Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

brownmf · brownmf

My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi all I am doing good my A is still at his mother's house. He has tryed to turn all the utilitly off but I have them all back on. He has called every night this week but last night. I would ask him want he wanted and after he would tell me I would just hang up the phone. He took his name off the rent arreament and...

maresie · maresie

One of my biggest issues with all my relationships was rushing in. I rushed right in with the ex A. In fact one of my best friends cautioned me and said she would not stand by me while I did it. I couldn't understand what she was talking about after all why not. Now when I meet men I wait and wait and wait an...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family))))), Since many of you might be travelling today and will be busy tomorrow, I just wanted to take a moment to wish my Alanon family A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I know this time of year can be tough on us. This is my first holiday without my dear hubby Tim. I miss him so much everyday. I know h...

slowlearner · slowlearner

The stress is already beginning to start. I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now) Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in. My AH's family get together is on Thursday...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Dear MIP Family, Just a short post to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you that participates on this board. I have learned so much from each of you. I wish a wonderful Thanksgiving break for all, full of peace, love and most importantly, serenity. Love, Rocky

shellyj123 · shellyj123

First of all I would like to wish all my MIP family a very Blessed Thanksgiving:) May the day be exactly the day you need it to be filled with wonderful things. I am reminded today to thank all of you for all your help and sharing, to be grateful that I found MIP and to count all the blessings in my life-eve...

Jill · Jill

This is just me - I see "I'm sorry" in response to something causingone of us to struggle. When I see that, I think - well, you didn't cause it so you don't need to be sorry. You didn't cause it and you can't change it. Do any of you ever hear the disembodied voice in the phone prompt tell you it's...

Moonshadow · Moonshadow

I am new here and so lost. Short History first. I was with my "A" seven years. We are currently not together because of his family. His Mother died last April and his sisters stepped in and he had to move to the family farm or they would have taken his inheratance and I was banned from the farm. T...

brownmf · brownmf

My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hi Everyone, Somebody is listening out there. Considering I had never been on a real date until a couple weeks ago, when I said I was ready *PooF* Oppurtunities are falling out of the sky. I have fear, don't get me wrong this is kind of fun, just bringing up new issues to work out in my head and with my HP an...

LEEA · LEEA

I have noticed alot of new members on this site. Getting through the holidays is going to be rough for me, and I assume others. Are there any tips from you more "experienced" members that you wouldn't mind passing on? Thank you in advance.

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

realize that I will react to people when they hurt me. I used to be a doormat and not do anything. Then somewhere along the line I became so resentful from holding it all in I think that I now snap at people because they are hurting me. I don't deserve to be hurt but other people don't deserve it either just be...

Sincerely · Sincerely

Chaos vs Order I am having trouble today with Chaos. And other peoples Chaos. I can take care of me and have ORDER. Stress free and take care of business. I just can't stand the Chaos of other people being scatterbrained. I mean, come on...get it together, right? OH..just venting! Thanks all!

debilyn · debilyn

The insurance guy came,took pictures then says, "I will bill you." !!!!!! yay!!! Hp is so good. It felt good yesterday and last night to be serene and KNOW everything will be ok no matter what. When I woke up the feather bed and dogs and cats felt so nice. warm, safe. I asked him what he thought I...

charlescharles · charlescharles

hello all..its been a while since i have posted here...i am still sober and going to meetings...even working for the first time in years...so in that respect all is fairly well my relationship is still an ongoing uncertainty allthough it has improved four thousand percent since i have gotten sober....

doublesmommy · doublesmommy

A quick recap. I posted months ago that I thought my H was an alcoholic. He left me and the kids in February for another woman etc. Anyway late last week he told me that he can finally admit that he is an alcoholic. did I know how much he was drinking? He claims he has been to a few AA meetings and at those me...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Hi Friends, I want to share with you a song that is very powerful to me. Actually, it would be a great theme song for MIP. Even the title of the album, "We Need Each Other" fits perfectly. The song is called "Whatever You're Doing" and is a wonderful message about the power of HP. I en...

queenie105 · queenie105

Hi All, Well remember last week I said I was gonna deal with my AH till he dies, well I'm not meaning to sound mean at all, but I guess there ain't gonna be such luck. I am so upset with myself right now, I don't know how to get out of it. AH has, of course, been drinking steadily worse and worse since last week...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

OK so, living with active AH but needing to disentangle. Been trying hard, we are cordial but don't touch eachother for many months now. He knows I want it over. He is being too nice but everyday he goes through my stuff. I think he's looking for money. He's broke. He has beewn pawning stuff. Sleeps all da...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity???? Well this one wasn't that hard for me.......I've always believed just gave up when things didn't go the way I thought they should-lol, all those unanswered prayers made me think that my happiness just wasn't muc...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

http://coping.org/control/detach.htm The above website has an excellent worksheet on detachment along with other issues we deal with on a daily basis such as anger. We have used this worksheet in two different f2f meetings that I attend and have found it extremely helpful. You will find some w...

Diva · Diva

Why is it so many people cannot express themselves without the repeated use of the "f" word? So, ok; I have heard it before, but does that mean I have to be continually assaulted with the trashiest, most disgusting word the English language has produced? Have I missed something? Is thi...

Diva · Diva

"You are exactly where you are supposed to be"? This is a phrase that has always befuddled me. What does it mean? If I am hurting, angry, depressed, dejected, and lost, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. If I am standing atop a tall building contemplating the jump, I am NOT where I am suppos...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

As I read and reread that step I think back to the past. During my marriage to AH I was beaten and mentally abused for years. My life defined the definition of insanity-yet I kept doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. After divorce I thought No Alcoholic=No problem for me...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well for those who have followed my life saga on here-you know that ABF dumped me-the hoot of it was he did it at the Dairy Queen. That was Friday the 14th and I've been in a serious state of depression since then. I do feel better and am sleeping better now also. Ex ABF and I saw one another the Sunday...

Wittsend · Wittsend

My husband has been to 6 or so AA meetings. The first time for him. After the meeting, he drinks in the car before coming home. From what I can get from him, the 12 steips aren't discussed at the meetings he's been to. I'm extremely disappointed. I know he's going to the meetings, he picks u...

debilyn · debilyn

My friend just told me AH was in the paper. I said,dead?!Oh boy he is so sick. How has he stayed alive this long???? Here is the report:Crash, arrests Police responded to a two-vehicle collision at 4:07 p.m. Thursday at Queen Avenue and Oak Street S.E., and arrested both drivers. According to police,...

amy · amy

This site has been wonderful for me to look at each night. I hope I can one day be of some support to others also. My father was a chronic alcoholic and I have found out now after 14 years of marriage(not good) that he and my codependent mom did have a large effect on me. I married someone a lot like my father,...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear All, step-mother A buried over a week now and my father has planned christmas in the hotel with my son and his girl friend. I think its a great idea. he brings up the topic of alcohol to me a lot. I tell him I have no control over that but that mr. jameson or whatever whisky he is talking about is not his bu...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello Everyone, I was just unpacking a few boxes of books and came across one that I do not think I have ever seen anyone give a thumbs up to here. "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken. It really helped me, I had admitted i was powerless over addictions, I had no choice I had tried everyt...

mimi2 · mimi2

I found out today that my husband has a live-in girlfriend. We have been separated 3 years, however, for the first two were trying to work things out. After 8 years of progressive drinking after a 12 year period of sobriety, my AH became sober again and began AA meetings with a vengence. I had high hopes t...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

Someday I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I know troubles and issues will always come up there is no such thing as perfect life is not perfect and never will be. I am not expecting some kind of miracle. I do believe that in time things will get better. Things will never be perfect but I fee...

debilyn · debilyn

U2 - With Or Without You See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails he makes me wait And I wait without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting...

soconfused · soconfused

This sucks. I found myself replying to Roxannes post earlier saying I knew how she felt and to put yourself first, ect ect. Now I am sobbing and wondering if I am worth carrying on. I talked w/ him tonight. He tells me that he doesn't want to be w/ me anymore. It's healthier for both of us. Healthy? He wants t...

roxanne · roxanne

i am confused on how i let go of someone & the past when they have meant soo much to me. i know my ah doesn't care about me. its very very obvious. but that doesn't mean that i don't love him or don't know that he sober could be everything i have ever wanted in life. everyone in the family says i just nee...

kam1974 · kam1974

Hello! I am fairly new to al anon (started f2f meetings in August). I am so grateful to have come to the program. It is making such a difference in my everyday life living with active alcoholism. I am learning s many strategies that are helping me to get a moment or two of serenity here and there..lol On...

hopeful123 · hopeful123

I have had a rough week and am feeling lonely. My new realization is that I am alone way too much and it stinks. My friends are all in relationships and not necessarily around or available as much as I wish they were. It's not only that, though, bc even if they were around, I am still alone at night and in t...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Well I liked him, he liked me. Great date ... then "I was in a long distance relationship" turned to "It is ending soon" to "I don't know how, she is an old friend". Well ... crap. I did the next best step, and explained kindly but firmly that I am not going to play that game...

Jen · Jen

Hi Family! I went to a great meeting last night. The topic was on keeping the foundation strong. The sharing wandered through the topic of triggers, having a plan, how patient this disease is. The holiday season is often like a big huge trigger for many of us. I would like to suggest to all of you that...

StargazerLily · StargazerLily

I feel so numb. I'm trying so hard to not feel this pain. I'm grieving over the breakup of my family. I had a fantasy about Thanksgiving that will not happen. I invited my alcoholic parents to Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws. They refused. My mother tried to manipulate me into making the dinner at my ho...

bluerose · bluerose

I just had a visit from my ex AH (3 years ex)! I posted a week ago about his sudden change in attitude. Tonight he came to my home to explain...how he had a bad childhood, parents were alcoholics, he saw violence between his parents, he was abused, he started drinking very young, he has had memories retur...

brownmf · brownmf

I'm new to Al-anon. I started going at the end of last month because I found out my qualifier had started using again. I knew when I began dating him that he had a past of addiction, but I foolishly beleived he was through that and back on the straight & narrow. Silly me. He told me at the end of last month...

slowlearner · slowlearner

An amazing thing happened to me today but also made me feel sad - but then again not alone. I brought my two elderly aunts and my mother to a baby shower today. It was a two hour drive so many things were discussed. They got into the discussion of how they grew up with an alcoholic father (my grandfather)...

Rora · Rora

My aH and I have been separated for 4 wks now. He's decided to stay with his older daughter. He says that he hopes for a future for us. That he would like to be together. But not at this time. That we both need time to work on ourselves. I felt that way too, but now that he's come to this way of thinking and he'...

intothewoods · intothewoods

*** WARNING: There are some very ugly things in this post. I was in a very bad place when I wrote this and I'm not trying to bring anbody down, but this is only place I felt I could go. If you don't want to deal with negativity, please don't read any further.*** I know I shouldn't focus on my alcoholic and live...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I've been doing the reading and practicing the steps but still need to go to a meeting. I've been trying to take one step at a time and small steps too. But I find myself frozen in indecision. I'm a person who doesn't like change - I like my comfort zones and trying to move out of these zones is uncomfort...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Today, God, help me let go of my resistance. Help me know the pain of a circumstance will stop hurting so much if I accept it. I have been thinking about resistance quite a bit lately. It was a massive hallmark of me prior to al-anon. What is resistance for? When did it become my MO? Did I choose this? H...

CJ · CJ

Hi all... Life is good, yet tiring. My son is happy and healthy, poops a lot, screams a lot, etc etc... the usual baby appetizers. My partner and I are doing very well, both of us working our program and doing the best we can. I ran a meeting yesterday, and it felt good to understand that life is what I make...

Suzannah · Suzannah

I want to give thanks today for the wonderful support and all the encouragement that I have received from this truly amazing and loving family. NEVER have I been embraced and encouraged and loved in the way this family has demonstrated to me that love can be tasted and experienced, given and shared. I...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Big realization this morning upon waking up- if it isn't "here" in this moment, I must not need it! HA! HP knows me waaay better than I know myself. HP gives me exactly what I need at the moment I need it. I am feeling a huge relief as this surrendering flows through me! YAY! All I need to do...

lmw · lmw

When I drove my A to detox in April, I told him it was the last time. I've done it over and over and over again. I made it clear it was the last time. I can't help him any more. About an hour ago, I got an email he sent this afternoon. He's been drinking since Wednesday, and got "discharged" f...

Ash · Ash

I started reading the Al anon literature and i find myself relieved and saddened that i relate almost completely. i think i learned this behavior from my mother. i read through the first part of step three. while i do know that there is a loving and caring master of the universe my confusion lies here:...

Codependent · Codependent

Went to family birthday dinner and A was there suprisingly. My son was happy to see him, but I was painfully aware that he still makes me nervous. He still makes me rethink everything I said to him and if I sounded insecure or confrontational...wondering what he thought of me. He even sent me a text me...

photogirl1989 · photogirl1989

I know I just posted, but, I've had an idea that my mother hasn't been staying sober, and after during some snooping, I found 2 almost-empty bottles of wine hidden in the dining room. I'm furious, hurt, depressed, heartbroken. I've done confrontations in the past. I've yelled. I've cried. I've throw...

AlvinG · AlvinG

Hell o everyone, All this is very new to me and I mean Al-anon. My son has been dabling in drugs & alcohol since he was a teenager. I believe he woke up and realized that drugs were killing him but he has not stopped with the alochol. He does not believe that alcohol is bad for him and that it is also ruinin...

photogirl1989 · photogirl1989

I have never been to an AlAnon meeting and I know I should but I go to school fulltime and am expecting my first child this december so I haven't been able to find the time. I am 19, so I still live at home. My mother is an alcoholic. I really have no idea how long its been a problem, but its been brought into the s...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi I am starting to take care of me. After my last post I got my AH to talk with his mother. I had to go to with hiom to talk to her to see of he could stay with her for the next two to four week until he can get in to this houseing program that he has been looking on too. Not a good sence but I did not get up set and let h...

soconfused · soconfused

I ended it again. It seems as if I am breaking up w/ A and then going back more than I wash my hair these days. I know it's the right thing to walk away, but I love him. Sad excuse when A has destroyed most of my esteem, finances and sanity...but I do. I wonder why, why do I love him? I really cannot answer that hon...

hopeful123 · hopeful123

In my last post, someone responded with the quote:ACCEPTANCE IS the answer to ALL my problems today. This speaks VOLUMES to me today. My ex ABF has taken it upon himself to try to put me over the edge this week, either purposefully or not. I have no idea. He contacted me Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. ...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Relating (Preview) My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...	brownmf	2	316	Nov 28, 2008 by Jen
	sharing (Preview) Hi all I am doing good my A is still at his mother's house. He has tryed to turn all the utilitly off but I have them all back on. He has called every night this week but last night. I would ask him want he wanted and after he would tell me I would just hang up the phone. He took his name off the rent arreament and...	smileycat	2	340	Nov 28, 2008 by maire rua
	Not acting out (Preview) One of my biggest issues with all my relationships was rushing in. I rushed right in with the ex A. In fact one of my best friends cautioned me and said she would not stand by me while I did it. I couldn't understand what she was talking about after all why not. Now when I meet men I wait and wait and wait an...	maresie	5	360	Nov 28, 2008 by Faith73
	Happy Thanksgiving! (Preview) (((((Family))))), Since many of you might be travelling today and will be busy tomorrow, I just wanted to take a moment to wish my Alanon family A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I know this time of year can be tough on us. This is my first holiday without my dear hubby Tim. I miss him so much everyday. I know h...	Karilynn	6	696	Nov 28, 2008 by CJ
	How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting! (Preview) The stress is already beginning to start. I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now) Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in. My AH's family get together is on Thursday...	slowlearner	4	533	Nov 27, 2008 by debilyn
	Grateful Heart (Preview) Dear MIP Family, Just a short post to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you that participates on this board. I have learned so much from each of you. I wish a wonderful Thanksgiving break for all, full of peace, love and most importantly, serenity. Love, Rocky	Rocky38	0	286	Nov 27, 2008 by Rocky38
	A mixed up day~ (Preview) First of all I would like to wish all my MIP family a very Blessed Thanksgiving:) May the day be exactly the day you need it to be filled with wonderful things. I am reminded today to thank all of you for all your help and sharing, to be grateful that I found MIP and to count all the blessings in my life-eve...	shellyj123	1	358	Nov 27, 2008 by abbyal
	reacting to "I'm sorry" & the 3 Cs (Preview) This is just me - I see "I'm sorry" in response to something causingone of us to struggle. When I see that, I think - well, you didn't cause it so you don't need to be sorry. You didn't cause it and you can't change it. Do any of you ever hear the disembodied voice in the phone prompt tell you it's...	Jill	1	628	Nov 27, 2008 by abbyal
	New to this site and lost. (Preview) I am new here and so lost. Short History first. I was with my "A" seven years. We are currently not together because of his family. His Mother died last April and his sisters stepped in and he had to move to the family farm or they would have taken his inheratance and I was banned from the farm. T...	Moonshadow	6	554	Nov 27, 2008 by Moonshadow
	Relating (Preview) My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...	brownmf	2	495	Nov 27, 2008 by roxanne
	The mental aftermath .. trust and scary issues (Preview) Hi Everyone, Somebody is listening out there. Considering I had never been on a real date until a couple weeks ago, when I said I was ready PooF Oppurtunities are falling out of the sky. I have fear, don't get me wrong this is kind of fun, just bringing up new issues to work out in my head and with my HP an...	Jennifer	5	529	Nov 26, 2008 by Jennifer
	Any tips for getting through the Holidays? (Preview) I have noticed alot of new members on this site. Getting through the holidays is going to be rough for me, and I assume others. Are there any tips from you more "experienced" members that you wouldn't mind passing on? Thank you in advance.	LEEA	8	2508	Nov 26, 2008 by abbyal
	Step 8 share (Preview) realize that I will react to people when they hurt me. I used to be a doormat and not do anything. Then somewhere along the line I became so resentful from holding it all in I think that I now snap at people because they are hurting me. I don't deserve to be hurt but other people don't deserve it either just be...	christinajeanne	2	342	Nov 26, 2008 by maresie
	Chaos vs Order (Preview) Chaos vs Order I am having trouble today with Chaos. And other peoples Chaos. I can take care of me and have ORDER. Stress free and take care of business. I just can't stand the Chaos of other people being scatterbrained. I mean, come on...get it together, right? OH..just venting! Thanks all!	Sincerely	5	1056	Nov 26, 2008 by Sincerely
	another day. update (Preview) The insurance guy came,took pictures then says, "I will bill you." !!!!!! yay!!! Hp is so good. It felt good yesterday and last night to be serene and KNOW everything will be ok no matter what. When I woke up the feather bed and dogs and cats felt so nice. warm, safe. I asked him what he thought I...	debilyn	3	470	Nov 26, 2008 by maresie
	wondering what to do (Preview) hello all..its been a while since i have posted here...i am still sober and going to meetings...even working for the first time in years...so in that respect all is fairly well my relationship is still an ongoing uncertainty allthough it has improved four thousand percent since i have gotten sober....	charlescharles	7	447	Nov 26, 2008 by Karilynn
	he claims (Preview) A quick recap. I posted months ago that I thought my H was an alcoholic. He left me and the kids in February for another woman etc. Anyway late last week he told me that he can finally admit that he is an alcoholic. did I know how much he was drinking? He claims he has been to a few AA meetings and at those me...	doublesmommy	8	544	Nov 26, 2008 by blender_girl
	for us (Preview) Hi Friends, I want to share with you a song that is very powerful to me. Actually, it would be a great theme song for MIP. Even the title of the album, "We Need Each Other" fits perfectly. The song is called "Whatever You're Doing" and is a wonderful message about the power of HP. I en...	Loupiness	0	314	Nov 26, 2008 by Loupiness
	I've Turned Down HP's Help One Too Many Times I Guess - Really Bummed Today (Preview) Hi All, Well remember last week I said I was gonna deal with my AH till he dies, well I'm not meaning to sound mean at all, but I guess there ain't gonna be such luck. I am so upset with myself right now, I don't know how to get out of it. AH has, of course, been drinking steadily worse and worse since last week...	queenie105	7	406	Nov 26, 2008 by LEEA
	nervous and sad (Preview) OK so, living with active AH but needing to disentangle. Been trying hard, we are cordial but don't touch eachother for many months now. He knows I want it over. He is being too nice but everyday he goes through my stuff. I think he's looking for money. He's broke. He has beewn pawning stuff. Sleeps all da...	RainyJamie	7	575	Nov 25, 2008 by debilyn
	Step 2 Share....I believe! (Preview) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity???? Well this one wasn't that hard for me.......I've always believed just gave up when things didn't go the way I thought they should-lol, all those unanswered prayers made me think that my happiness just wasn't muc...	shellyj123	3	473	Nov 25, 2008 by canadianguy
	Detachment (Preview) http://coping.org/control/detach.htm The above website has an excellent worksheet on detachment along with other issues we deal with on a daily basis such as anger. We have used this worksheet in two different f2f meetings that I attend and have found it extremely helpful. You will find some w...	Mobirdie	3	1094	Nov 25, 2008 by Mobirdie
	Amazes me....(a bit off the topic) (Preview) Why is it so many people cannot express themselves without the repeated use of the "f" word? So, ok; I have heard it before, but does that mean I have to be continually assaulted with the trashiest, most disgusting word the English language has produced? Have I missed something? Is thi...	Diva	7	622	Nov 25, 2008 by norwood
	What is meant by the phrase.... (Preview) "You are exactly where you are supposed to be"? This is a phrase that has always befuddled me. What does it mean? If I am hurting, angry, depressed, dejected, and lost, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. If I am standing atop a tall building contemplating the jump, I am NOT where I am suppos...	Diva	10	825	Nov 25, 2008 by norwood
	My life had become unmanageable~ (Preview) As I read and reread that step I think back to the past. During my marriage to AH I was beaten and mentally abused for years. My life defined the definition of insanity-yet I kept doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. After divorce I thought No Alcoholic=No problem for me...	shellyj123	1	567	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	REALLY need some help-online sponser needed BADLY-PLEASE HELP (Preview) Well for those who have followed my life saga on here-you know that ABF dumped me-the hoot of it was he did it at the Dairy Queen. That was Friday the 14th and I've been in a serious state of depression since then. I do feel better and am sleeping better now also. Ex ABF and I saw one another the Sunday...	shellyj123	3	583	Nov 25, 2008 by shellyj123
	After AA meetings, he drinks in the car (Preview) My husband has been to 6 or so AA meetings. The first time for him. After the meeting, he drinks in the car before coming home. From what I can get from him, the 12 steips aren't discussed at the meetings he's been to. I'm extremely disappointed. I know he's going to the meetings, he picks u...	Wittsend	10	3082	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	Some heavy, obstacles and news hit me today (Preview) My friend just told me AH was in the paper. I said,dead?!Oh boy he is so sick. How has he stayed alive this long???? Here is the report:Crash, arrests Police responded to a two-vehicle collision at 4:07 p.m. Thursday at Queen Avenue and Oak Street S.E., and arrested both drivers. According to police,...	debilyn	7	611	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	Short intro and question about detaching...thank you in advance for your support (Preview) This site has been wonderful for me to look at each night. I hope I can one day be of some support to others also. My father was a chronic alcoholic and I have found out now after 14 years of marriage(not good) that he and my codependent mom did have a large effect on me. I married someone a lot like my father,...	amy	7	564	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	re:update (Preview) Dear All, step-mother A buried over a week now and my father has planned christmas in the hotel with my son and his girl friend. I think its a great idea. he brings up the topic of alcohol to me a lot. I tell him I have no control over that but that mr. jameson or whatever whisky he is talking about is not his bu...	maire rua	2	472	Nov 25, 2008 by maresie
	Thumbs up book swap (Preview) Hello Everyone, I was just unpacking a few boxes of books and came across one that I do not think I have ever seen anyone give a thumbs up to here. "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken. It really helped me, I had admitted i was powerless over addictions, I had no choice I had tried everyt...	Jennifer	8	425	Nov 25, 2008 by slowlearner
	I'm Afraid and Ready to Give Up (Preview) I found out today that my husband has a live-in girlfriend. We have been separated 3 years, however, for the first two were trying to work things out. After 8 years of progressive drinking after a 12 year period of sobriety, my AH became sober again and began AA meetings with a vengence. I had high hopes t...	mimi2	10	546	Nov 25, 2008 by LEEA
	Time heals all? (Preview) Someday I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I know troubles and issues will always come up there is no such thing as perfect life is not perfect and never will be. I am not expecting some kind of miracle. I do believe that in time things will get better. Things will never be perfect but I fee...	christinajeanne	4	349	Nov 25, 2008 by christinajeanne
	This is the knot in my gut in words (Preview) U2 - With Or Without You See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails he makes me wait And I wait without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting...	debilyn	4	503	Nov 24, 2008 by debilyn
	i'm so sad (Preview) This sucks. I found myself replying to Roxannes post earlier saying I knew how she felt and to put yourself first, ect ect. Now I am sobbing and wondering if I am worth carrying on. I talked w/ him tonight. He tells me that he doesn't want to be w/ me anymore. It's healthier for both of us. Healthy? He wants t...	soconfused	6	554	Nov 24, 2008 by Jen
	how do i let go? (Preview) i am confused on how i let go of someone & the past when they have meant soo much to me. i know my ah doesn't care about me. its very very obvious. but that doesn't mean that i don't love him or don't know that he sober could be everything i have ever wanted in life. everyone in the family says i just nee...	roxanne	6	485	Nov 24, 2008 by maresie
	When you find your alcoholic spouse has been drinking when caring for your children (Preview) Hello! I am fairly new to al anon (started f2f meetings in August). I am so grateful to have come to the program. It is making such a difference in my everyday life living with active alcoholism. I am learning s many strategies that are helping me to get a moment or two of serenity here and there..lol On...	kam1974	7	441	Nov 23, 2008 by kam1974
	Lonely (Preview) I have had a rough week and am feeling lonely. My new realization is that I am alone way too much and it stinks. My friends are all in relationships and not necessarily around or available as much as I wish they were. It's not only that, though, bc even if they were around, I am still alone at night and in t...	hopeful123	5	393	Nov 23, 2008 by hopeful123
	Well crap ... but I did it (Preview) Well I liked him, he liked me. Great date ... then "I was in a long distance relationship" turned to "It is ending soon" to "I don't know how, she is an old friend". Well ... crap. I did the next best step, and explained kindly but firmly that I am not going to play that game...	Jennifer	6	530	Nov 23, 2008 by Jen
	Last nights meeting topic (Preview) Hi Family! I went to a great meeting last night. The topic was on keeping the foundation strong. The sharing wandered through the topic of triggers, having a plan, how patient this disease is. The holiday season is often like a big huge trigger for many of us. I would like to suggest to all of you that...	Jen	2	424	Nov 23, 2008 by Jean4444
	Numb (Preview) I feel so numb. I'm trying so hard to not feel this pain. I'm grieving over the breakup of my family. I had a fantasy about Thanksgiving that will not happen. I invited my alcoholic parents to Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws. They refused. My mother tried to manipulate me into making the dinner at my ho...	StargazerLily	5	397	Nov 23, 2008 by Jen
	Shaking my head..... (Preview) I just had a visit from my ex AH (3 years ex)! I posted a week ago about his sudden change in attitude. Tonight he came to my home to explain...how he had a bad childhood, parents were alcoholics, he saw violence between his parents, he was abused, he started drinking very young, he has had memories retur...	bluerose	6	428	Nov 23, 2008 by Diva
	ABF (Preview) I'm new to Al-anon. I started going at the end of last month because I found out my qualifier had started using again. I knew when I began dating him that he had a past of addiction, but I foolishly beleived he was through that and back on the straight & narrow. Silly me. He told me at the end of last month...	brownmf	2	530	Nov 23, 2008 by Jennifer
	An amazing thing happened today...... (Preview) An amazing thing happened to me today but also made me feel sad - but then again not alone. I brought my two elderly aunts and my mother to a baby shower today. It was a two hour drive so many things were discussed. They got into the discussion of how they grew up with an alcoholic father (my grandfather)...	slowlearner	3	467	Nov 23, 2008 by Jennifer
	Floundering? Me toooo...ugh (Preview) My aH and I have been separated for 4 wks now. He's decided to stay with his older daughter. He says that he hopes for a future for us. That he would like to be together. But not at this time. That we both need time to work on ourselves. I felt that way too, but now that he's come to this way of thinking and he'...	Rora	4	462	Nov 23, 2008 by Jerry F
	A confession in Anger and Sadness. (Preview) * WARNING: There are some very ugly things in this post. I was in a very bad place when I wrote this and I'm not trying to bring anbody down, but this is only place I felt I could go. If you don't want to deal with negativity, please don't read any further.* I know I shouldn't focus on my alcoholic and live...	intothewoods	9	482	Nov 22, 2008 by intothewoods
	Floundering and scared (Preview) I've been doing the reading and practicing the steps but still need to go to a meeting. I've been trying to take one step at a time and small steps too. But I find myself frozen in indecision. I'm a person who doesn't like change - I like my comfort zones and trying to move out of these zones is uncomfort...	slowlearner	5	367	Nov 22, 2008 by slowlearner
	one small prayer (Preview) Today, God, help me let go of my resistance. Help me know the pain of a circumstance will stop hurting so much if I accept it. I have been thinking about resistance quite a bit lately. It was a massive hallmark of me prior to al-anon. What is resistance for? When did it become my MO? Did I choose this? H...	Jean4444	3	476	Nov 22, 2008 by nmike
	working it cuz i am, and my family is, worth it (Preview) Hi all... Life is good, yet tiring. My son is happy and healthy, poops a lot, screams a lot, etc etc... the usual baby appetizers. My partner and I are doing very well, both of us working our program and doing the best we can. I ran a meeting yesterday, and it felt good to understand that life is what I make...	CJ	3	346	Nov 22, 2008 by nmike
	Embraced by humility (Preview) I want to give thanks today for the wonderful support and all the encouragement that I have received from this truly amazing and loving family. NEVER have I been embraced and encouraged and loved in the way this family has demonstrated to me that love can be tasted and experienced, given and shared. I...	Suzannah	1	336	Nov 22, 2008 by ddub
	If I ain't got it, I must not NEED it! (Preview) Big realization this morning upon waking up- if it isn't "here" in this moment, I must not need it! HA! HP knows me waaay better than I know myself. HP gives me exactly what I need at the moment I need it. I am feeling a huge relief as this surrendering flows through me! YAY! All I need to do...	Jean4444	5	350	Nov 22, 2008 by ddub
	The Merry Go Round Starts Again - I'm not getting on! (Preview) When I drove my A to detox in April, I told him it was the last time. I've done it over and over and over again. I made it clear it was the last time. I can't help him any more. About an hour ago, I got an email he sent this afternoon. He's been drinking since Wednesday, and got "discharged" f...	lmw	4	365	Nov 22, 2008 by maresie
	Clarify step 3 please (Preview) I started reading the Al anon literature and i find myself relieved and saddened that i relate almost completely. i think i learned this behavior from my mother. i read through the first part of step three. while i do know that there is a loving and caring master of the universe my confusion lies here:...	Ash	3	644	Nov 22, 2008 by maresie
	Birthday dinner (Preview) Went to family birthday dinner and A was there suprisingly. My son was happy to see him, but I was painfully aware that he still makes me nervous. He still makes me rethink everything I said to him and if I sounded insecure or confrontational...wondering what he thought of me. He even sent me a text me...	Codependent	3	371	Nov 22, 2008 by maresie
	How to confront an A after finding a bottle? (Preview) I know I just posted, but, I've had an idea that my mother hasn't been staying sober, and after during some snooping, I found 2 almost-empty bottles of wine hidden in the dining room. I'm furious, hurt, depressed, heartbroken. I've done confrontations in the past. I've yelled. I've cried. I've throw...	photogirl1989	3	391	Nov 22, 2008 by maresie
	Help with my 26 year old alcoholic son (Preview) Hell o everyone, All this is very new to me and I mean Al-anon. My son has been dabling in drugs & alcohol since he was a teenager. I believe he woke up and realized that drugs were killing him but he has not stopped with the alochol. He does not believe that alcohol is bad for him and that it is also ruinin...	AlvinG	7	2821	Nov 22, 2008 by Peggy7
	I'm new here. Please help me. (Preview) I have never been to an AlAnon meeting and I know I should but I go to school fulltime and am expecting my first child this december so I haven't been able to find the time. I am 19, so I still live at home. My mother is an alcoholic. I really have no idea how long its been a problem, but its been brought into the s...	photogirl1989	4	393	Nov 22, 2008 by afglin
	starting to take care of me (Preview) Hi I am starting to take care of me. After my last post I got my AH to talk with his mother. I had to go to with hiom to talk to her to see of he could stay with her for the next two to four week until he can get in to this houseing program that he has been looking on too. Not a good sence but I did not get up set and let h...	smileycat	4	492	Nov 21, 2008 by Jean4444
	why can I not let go? (Preview) I ended it again. It seems as if I am breaking up w/ A and then going back more than I wash my hair these days. I know it's the right thing to walk away, but I love him. Sad excuse when A has destroyed most of my esteem, finances and sanity...but I do. I wonder why, why do I love him? I really cannot answer that hon...	soconfused	6	626	Nov 21, 2008 by nmike
	ACCEPTANCE IS the answer to ALL my problems today (Preview) In my last post, someone responded with the quote:ACCEPTANCE IS the answer to ALL my problems today. This speaks VOLUMES to me today. My ex ABF has taken it upon himself to try to put me over the edge this week, either purposefully or not. I have no idea. He contacted me Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. ...	hopeful123	3	3874	Nov 21, 2008 by maresie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.