t want that either, all I wanted to do was love him get it out of my system and that was that, but it didn’t feel right it was hurting me more, I started to think ot ow , I’m getting it wrong again, so after much heart felt soul searching I knew I had to let that idea go, BUT, the riding into the Sunset, that was still an option for me, so that’s what I started to do.And then, I thought how some day’s on my bike I can take those corners like a dream, I get the line just right, slow in fast out, no braking at the wrong moment and I feel a lovely sense of achievement, I respect my machine because I know it has the potential to kill me though, and so I always respect, that fact, I ‘m reminded then on a day when I just can’t get it rightwhen I’m wobbly and indecisive and I get the line all wrong, too fast in, brake at the wrong point and I come out of the bend shaky, but then this happened only last week, I got the line wrong and I was not happy with my cornering at all, but know what? There was a big lump of mud on that road, it’s anybodies guess, but I like to think if I hadn’t got the line all wrong that day, it could have been goodnight Vienna for me, Irony, getting it wrong was doing it right that day and probably saved my life.And I just want to talk about counter steering, for love nor money I could not get the concept of that, peeps were telling me I was more than likely doing it without realising it, I found that quite bizarre to be told I could I be doing something I was so desperate to do without knowing it, now that would be madness, I googled it, read books, sat in a chair doing the actions and I thought someones having a laugh here, how can you push to pull, so I it was hurting my head and the more effort I put in the more confused I got, so I thought bugger it I can’t do it, I might be doing it alreday and not knowing I’m doing it, I’m just not bothered, and guess what, I did do it, and I had been doing it, now your going to be thinking how did that happen aren’t ya, and know what I haven’t thought about that yet.Katy psI am dyslexhic too, I think I’m very lucky, I have kind of two lives running side by side, my dyslexhic one and then another one which challenges the dyslexhic person inside me, When I was on that conveyer belt being put together by God, as I had gone by he realised he missed a bit out and so he gave me a bit more, he kind of gave me too much if you like, think that’s why I short circuit sometimes and trip out, but God’s a great electrician!
Thanks for your insight. What I take from your share is that sometimes what we envision in our minds as the 'right' way really isn't the right way at all! Whenever I envision the 'way I think it should be' I run into road blocks, traffic jams, ect... it can be very discouraging, but I believe that's God's way of saying...oops not this way, you need to go that way...way up that mountain, we can't see what's on the other side of the mountain until we get there and then we can look down and see that 'our way' would have never led us to 'God's way' The way of hope, strength, beauty and love... Isn't that what we all want?
I've got a "Riding my bike" story also and it is full of HP of the spiritual kind. I found out that the margin between getting it right and having it go wrong is the space where HP does the controlling. That's not all my "bike" story.
5:30 pm heading back to the office on my bike and remembered some paperwork at home that I need to get. Did a turn around just a mile from my home and got onto a downhill ess in traffic. Some of the overhead street lights were out. I was on a two lane that splits under a railroad tressle. I was slow. The car up a head stops in the tunnel at the groin. The light goes on in the car and I see a little blonde headed child tumble out the back door. (all in about 15 second) The mother exits the driverside and runs around the back to retrieve her child and the car in front of me goes into a drift. My thoughts...T-Bone him? take the right berm with a high curb and...? Shoot the left lane chance missing the groin and staying out of a pool of water in the road in which case if I spill the red slammed Camaro to my left rear will have me for lunch and someone writes my obit! Lay it down? Foot brake, pulled over on my left side front wheel turned right...too slow and the left rear peg hits the pavement and pitches me to the right while I grab the front brake to make the whole thing stop. Chain grabs my right pant leg and boot and sucks it back between the frame and wheel. I am down in the street with a broken ankle going into shock and angry as hell that I don't have my freedom of self determination anymore. There will be a new wave of traffic racing down the street and ess turn each driver thinking that they are Juan Fangio at LeMans and my butt is over...I think.
Then something strange happens I know I am going into shock and am in fear and so I say that out loud as if I know that God is already there and I hear this response, "You are no longer hurting you are healing." I seem to know that this is what my body and mind are trying to do and God is telling me the accident is over, so I calm down. The guy in front of me that I was afraid of T-boning comes running to help and so does a guy that was jogging above on the railroad tracks...both are EMTs off duty!! My fear starts to grow because now I am helpless and dependent and I have always shunned asking for help and so I say inwardly, "I am afraid" and the response is "Go with them, let them help you." I let them pick me up and take me to the high curb where they lay me down head downhill and that was uncomfortable and strange. I am relaxed yet still on the edge of shock and there are people all around yelling to get my bike off the road that another wave of traffic is coming. I let go of my bike and move toward shock. I can hear the sirens coming and His voice says, "Use your ki" at which I almost start laughing. I use to practice the maritial arts and never thought of God being involved or interested during those troubled times. "What do you know of the maritial arts"? I asked but move toward the suggestion and when I did I felt a contact from the center of my spirit straight up into the night.
Two EMTs jumped off the ambulance and ran over to start checking me out. I was asked three times if I had hit my head on the street. I was not wearing a helmet. I had not so I replied three times that way. One of the men kept asking his partner for my vital signs after each question about hitting my head. Finally the EMT that was checking my vitals told me. "Sir you have just been in an accident and have a broken ankle. Other than that there is nothing wrong with you." Some friends in program came and took care of my bike and then followed me to the hospital. I would be in surgery in 10 hours. I felt no pain in my ankle or leg or body. When the surgeon suggested that he would attempt to set the ankle before surgery and without anesthesia my response made him change his mind. At 2 am I went into surgery and at 5 I was woke up to take my morphine pills. I refused even after they insisted and I won. At 10 am the surgeon came in and tried to scold me for not taking my morphine because an ankle surgery of this time was most painful. I told him I didn't because I felt no pain at all. He looked at me and said, "There is something strange that is also going on here. I am a teaching surgeon with a very good reputation. I do good work. I can show you were I put the 6 pins and screws in your ankle but I cannot show you why." He held up the xrays taken after the surgery and there was no sign of a break at all. "I am good he said but I am not this good."
A few minutes later my anesthesiologist came in and surprise, surprise it was a man I sponsored in the program and he was very very apologic about my sore throat saying that the tubes in my face are smaller than normal and that he had made three attempts to get the equipment attached properly even to the point of having to kneel on the operating table and almost pushing my body off it. "I am sure that there is brusing and tearing and I am sorry for that." I told him that I knew of the small facial tubes and that I had radium treatment as a child to intentionally shrink the canals in my face but I had no pain and felt no tearing or brusing.
It took about 6 months to be free of the cast. Not one milligram of pain control not even a cast itch. I have a high tollance for pain and I've never had a broken ankle, peg spike to the shin and other road rash where ever it was as a result of this accident.
As I look back and inventory the whole thing, start to stop, it was all about the margin that God works within and who He uses and what He can do (even the unimaginable "use your ki" suggestion) to assure me that stuff can happen and there is nothing wrong with me and nothing ever happens in my life that is outside the presence of God.
This story is longer and goes on for months after as it touches other aspects of my life however my spiritual confidence was strengthend so much from that night on that I found there is nothing that goes awry in my life that I should be afraid of it and that whether I am on my bike, in my car, flying an airplane or just standing still I am and never have been outside of the margin that God operates in. And neither are the rest of us who have the courage to reach out and ask for help.
Just an aside to this. The surgeon mentioned, in his opinion, that if I had not had my riding boots on the chain and wheel would have severed the foot. I had zip up boots on but not my riding boots. So much for our opinions heh?
Wow you made me go goose bumps,reading that, it's funny but when I was sick and belive me I have been sick, I would have read that and thought oh dear how awful, but you made me smile oh the irony jeez, arn't we the lucky one's eh? I never thought In a million years I could look back at my sorry life and thank god for it, all the things that hurt me so are the things that drive me now, it's peeps like you I need on my front row thanks for that.
Jerry F, I have two bikes a sports bike and an off roader when it's too bad to ride my best bike I go off road and scare myself half to death, the thing was when I was doing that, it took my mind off my troubles, but you know what? My biking hasn't half given me some wisdom, I've been riding now for oh, four years now, and I'm out rain or shine, putting hours of ridning under my belt, and I was thinking today my life seemed to get better when my riding skills did too, for instance when I first passed my test I would shoot into a parking space with no clue how I would get out again, I've parked on slopes and have had to garb my bike as it's tried to roll off the stand, I've hurtled along ruts off road and been chucked off times till it makes you stop and think, bloody hell this hurts, or jeez is there an easier way, well now I plan a head or have a back up plan, it gives me more time to ride and less time to struggle or visit a&e! Katy
