Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

smartkat · smartkat

I am looking for something to spark a conversation with my nieces. Their mother is the alcholic but the father is just as dysfunctional.

brightmommy · brightmommy

I am going through a divorce. He has cheated multiple times on me throughout our marriage. Now that we are separated he accuses me of cheating anytime I leave comments on a facebook page of the opposite sex. How can I stop reacting to his actions. I say rotten things that I normally would not say when...

Jellybean1707 · Jellybean1707

hi, i posted a topic earlier in the week called 'somewhere to vent'. my mum had gone off the rails once again and had nearly killed herself. However since that day she's been sober, she tells me she really scared herself and desn't want t put us through it anymore and eventhough its only been 3 days i want t...

smartkat · smartkat

I'm not talking about slogans in the book. I am talking about things like "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!"

jasobel · jasobel

I have so much going on at once in my life- I am overwhelmed with grief. My ex A boyfriend who left me 3 months ago for another woman pops in and out of my life; my good friend is of dying of cancer; my ex-husband isn't paying support, and the list goes on and on. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of emotions and f...

jasobel · jasobel

My friend is in AA and recovery and has been unemployed since 2/09. He is in school which ends in two weeks. However he is divorced and pays a hefty part of his unemployment to his ex-wife. He has been alternating between living with his parents and living with a girlfriend who is not a good friend in recov...

roxygirl · roxygirl

My son is mean and rotten to the core! I hate to sound so mean but, it's true! He has no respect for me and I'm the one who has always been there for him. We had this hugh blowout argument with name calling and swearing at each other! I'm to the point to where I don't care anymore about him and his selfish dis...

SheWolf · SheWolf

Thank you all for you kinds words which i have received, especially in my last post. I think I really didn't understand what being "powerless" and "unmanageable" really meant until I read your responses. I have read about it, listened to it at my f2f meetings, but didn't rea...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Cannot sleep. Touch deprivation. It is so hard to live with. I talk and talk to hp to no avail for years. Miss a man in my life so much. Am much better about the grieving my family etc. Am ok most the time with this aloness. My heart hurts, can tell I am aging. You know how people don't live as long if hey do not ha...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hey, MIP family! Need to vent a little tonight about the Limbo that is my life. I'm still 90% sure that I'm leaving my AH husband in May, after I finish my Bachelor's degree. Living with him is hard because we both know that our marriage is falling apart. We had a vague sort of conversation today about the s...

ally · ally

Guys I've been trying to get into the chatroom via mirc and cannot remember how to add the chatroom. Can anyone help. Regards Ally xx

Jellybean1707 · Jellybean1707

Hi, This is probably going to end up more likey life story than a vent but i swear if i don't get this out my head is literally going to explode!!! I got a call from my alcoholic mother this morning because today would have been my dad's 56 birthday and a year since his death...understandably she was really...

SheWolf · SheWolf

I am having difficulty determining if i am really accepting of Step 1, or if I am having trouble trusting my own instincts. I have self-esteem issues, and trying to understand my own emotions can be trying some times. I think I believe that my life has become unmanageable; having to take over everythi...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Today my AH and I went to church with my father-in-law. While we were over at his house, my AH went into the kitchen and I heard one of the cabinets open. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw him shoving something in his pocket. I asked him what it was and he said, "I didn't put anything in my pocket.&q...

Wolfie · Wolfie

Earlier tonight, during the meeting I touched upon the topic of love. I told a condensed version of this story. It was too long to share in the meeting so I thought I would post it here. When I fell in love with Nancy, I forgot to ask her if she had children. Well, she had told me she was married twice before an...

Codependent · Codependent

The A calls and texts me periodically. It is so interesting. Because he will text and I will text back, etc. Then it is like he will stop without answering the last question I asked. Just no response. I let it go. But, it always bothers me- does he think I annoy him with questions, etc? My self-doub...

Jerry F · Jerry F

to ask that the family list the names (or family status) of those who have or are suffering from the disease of alcoholism for the purpose of taking these names to our HP and asking for intervention and special consideration. Here are a few of mine; Bob, James, Todd, Tanya, Troy, Teresa, Phil, R...

Suzannah · Suzannah

...and I shared it with my daughter. It does not matter what it was about as what does matter is this. For some reason I really felt it important to share however, I did not know why and what would come out of it. It was playing on my mind and I could not make sense of it. Now these things normally do not both...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good evening MIP friends. I sit here, and again - have a heavy heart. My heart is heavy from guilt ... which I know I should not feel but I do and it's so real. I also ache in my heart as my ASon is back in treatment. Why - oh - why does this disease make lovely people into such monsters? I LOVE my son but I HATE...

Codependent · Codependent

Tomorrow is my birthday. Gotta cold and dont' feel well. Supposed to snow. Haven't called the A since he asked for money and he asked contacted me. Just kinda down.

grammie · grammie

Grammie here, there is a drunk in the chat room and we cant kick him cause there is no op here. thanks in advance love in recovery, grammie

hotblackink · hotblackink

Hello. I'm new here. I am angry at the moment - but as you all probably know, tomorrow will be completely different (at least for a few hours here or there). And I am paranoid about what to tell you all to call me because I was subconsciously raised to be paranoid. Which does come in handy when I do crazy thin...

Gailey · Gailey

My son has one on his truck for a dui. His truck is old and some of the lights on his running board don't go out right away. It is an electrical problem that he really doesn't have the money to get fixed. Anyway...a lot of the time he has to jump start it with mine or hubby's car. The battery finally died and wou...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

My AH and I have been once again separated and now in the process of getting either a legal separation or divorce. His drivers license has been suspended for a year. Therefore, when I need something from him, such as copies of documents, I must drive out to where he now lives : in the country with his sin...

babysteps · babysteps

I need to have a short pity party or I won't be able to get on with my day/life. My AH and I are separated and not speaking. We are trying to figure out our divorce settlement, but that is made difficult by his refusal to communicate. He hasn't paid any child support, I don't know if I will get to keep my house,...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have had just the greatest day!!! i just want to shout from the roof tops but i live in a mobile home so i will shout here instead..... the car passed its MOT without needing any work doing on it - 12 months hassle free motoring!!!!!! my dog lucy learnt to Sit and Wait at a gate today and i performed a two dog S...

tea2 · tea2

The Chair opened the Meeting with "The Serenity Prayer" First Item: Approval of December Meeting Minutes -Vote was held and the Minutes were approved as posted on Message Board. Next Item: Review of Op meeting schedule -The current OP Meeting Schedule is as follows: AMMon. - Shimo/N...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Lately I am finding that life is not that easy: what a concept, huh? Some days I feel that I am coasting through life until I see my doctor. Not that it was all bad news but it was very disturbing & frustrating. I won't go into details but I am very uncomfortable. Also, just when I think I've got it lick...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hello MIP family, At last I have a reliable way to access and post to this forum. Maybe HP was telling me to take time out and focus on me? Many of you know that hubby passed away a few weeks ago. We are still in the middle of the grieving "process". At first the idea of a process scared me - does...

lizzakiss · lizzakiss

I am so sick of my ex-Abf going on about suicide. how he has a plan. He went to a meeting yesterday and his mood was very good, more positive, calmer...like he was when I first met him and he was diligently working his program. It made me want to share with him things I have been learning in my recovery, ma...

Haleyb12 · Haleyb12

My daughter is 15 and last spring took my car in the middle of the night after drinking with a bunch of boys-- she was very drunk and ended up being arrested for DUI (she does not have her drivers license) She recently went to court for this incident. The day before her court date she was caught at school s...

ARG... justice for Alanon Members · ARSK

So I keep reading about people who go to treatment and find a sense of inner peace, and a solid chance to get on their feet with support. This applies to those in substance as well as emotional issues. SO I start looking around for a center that might have an out patient or in patient based service for Emo...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Hey MIP Family - Over the past few years, as my Son's addiction has progressed, I have been unable to look at family and baby photos. We repainted the largest areas of our home 3-4 years ago, and never put the photos back up. We've got some in other areas of the home and I do my best to avert my glaze. The pho...

Rora · Rora

I was reading the post linked to the Times Article "Our Mother's Drinking was Wrecking us".... and I thought, "even if they're not drinking, they can still wreck (us)" My exaH insists on caring for our 5 yr old child on Tuesdays. Before he goes for work on afternoons exaH bring...

KRS · KRS

I am new to this forum and am new to Al-Anon so please help me find a way to work through this initial sharing. My daughter is my "A" and has been been living with us for the last 4 years on and off between rehab and sober living....she has been home for the last 3 months and finds every opportunity...

Suzannah · Suzannah

It may be the sickness that is responsible for this, they do say that Shingles brings on depression, or it may be a turn of events that simply brings my brain back to a negative point; I don't really understand. So, why have I once again found myself travelling the lonely path of self destruction by simpl...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

My current job is a very emotionally abusive environment. I realize the need to remain there for the financial benefits - obviously- so I try to endure what I can but, day by day it becomes harder for me to remain the passive individual I am required to be in order NOT to make waves in my company. I know I've...

Maria123 · Maria123

Can anyone share their experience and knowledge of 13 stepping? I thought I understood it but am not sure any more. It seems to be a common theme I am seeing in Alanon and I have such mixed thoughts about it. I lost my sponsor (understandably so) because she and her husband whom she met in Alanon broke up...

Jozie · Jozie

Anxiety N Me... This is something I have Fought dang near, All My Life... I remember growing up, and I went from a lit. Farm Girl, up till age 9 that is.... When My parents would fight before we left, I remember being scared to death to Move when i was in bed & could hear them screaming at each other, Most...

Jerry F · Jerry F

I was listening to another person sharing their recovery and perspective and they commented on the practice of loving with detachment which caused me to be hooked on the realization that I had always heard and had come to learn and practice detachment with love. Detachment with love was the third an...

miss lucy · miss lucy

well......we have had a lovely day...shopping together, eating a meal, sitting talking, walking the dog....you know....nice, calm every day stuff. then he just couldnt resist spoiling it!!! We were talking about the impact of us splitting up. He said he missed me terribly,,,realised he had t...

meagain · meagain

I was going to start this new year - just starting to end the 'drama' in my life and look after me-this is my year-I am turning 60 and I so many health problems and need to get in shape and lose weight. But its sooo hard for me to try and look after me! I get so caught up in other peoples drama (family). For one th...

Codependent · Codependent

So the A sent me a picture of a sunrise on the ocean this morning- his view- with the caption "Have a great day!" While this should have been nice, it only irritated me that while I was running his child to school and late for a morning meeting at work, he was watching the sunrise on the beach con...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Thanks to all who replied to my post both publicly and privately. All of your responses had a common theme which ultimately reinforces the lesson I've been having to keep learning lately - I simply can't expect rational behavior from an active A. I will not be confronting him with his unacceptable b...

pineapple · pineapple

OK, I will say that my life has gotten calmer now that I'm learning to take care of ME. I'm beginning to wonder how well I can really do that with Ah in my life. In the past year I've thought numerous times of telling him he has to leave. But we cannot afford two households, we're barely making it holding one...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

For those of you who have been following... my position is that I have put my daughter and her much older boyfriend in a position of getting married or him going to jail. They chose to get married and I was going to allow this. Since that time there have been unbelievable obstacles thrown out by his pare...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning family. I am happy to report that yesterday was event free. We did not see the police, the emergency room, the diversion officer - and I am really, really grateful. There were opportunities for me to react, and I chose to do so very differently. I read here yesterday about addiction to ch...

Codependent · Codependent

Got a text from the A yesterday that he needed to ask me for a favor. For him, that is usually the same thing- money. So, I just ignored it. He called last night and I didn't answer. This morning he kept sending texts.."hello??" So I responded with good morning. He then texted " I wa...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I haven't been by much the past week or so and for that I apologize. Reading here or there but struggling again with medical issues, so not here as much as I would like to be. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of my last surgery. The Dr prescribed Lexapro for the anxiety and Xanax to help me...

Diva · Diva

TTReply Quote "... its okay to have balance in the process and there is no way to surgically remove emotions and thoughts unless you consider a frontal lobotomy." Thank you Jerry. These are precisely the words I have wanted to hear spoken on this forum. I have always felt it is AlAnon's wa...

ARSK · ARSK

Hi, I am doing my recovery and am in the early stages. In the process I have lost nearly anyone that was pretty much unhealthy, which was most everyone. Starting with my A Stepfather and my codependent mother. Got married and had a disagreement, more or less my A stepfather threw a tantrum and I refus...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I had mentioned in an earlier post that I need a break from my AH. He's in jail for 45 days and I feel like I've talked to him and seen him more the past 2 weeks (since he's been in) than I have the past 2 months when he wasn't in jail. Anyway, I had to take him to/from work the past few days and it always felt like s...

maresie · maresie

When I am dealing with an active alcoholic I often get caught up with their words rather than their actions. I know I need to evaluate their actions rather than their words which can become a huge hook into resentment, frustration and compulsion. For example the man who recently came to work in my depa...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I think I've finally decided on a person who I would like to be my sponsor. Now the question is, do I ask her in person, over the phone, or via e-mail? I'd hate to put her on the spot, but I also think she works her program so well that if she had to think about it or pray about it she would be upfront with me and t...

Carol_Lynn · Carol_Lynn

I am getting to know my friend Lia and she is WONDERFUL. She has been opening up to me and sharing her life issues and her own wounds as well as identifying with mine. It feels so good to be able to help her and to be helped by her. I am so used to the drama of an empty, dry well of a relationship with a practicing a...

Festfan · Festfan

Seriously... We got into it after he was a complete GROUCH all weekend - I think because he was actually not drinking when we were out. But everything irritated him. I really wanted to throttle him. So today we start talking about it and I object to how he acted all weekend and I decided to spend the day a...

Iamhere · Iamhere

I never know if it's a good thing or not, but I'm one to share, openly, often and for purpose - to get it out. I am so grateful to have a place to share, and know that I won't be judged, my family won't be judged and I can 'dump' and work on healing. I've made stopping hear to get ESH my 2nd task of each day recently...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I don't know if I have shared on here before about this - but I suffer from my own self-destructive behaviors that are not substance related, but act to numb and control feelings the same way that drugs and alcohol do. I have been in deep denial about having a problem - believing I wasn't "sick"...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Dear ____, The time has come for me to communicate with you about some behavior that I find unacceptable and define the consequences of this behavior should you continue to perpetuate it. It is unacceptable for you to share intimate details of my past behavior with our 19 year old son, even if it's und...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I'm having the hardest time of my life right now. I feel like I'm lost, desperate, hopeless and there is no good solution to my problems. The situation with my oldest daughter is horriffic, there is no win here, I have set events into motion that I can't reverse and I can't live with her and can't live wi...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Can you think of any moviies that have a "moral" that would be helpful in illustrating a 12 principle? (Preview) I am looking for something to spark a conversation with my nieces. Their mother is the alcholic but the father is just as dysfunctional.	smartkat	11	1144	Feb 2, 2010 by Hoot Nanny
	how do i stop reacting (Preview) I am going through a divorce. He has cheated multiple times on me throughout our marriage. Now that we are separated he accuses me of cheating anytime I leave comments on a facebook page of the opposite sex. How can I stop reacting to his actions. I say rotten things that I normally would not say when...	brightmommy	8	976	Feb 2, 2010 by glad lee
	dare i believe it? (Preview) hi, i posted a topic earlier in the week called 'somewhere to vent'. my mum had gone off the rails once again and had nearly killed herself. However since that day she's been sober, she tells me she really scared herself and desn't want t put us through it anymore and eventhough its only been 3 days i want t...	Jellybean1707	5	835	Feb 2, 2010 by abbyal
	What are you favorite PERSONAL slogans? (Preview) I'm not talking about slogans in the book. I am talking about things like "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!"	smartkat	16	1167	Feb 2, 2010 by Rita G
	desperate for relief - don't know how to find peace (Preview) I have so much going on at once in my life- I am overwhelmed with grief. My ex A boyfriend who left me 3 months ago for another woman pops in and out of my life; my good friend is of dying of cancer; my ex-husband isn't paying support, and the list goes on and on. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of emotions and f...	jasobel	7	937	Feb 2, 2010 by Tracy
	Need help/ideas for recovering AA friend (Preview) My friend is in AA and recovery and has been unemployed since 2/09. He is in school which ends in two weeks. However he is divorced and pays a hefty part of his unemployment to his ex-wife. He has been alternating between living with his parents and living with a girlfriend who is not a good friend in recov...	jasobel	4	885	Feb 2, 2010 by Tracy
	I CAN'T STAND MY SON & HIS ALCOHOLISM! (Preview) My son is mean and rotten to the core! I hate to sound so mean but, it's true! He has no respect for me and I'm the one who has always been there for him. We had this hugh blowout argument with name calling and swearing at each other! I'm to the point to where I don't care anymore about him and his selfish dis...	roxygirl	7	949	Feb 2, 2010 by Diva
	Thank you! (Preview) Thank you all for you kinds words which i have received, especially in my last post. I think I really didn't understand what being "powerless" and "unmanageable" really meant until I read your responses. I have read about it, listened to it at my f2f meetings, but didn't rea...	SheWolf	4	780	Feb 2, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Same O obstacle (Preview) Cannot sleep. Touch deprivation. It is so hard to live with. I talk and talk to hp to no avail for years. Miss a man in my life so much. Am much better about the grieving my family etc. Am ok most the time with this aloness. My heart hurts, can tell I am aging. You know how people don't live as long if hey do not ha...	Debilyn	4	621	Feb 1, 2010 by search41
	An Update from Limbo (Preview) Hey, MIP family! Need to vent a little tonight about the Limbo that is my life. I'm still 90% sure that I'm leaving my AH husband in May, after I finish my Bachelor's degree. Living with him is hard because we both know that our marriage is falling apart. We had a vague sort of conversation today about the s...	intothewoods	3	864	Feb 1, 2010 by Iamhere
	Chatroom (Preview) Guys I've been trying to get into the chatroom via mirc and cannot remember how to add the chatroom. Can anyone help. Regards Ally xx	ally	2	626	Feb 1, 2010 by ally
	Somewhere to vent (Preview) Hi, This is probably going to end up more likey life story than a vent but i swear if i don't get this out my head is literally going to explode!!! I got a call from my alcoholic mother this morning because today would have been my dad's 56 birthday and a year since his death...understandably she was really...	Jellybean1707	5	1769	Feb 1, 2010 by Ness
	How does it feel when you know you are past Step 1? (Preview) I am having difficulty determining if i am really accepting of Step 1, or if I am having trouble trusting my own instincts. I have self-esteem issues, and trying to understand my own emotions can be trying some times. I think I believe that my life has become unmanageable; having to take over everythi...	SheWolf	8	920	Feb 1, 2010 by SheWolf
	Staying in today (Preview) Today my AH and I went to church with my father-in-law. While we were over at his house, my AH went into the kitchen and I heard one of the cabinets open. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw him shoving something in his pocket. I asked him what it was and he said, "I didn't put anything in my pocket.&q...	White Rabbit	6	828	Feb 1, 2010 by blender_girl
	Wolf Medicine (Preview) Earlier tonight, during the meeting I touched upon the topic of love. I told a condensed version of this story. It was too long to share in the meeting so I thought I would post it here. When I fell in love with Nancy, I forgot to ask her if she had children. Well, she had told me she was married twice before an...	Wolfie	8	945	Feb 1, 2010 by Wolfie
	Feedback (Preview) The A calls and texts me periodically. It is so interesting. Because he will text and I will text back, etc. Then it is like he will stop without answering the last question I asked. Just no response. I let it go. But, it always bothers me- does he think I annoy him with questions, etc? My self-doub...	Codependent	1	613	Feb 1, 2010 by Festfan
	Its time again... (Preview) to ask that the family list the names (or family status) of those who have or are suffering from the disease of alcoholism for the purpose of taking these names to our HP and asking for intervention and special consideration. Here are a few of mine; Bob, James, Todd, Tanya, Troy, Teresa, Phil, R...	Jerry F	17	1297	Feb 1, 2010 by Jerry F
	I had a dream... (Preview) ...and I shared it with my daughter. It does not matter what it was about as what does matter is this. For some reason I really felt it important to share however, I did not know why and what would come out of it. It was playing on my mind and I could not make sense of it. Now these things normally do not both...	Suzannah	2	817	Feb 1, 2010 by Jerry F
	I LOVE my SON - I HATE this disease (Preview) Good evening MIP friends. I sit here, and again - have a heavy heart. My heart is heavy from guilt ... which I know I should not feel but I do and it's so real. I also ache in my heart as my ASon is back in treatment. Why - oh - why does this disease make lovely people into such monsters? I LOVE my son but I HATE...	Iamhere	10	1011	Jan 31, 2010 by Iamhere
	Down tonight (Preview) Tomorrow is my birthday. Gotta cold and dont' feel well. Supposed to snow. Haven't called the A since he asked for money and he asked contacted me. Just kinda down.	Codependent	11	1093	Jan 31, 2010 by Festfan
	op needed in the chat room..asap please (Preview) Grammie here, there is a drunk in the chat room and we cant kick him cause there is no op here. thanks in advance love in recovery, grammie	grammie	4	878	Jan 31, 2010 by kitty
	New here. You're gonna get a mouthful. (Preview) Hello. I'm new here. I am angry at the moment - but as you all probably know, tomorrow will be completely different (at least for a few hours here or there). And I am paranoid about what to tell you all to call me because I was subconsciously raised to be paranoid. Which does come in handy when I do crazy thin...	hotblackink	8	1023	Jan 31, 2010 by maresie
	INTERLOCKING BREATHALYZER (Preview) My son has one on his truck for a dui. His truck is old and some of the lights on his running board don't go out right away. It is an electrical problem that he really doesn't have the money to get fixed. Anyway...a lot of the time he has to jump start it with mine or hubby's car. The battery finally died and wou...	Gailey	1	1261	Jan 31, 2010 by Charlie
	Wanted to "rescue" but didn't (Preview) My AH and I have been once again separated and now in the process of getting either a legal separation or divorce. His drivers license has been suspended for a year. Therefore, when I need something from him, such as copies of documents, I must drive out to where he now lives : in the country with his sin...	GailMichelle	6	1012	Jan 31, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Pity party (Preview) I need to have a short pity party or I won't be able to get on with my day/life. My AH and I are separated and not speaking. We are trying to figure out our divorce settlement, but that is made difficult by his refusal to communicate. He hasn't paid any child support, I don't know if I will get to keep my house,...	babysteps	3	813	Jan 31, 2010 by Iamhere
	what a great day!!!!! (Preview) i have had just the greatest day!!! i just want to shout from the roof tops but i live in a mobile home so i will shout here instead..... the car passed its MOT without needing any work doing on it - 12 months hassle free motoring!!!!!! my dog lucy learnt to Sit and Wait at a gate today and i performed a two dog S...	miss lucy	4	846	Jan 31, 2010 by Jerry F
	1.3.10 MIP Chat Room Group Business Meeting Minutes (Preview) The Chair opened the Meeting with "The Serenity Prayer" First Item: Approval of December Meeting Minutes -Vote was held and the Minutes were approved as posted on Message Board. Next Item: Review of Op meeting schedule -The current OP Meeting Schedule is as follows: AMMon. - Shimo/N...	tea2	0	788	Jan 30, 2010 by tea2
	SO...IT IS NOT THAT EASY! (Preview) Lately I am finding that life is not that easy: what a concept, huh? Some days I feel that I am coasting through life until I see my doctor. Not that it was all bad news but it was very disturbing & frustrating. I won't go into details but I am very uncomfortable. Also, just when I think I've got it lick...	Hoot Nanny	3	894	Jan 30, 2010 by Jerry F
	Update on my family (Preview) Hello MIP family, At last I have a reliable way to access and post to this forum. Maybe HP was telling me to take time out and focus on me? Many of you know that hubby passed away a few weeks ago. We are still in the middle of the grieving "process". At first the idea of a process scared me - does...	Rocky38	7	885	Jan 30, 2010 by maresie
	suicide (Preview) I am so sick of my ex-Abf going on about suicide. how he has a plan. He went to a meeting yesterday and his mood was very good, more positive, calmer...like he was when I first met him and he was diligently working his program. It made me want to share with him things I have been learning in my recovery, ma...	lizzakiss	7	1034	Jan 30, 2010 by maresie
	calling the police on your child (Preview) My daughter is 15 and last spring took my car in the middle of the night after drinking with a bunch of boys-- she was very drunk and ended up being arrested for DUI (she does not have her drivers license) She recently went to court for this incident. The day before her court date she was caught at school s...	Haleyb12	11	2676	Jan 30, 2010 by Haleyb12
	ARG... justice for Alanon Members (Preview) So I keep reading about people who go to treatment and find a sense of inner peace, and a solid chance to get on their feet with support. This applies to those in substance as well as emotional issues. SO I start looking around for a center that might have an out patient or in patient based service for Emo...	ARSK	5	874	Jan 30, 2010 by Haleyb12
	Emotional Triggers - Family/Baby Photos...Need some ESH (Preview) Hey MIP Family - Over the past few years, as my Son's addiction has progressed, I have been unable to look at family and baby photos. We repainted the largest areas of our home 3-4 years ago, and never put the photos back up. We've got some in other areas of the home and I do my best to avert my glaze. The pho...	Iamhere	6	1430	Jan 30, 2010 by Iamhere
	I need some ESH please.... (Preview) I was reading the post linked to the Times Article "Our Mother's Drinking was Wrecking us".... and I thought, "even if they're not drinking, they can still wreck (us)" My exaH insists on caring for our 5 yr old child on Tuesdays. Before he goes for work on afternoons exaH bring...	Rora	9	1081	Jan 30, 2010 by Rora
	Don't know where to turn (Preview) I am new to this forum and am new to Al-Anon so please help me find a way to work through this initial sharing. My daughter is my "A" and has been been living with us for the last 4 years on and off between rehab and sober living....she has been home for the last 3 months and finds every opportunity...	KRS	6	855	Jan 29, 2010 by Rocky38
	That old demon rears his head once more... (Preview) It may be the sickness that is responsible for this, they do say that Shingles brings on depression, or it may be a turn of events that simply brings my brain back to a negative point; I don't really understand. So, why have I once again found myself travelling the lonely path of self destruction by simpl...	Suzannah	5	931	Jan 29, 2010 by glad lee
	Believing in Myself (Preview) My current job is a very emotionally abusive environment. I realize the need to remain there for the financial benefits - obviously- so I try to endure what I can but, day by day it becomes harder for me to remain the passive individual I am required to be in order NOT to make waves in my company. I know I've...	RunnerChick	6	628	Jan 29, 2010 by Iamhere
	13 Stepping (Preview) Can anyone share their experience and knowledge of 13 stepping? I thought I understood it but am not sure any more. It seems to be a common theme I am seeing in Alanon and I have such mixed thoughts about it. I lost my sponsor (understandably so) because she and her husband whom she met in Alanon broke up...	Maria123	10	5332	Jan 29, 2010 by idontknow
	Anxiety N Me...Hard reality... (Preview) Anxiety N Me... This is something I have Fought dang near, All My Life... I remember growing up, and I went from a lit. Farm Girl, up till age 9 that is.... When My parents would fight before we left, I remember being scared to death to Move when i was in bed & could hear them screaming at each other, Most...	Jozie	3	989	Jan 29, 2010 by ARSK
	A thoughtful twist on a recovery lesson (Preview) I was listening to another person sharing their recovery and perspective and they commented on the practice of loving with detachment which caused me to be hooked on the realization that I had always heard and had come to learn and practice detachment with love. Detachment with love was the third an...	Jerry F	7	1041	Jan 29, 2010 by Andrea12
	AH gave me an ultimatum!!! (Preview) well......we have had a lovely day...shopping together, eating a meal, sitting talking, walking the dog....you know....nice, calm every day stuff. then he just couldnt resist spoiling it!!! We were talking about the impact of us splitting up. He said he missed me terribly,,,realised he had t...	miss lucy	6	1038	Jan 29, 2010 by blender_girl
	A 'New' Year (Preview) I was going to start this new year - just starting to end the 'drama' in my life and look after me-this is my year-I am turning 60 and I so many health problems and need to get in shape and lose weight. But its sooo hard for me to try and look after me! I get so caught up in other peoples drama (family). For one th...	meagain	3	886	Jan 29, 2010 by RunnerChick
	More resentment.... (Preview) So the A sent me a picture of a sunrise on the ocean this morning- his view- with the caption "Have a great day!" While this should have been nice, it only irritated me that while I was running his child to school and late for a morning meeting at work, he was watching the sunrise on the beach con...	Codependent	10	1011	Jan 29, 2010 by BatonRougian
	Feeling Better today (Preview) Thanks to all who replied to my post both publicly and privately. All of your responses had a common theme which ultimately reinforces the lesson I've been having to keep learning lately - I simply can't expect rational behavior from an active A. I will not be confronting him with his unacceptable b...	blender_girl	3	659	Jan 28, 2010 by Rocky38
	dont know how much more I can take (Preview) OK, I will say that my life has gotten calmer now that I'm learning to take care of ME. I'm beginning to wonder how well I can really do that with Ah in my life. In the past year I've thought numerous times of telling him he has to leave. But we cannot afford two households, we're barely making it holding one...	pineapple	3	857	Jan 28, 2010 by Rocky38
	Today is a new day (Preview) For those of you who have been following... my position is that I have put my daughter and her much older boyfriend in a position of getting married or him going to jail. They chose to get married and I was going to allow this. Since that time there have been unbelievable obstacles thrown out by his pare...	carolinagirl	7	700	Jan 28, 2010 by Tenderheartsks
	Happy To Report ..... Grounded in the Moment (Preview) Good morning family. I am happy to report that yesterday was event free. We did not see the police, the emergency room, the diversion officer - and I am really, really grateful. There were opportunities for me to react, and I chose to do so very differently. I read here yesterday about addiction to ch...	Iamhere	5	1042	Jan 28, 2010 by Ness
	He asked me for money... (Preview) Got a text from the A yesterday that he needed to ask me for a favor. For him, that is usually the same thing- money. So, I just ignored it. He called last night and I didn't answer. This morning he kept sending texts.."hello??" So I responded with good morning. He then texted " I wa...	Codependent	9	710	Jan 28, 2010 by Ness
	Control V/S Self Care..... (Preview) I haven't been by much the past week or so and for that I apologize. Reading here or there but struggling again with medical issues, so not here as much as I would like to be. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of my last surgery. The Dr prescribed Lexapro for the anxiety and Xanax to help me...	shellyj123	2	746	Jan 28, 2010 by Iamhere
	Thanks Jerry... (Preview) TTReply Quote "... its okay to have balance in the process and there is no way to surgically remove emotions and thoughts unless you consider a frontal lobotomy." Thank you Jerry. These are precisely the words I have wanted to hear spoken on this forum. I have always felt it is AlAnon's wa...	Diva	2	807	Jan 28, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Finding Healthy Friends and Maintaining Relationships (Preview) Hi, I am doing my recovery and am in the early stages. In the process I have lost nearly anyone that was pretty much unhealthy, which was most everyone. Starting with my A Stepfather and my codependent mother. Got married and had a disagreement, more or less my A stepfather threw a tantrum and I refus...	ARSK	7	1402	Jan 28, 2010 by Iamhere
	Our Selfish Program (Preview) I had mentioned in an earlier post that I need a break from my AH. He's in jail for 45 days and I feel like I've talked to him and seen him more the past 2 weeks (since he's been in) than I have the past 2 months when he wasn't in jail. Anyway, I had to take him to/from work the past few days and it always felt like s...	N8SMOM	8	1434	Jan 28, 2010 by Iamhere
	Action versus words (Preview) When I am dealing with an active alcoholic I often get caught up with their words rather than their actions. I know I need to evaluate their actions rather than their words which can become a huge hook into resentment, frustration and compulsion. For example the man who recently came to work in my depa...	maresie	4	773	Jan 28, 2010 by Iamhere
	Sponsor Question (Preview) I think I've finally decided on a person who I would like to be my sponsor. Now the question is, do I ask her in person, over the phone, or via e-mail? I'd hate to put her on the spot, but I also think she works her program so well that if she had to think about it or pray about it she would be upfront with me and t...	N8SMOM	3	669	Jan 27, 2010 by CJ
	withdrawal from drama---feels so weird (Preview) I am getting to know my friend Lia and she is WONDERFUL. She has been opening up to me and sharing her life issues and her own wounds as well as identifying with mine. It feels so good to be able to help her and to be helped by her. I am so used to the drama of an empty, dry well of a relationship with a practicing a...	Carol_Lynn	3	908	Jan 27, 2010 by Carol_Lynn
	My ABF thinks the solution is ... for me to give up CARBS!?!? (Preview) Seriously... We got into it after he was a complete GROUCH all weekend - I think because he was actually not drinking when we were out. But everything irritated him. I really wanted to throttle him. So today we start talking about it and I object to how he acted all weekend and I decided to spend the day a...	Festfan	9	1001	Jan 27, 2010 by Festfan
	The Needle and The Spoon ... Making Sense of it All (Preview) I never know if it's a good thing or not, but I'm one to share, openly, often and for purpose - to get it out. I am so grateful to have a place to share, and know that I won't be judged, my family won't be judged and I can 'dump' and work on healing. I've made stopping hear to get ESH my 2nd task of each day recently...	Iamhere	9	807	Jan 27, 2010 by Loupiness
	Getting Help for myself (Preview) I don't know if I have shared on here before about this - but I suffer from my own self-destructive behaviors that are not substance related, but act to numb and control feelings the same way that drugs and alcohol do. I have been in deep denial about having a problem - believing I wasn't "sick"...	RunnerChick	3	880	Jan 27, 2010 by intothewoods
	Another Letter to my AH (Preview) Dear ____, The time has come for me to communicate with you about some behavior that I find unacceptable and define the consequences of this behavior should you continue to perpetuate it. It is unacceptable for you to share intimate details of my past behavior with our 19 year old son, even if it's und...	blender_girl	2	868	Jan 27, 2010 by maresie
	Hardest time of my life (Preview) I'm having the hardest time of my life right now. I feel like I'm lost, desperate, hopeless and there is no good solution to my problems. The situation with my oldest daughter is horriffic, there is no win here, I have set events into motion that I can't reverse and I can't live with her and can't live wi...	carolinagirl	9	1209	Jan 27, 2010 by RunnerChick
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.