The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been able to post or check in because my A is not working and sits at the computer all day. Things have not been going well. Our car needs work that isn't even going to start untill monday. It will be expensive and take at least another week. My husband drives the thing for a living, so he has been out of work for one week so far. He doesn't seem to mind. He hasn't attempted any sort of financial compensation, insisting this is just one of those things you can't do anything about. Our back-up car is a classic that looks good and runs like crap- needs work. Work that he wont do, he just lays around. We have no money. I had to juggle between my kids friend's parents for rides to the school. They smile and say "sure" but I know it is an inconvienance, as they have to backtrack to get to us in the morning and I really do not know them that well. He doesn't seem to care if they go to school or not. I have looking for work- no luck. Not even a call back so far. I don't know why. There is nothing wrong with me. I have been perfect for every job I applied for. On top of that we are all sick with a cold. On the plus side he is not drunk drivng!
Despite the verbal abuse and lack of food and opportunity, I'm still trying to be a good mom and I haven't broken into sobs yet, I know things will get better. I'm just afraid of how bad they will get before they do. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
the truest truth of your post: things will get better. hang in there, sister, we've all been down on our luck at some point. when you rely on the A, sober or not, life sure does get harder for us. have you been working on a Plan B? sounds like you are working on getting out there into the workforce... that's great! that takes courage. i understand the awful pressure of putting some responsibilities on the A. but hey, he fathered your children. is it possible to have a low key conversation with him about where things are headed, and what goals should be accomplished on some sort of timeline?
here for ya, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
On the plus side of not working, you have some time, so take some of it to do things for yourself. It doesn't cost anything to take a long bath, or a long walk, to cuddle up with the kids and read to them, or play cards or board games, or to play in the snow. If he is surly and hard to be around, try to get out as much as you can - most public libraries have free internet access. I found that listening to books on tape from the library with my headphones was a lifesaver - I would go around the house doing my work listening to a good book, and wouldn't even hear him unless he spoke right to me. As much as possible, work on enjoying your life whether he joins in or not, and on doing things, even very small things, to improve your life, again whether he joins in or not. Having an A around can drag us down, but not without our permission.
For all that is going on in your life, you're doing really well. I know it sounds like everything hits at once. I have been there, and just when I thought that it would never end, it did. Somehow the managed to come out. It always does. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. We're here for you.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all for your kind messages, I have been spending some quality kid time at home and on walks. I really like the idea of listening to a book on tape around the house- it will spare me from those snide comments and curb my need to talk to him. I have tried to have a "what's going on" sort of conversation with him, I very gently suggested that he be "a little more proactive" and he flipped out- yelling, swearing, name calling. Things have been better since. He's alwas nice after he freaks out, it's like an extended apology where he doesn't have to actually apologize. Whatever. He got what he wanted, I quit bugging him.
CJ wrote: have you been working on a Plan B?
It may sound silly but I would like to know about this plan B I keep hearing about. Is it a program thing that I don't know about because I haven't made it to an actual meeting where I hook up with a sponsor... Or is it that instinct I get sometimes to grab the kids and hop in a cab to a plane to my hometown and knock on my old best friend's door that I haven't seen in forever and put it all the credit card? I know that isn't a very good plan B, but thast's all I got!
Hey, thanks for listening...or reading. I always feel better when I'm here. Jamie
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 22:27, 2007-01-28
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
managed to come out. It always does. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. We're here for you.