Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

recently started couples counseling and basically I'm going through the motions....I don't like the way I'm treated...sure it's ok for some days but crap happens that I feel is just unacceptable way too much. I don't believe anything is going to change because she isn't working on herself at all. ...

Megthompson · Megthompson

hi all just wondering why no friday meeting going on in chat room.do i have the time wrong?is there any online meeting going on now (al anon) i can go to? thanks meg

AmyWillWin · AmyWillWin

I'm leaning heavily on the serenity prayer right now. BB says you have to accept how people are and worry about yourself. How exactly are you supposed to do that when there are kids involved? My ex has his own demons. Booze, pills, mental health, even some illegal things...purportedly. I left h...

member922 · member922

Ugh! I am glad when I have no contact with the exAbf. I always seem to be curious though to know what is going on with him, what he's up to blah blah blah. Then when I hear stuff, I get mad. I do not want to think one thing about him! I do not need to know anything. I cannot bother with what is going on in his...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I'm really struggling right now....and I'm tired of struggling....on meds, in therapy, attend meeting when possible.....and things at home have been relatively quite lately.....can't blame the wife currently for how I feel..... I just can't get past the sadness.....joy or happiness is so flee...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone. I'm curious if your A's also suffer from mental health issues? I'm kinda feeling all alone in what I've been dealing with, like there couldn't possibly be anyone else in the world having to deal with all the 'xxxx' I've dealt with. My AH has always had anxiety - GAD, Generalized Anxiety Di...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

I'm so sick of living at my house right now. My family is pushing me away every chance they get. I went to the grocery store tonight with my ex a so we could talk and try to just be friends. I asked my dad if I could go and he said yes. Then my mom calls me an hour later asking me who I was with. I told her to ask my dad a...

Goodtillitsbad · Goodtillitsbad

I've been working hard at my steps and starting to skim the surface of Step 4. I've had a few slips but I've gotten back on the horse and I've caught myself a LOT quicker. My AH has been (supposedly, but none of my business) sober for over 3 months now and I have noticed marked changes in his behavior. This is...

member922 · member922

I am going to snuggle in a blanket now and read to start my weekend off. I am going to a couple of craft shows tomorrow with a girlfriend and taking it easy on Sunday!! I am looking forward to a very relaxing time with no worries about any A's, no anger and no waste of time. Just doing whatever I choose. What...

DC55 · DC55

This is my story.I was abused as a child, I was first hit as an infant by my mother until 4 or 5 and then verbally abused after that. My mother is very narsistic and I it was all about her growing up. If any thing was not about her she would be cold or start yelling. My father ws quiet and allowed my mothers abuse...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Discerning is an issue at times for me...basically the concepts are easy....accept the things you can't change, dont' accept abuse etc. But there are things that I feel forced to accept that are unacceptable to me. Wife has ADD....leaves the house a total disaster most days...papers strewn all ov...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am posting another update as I always do! Haven't been on here since my last dr.s appt. on Weds. I am happy to say that the doctor has released me from my restrictions as of Weds. I am still going to do all the things I am supposed to from here on! I do not have to see him again until April after the snow goes awa...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

OK, I'll start off by admitting I snooped. The second thing I have to say is that I'm proud of the work my husband has put into his recovery. Now for my gripe - I saw a sheet of paper with a list of sobriety dates from my husband's group. I noticed that he listed a date that is way off from his sobriety date. Wh...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

My wife had her last drinking episode a week ago today. After that, she said she is done. I posted about this previously. She has been wonderful since then...very honest and open about what she has done, willing to keep doing the work, admitting she is powerless, embracing AA...it's been a great week....

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

I started going to Al-Anon in February, so it's been 8 months. I haven't been a complete regular, but I do okay. However, I feel like I am getting nowhere. I can't talk! I am scared to open up. There is no reason for me not to. The other people are wonderful and kind and give me ample opportunity to speak. To...

spak · spak

My husband is a sex addict having an affair with a prostitute. I attend alanon bc it is the only mtg available in my area. Im having problems letting my husband work his program on his time. He attends sa meetings and shared for the first time. My frustration is believing his words but ignoring his action...

Megthompson · Megthompson

hi all i promised to keep you posted so i am.had the second ever (to my knowledge) al anoon meeting in lusaka, zambia. the 2 people i was expecting couldn't make it. one was sick and one was tied up at work. however i still had a good time. i gave some literature to the landlords and also a lady who lives in the...

casa · casa

Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. October minutes were approved as written. First item: Meeting schedule. AM MON Shimo TUES xeno WED Iona THURS OPEN FRI Blendergirl SAT OPEN SUN (Spiritual) Kittyoflight PM MON grammie TUES casa WEDS kerisha THURS (Step/tradition)...

living_with_my_a · living_with_my_a

I went to an online meeting tonight of alanon. I was not going to do any recovery work today, just take a day off, because I spend most of my time helping others or working on myself. Well, tonight my a's behavior got to me. He like to be passive-aggressive and say yes when he means no. Anyway, he as...

Imogen421 · Imogen421

Anyone have ESH for someone trying to get schoolwork, writing, or other time-consuming "thinky" task done while dealing with the symptoms of living with an alcoholic? I have been feeling so down recently and finding it hard to work on my thesis. Monday I did great, wrote 9-noon and got lot...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family))))), Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Veterans Day. I know there are many people in Alanon who have served and are serving down. There are many Alanoners who are children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives and friends of these wonderful people. As the daughter & granddaughe...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Remembrance Day is a really difficult time for me and I struggle each year with the lost, the waste, the pain and the turmoil of this world. We owe so much to so few and still they follow and take up the banner in the name of justice and peace. Lest we forget, we hold this day in remembrance hoping that the wo...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

If happiness is an inside job, and I agree it is...but doesn't the outside matter as well? Aren't some situations in life more conducive to happiness and others less so? Is the grass at least sometimes greener on the other side? I really have a hard time accepting the opposite of those above thought...

Ginger90 · Ginger90

I am stuck in neutral/reverse again. I cant seem to stop sitting, staring at the computer and trying to process things in my head. I am off work today, it is a beautiful day outside but I seem to be stuck living between my ears. Am I lazy, over analyzing, do I suffer from lack of direction? Quite possibly...

dori711 · dori711

Does the spouse of an A have any say or opinions in the home? I really would like an answer to this question? Are we to let the A spouse do what they want and we are to understand because they are sick?. How do we manage to keep our identities and protect who we are? Today I failed again because I peace...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

I cant' deny the parts of my life that are frustrating and disappointing and saddening. What I can do is while acknowledging all of this also acknowledge the good. Maybe I'm unable to let go of that stuff right now, but i can still see the good (there is plenty of that) and not judge which is more importa...

lyndebi · lyndebi

Thought I would share this letter I had written just now to my friend in Louisiana. love mom,deb I was outside putting med in Arni big pigs eye. swollen. We were on the south deck. Then I started picking up all the railing I took off the deck and moved it to a pile. Put a tarp over it, will reuse it. Put all th...

Miele0607 · Miele0607

Hello everyone. I just moved to Clover, SC from Wilmington, NC. I went to my second meeting to Lake Wylie tonight and they were talking about what seems to be a most useful FEELINGS LIST. No one in the meeting had one available. I looked it up online, but was unable to retrieve it. Does anyone have one that...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and we are both pleased with the progress I'm making. We talked about areas where I'm having an easier time detaching, versus areas where it's still a challenge. One of my more challenging areas is not getting worried/anxious when my AH and i don't talk or text during t...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, I've been snooping around and decided to join. My husband is an alcoholic. He's been to two AA sessions (apparently) but still 'hides' drinking. We've only been married just over a year - in our late twenties. Lies, ridiculous excuses, outlandish stories of why there's a stash behind s...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

And I get it...there are things that need changing about me. And I'm working on that too. But there is this nagging thought. What if i change and it's still not enough? That I'm not happier enough to feel a difference, that things at home really don't improve that much, that I put in 99% work for a 1% imp...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Tomorrow I will be attending my second AlAnon convention, and my HP could not have brought it at a better time for me. Struggles in my mind and heart have left me confused and beat down the past three weeks, and trying to do the next right thing when I'm not certain what it is, is hard....Trying to do it wi...

melissimala · melissimala

I have been in a relationship with a man who had a history of substance abuse. He lost his family, everything really. He has been through treatment and would say how long it has been since he has been cocaine free, somewhere around 5 years. Seems he quit one and picked up another. Thought he was sober...

oklahoma momof5 · oklahoma momof5

I am sure it comes from his own problems with low self esteem, because he is SUCH a braggart and always has been, about how great he does everything, and how great they think he is at work. Honestly I would have agreed up till a couple months ago, I thought he was the greatest thing ever and he said I made him...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I've been renegotiating a commercial lease with a rental company .... actually with multiple companies since more than one deal has not gone through as planned, and now I am to the final stages of the fine points on the lease. I am noticing that instead of asking for what I want, all the things that will b...

clteach · clteach

I don't know what I'm doing. Why I am crying today. I just feel lonely, I guess. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this...my A ex boyfriend says he has been in NA with a sponsor for 4 weeks. He can't be with me and doesn't know if he ever will. But he has started a new relationship with a women who is g...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Actually had a pretty good week and was feeling pretty good. Therapy session uncovered some stuff and I found myself falling back on the pity pot. God, I hate feeling like this....I believe I deserve better from life than I've gotten...but I have to try to find happiness and contentment along the wa...

susie56543 · susie56543

Hello everyone! I've been in al-anon for about 4-5 months now. I used to go to anywhere from 5 meetings a week to 1. Unfortunately, I live out in the country and the nearest meeting is a half hour away. Obviously when I was going to 5 a week I was really focusing and drilling the program into my head and devo...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I have spent my whole life ignoring my feelings and emotions. I have stuffed them so others would be happy. I have stayed in relationships that hurt. I have gotten hurt by people again and again only to go back for more. I may have really not known what I was feeling, because I never really learned t...

kath · kath

It is so easy for me to take on the feelings of loved ones. If they are worried, I start to become worried, if they are angry, I start to become angry, etc. I am noticing how automatic these reactions are for me. No wonder I have felt so angry and exhausted. I have been carrying my feelings, plus the feelings...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Wife has been in a good mood lately and quite tolerable and easy to communicate with, so I noticed I was feeling happier these days. Ok, probably fairly normal thing, but it struck me that I've got to learn to feel this good regardless of her mood. I've been codependant on her moods that affected how I f...

tlcate · tlcate

I am exhausted but I can't quit smiling. I am in my new home - the first one that I own - a week today. IT IS GORGEOUS!!! I just registered for college with my daughter, she and I are both going. I turn 40 next week and I will quit smoking then and have no fear that I will succeed at that. I have already cut bac...

member922 · member922

Hi again. I am trying so hard to detach from my A. I am finding that no contact seems to work the best. Myself and my children are the most important people in my life and I refuse to let this person be around my children and witness his using and moods. He hasn't met them yet and the way things are, he never...

Tattyhead · Tattyhead

... AH has been more like his old self lately although has never stopped drinking - just less and beer instead of brandy. He even took Son over to local pub/bar to play/shoot pool on Wed evening. He has also been talking about how we should celebrate our 40th wedding anniversay in Jan 2012 (like we have so...

oklahoma momof5 · oklahoma momof5

Hi everyone, Just been thinking about all my relationships. After 2 failed marriages, another broken engagement, and now an engagement on the rocks, not to mention all the relationships before and in between.... I've come far enough in life to know that simply changing partners won't change my pr...

Megthompson · Megthompson

Hi All, Just to share with you last Friday the first Al Anon meeting took place in Lusaka, Zambia, Africa.It was great.We had 4 people, 2 with previous Al Anon experience. It was scary for me to be Chairing this meeting as it was my first time to attend a F2F meeting but it was just great. Then Saturday I got...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

Any advice would be appreciated. I have been married 6 years, together 9. My husband's drinking has gotten so much worse in the last year. He told me he'd stop and go to meetings, etc. He admits he has a problem (his father was a violent alcoholic). He just switched to hiding his drinking and lying a...

Saved By Grace · Saved By Grace

Hi Family, Its been a while since I posted here but today I really needed a safe place to come and release. I have reunited with my ABF since June. He has gone back to his AA meetings. He is coming up on 20 yrs without a drop of alcohol but not much in the way of recovery. It is only these last months that he has ho...

KidSupport · KidSupport

Admist all of the emotions that come up when alcoholism or addiction has entered a family there are many questions about how to deal with it when it comes to the children. The good news is there are resources to help guide parents through this difficult process. check out this website http://www.pav...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Last night I was on the phone with my AH. It became obvious after a time that he was trying to bait me into a fight about money. I remained as zen and as detached as I possibly could, and refused to engage in the drama. It felt so good! Thank you, Al Anon and MIP. This was but a step on a long, endless journey,...

member922 · member922

It has been a week since I have been with my Abf alone. We were supposed to have a date last night. I cried my eyes out of course. Still wishing he would email me or something. Then again, I hope he doesn't. Plus I had to have a gynelogical procedure yesterday. Nothing too major I guess, but still a rud...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Thank you all for your support. The past couple days have been really hard, especially since I'm having a difficult time completely letting go of my A ex. Fortunately I have pneumonia and my parents won't let me leave the house. I know it sounds weird that I'm grateful to be so sick, but it is preventing m...

lyndebi · lyndebi

I sure don't know how you guys who live with so much stress do it. I have been very fortunate since AH has been gone, to have a pretty mellow life. Of course some hard times, but nothing like what it is like to live with or have an A involved in your life. My mortgage advocate called. The good news is the mortga...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

Yesterday was a long story. To make it short, because of the weather and my bad decision making skills, I got to work late, had to take my son to school in the middle of my work morning because school was delayed (For an inch of snow) and then felt like a chump because people at work had to watch the front des...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

I have been in Al-Anon off and on for about a yr. the last 2 months going weekly 2-3X's a week and I am struggling with suspicion. My AH wife is in recovery and attending AA regularly, but at night time lately her voice just seems off and I instantly have my stomach sinking feeling and start analyzying. It i...

Tracy · Tracy

I gain more and more of an insight that this really is an illness the longer I am with my ABF. he was sober for 6 months last year. then he drank when his nephew died it started to progress over 9 months then bang another big rock bottom I stayed out of the way thanks to Al anon. He put him self in rehab god lov...

kath · kath

Praise God for my life. Am so happy to have my three most precious beautiful daughters. Am so blessed by nature. It is a free art show, just looking up to the sky. Am so blessed by music. It is a free concert as I drive in my car, or as I clean this messy house! There are many other wonderful things to praise, an...

babysteps · babysteps

I haven't been around in a while. Been trying to get divorced from my AH for 2 years now. The latest hold up is him giving the wrong wedding date at the deposition. Since it didn't match the actual date everything is on hold until he comes from out of state to sign something stating the correct date. I don' t...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

My wife expressed to me on Saturday night that she is "done" with alcohol. She didn't say it in a boastful or arrogant way. It was as if she was finally surrending. This was after a bad night on Friday where she drank heavily. She basically just seems to have given in--she said she is done lying...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Wife was in a bad mood and started in on me over the phone. Rather than argue, defend etc. I said "You are upsetting me, I have to go now" and hung up the phone. When I got home she acted like nothing happened but was warily checking me out to see if I was mad, which I wasn't by then. Problem is the kn...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I'm so tired of being treated like this..... (Preview) recently started couples counseling and basically I'm going through the motions....I don't like the way I'm treated...sure it's ok for some days but crap happens that I feel is just unacceptable way too much. I don't believe anything is going to change because she isn't working on herself at all. ...	mjhyankees	6	1269	Nov 13, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	how come no friday meeting going on right now in chat (Preview) hi all just wondering why no friday meeting going on in chat room.do i have the time wrong?is there any online meeting going on now (al anon) i can go to? thanks meg	Megthompson	5	577	Nov 13, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Help! (Preview) I'm leaning heavily on the serenity prayer right now. BB says you have to accept how people are and worry about yourself. How exactly are you supposed to do that when there are kids involved? My ex has his own demons. Booze, pills, mental health, even some illegal things...purportedly. I left h...	AmyWillWin	6	799	Nov 13, 2010 by tlcate
	Why can't I stand info as much as I want to know??? (Preview) Ugh! I am glad when I have no contact with the exAbf. I always seem to be curious though to know what is going on with him, what he's up to blah blah blah. Then when I hear stuff, I get mad. I do not want to think one thing about him! I do not need to know anything. I cannot bother with what is going on in his...	member922	5	786	Nov 13, 2010 by member922
	still struggling with feelings.......... (Preview) I'm really struggling right now....and I'm tired of struggling....on meds, in therapy, attend meeting when possible.....and things at home have been relatively quite lately.....can't blame the wife currently for how I feel..... I just can't get past the sadness.....joy or happiness is so flee...	mjhyankees	8	1206	Nov 13, 2010 by glad lee
	Alcoholism and Mental Health (Preview) Hi everyone. I'm curious if your A's also suffer from mental health issues? I'm kinda feeling all alone in what I've been dealing with, like there couldn't possibly be anyone else in the world having to deal with all the 'xxxx' I've dealt with. My AH has always had anxiety - GAD, Generalized Anxiety Di...	danielle0516	12	756	Nov 13, 2010 by danielle0516
	My family is driving me insane (Preview) I'm so sick of living at my house right now. My family is pushing me away every chance they get. I went to the grocery store tonight with my ex a so we could talk and try to just be friends. I asked my dad if I could go and he said yes. Then my mom calls me an hour later asking me who I was with. I told her to ask my dad a...	Brookiebabe222	6	684	Nov 13, 2010 by xeno59
	Surprised at my feelings lately (Preview) I've been working hard at my steps and starting to skim the surface of Step 4. I've had a few slips but I've gotten back on the horse and I've caught myself a LOT quicker. My AH has been (supposedly, but none of my business) sober for over 3 months now and I have noticed marked changes in his behavior. This is...	Goodtillitsbad	5	598	Nov 13, 2010 by Bettina
	Weekend Plans??? (Preview) I am going to snuggle in a blanket now and read to start my weekend off. I am going to a couple of craft shows tomorrow with a girlfriend and taking it easy on Sunday!! I am looking forward to a very relaxing time with no worries about any A's, no anger and no waste of time. Just doing whatever I choose. What...	member922	4	580	Nov 13, 2010 by member922
	Whats going on? (Preview) This is my story.I was abused as a child, I was first hit as an infant by my mother until 4 or 5 and then verbally abused after that. My mother is very narsistic and I it was all about her growing up. If any thing was not about her she would be cold or start yelling. My father ws quiet and allowed my mothers abuse...	DC55	2	653	Nov 13, 2010 by xeno59
	Balancing acceptance with what's unacceptable.... (Preview) Discerning is an issue at times for me...basically the concepts are easy....accept the things you can't change, dont' accept abuse etc. But there are things that I feel forced to accept that are unacceptable to me. Wife has ADD....leaves the house a total disaster most days...papers strewn all ov...	mjhyankees	4	789	Nov 13, 2010 by Atlas
	another update as usual! (Preview) I am posting another update as I always do! Haven't been on here since my last dr.s appt. on Weds. I am happy to say that the doctor has released me from my restrictions as of Weds. I am still going to do all the things I am supposed to from here on! I do not have to see him again until April after the snow goes awa...	Hoot Nanny	2	348	Nov 13, 2010 by lyndebi
	Sobriety Date (Preview) OK, I'll start off by admitting I snooped. The second thing I have to say is that I'm proud of the work my husband has put into his recovery. Now for my gripe - I saw a sheet of paper with a list of sobriety dates from my husband's group. I noticed that he listed a date that is way off from his sobriety date. Wh...	N8SMOM	5	756	Nov 13, 2010 by Cloudsea
	The challenges that come when they stop drinking (Preview) My wife had her last drinking episode a week ago today. After that, she said she is done. I posted about this previously. She has been wonderful since then...very honest and open about what she has done, willing to keep doing the work, admitting she is powerless, embracing AA...it's been a great week....	usedtobeanyer	7	875	Nov 13, 2010 by Cloudsea
	Why is it so hard for me to open up? (Preview) I started going to Al-Anon in February, so it's been 8 months. I haven't been a complete regular, but I do okay. However, I feel like I am getting nowhere. I can't talk! I am scared to open up. There is no reason for me not to. The other people are wonderful and kind and give me ample opportunity to speak. To...	looking_for_peace	7	1021	Nov 13, 2010 by kitty
	walking the talk (Preview) My husband is a sex addict having an affair with a prostitute. I attend alanon bc it is the only mtg available in my area. Im having problems letting my husband work his program on his time. He attends sa meetings and shared for the first time. My frustration is believing his words but ignoring his action...	spak	9	843	Nov 13, 2010 by Emi
	second al anon meeting, lusaka, zambia africa (Preview) hi all i promised to keep you posted so i am.had the second ever (to my knowledge) al anoon meeting in lusaka, zambia. the 2 people i was expecting couldn't make it. one was sick and one was tied up at work. however i still had a good time. i gave some literature to the landlords and also a lady who lives in the...	Megthompson	4	881	Nov 13, 2010 by Megthompson
	11.07.10 MIP Chatroom Group Business Meeting Minutes (Preview) Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. October minutes were approved as written. First item: Meeting schedule. AM MON Shimo TUES xeno WED Iona THURS OPEN FRI Blendergirl SAT OPEN SUN (Spiritual) Kittyoflight PM MON grammie TUES casa WEDS kerisha THURS (Step/tradition)...	casa	0	436	Nov 13, 2010 by casa
	passive agressive (Preview) I went to an online meeting tonight of alanon. I was not going to do any recovery work today, just take a day off, because I spend most of my time helping others or working on myself. Well, tonight my a's behavior got to me. He like to be passive-aggressive and say yes when he means no. Anyway, he as...	living_with_my_a	6	905	Nov 12, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	ESH getting writing or other intimidating work done while depressed? (Preview) Anyone have ESH for someone trying to get schoolwork, writing, or other time-consuming "thinky" task done while dealing with the symptoms of living with an alcoholic? I have been feeling so down recently and finding it hard to work on my thesis. Monday I did great, wrote 9-noon and got lot...	Imogen421	4	628	Nov 12, 2010 by kitty
	Happy Veterans Day! (Preview) (((((Family))))), Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Veterans Day. I know there are many people in Alanon who have served and are serving down. There are many Alanoners who are children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives and friends of these wonderful people. As the daughter & granddaughe...	Karilynn	4	370	Nov 12, 2010 by Hoot Nanny
	Remembrance - a really difficult time for me, please help. (Preview) Remembrance Day is a really difficult time for me and I struggle each year with the lost, the waste, the pain and the turmoil of this world. We owe so much to so few and still they follow and take up the banner in the name of justice and peace. Lest we forget, we hold this day in remembrance hoping that the wo...	Suzannah	4	424	Nov 12, 2010 by xeno59
	How to balance???? (Preview) If happiness is an inside job, and I agree it is...but doesn't the outside matter as well? Aren't some situations in life more conducive to happiness and others less so? Is the grass at least sometimes greener on the other side? I really have a hard time accepting the opposite of those above thought...	mjhyankees	6	433	Nov 12, 2010 by xeno59
	Spinning my tires (Preview) I am stuck in neutral/reverse again. I cant seem to stop sitting, staring at the computer and trying to process things in my head. I am off work today, it is a beautiful day outside but I seem to be stuck living between my ears. Am I lazy, over analyzing, do I suffer from lack of direction? Quite possibly...	Ginger90	4	937	Nov 12, 2010 by xeno59
	Losing myself (Preview) Does the spouse of an A have any say or opinions in the home? I really would like an answer to this question? Are we to let the A spouse do what they want and we are to understand because they are sick?. How do we manage to keep our identities and protect who we are? Today I failed again because I peace...	dori711	4	661	Nov 12, 2010 by dori711
	Maybe this is balance......baby steps (Preview) I cant' deny the parts of my life that are frustrating and disappointing and saddening. What I can do is while acknowledging all of this also acknowledge the good. Maybe I'm unable to let go of that stuff right now, but i can still see the good (there is plenty of that) and not judge which is more importa...	mjhyankees	4	486	Nov 12, 2010 by xeno59
	Just another normal rescue...sheesh (Preview) Thought I would share this letter I had written just now to my friend in Louisiana. love mom,deb I was outside putting med in Arni big pigs eye. swollen. We were on the south deck. Then I started picking up all the railing I took off the deck and moved it to a pile. Put a tarp over it, will reuse it. Put all th...	lyndebi	2	659	Nov 12, 2010 by xeno59
	Feelings List (Preview) Hello everyone. I just moved to Clover, SC from Wilmington, NC. I went to my second meeting to Lake Wylie tonight and they were talking about what seems to be a most useful FEELINGS LIST. No one in the meeting had one available. I looked it up online, but was unable to retrieve it. Does anyone have one that...	Miele0607	4	4720	Nov 12, 2010 by Miele0607
	another step forward (Preview) I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and we are both pleased with the progress I'm making. We talked about areas where I'm having an easier time detaching, versus areas where it's still a challenge. One of my more challenging areas is not getting worried/anxious when my AH and i don't talk or text during t...	stephaniej	3	648	Nov 12, 2010 by tlcate
	New to board, have a couple questions (Preview) Hi everyone, I've been snooping around and decided to join. My husband is an alcoholic. He's been to two AA sessions (apparently) but still 'hides' drinking. We've only been married just over a year - in our late twenties. Lies, ridiculous excuses, outlandish stories of why there's a stash behind s...	danielle0516	7	1152	Nov 12, 2010 by danielle0516
	Lots of advice to "change me".... (Preview) And I get it...there are things that need changing about me. And I'm working on that too. But there is this nagging thought. What if i change and it's still not enough? That I'm not happier enough to feel a difference, that things at home really don't improve that much, that I put in 99% work for a 1% imp...	mjhyankees	7	903	Nov 12, 2010 by kitty
	So thankful for the AlAnon convention tomorrow~ (Preview) Tomorrow I will be attending my second AlAnon convention, and my HP could not have brought it at a better time for me. Struggles in my mind and heart have left me confused and beat down the past three weeks, and trying to do the next right thing when I'm not certain what it is, is hard....Trying to do it wi...	shellyj123	3	423	Nov 12, 2010 by Jerry F
	What took me so long to realize that he was an alcoholic? (Preview) I have been in a relationship with a man who had a history of substance abuse. He lost his family, everything really. He has been through treatment and would say how long it has been since he has been cocaine free, somewhere around 5 years. Seems he quit one and picked up another. Thought he was sober...	melissimala	6	756	Nov 11, 2010 by lyndebi
	I swear he's trying to make me jealous.... how do I not let it make me crazy?? (Preview) I am sure it comes from his own problems with low self esteem, because he is SUCH a braggart and always has been, about how great he does everything, and how great they think he is at work. Honestly I would have agreed up till a couple months ago, I thought he was the greatest thing ever and he said I made him...	oklahoma momof5	7	3150	Nov 11, 2010 by lyndebi
	Reluctant to own my needs (Preview) I've been renegotiating a commercial lease with a rental company .... actually with multiple companies since more than one deal has not gone through as planned, and now I am to the final stages of the fine points on the lease. I am noticing that instead of asking for what I want, all the things that will b...	Jennifer	4	450	Nov 11, 2010 by Jennifer
	what am I doing?! (Preview) I don't know what I'm doing. Why I am crying today. I just feel lonely, I guess. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this...my A ex boyfriend says he has been in NA with a sponsor for 4 weeks. He can't be with me and doesn't know if he ever will. But he has started a new relationship with a women who is g...	clteach	6	670	Nov 11, 2010 by clteach
	Argg....same old stuff...... (Preview) Actually had a pretty good week and was feeling pretty good. Therapy session uncovered some stuff and I found myself falling back on the pity pot. God, I hate feeling like this....I believe I deserve better from life than I've gotten...but I have to try to find happiness and contentment along the wa...	mjhyankees	4	570	Nov 11, 2010 by xeno59
	Online Sponsorship (Preview) Hello everyone! I've been in al-anon for about 4-5 months now. I used to go to anywhere from 5 meetings a week to 1. Unfortunately, I live out in the country and the nearest meeting is a half hour away. Obviously when I was going to 5 a week I was really focusing and drilling the program into my head and devo...	susie56543	5	2877	Nov 11, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Emotions and Feelings.... (Preview) I have spent my whole life ignoring my feelings and emotions. I have stuffed them so others would be happy. I have stayed in relationships that hurt. I have gotten hurt by people again and again only to go back for more. I may have really not known what I was feeling, because I never really learned t...	sunflowergirl	5	949	Nov 11, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	just realized (Preview) It is so easy for me to take on the feelings of loved ones. If they are worried, I start to become worried, if they are angry, I start to become angry, etc. I am noticing how automatic these reactions are for me. No wonder I have felt so angry and exhausted. I have been carrying my feelings, plus the feelings...	kath	3	575	Nov 11, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Felt good for the wrong reasons..... (Preview) Wife has been in a good mood lately and quite tolerable and easy to communicate with, so I noticed I was feeling happier these days. Ok, probably fairly normal thing, but it struck me that I've got to learn to feel this good regardless of her mood. I've been codependant on her moods that affected how I f...	mjhyankees	10	1071	Nov 11, 2010 by Ginger90
	An object in motion . . . (Preview) I am exhausted but I can't quit smiling. I am in my new home - the first one that I own - a week today. IT IS GORGEOUS!!! I just registered for college with my daughter, she and I are both going. I turn 40 next week and I will quit smoking then and have no fear that I will succeed at that. I have already cut bac...	tlcate	6	451	Nov 11, 2010 by tiredtonite
	How do you not get drawn back in? (Preview) Hi again. I am trying so hard to detach from my A. I am finding that no contact seems to work the best. Myself and my children are the most important people in my life and I refuse to let this person be around my children and witness his using and moods. He hasn't met them yet and the way things are, he never...	member922	18	1144	Nov 11, 2010 by kitty
	Just when you think things are getting better (Preview) ... AH has been more like his old self lately although has never stopped drinking - just less and beer instead of brandy. He even took Son over to local pub/bar to play/shoot pool on Wed evening. He has also been talking about how we should celebrate our 40th wedding anniversay in Jan 2012 (like we have so...	Tattyhead	8	556	Nov 11, 2010 by Emi
	I keep getting into the same kinds of relationships, what is wrong with ME? (Preview) Hi everyone, Just been thinking about all my relationships. After 2 failed marriages, another broken engagement, and now an engagement on the rocks, not to mention all the relationships before and in between.... I've come far enough in life to know that simply changing partners won't change my pr...	oklahoma momof5	13	798	Nov 11, 2010 by kitty
	FIRST AL ANON MEETING LUSAKA ZAMBIA AFRCIA, SO EXCITED!!!! (Preview) Hi All, Just to share with you last Friday the first Al Anon meeting took place in Lusaka, Zambia, Africa.It was great.We had 4 people, 2 with previous Al Anon experience. It was scary for me to be Chairing this meeting as it was my first time to attend a F2F meeting but it was just great. Then Saturday I got...	Megthompson	8	633	Nov 11, 2010 by kitty
	I don't know what I am doing (Preview) Any advice would be appreciated. I have been married 6 years, together 9. My husband's drinking has gotten so much worse in the last year. He told me he'd stop and go to meetings, etc. He admits he has a problem (his father was a violent alcoholic). He just switched to hiding his drinking and lying a...	Hoping for Happiness	3	996	Nov 11, 2010 by member922
	Frustrated with the Dry Drunk (Preview) Hi Family, Its been a while since I posted here but today I really needed a safe place to come and release. I have reunited with my ABF since June. He has gone back to his AA meetings. He is coming up on 20 yrs without a drop of alcohol but not much in the way of recovery. It is only these last months that he has ho...	Saved By Grace	3	824	Nov 10, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	How to talk to kids about alcholism/addiction? (Preview) Admist all of the emotions that come up when alcoholism or addiction has entered a family there are many questions about how to deal with it when it comes to the children. The good news is there are resources to help guide parents through this difficult process. check out this website http://www.pav...	KidSupport	2	657	Nov 10, 2010 by abbyal
	Sharing a small victory (Preview) Last night I was on the phone with my AH. It became obvious after a time that he was trying to bait me into a fight about money. I remained as zen and as detached as I possibly could, and refused to engage in the drama. It felt so good! Thank you, Al Anon and MIP. This was but a step on a long, endless journey,...	stephaniej	5	462	Nov 10, 2010 by stephaniej
	Anyone stuck in the grieving process? (Preview) It has been a week since I have been with my Abf alone. We were supposed to have a date last night. I cried my eyes out of course. Still wishing he would email me or something. Then again, I hope he doesn't. Plus I had to have a gynelogical procedure yesterday. Nothing too major I guess, but still a rud...	member922	4	436	Nov 10, 2010 by member922
	Trying to deal (Preview) Thank you all for your support. The past couple days have been really hard, especially since I'm having a difficult time completely letting go of my A ex. Fortunately I have pneumonia and my parents won't let me leave the house. I know it sounds weird that I'm grateful to be so sick, but it is preventing m...	Brookiebabe222	3	624	Nov 10, 2010 by xeno59
	little update (Preview) I sure don't know how you guys who live with so much stress do it. I have been very fortunate since AH has been gone, to have a pretty mellow life. Of course some hard times, but nothing like what it is like to live with or have an A involved in your life. My mortgage advocate called. The good news is the mortga...	lyndebi	8	358	Nov 10, 2010 by lyndebi
	Not taking it personally...thank you all!! Grateful! (Preview) Yesterday was a long story. To make it short, because of the weather and my bad decision making skills, I got to work late, had to take my son to school in the middle of my work morning because school was delayed (For an inch of snow) and then felt like a chump because people at work had to watch the front des...	sunflowergirl	3	1142	Nov 9, 2010 by xeno59
	Suspicion (Preview) I have been in Al-Anon off and on for about a yr. the last 2 months going weekly 2-3X's a week and I am struggling with suspicion. My AH wife is in recovery and attending AA regularly, but at night time lately her voice just seems off and I instantly have my stomach sinking feeling and start analyzying. It i...	ntxalanon	7	1011	Nov 9, 2010 by xeno59
	drop like flies (Preview) I gain more and more of an insight that this really is an illness the longer I am with my ABF. he was sober for 6 months last year. then he drank when his nephew died it started to progress over 9 months then bang another big rock bottom I stayed out of the way thanks to Al anon. He put him self in rehab god lov...	Tracy	3	659	Nov 9, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Praise for my life (Preview) Praise God for my life. Am so happy to have my three most precious beautiful daughters. Am so blessed by nature. It is a free art show, just looking up to the sky. Am so blessed by music. It is a free concert as I drive in my car, or as I clean this messy house! There are many other wonderful things to praise, an...	kath	8	708	Nov 9, 2010 by RLC
	Not to be a downer but... (Preview) I haven't been around in a while. Been trying to get divorced from my AH for 2 years now. The latest hold up is him giving the wrong wedding date at the deposition. Since it didn't match the actual date everything is on hold until he comes from out of state to sign something stating the correct date. I don' t...	babysteps	5	664	Nov 9, 2010 by Jerry F
	My wife seems to have had a breakthrough--now what? (Preview) My wife expressed to me on Saturday night that she is "done" with alcohol. She didn't say it in a boastful or arrogant way. It was as if she was finally surrending. This was after a bad night on Friday where she drank heavily. She basically just seems to have given in--she said she is done lying...	usedtobeanyer	11	979	Nov 9, 2010 by usedtobeanyer
	handling things better....still a ways to go. (Preview) Wife was in a bad mood and started in on me over the phone. Rather than argue, defend etc. I said "You are upsetting me, I have to go now" and hung up the phone. When I got home she acted like nothing happened but was warily checking me out to see if I was mad, which I wasn't by then. Problem is the kn...	mjhyankees	7	553	Nov 9, 2010 by stephaniej
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.