Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Safferchick · Safferchick

Hi guys, I am new here. I am 28 year old white female living in South Africa. I am a fun loving person who enjoys being with family and friends. I need your guys help desperately badly. If I dont do something about my drinking now it will become a major major problem. My dad loved to drink and if I dont st...

frustratedfriend2010 · frustratedfriend2010

So...I really just need to get this all off of my chest. I have a friend who is clearly an alcoholic. For awhile, I thought maybe it was just college and she would get it out of her system but it doesn't appear that way. She ended up in a relationship with a bad guy who verbally threatened her and pushed he...

Suzi1965 · Suzi1965

Hi Everyone! Im fairly new here and just finding my way around all that is offered here, but I have a question about the step board. I am not only new to this site but also new to Al-Anon, so I was very interested in the step board to help me learn as much as possible about the 12 steps and working them. When I...

balst19 · balst19

Hello, I am new to al-anon. I have a wonderful husband who grew up in an alcoholic family. We recently had our first child which has made our relationship with his family more complicated. My MIL is very volatile and we are constantly walking on egg shells around her. While she is the hardest to deal...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

This weekend I got very sick. Exabf and I still live together. I am looking for a place, but we have agreed to remain in the house and save money until the Bank informs us as to when we need to vacate. Our previous landlord had the property foreclosed upon and now the bank is the owner. It was a huge mess and w...

Codependent · Codependent

I know in my heart of hearts that the Addicts drug has nothing to do with why he is not in love with me and, ultimately, it is that rejection that I struggle with most.

wildthang86 · wildthang86

Things get crazy and out of control so fast around here. I just don't have a chance to catch up with them. Even when I am not part of the insanity it still drips over on me. I try to keep my distance when my son and AH start going at each other. My son is 19 going on 20 in a few days and I think is capable of dealing wi...

miss lucy · miss lucy

am pleased to report that AH hasnt had a drink for 3 days - a decision he took all by himself! He text me last night to see if i would watch a film with him - which i did. And it was great! We huddled infront of the TV just like in the days when we first met, missed most of the film because of his constant chat...

jasobel · jasobel

My A ex left 31 days ago. No matter how many meetings I go to, or how much I read, pray or talk to others, the pain is as raw as the day he left. In a recent relapse he started dating this woman who is also an alcoholic. He came back to me when he was sober, started AA again and then 3 weeks later went back to her beca...

intothewoods · intothewoods

A reading came up tonight, and I wanted to share it with the board. "Those who benefit most from [Al-Anon] have the courage to face their difficulties instead of hiding them in some dark corner of their minds, to set up a gnawing sickness of spirit." "Most of us think we know what our pro...

pineapple · pineapple

Today has been awful. Even though my A has been mostly sober for the last two days he was drunk at 9 am today. The worst part is that we get our water from a well and the well pump quit working three days ago. We bought and share our property in partnership with a friend. We have two acres and T (my A)and I have ou...

fishinmama · fishinmama

Good morning friends, I got sometime to practice step one yesterday...My son got a DUI. Both of my kids are keeping the court system busy and causing choas to swirl. He came in and apologized to me yesterday. I said I am sorry too...I am sorry you have to drag your self through this and cause yourself a...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

This week has proven to be a test of my program in many ways, and Im happy to say that I really think I worked my program good (for the most part) and finally set some boundaries for the first time in my life that I am happy with. Ive never been good at boundaries but this week it hit me-I CAN SET BOUNDARIES! I...

Codependent · Codependent

The A left for Rehab today. I did not call to say bye. I did not call his mom. I did not call and offer support. However, at the last minute I sent him a pic via phone of him and his kids. I'm not sure why...well, maybe I am. I guess it was a last minute reminder of me. A last minute attempt to get reaction....

fishinmama · fishinmama

Goodmorning family, Strange where the message comes from. Yesterday I was watching The Joy of Painting on OPB with Bob Ross. He paints with 2 - 4 inch brushes and quickly. Has a very happy different outlook - at least different from mine. He was talking about painting clouds in his picture and he sa...

DBROOKS5511 · DBROOKS5511

Hi, my name is Diana and I am 20 years old. I have been in an on and off again relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. He is EVERYTHING I would want in a man and I could definitely see myself marrying and starting a family with him, EXCEPT when he drinks. I am not sure if Al-Anon is right for me or not. Here is...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i read a sign a long time ago that has had a profound effect on me and stays with me to this day - you know the signs i mean? the cartoon type ones that are usually hung on the back of lavatory doors. In fact, if i remember correctly, it was on the back of my mum's lav door just after she split with schizo bf.......

Ness · Ness

My daughter, who became a single parent exactly one yr ago, when she asked her A husband to leave, has had the offer of not one job but two! One job is safe, (boring) well paid (with pension plan etc) but no chance for her to grow in her field. The other is with a vibrant, young dynamic company, 3 month trial...

idontknow · idontknow

i have a hard time with this--determining what is controlling vs putting up boundaries. I often feel like people are more trying to control me than vice versa. Like today, on a message board with one of my ex's. I have no relationship with him at all. (he dumped me--HARDCORE) Yet he constantly brings up...

Columbine 1122 · Columbine 1122

How do you begin to confront the feelings of losing a parent? I'm only 28 years old and my mom is gone. Forever. My mom was an alcoholic before I was even born. She used to think it was funny that she drank while she was pregnant with me and "my daughter turned out just fine!" I never thought...

intothewoods · intothewoods

The f2f meeting I *thought* was today is tomorrow. Well! One day at a time, right? Since there's no meeting for me, I thought I'd post here instead. I'm having mixed feelings that I need to let loose on the internet. Well... He went to a meeting with an addiction counselor today, and he got more info about...

Codependent · Codependent

My therapist says I have choices and just need to stop with all these "feelings" for him. "Feelings" of rejection. "Feelings" of wanting him. "Feelings" of preoccupation. How do you stop feelings?

regigse · regigse

Greetings everyone my name is Regina, I just joined your online al-anon message board. It surprises me that I did because I have been near al-anon before, and I didn't think I was enabler. I still am not sure that I am, but I do know that how I feel right now... Just about all of you have probably felt.....

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I want to run a situation by you and get some opinions. Last year we were supposed to go to Hawaii. We've been going every year for 10 years. We have a time-share there, so we don't every have to play for a place to stay. We bought 2 plane tickets and the 3rd one was p...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family)))), Life is too short not to dance around the house with our furry friends. So grab your pets, step away from the chaos and boogie down with them. You'll be surprised how much you smile. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. Much love and blessings to you and your families and of course, our pe...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hi all. i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog! BREAKTHROUGH #1. He never backs down. Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better. I was shocked to say the least. It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,.....

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I hope I'm not completely overstepping my posting boundaries here. Feel like I've been a posting demon the past week or so, but I guess this is my form of "sharing" outside of the rooms. For that I am SOOOO grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful members :) Last night, my exabf whom...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I am told to PRACTICE powerlessness. Practice Step one. How? In my mind I seem to resist this surrender. I feel if I do this than there is no way my exabf will want me back. Ibelieve that my struggling and fighting and trying to maintain some sort of control - somehow prevents pain? I am learning that power...

pineapple · pineapple

My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...

Raven68 · Raven68

I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.

Ness · Ness

Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...

Overcome · Overcome

I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...

Mattie · Mattie

I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...

Festfan · Festfan

Book reviews wanted... Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...

Festfan · Festfan

And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...

Mattie · Mattie

I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...

3littlekittens · 3littlekittens

Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...

John · John

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jasobel · jasobel

This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...

Carol_Lynn · Carol_Lynn

Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...

LSL · LSL

I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...

Dyinginside · Dyinginside

Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...

idontknow · idontknow

Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...

cassie · cassie

Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...

RLC · RLC

It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...

kitty · kitty

I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Urgent help (Preview) Hi guys, I am new here. I am 28 year old white female living in South Africa. I am a fun loving person who enjoys being with family and friends. I need your guys help desperately badly. If I dont do something about my drinking now it will become a major major problem. My dad loved to drink and if I dont st...	Safferchick	1	570	Jan 16, 2010 by ImFree2004
	I'm new... (Preview) So...I really just need to get this all off of my chest. I have a friend who is clearly an alcoholic. For awhile, I thought maybe it was just college and she would get it out of her system but it doesn't appear that way. She ended up in a relationship with a bad guy who verbally threatened her and pushed he...	frustratedfriend2010	13	1308	Jan 16, 2010 by Suzi1965
	Step Work Board Question (Preview) Hi Everyone! Im fairly new here and just finding my way around all that is offered here, but I have a question about the step board. I am not only new to this site but also new to Al-Anon, so I was very interested in the step board to help me learn as much as possible about the 12 steps and working them. When I...	Suzi1965	3	909	Jan 16, 2010 by Suzi1965
	New to al-anon - books? (Preview) Hello, I am new to al-anon. I have a wonderful husband who grew up in an alcoholic family. We recently had our first child which has made our relationship with his family more complicated. My MIL is very volatile and we are constantly walking on egg shells around her. While she is the hardest to deal...	balst19	7	1825	Jan 16, 2010 by pineapple
	Monitoring expectations (Preview) This weekend I got very sick. Exabf and I still live together. I am looking for a place, but we have agreed to remain in the house and save money until the Bank informs us as to when we need to vacate. Our previous landlord had the property foreclosed upon and now the bank is the owner. It was a huge mess and w...	RunnerChick	2	699	Jan 16, 2010 by woopsadaisy
	Sick or not he will still not want me.... (Preview) I know in my heart of hearts that the Addicts drug has nothing to do with why he is not in love with me and, ultimately, it is that rejection that I struggle with most.	Codependent	5	1021	Jan 15, 2010 by maresie
	When Will They Learn, to live together?!!! It's been 20 years now (Preview) Things get crazy and out of control so fast around here. I just don't have a chance to catch up with them. Even when I am not part of the insanity it still drips over on me. I try to keep my distance when my son and AH start going at each other. My son is 19 going on 20 in a few days and I think is capable of dealing wi...	wildthang86	6	1051	Jan 15, 2010 by maresie
	AH making a real effort! (Preview) am pleased to report that AH hasnt had a drink for 3 days - a decision he took all by himself! He text me last night to see if i would watch a film with him - which i did. And it was great! We huddled infront of the TV just like in the days when we first met, missed most of the film because of his constant chat...	miss lucy	4	937	Jan 15, 2010 by Tracy
	What to do with the pain of loss? (Preview) My A ex left 31 days ago. No matter how many meetings I go to, or how much I read, pray or talk to others, the pain is as raw as the day he left. In a recent relapse he started dating this woman who is also an alcoholic. He came back to me when he was sober, started AA again and then 3 weeks later went back to her beca...	jasobel	9	941	Jan 15, 2010 by Festfan
	putting our problems into words (Preview) A reading came up tonight, and I wanted to share it with the board. "Those who benefit most from [Al-Anon] have the courage to face their difficulties instead of hiding them in some dark corner of their minds, to set up a gnawing sickness of spirit." "Most of us think we know what our pro...	intothewoods	3	647	Jan 15, 2010 by idontknow
	In the middle (Preview) Today has been awful. Even though my A has been mostly sober for the last two days he was drunk at 9 am today. The worst part is that we get our water from a well and the well pump quit working three days ago. We bought and share our property in partnership with a friend. We have two acres and T (my A)and I have ou...	pineapple	5	786	Jan 15, 2010 by DreamsOver
	2 kids in the court system now...but I am so busy I can not join the choas (Preview) Good morning friends, I got sometime to practice step one yesterday...My son got a DUI. Both of my kids are keeping the court system busy and causing choas to swirl. He came in and apologized to me yesterday. I said I am sorry too...I am sorry you have to drag your self through this and cause yourself a...	fishinmama	4	889	Jan 15, 2010 by Festfan
	Living the serenity prayer....... (Preview) This week has proven to be a test of my program in many ways, and Im happy to say that I really think I worked my program good (for the most part) and finally set some boundaries for the first time in my life that I am happy with. Ive never been good at boundaries but this week it hit me-I CAN SET BOUNDARIES! I...	shellyj123	1	1561	Jan 15, 2010 by hotrod
	Reaction (Preview) The A left for Rehab today. I did not call to say bye. I did not call his mom. I did not call and offer support. However, at the last minute I sent him a pic via phone of him and his kids. I'm not sure why...well, maybe I am. I guess it was a last minute reminder of me. A last minute attempt to get reaction....	Codependent	3	902	Jan 14, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Clearer thoughts from an unlikely sourse (Preview) Goodmorning family, Strange where the message comes from. Yesterday I was watching The Joy of Painting on OPB with Bob Ross. He paints with 2 - 4 inch brushes and quickly. Has a very happy different outlook - at least different from mine. He was talking about painting clouds in his picture and he sa...	fishinmama	2	822	Jan 14, 2010 by miss lucy
	IS HE AN ALCOHOLIC?? (Preview) Hi, my name is Diana and I am 20 years old. I have been in an on and off again relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. He is EVERYTHING I would want in a man and I could definitely see myself marrying and starting a family with him, EXCEPT when he drinks. I am not sure if Al-Anon is right for me or not. Here is...	DBROOKS5511	12	1240	Jan 14, 2010 by Ness
	practising detatchment (Preview) i read a sign a long time ago that has had a profound effect on me and stays with me to this day - you know the signs i mean? the cartoon type ones that are usually hung on the back of lavatory doors. In fact, if i remember correctly, it was on the back of my mum's lav door just after she split with schizo bf.......	miss lucy	4	840	Jan 14, 2010 by miss lucy
	Good news (Preview) My daughter, who became a single parent exactly one yr ago, when she asked her A husband to leave, has had the offer of not one job but two! One job is safe, (boring) well paid (with pension plan etc) but no chance for her to grow in her field. The other is with a vibrant, young dynamic company, 3 month trial...	Ness	6	725	Jan 14, 2010 by Ness
	controlling vs boundaries (Preview) i have a hard time with this--determining what is controlling vs putting up boundaries. I often feel like people are more trying to control me than vice versa. Like today, on a message board with one of my ex's. I have no relationship with him at all. (he dumped me--HARDCORE) Yet he constantly brings up...	idontknow	8	2255	Jan 14, 2010 by Mattie
	My heart is breaking for my mom who passed away last month. (Preview) How do you begin to confront the feelings of losing a parent? I'm only 28 years old and my mom is gone. Forever. My mom was an alcoholic before I was even born. She used to think it was funny that she drank while she was pregnant with me and "my daughter turned out just fine!" I never thought...	Columbine 1122	12	1175	Jan 14, 2010 by Karilynn
	trying not to hope (Preview) The f2f meeting I thought was today is tomorrow. Well! One day at a time, right? Since there's no meeting for me, I thought I'd post here instead. I'm having mixed feelings that I need to let loose on the internet. Well... He went to a meeting with an addiction counselor today, and he got more info about...	intothewoods	9	894	Jan 14, 2010 by kitty
	Feelings (Preview) My therapist says I have choices and just need to stop with all these "feelings" for him. "Feelings" of rejection. "Feelings" of wanting him. "Feelings" of preoccupation. How do you stop feelings?	Codependent	3	814	Jan 14, 2010 by RunnerChick
	I just miss her so much... (Preview) Greetings everyone my name is Regina, I just joined your online al-anon message board. It surprises me that I did because I have been near al-anon before, and I didn't think I was enabler. I still am not sure that I am, but I do know that how I feel right now... Just about all of you have probably felt.....	regigse	4	952	Jan 14, 2010 by regigse
	Making Sacrifices? (Preview) I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I want to run a situation by you and get some opinions. Last year we were supposed to go to Hawaii. We've been going every year for 10 years. We have a time-share there, so we don't every have to play for a place to stay. We bought 2 plane tickets and the 3rd one was p...	N8SMOM	13	912	Jan 13, 2010 by N8SMOM
	Thought for the day... (Preview) (((((Family)))), Life is too short not to dance around the house with our furry friends. So grab your pets, step away from the chaos and boogie down with them. You'll be surprised how much you smile. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. Much love and blessings to you and your families and of course, our pe...	Karilynn	3	2578	Jan 13, 2010 by Christy
	hubby taking small steps every day (Preview) hi all. i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog! BREAKTHROUGH #1. He never backs down. Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better. I was shocked to say the least. It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,.....	miss lucy	4	1006	Jan 13, 2010 by miss lucy
	Does the 'Why' of it all, really matter? (Preview) I hope I'm not completely overstepping my posting boundaries here. Feel like I've been a posting demon the past week or so, but I guess this is my form of "sharing" outside of the rooms. For that I am SOOOO grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful members :) Last night, my exabf whom...	RunnerChick	8	1011	Jan 13, 2010 by Jerry F
	Illusion of Control, Powerlessness & practicing STEP ONE (Preview) I am told to PRACTICE powerlessness. Practice Step one. How? In my mind I seem to resist this surrender. I feel if I do this than there is no way my exabf will want me back. Ibelieve that my struggling and fighting and trying to maintain some sort of control - somehow prevents pain? I am learning that power...	RunnerChick	17	2061	Jan 13, 2010 by Charlie
	morning rambling (Preview) My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...	pineapple	3	660	Jan 13, 2010 by RLC
	Court Sentencing (Take 3) (Preview) Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...	N8SMOM	11	1280	Jan 13, 2010 by Tenderheartsks
	I really need help and a sponsor!!!!!!! (Preview) I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.	Raven68	2	648	Jan 13, 2010 by meg7
	A friend's sad loss. (Preview) Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...	Ness	10	924	Jan 13, 2010 by Ness
	Signs you need to get out of a relationship. (Preview) I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...	Overcome	10	1480	Jan 13, 2010 by lost one
	writing therapy (Preview) i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...	miss lucy	4	1232	Jan 12, 2010 by Jerry F
	Expectations... (Preview) Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...	Jerry F	6	1138	Jan 12, 2010 by Ness
	Limbo (Preview) Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...	intothewoods	9	1178	Jan 12, 2010 by suzydawn
	Quotes on Gratitude, Faith and Serenity (Preview) Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...	shellyj123	1	6821	Jan 12, 2010 by Jozie
	More on the breakthrough (Preview) I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...	Mattie	1	836	Jan 12, 2010 by kitty
	Daily Readings - where to start... (Preview) *Book reviews wanted...* Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...	Festfan	8	6474	Jan 12, 2010 by tea2
	question about addictive personalities (Preview) i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...	miss lucy	2	620	Jan 11, 2010 by miss lucy
	Finally had the "talk" with ABF... (Preview) And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...	Festfan	10	969	Jan 11, 2010 by Mattie
	Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up (Preview) Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...	blender_girl	3	848	Jan 11, 2010 by Debilyn
	Breakthrough realization (Preview) I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...	Mattie	5	991	Jan 11, 2010 by RunnerChick
	learning to take one step at at time (Preview) hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...	miss lucy	1	850	Jan 11, 2010 by RLC
	Need ESH on separation from AH and our children (Preview) Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...	3littlekittens	10	1004	Jan 11, 2010 by Nodaybut2day
	Humor :) (Preview) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------	John	4	1162	Jan 11, 2010 by Hoot Nanny
	Working with a sponsor - does bringing things up make the pain worse? (Preview) This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...	jasobel	8	1480	Jan 11, 2010 by maresie
	sharing on tonight's topic of detachment (online meeting) (Preview) Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...	Carol_Lynn	3	930	Jan 11, 2010 by Carol_Lynn
	Alcoholic Father and Depression (Preview) I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...	LSL	2	865	Jan 11, 2010 by Jerry F
	Does part of the mental illness of addiction include.... (Preview) Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...	Dyinginside	15	1395	Jan 11, 2010 by buick23
	BIG SLIP (Preview) Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...	Tracy	3	1060	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	i am surprised at my own inner strength (Preview) hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...	miss lucy	3	1035	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	JUST A SHORT ONE! (Preview) Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...	Hoot Nanny	4	749	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	gettin up again (Preview) Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...	idontknow	2	915	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	hello (Preview) Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...	cassie	5	949	Jan 10, 2010 by cassie
	I Have a Question ? (Preview) It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...	RLC	2	811	Jan 10, 2010 by abbyal
	self love & intimacy issues (Preview) I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...	kitty	6	1799	Jan 10, 2010 by mac57
	cant sleep,,,cant stop worrying about him! (Preview) i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...	miss lucy	5	1131	Jan 9, 2010 by miss lucy
	Working Powerlessness... (Preview) Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...	Jerry F	9	1191	Jan 9, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Honestly, not sure how much more I can take.... (Preview) Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...	shellyj123	2	838	Jan 9, 2010 by masspedirn
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.