Feeling a little down... - Al-Anon Family Group

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Feeling a little down...

Cucamonga · Veteran Member

A wise old lady I never met before walked over to me at the car wash the other day...my worries must have been written on my face, anyway she said...you know, as long as you don't give up, you will win.

ally · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((((((((((((nmike)))))))))))))))))

I have been in your situation many a time. I believe we have two wee guys on our shoulders. One telling us to lie down and give up. The other telling us to stand up and fight. We have a choice. It's up to us what one we chose. (lol) (okay i dont really believe that, but it sounds good...lol)

I think we get to a place where we have had enough, and that gives us the courage to keep going. Wishing you all the best.

Your friend in recovery

Ally

hersh · ~*Service Worker*~

Nancy:

I'm sorry you are feeling down. It is all too common a feeling with our As. Prayer really really helps me. Even when you don't feel like praying, pray. Pray for a positive outlook, pray for strength in all situations. Pray for feeling peaceful and joyful, even when you don't. I have found that eventually my good life came back. I really still have the feelings of, "what if", "what am I doing" and most often "what is HE doing" that I know I shouldn't even be worried about. But in these times of trouble, we do get stronger, we do realize that life is short, and we can make the best of what WE have. I don't think that we ever get "there", it is a journey that is up and down, the rolling hills of life, with the barbs and the joys. To sit in the moment and try to have a better attitude and better outlook, no matter what is going on, is the goal for me today. Sit with the pain, joy, loneliness, hurt, and realize that it is what it is, and we choose to take it miserably or not.

As someone once told me at a f2f meeting (and it really made me mad but I really appreciate it now) "Happiness is on the menu". It really is, and you can make your own, no matter what anyone else is doing.

I pray that you find solace and serenity in your life, and I pray that you and your ex can be peaceful together and it won't seem so strained, for you and his sake and also for your kids's sake. That is really hard.

Love, HeidiXXX

tea2 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((( Nancy )))))
Just wanted to give you extra hugs
I too have days where I feel a little down – back to step one.
I sometimes feel resentful because I feel I am the only one trying to be the responsible. I can see how this disease (of the A) creeps up in my life.
The way I see it is you can be grateful that you are able to be the responsible one with this and I bet your sons are as well

I know you know, This will pass

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Nancy))))),

Oh sigh.... I've been where you are more times than I can count. Sometimes we need to have to go backwards in order to go foward. Hard to get those little gremilins out of your head. Sometimes I have to shake my head till they come out. Here's hoping things will look up for you soon. Hang in there you're doing fine.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

drucilla06 · Senior Member

((((((((((nancy)))))))))

So sorry you're having one of THOSE days.How common they are for me now as well.This Alanon journey can certainly be painful but on the other side of the pain is a better life.Just wanted to let you know the 4th step is where I hit all my garbage and also where I have had most of my growth.It's when we finally look honestly at ourselves that real change can come.For so many years I always left Alanon when I had to look at me.I just couldn't do it,it was too painful, too empty.
I was forced to finally do it with my AH's decision to end the marriage.I came here first.I read and read and read the posts.I went to the online meetings every day,sometimes twice a day.Then I got the courage to post and I got such wonderful and encouraging responses.There was much work going on outside of MIP also,however.I was already a believer in God but I started to seek him more through working the first three steps.
I think the biggest change has been finding ME.I can't say finding me AGAIN because I don't remember when I ever HAD a me,except when I was a child.My whole life it seems has been about someone else.I have learned I have power to take care of me and that God is also taking care of me behind the scenes where I cannot see what is going on.I have learned that I MATTER just as much as anyone else on this earth.
I have a God box and I write things on pieces of paper and put them in there and shut the lid as a symbolic way to let go and let God.
Yesterday I read something that said other people are not holding the key to our happiness.They do not have it as a gift wrapped and tied with a bow that we must wait for them to hand us so we can finally be happy.WE have that gift and we are the only ones who can give it to us.
I think that you want your ex AH to take away your pain and give you something to hang onto.To validate that all those years you gave to him were not a waste and that he appreciates all you did and gave.I understand that.I wanted that too.I have never gotten that,in fact whenever I try to talk to my soon to be ex AH about it,he gets angry and doesn't want to talk about it.So I gave it to myself.Those years were NOT a waste.I loved him and took care of him and gave him my best.I lived my life the best way I knew how to at the time.I became very sick from his disease and it blinded me to my enabling and caretaking. and controlling.He has resentments too I am sure about that.He hates to be controlled and he lost respect for me because I mothered and enabled.That is garbage HE will have to work out himself.I'm sure your husband is dealing with that as well.We were all affected by this disease and we all made mistakes in our sickness.We cannot change anything but we can learn from it and move on.It does not have to keep us sick unless we let it.We can choose recovery.We can choose to let go and forgive.Forgiving does not mean what they did was right.It just means we are not going to let it eat away at our self esteem and our happiness,our chance for joy.They do not owe us anything for the years we gave...we gave them freely,we had choices.I know I made many in sickness but they were still my choices.
Nancy, I sense that you are so close to finding what you are searching for.But you must move away the fog,the garbage,the resentments,so you can see clearly.Seek the truth.You are worth it.He does not have it.He is on his own path now and you are on yours.I beleive alcoholics have a different reality than non-a's do and perhaps......never the twain shall meet.
A better life is ahead for you but you have to work for it.I believe we can block our own happiness by staying stuck in the mire of the disease.

much love, your friend in recovery dru

-- Edited by drucilla06 at 15:20, 2007-01-31

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