The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to thankyou for those who wrote me, although not alot like I see some get for deaths, it meant a great deal to me as a new member. I dont chat room, cant write fast enough to reply (remember Im very disabled person)and cannot use my dragon speaker much right now due to only half a diaphragm. I appreciate all you 10 have been through, but I must say losing not only my sister (who didnt get the chance to live a good long life, or my nephew who was so young all in one month of each other, was enough to plow down even the strongest, and Im very strong person.I Miss my brother who died and my sister who died and my nephew who died and my grandma who died ALL right before Xmas when they passed. I dont have alot to offer any of you, Im a very compassionate person, never a follower, never going to contact my other alcoholic sister who stole my identity, I dont feel obligated to take care of what little is left of family, no cousins, no aunts, no uncles.
I have to say Alanon isnt so great really, spending so much time talking about Anomity (sp) and like they have all been there since before God, no one ever offering to talk to you, no one offering to be a sponser of any sort, just talk about where meetings are,how much money is in the pot as they pass around the hat so to speak and people looking so lost but everyone spending 70% of a mtg talking about" Anomity" that just donest work for me, truth is truth it is what it is,it should be VERY diffrent, I understand in chatrooms and on an internet you need that more for obvious reasons, but I think people need a friendly atmosphere and at least SOMEWHAT of an openess to make it work, that only worked when I went back in the late 70s for my other sister, so NO alanon mtgs for me, who really cares, the ONLY one left I acutally cared about is DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD, can I bring her back NO NO NO NO I cannot, the other one will die the same way, I dont care anymore, Im sitting here fighting for my fricken life and they are dying from shoving Alcohol down thier throat and there really is NO place in the world for someone like me who has been criticly ill for so long having to be in the position of taking care of someone I loved so dearly , YES because I chose to, we DO chose it you know that Im sure I dont regret chosing that for one minute, I knew I couldnt save her anymore, but that donest lessen ones severe pain and agony of losing one of the only people you truly love left in your family that has died off one by one from nuerolgical disease like myself, to alcohol and to Murder.
One thing I did CHOSE well, is in my husband I could never have married an Alcoholic I do know that, now if I didnt know at the time and was really young I could see it, but I married him at 31 and while dating we were equal in our drinking (I just couldnt handle alot of alcohol, nor him) and my sister either, then it all closed in, her boyfreind beating her, our parents bizarre behavior our whole lives, her nuerological Disease ( yes many of us died of nuero disease), I TOTALLY get it but it donest change the fact that shes DEAD!.
I know shes with me EVERY day, we still feel the love between us, were still taking care of each other just as we did as children and I do know her spirit is with God and she is so loved and shes loving me 24/7.
I hope all of you who suffer, know that there is always someone out there who loves you, be it a freind, a sibling, a parent, a grandparent, your child, a spouse, and God.
If you need a freind Im here to talk to, I wont BS you at all, its not my way but will give you my ear and heart and hand and I wont let go unless you ask.
I can't say that I know how u feel; but I am almost 58 and have been through some losses. Pain is pain and there's nothing easy about it. I also have lost my mom and sister and many others.
My love and prayers are with you. I'm glad you're here!
thankyou Irish it was so sweet of you to write me right away like that, and my sympathy for your losses also. Ive been on boards for many many years due to my health and it can be quite isloating for me at times, you see its extremly difficult for those of us wheelchair, or criticly ill to fit into Ablebodied worlds let alone dealing with tragedy and no way to just " GET OUT! and work,exercise, take a walk (whats that!) or even make friendships, Im glad I chose the freinds that I did, they are lovley caring women, healthy but have an understanding that I cant just go places when and wherever I feel like to let off steam or get physical to release the emotions, it can take its toll and so they make the effort to do so and so does my husband and my oldest daughter who is almost 21 now, shes soo much fun, I also have 12 year old daughter who is so busy with school and sports that hubby takes her to, my oldest lives away now but comes home (half hour away) to see me each week and go out with me, she takes me to the mall or for coffee and we just laugh and laugh, she awlays has said Im her BESTFREIND! and its true. My 12 year old likes to bake with me, bless her heart shes a hyper little gal but so excited about life, I raised them to love and give back to others and what they saw me going through with my sister was so painful for them watching thier aunt decinigrate that way all the while watching me thier mother on massive tubes thier whole lives in and out of ICU they are strong girls and my heart.
My husband is taking me on a few short trips, I NEVER travel so Im thrilled and need the break, we will gon second honeymoon in March and I cannot wait just to California.
Im taking an art class and just framed my first piece, I made apromise that I would do a dream of mine, my sister and I had many dreams so Im finally doing one I told her about and I know she would be proud that I am doing it becaseu I have NEVER painted a thing in my whole life unless you count finger painting in kindergarten,ha,ha,ha,ha, its the most Peaceful thing Ive done in years and we signed me up for next session, its therapy for me, Im the baby in the class with mostly 60-80 years old but they ALL look so healthy its just no fair, but Im happy they are slower than 20 years olds at least,ha,ha.
Well Ive rambled enough to bore you tonight, jsut wanted to talk and no one on here really knows me enough to probably want to write but I dont care , Im here and talking and glad you read m y post.
"I hope all of you who suffer, know that there is always someone out there who loves you..."
THose are your words Little Sister, and please DO remember that there are thousands here who love you. Friendship here on MIP is just a click away. No we have not all suffered the tremendous grief that you have, losing so many family members in such a short time, but we offer comfort, love, and support.
AlAnon is not for everyone, but I do think you might try another group to see if other people can meet your needs a little better. I will not offer you any advice or attempt to tell you what to do. If you are a spiritual person, you will be shown the way. And faith works miracles. I hope that you have a faith to lean on. Grief is an ongoing, sometimes long process, each step of which you must work through, and with time, you will see the light at the other end of the tunnel.
I wish you well. Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
thanks Diva (GREAT picture you have there),first I dont compare amounts people suffer everyones pain is their own I feel, but Ive never been known as a whiner over small things, dont have the time or the Luxery quite frankly, thats a treat I dont know anylonger but I live for each day not for the week, the month or the year, just cannot again thats a luxery, Im grateful each morning I wake up that I get another day to live and love and learn. Im very spiritual person, so was my sister, and I have a deep deep belief in God, funny you even asked me that acutally, as I find it odd that a person (not just myself) would be on deaths bed over and over and over and over for 10 years and NOT find a belief, that would be amazing to me yet I know my brother was that way I think even up until he died , I dont fear much or anyone but I DO fear drugs and alcohol when its used in addiction and completly alters apersons personality and makes them act insane, yup! that Im afraid of. I hope I can down the road possibly find a new group , dont care to currently but I do know the Alanon rules and steps, how I apply them will come in time, I dont feel I have to be on a schedule of any sort, greif is a persons own, personaly Ive never had this much and I dont like it one bit but I DO know that time is agreat healer and Gods time is not the same as OUR time.
Have a good night and sleep well Diva thanks for your thoughts and post to me I appreciate it. Sis
I just wanted to give you a (((((hug))))) and my sympathies for your losses.
As my friend Diva said, maybe another Alanon group may be better suited. What you described doesn't sound quite right. I'd hate to see you not get what you need from this program and all it has to offer.
I hope you can visit a meeting in the chatroom, or just come in to talk or have a few laughs (that happens too).
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Sorry Little Sis, that the things I said seemed to be the wrong things to say, or the wrong way to say them. My response was from the heart, and I truly do wish you well. Come back often, Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I am so sorry you have been through so much. I know the feeling of loss of loved ones and it's difficult to say the least. I have lost both of my parents and my sister, my only sibling. The grieving process can be long and hard, but it gets better and I am stronger and more focused for having gone through it with loving familiy and friends.
I am so happy you come here and post. I know it helps and please know I care. I hope you find the peace you so deserve, my friend. You have my deepest sympathy for your loss.
You are quite welcome my sister! I hope you will indeed keep coming back and that somehow God will someday show you "great and mighty things" in your life!!!
I read a lot of pain in your post as many of us are in. I am a firm believer that no person's pain out weights another. It is pain! It hurts! Each one of us handle it differently. Big or small as it may seem, it effects us differently.
Several years ago, I lost many people who were close to me, in a very short amount of time. One who had a congential disease, motorcycle crash, AIDS, someone hit by a drunk driver, and three others all related to alcohol. The first three were 3 people I was very close with. I went into shut down mode after losing them. I closed everyone out, including the people in my life that needed me to fall apart on them. I learned that there wasn't a thing anyone could say or do to make me feel any better. It just took time. I was angry, hurt, lonely, and bitter.
After much grief....I realized I stopped living. The term, "life must go on." Yeah it must because I am here right now. Do I live the rest of my life in misery because someone left earlier than I felt they should? All along knowing this is a part of life and some day it will be me. I learned how to start living again. Honor the loved ones memory and make my life about me! My life shouldn't revolve around another's life, it should revolved around my life. I don't mean that in the self-centered sense. I mean, I grieved and grieved over something completely out of my control. I lost people. My family had lost me. It was time to get my life back.
I too have been wronged by a person. I refuse to carry the resentment with that. I forgive those that wrong me. Doesn't mean I have to invite the person back for more, but I no longer give it power to dominate my thoughts and my life. That person could very well just be in the middle of their illness. I do believe with many, if they could change a lot of what the do, they cerntainly would. I think we are all doing the best we can. The best we are able to at that moment.
When I stopped judging what everyone in the program was or wasn't doing.....I got busy and got better. The steps changed my life. My program is about honesty and the honesty had to start with me. Not everyone gets it. I wish many would. "there is no situation to hopeless.....no pain that can't be lessened" if we are willing to give ourselves to it and quit fighting it.
I read your post about your sister. I prayed that day for peace for all who are concerned. I still am praying for all who are concerned. I may not respond to everyone's post about someone's pain or loss. My words will not be the magic words to make it better. So, I pray.
good morning, and a hearty thankyou to you all, your good people and its very nice to meet you. DIVA no I didnt take anything wrong you said at all, totally know it was from your heart. I forgot who wrote about pain?? sorry it slips names quickly in this brain (smile), anyways thats what I was saying also, everyones pain is thier own, I dont compare, we each Own our own pain and it affects us all diffrently. Boy my first real postings are not being read correctly, that makes me terribly sad when coming for support or to talk, but thats the computer, you really cant tell what is being said very well, but I think for the most part I speak fairly well as possible being a brain injured person, sorry if you were reading things into my note, theres nothing to read into it, it just is as is, death, pain and terrible back to back loss no more no less and I know many others here have experinenced the same and you have my deepest sympathy and empathy. Again it takes me a while to sit here and write so Chat rooms are very difficult for me.
I really appreciate your taking the time to write me with all of your own Alcoholism issues, thats the one thing we have in common.
Have a lovley day and while you may not know me I felt touched by your own plights and wept last night feeling your pain.
I will just write on my own forums where my posts are understood, Im just too ill to have to worry about how Im writing things, but thankyou so much for all you did give.
I'm truly sorry you feel the people here don't meet your needs. You commented that you only got 10 responses. I think 10 responses is great. 10 people took the time to offer comfort and relate to you. Again on this post you got caring responses. One person apologized incase you had taken her words wrong and assured you they were from her heart. Out of all these responses you focused on that one, and decided no one understood you here.
jsut wanted to talk and no one on here really knows me enough to probably want to write but I dont care
ust wanted to thank you for those who wrote me, although not alot like I see some get for deaths
I will just write on my own forums where my posts are understood, Im just too ill to have to worry about how Im writing things.
See a pattern?
This is our disease. Either not feeling worthy or the "poor me" syndrome. Many have reached out to you but we cannot force you to take our hand..
"When the student is ready the teacher will appear".
I hope you choose to stay and heal.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
We are all here for one common purpose, to share our experience, strength and hope. I hope you continue to come back here and wish for you to find the love, friendship and family that many of us have found on this board and in chat.
I know I could not have made it without the wonderful people I have been priviledged enough to meet in here.
((((my sister)))) want to just send you a (((BigHuG))) Sending prayers and warm thoughts to you to feel better. I too lost my mother recently, she was someone that I loved very much, was a very "good friend" to me.
I know as days pass your going to become stronger. Find a place of peace within. I do hope you keep coming back. Though all of us may not understand we do love you and want to help. ES&H is how we relate our feelings and each of us.....(*I am ) in complete hope of helping in some small way, when I do get up enough gumption (push myself ~) to share (to post) ES&H. Please don't give up on us. Please keep posting. Keep Looking Forward Keep Looking UP!
, and my sympathy for your losses also. Ive been on boards for many many years due to my health and it can be quite isloating for me at times, you see its extremly difficult for those of us wheelchair, or criticly ill to fit into Ablebodied worlds let alone dealing with tragedy and no way to just " GET OUT! and work,exercise, take a walk (whats that!) or even make friendships, Im glad I chose the freinds that I did, they are lovley caring women, healthy but have an understanding that I cant just go places when and wherever I feel like to let off steam or get physical to release the emotions, it can take its toll and so they make the effort to do so and so does my husband and my oldest daughter who is almost 21 now, shes soo much fun, I also have 12 year old daughter who is so busy with school and sports that hubby takes her to, my oldest lives away now but comes home (half hour away) to see me each week and go out with me, she takes me to the mall or for coffee and we just laugh and laugh, she awlays has said Im her BESTFREIND! and its true. My 12 year old likes to bake with me, bless her heart shes a hyper little gal but so excited about life, I raised them to love and give back to others and what they saw me going through with my sister was so painful for them watching thier aunt decinigrate that way all the while watching me thier mother on massive tubes thier whole lives in and out of ICU they are strong girls and my heart.
HuG))) Sending prayers and warm thoughts to you to feel better. I too lost my mother recently, she was someone that I loved very much, was a very "good friend" to me.
Find a place of peace within. 
I do hope you keep coming back. 
Though all of us may not understand we do love you and want to help. ES&H
is how we relate our feelings and each of us.....(*I am ) in complete hope of helping in some small way, when I do get up enough gumption (push myself ~) to share (to post) ES&H. Please don't give up on us. 
Please keep posting. 
Keep Looking Forward 
Keep Looking UP
!