Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

maresie · maresie

Christmas is next up for me on the calendar and normally I am full of issues around it. I can see now that most years I absolutely could not manage those issues so like any good al anoner I went to a practising alcoholic to try to to fix them. Talk about sabatage myself. I spent 7 Christmas's with the ex A try...

member922 · member922

I was up all night realizing that this will be the first Christmas morning that I will be alone. I made my choices, so it's nobody's fault but my own. Still makes me sad. I'm thinking of rejoining the gym so I will have somewhere to spend Christmas. What will you all be doing to cope? I know it's a hard tim...

failte · failte

Hi all Just to update you on my older post "desperately needing advice" things took a turn for the worse, I tried to get my husband to back me in putting down our new rule that my son would have ten weeks to leave, my husband dragged his feet and didnt agree with me and hadnt the courage to face ou...

tlcate · tlcate

So, after taking myself WAY too seriously, and as RLC said, getting a good chuckle at myself afterwards . . . I am snuggled up in my bed with one of my favorite books. Belly is full and I just smiled and laughed out loud. I thought I would share. "What's that you are writing?" asked Pooh, climbi...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

I am angry with my wife. Even though she has been going to AA regularly, even though she has apparently been sober for close to a month...I'm just really mad about what has happened and where we are currently at in our relationship. I don't want to be so angry, I want to be sympathetic because I know she is s...

clep · clep

I have been working my program consistently. I realized the other night when my A and I were talking that it doesn't matter how I talk he is angry. I can be accusing, angry, gentle, not accusing, patient, etc. No matter how I talk he is upset about the "way" I am talking, or what I am saying....

sdisnie · sdisnie

Last week I was told I was "the love of my life and I'm not going anywhere" by my A......tonight, because of all the hell he's put my kids and I through and because I'm using a liason to speak through to him, he sent a nasty email full of pure hatred towards me. Amazing how they go from love to hate...

tlcate · tlcate

Nothing big. It is all in my head. Don't know if it is the chicken or the egg - getting depressed so I feel bad physically - or getting sick/hormones so it is making me depressed. Or it may just be this darned rain. Nothing to complain about. My life is great. Just the darned stories playing in my head....

sdisnie · sdisnie

Well.....there will be no intervention, there will be nothing. He is sick, his addiction has taken him over and he has specifically chosen his addiction over his family. The kids even told him a week ago......Pick your family or pick alcohol. He made his choice when he finally came out of hiding thi...

DreamsOver · DreamsOver

I am going through a tough time right now. My AS came to our house a couple of nights ago and started drama with us and my stomach hasn't untied from the knot in it yet. There are so many triggers that makes my life very stressful, a song on the radio, a certain TV program or commercial, when the evening comes...

sdisnie · sdisnie

There are some people who are not involved in our lives (my life), or have any idea about addiciton or what it's like to love an addict, and I wish those people would stay out of my life. Let it be, let it go, let me be. I will always love my AH.......ALWAYS, nothing can change that, I know that he is sick, I h...

Suzannah · Suzannah

If you are serious about changing: "1) The first person you must know is yourself. Human nature seems to endow us with the ability to size up everybody-except ourselves. If you're not comfortable with yourself, you won't be comfortable with others. And if you don't believe in yourself, your la...

Speck · Speck

Hi everybody Could anybody recommend me a suitable solicitor here in the UK? Basically whilst Ive been looking after my former partner for the last 15 years I have been subjected to slander, hate mail, texts, poison letters, threatening phone calls etc by her family who are the people who abused he...

Holly09 · Holly09

After being together 8 years my A boyfriend quit drinking October 31st. The decision was all his and surprised me. He actually told me he doesn't want to drink anymore. In the 8 yrs. of out relationship he has always told me he will never quit and that he didn't want to. He has been going to therepy a...

abbyal · abbyal

Years ago a friend taught me how to go thru the steps quickly when ever a dilema presented itself , that has saved me alot of grief . At a round up one weekend the speaker said , some days the chaos is so overwhelming that 12 steps just are too much so he gave us his formula for 4 steps which have also served me w...

Mattie · Mattie

I was reading about the importance of setting boundaries for good relationships -- something I'd never thought about in this way. My practice was always to bend over backwards trying to be accommodating, since both my A and I saw my demands/boundaries -- for instance, for affection, equal say, etc...

Jozie · Jozie

Often Times I catch myself reaching out for the Next thing in my life, and yet somehow I dont feel Content with what I currently have I dont like that about myself, and I have been trying to make myself Aware of itI have so many things to be grateful for, and I do love the life I lead But when it comes to the proj...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Handling Family Problems"...as a family you must learn to cope with difficulties. So: 1) Try to remember that you're all on the same team. Don't take your frustrations out on your loved ones. Too often, home is where we go when we're tired of being 'nice.' 2) Before you speak, get the facts. Nothi...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I need some E S & H today... I need to hear some things about detaching and letting go. I need to hear about focusing on me.... Please help. I am in the trenches today. :( I am giving my stuff to HP to handle, but I feel alone and very sad.

Lyn0202 · Lyn0202

I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves that question. My BF and I are reaching the breaking point. He keeps hiding his little relapses from me and I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Today he came right out and said that, despite our previous agreement, he was no longer willing to fess up to me wh...

pamommy · pamommy

Talked with my dad tonight for the first time since my husband's horrendous behavior on Thanksgiving. For all his talk of how I have nothing to apologize for, he basically berated me for what my husband did. On the other end, my husband came home feeling sorry for himself again for how hard his life i...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Try to make this as brief as possible.... The A in my life was sober for a short period of time....working out of town and being alone and around heavy drinkers triggered him into taking a drink on Oct. 27th. This lead to a 11 day heavy extreme drinking binge (not working, not functioning, passed out 22 h...

glad · glad

I can't say for certain if it is the new anti-depressants my Doctor prescribed about two weeks ago, my determining to replace negative rambling worries with fun happiness and peace for me (repeating this over and over in my mind today) or the Alanon Meeting I attended Saturday but I can say for sure th...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Detachment is something that has gotten so much easier the more I've practiced it. I say "practiced" because it IS all just practice - I've not gotten it down perfectly by any means, but it is definitely easier. Today I had lunch with my AH. I was happy, enjoying his company, enjoying my lu...

stomoxys · stomoxys

Hi Everyone - I am still new to this forum and have seen lots of posts about the book "getting Them Sober". What is this book about? Also, I looked on Amazon and saw there is a work book? Would you recommend this book? And the workbook? Also, are there any other books anyone would recommend?...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Anyone do an intervention to get an A into treatment? How did it go, what steps did you take etc?

member922 · member922

So I get treated like crap this weekend by this Abf. Today I get the "sorry" email. Then he phones me and starts a fight. WTH?? Tells me that as soon as I change, by making him dinners (he wants a 1950's relationship), then he will change. If I do it first to prove my love or whatever, then he...

member922 · member922

My therapist has been really helpful in helping me draw connections from my childhood with Afather to today. I need to quit thinking (from childhood) "what if" and concentrate more on "what if not" (today). Just wanted to share.

glad · glad

Just for today when my mind trys to race and those same depressing thoughts try to roll around and around I will replace them with the words: Fun, happiness and peace for me today!

LarryWhiteford · LarryWhiteford

Thank you to xeno and Robinks for hosting the meeting this morning. Great meeting.

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

The book The Language of Letting Go made me think a lot today when I read about "the good days". I have had so many times in my life where something that feels good (anything) should also hurt or have a time when the other shoe falls and it turns out all wrong. The page on May 10th reminded me to e...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I had to do everything I could to maintain my composure last night. We went downtown to see the parade of lights, and to see the the lighting of the christmas tree. We found a place that was a restaurant that had outdoor seating where we had a great view of the parade. When we got there and got sat down, th...

Speck · Speck

This may be old news but just to share it with you anyway............ My councillor advised me to try acupuncture to relieve some of my stress and I guess anger, after the turmoil of the last 15 years. I gave it a go and completed my 6th session yesterday along with taking a selection of Chinese herbs. The...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Not planning anything or considering the possiblity of divorce at this time. But I'm wondering how divorce fits into our recovery process from Al Anon's perspective? Is it something that can be considered a natural step in the process of working on us?

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

I went grocery shopping this afternoon, and right when I got there AH calls me. He asked me if I was still at the store, which was odd, because the store is less than a 10 minute drive from my house, and he knows it usually takes me an hour total to get there, get groceries and come home. It was a strange conv...

pamommy · pamommy

Hi everyone, I'm so glad to have found this site. Please, please forgive the length, as I really need to get this out. Even if no one "listens." :) My husband has been a closet drinker our entire 4 year marriage, and probably for years before that. I didn't know the extent of it until Than...

tlcate · tlcate

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904

Bambina10 · Bambina10

Im getting educated in this matter but I still have a long road ahead of me. My husband is a binge drinker and every time he starts a binge he DISSAPEARS. He doesnt go with other women, as a fact he usually texts me the motel and room where he is at, or who's friend house. Can someone with any experience on thi...

stopandchat · stopandchat

Hi all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that mine was good this year - my AH was still actively drinking for the past 2 years. So, it was nice to be able to have a "normal" Thanksgiving this year. :) My question is this: does anyone else have difficulty steppare...

stephaniej · stephaniej

We had a lovely Thanksgiving. My AH arrived home late Wednesday evening. I had determined earlier in the week to enjoy the holiday, regardless of his attitude or behavior. I had a Plan B and a Plan C in mind, if he had been surly and difficult. I resolved to detach from his drinking and his abusive beh...

member922 · member922

Sorry to keep blabbing so much! So last night with the STBXabf lol. He starts contradicting everything he ever said to me about "straightening up his act" and replaces it with "nobody is going to tell me what to do". I wasn't planning on having this conversation with him for ano...

clep · clep

As some of you know I have been quite distressed about how to afford the smoking where my A is concerned. I decided today after much thought to just give him the remainder of our funds until Tuesday for his cigarettes which was only 20 dollars. I let him know I will not fight this anymore and will make his c...

kimmy1975 · kimmy1975

AH and I both smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are my only addiction. Last week AH made the announcement to me that he is going to cut way down on his smoking and eventually quit. Just a few minutes ago, we both went outside to smoke, and he jokingly called me a chimney. He said he has noticed that I seem to...

Andrea12 · Andrea12

Hello Friends, I haven't been around much of late. First of all had the flu or something for about a month, feeling somewhat better now. School is keeping me tied up as mid-terms are here and wow it's a lot of work. Espically for an old fart like me. Son got a job as soon as they called him in to ask if he had a...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Hello, so I'm constantly trying to work on me, going to my support group, church, everything, trying to stay busy while the A has been on a massive binge, basically this binge has been going on since Oct 28th, two weeks of intense non stop drinking with 3 hospital visits during that time span until the la...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, I really need some guidance please:) ok, so I'm trying really really hard to detach with love and set boundaries. I nicely told my AH while he was sober one day that we would no longer be having series talks while he is drunk. Also, that when he's drinking, I will try to longer get upset about...

clep · clep

Things are much more relaxed now in our home. I am just busying myself with my program and looking after myself. My one issue that still remains is if it is wise for his smoking money to come out of the family budget. After taking the budget back in hand there is not much left for the month of December. Ja...

shimo · shimo

I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday a.m. Al-Anon Meeting (November 29), as I will be out of town all day. Hopefully, someone will step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Just a reminder, any member present whether they be Room Ops or not can step up and do some service work by chair...

Flora123 · Flora123

Hi, I'm not sure if it is a UK problem, I know other members who are having same difficulty, but..... I just can not get into the chat room. This is not the first time, I spent half a night, and disabled stuff I did not know I had enabled.... but forget how I did it. There used to be a lovely member, I think he wa...

kerry5 · kerry5

Need chair for tonights Sunday night meeting, i am unable to attend. if someone could fill in i would appreciate it Thanks Kerry (aka kerisha)

Tattyhead · Tattyhead

Hello - just posting because feeling low at present. AH has started drinking again - seriously. If you have been following my particular saga you will know that AH nearly died in the summer. A three week stay in hospital put him on the road to recovery - at least it would have been if he had stayed off the bo...

member922 · member922

So my Abf has told me, a couple weeks ago, that he was going on the wagon with smoking/drinking. I know when he has been staying with me that he doesn't do those things. As far as at his own home, I have no idea what he does. I figure that is a topic that he can bring up if he chooses to talk about his progress...

Brookiebabe222 · Brookiebabe222

Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...

Speck · Speck

Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...

DreamXL · DreamXL

((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM

Jerry F · Jerry F

so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...

clep · clep

My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...

Jerry F · Jerry F

and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	going to the butchers to buy bread (Preview) Christmas is next up for me on the calendar and normally I am full of issues around it. I can see now that most years I absolutely could not manage those issues so like any good al anoner I went to a practising alcoholic to try to to fix them. Talk about sabatage myself. I spent 7 Christmas's with the ex A try...	maresie	8	857	Dec 3, 2010 by hotrod
	Holiday time starting to pack a punch (Preview) I was up all night realizing that this will be the first Christmas morning that I will be alone. I made my choices, so it's nobody's fault but my own. Still makes me sad. I'm thinking of rejoining the gym so I will have somewhere to spend Christmas. What will you all be doing to cope? I know it's a hard tim...	member922	13	869	Dec 3, 2010 by Jerry F
	update on desperately needing advice desperately needing advice (Preview) Hi all Just to update you on my older post "desperately needing advice" things took a turn for the worse, I tried to get my husband to back me in putting down our new rule that my son would have ten weeks to leave, my husband dragged his feet and didnt agree with me and hadnt the courage to face ou...	failte	7	696	Dec 3, 2010 by failte
	A ten thousand-mile journey starts with one step. (Preview) So, after taking myself WAY too seriously, and as RLC said, getting a good chuckle at myself afterwards . . . I am snuggled up in my bed with one of my favorite books. Belly is full and I just smiled and laughed out loud. I thought I would share. "What's that you are writing?" asked Pooh, climbi...	tlcate	4	1000	Dec 3, 2010 by lyndebi
	How to not be angry? (Preview) I am angry with my wife. Even though she has been going to AA regularly, even though she has apparently been sober for close to a month...I'm just really mad about what has happened and where we are currently at in our relationship. I don't want to be so angry, I want to be sympathetic because I know she is s...	usedtobeanyer	19	585	Dec 3, 2010 by hotrod
	I have a roomate (Preview) I have been working my program consistently. I realized the other night when my A and I were talking that it doesn't matter how I talk he is angry. I can be accusing, angry, gentle, not accusing, patient, etc. No matter how I talk he is upset about the "way" I am talking, or what I am saying....	clep	9	988	Dec 3, 2010 by member922
	From Love last week to pure hatred this week (Preview) Last week I was told I was "the love of my life and I'm not going anywhere" by my A......tonight, because of all the hell he's put my kids and I through and because I'm using a liason to speak through to him, he sent a nasty email full of pure hatred towards me. Amazing how they go from love to hate...	sdisnie	3	749	Dec 3, 2010 by Bettina
	Bad Day (Preview) Nothing big. It is all in my head. Don't know if it is the chicken or the egg - getting depressed so I feel bad physically - or getting sick/hormones so it is making me depressed. Or it may just be this darned rain. Nothing to complain about. My life is great. Just the darned stories playing in my head....	tlcate	7	727	Dec 3, 2010 by bud
	When they Choose their addiction (Preview) Well.....there will be no intervention, there will be nothing. He is sick, his addiction has taken him over and he has specifically chosen his addiction over his family. The kids even told him a week ago......Pick your family or pick alcohol. He made his choice when he finally came out of hiding thi...	sdisnie	8	1463	Dec 2, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Hello Everyone.... (Preview) I am going through a tough time right now. My AS came to our house a couple of nights ago and started drama with us and my stomach hasn't untied from the knot in it yet. There are so many triggers that makes my life very stressful, a song on the radio, a certain TV program or commercial, when the evening comes...	DreamsOver	2	540	Dec 2, 2010 by tlcate
	Some People Should mind their own business...just saying (Preview) There are some people who are not involved in our lives (my life), or have any idea about addiciton or what it's like to love an addict, and I wish those people would stay out of my life. Let it be, let it go, let me be. I will always love my AH.......ALWAYS, nothing can change that, I know that he is sick, I h...	sdisnie	9	1464	Dec 2, 2010 by tlcate
	Change (Preview) If you are serious about changing: "1) The first person you must know is yourself. Human nature seems to endow us with the ability to size up everybody-except ourselves. If you're not comfortable with yourself, you won't be comfortable with others. And if you don't believe in yourself, your la...	Suzannah	4	596	Dec 2, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Help Please - Legal contact needed in UK (Preview) Hi everybody Could anybody recommend me a suitable solicitor here in the UK? Basically whilst Ive been looking after my former partner for the last 15 years I have been subjected to slander, hate mail, texts, poison letters, threatening phone calls etc by her family who are the people who abused he...	Speck	4	356	Dec 2, 2010 by Speck
	When they quit (Preview) After being together 8 years my A boyfriend quit drinking October 31st. The decision was all his and surprised me. He actually told me he doesn't want to drink anymore. In the 8 yrs. of out relationship he has always told me he will never quit and that he didn't want to. He has been going to therepy a...	Holly09	5	774	Dec 2, 2010 by Jerry F
	Some days 12 steps are just too much . (Preview) Years ago a friend taught me how to go thru the steps quickly when ever a dilema presented itself , that has saved me alot of grief . At a round up one weekend the speaker said , some days the chaos is so overwhelming that 12 steps just are too much so he gave us his formula for 4 steps which have also served me w...	abbyal	7	813	Dec 1, 2010 by Imogen421
	Something that helped me (Preview) I was reading about the importance of setting boundaries for good relationships -- something I'd never thought about in this way. My practice was always to bend over backwards trying to be accommodating, since both my A and I saw my demands/boundaries -- for instance, for affection, equal say, etc...	Mattie	5	798	Dec 1, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Sick N Tired of being "Just that" (Preview) Often Times I catch myself reaching out for the Next thing in my life, and yet somehow I dont feel Content with what I currently have I dont like that about myself, and I have been trying to make myself Aware of itI have so many things to be grateful for, and I do love the life I lead But when it comes to the proj...	Jozie	4	1081	Dec 1, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Handling Family Problems (Preview) Handling Family Problems"...as a family you must learn to cope with difficulties. So: 1) Try to remember that you're all on the same team. Don't take your frustrations out on your loved ones. Too often, home is where we go when we're tired of being 'nice.' 2) Before you speak, get the facts. Nothi...	Suzannah	6	563	Dec 1, 2010 by glad lee
	Please help (Preview) I need some E S & H today... I need to hear some things about detaching and letting go. I need to hear about focusing on me.... Please help. I am in the trenches today. :( I am giving my stuff to HP to handle, but I feel alone and very sad.	sunflowergirl	13	1150	Dec 1, 2010 by tlcate
	Is it love? Or fear of being alone? (Preview) I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves that question. My BF and I are reaching the breaking point. He keeps hiding his little relapses from me and I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Today he came right out and said that, despite our previous agreement, he was no longer willing to fess up to me wh...	Lyn0202	13	4375	Dec 1, 2010 by tlcate
	Berated for my husband's behavior :( (Preview) Talked with my dad tonight for the first time since my husband's horrendous behavior on Thanksgiving. For all his talk of how I have nothing to apologize for, he basically berated me for what my husband did. On the other end, my husband came home feeling sorry for himself again for how hard his life i...	pamommy	11	1489	Dec 1, 2010 by glad lee
	Help me answer this question...Intervene to possibly save a life or let it go? (Preview) Try to make this as brief as possible.... The A in my life was sober for a short period of time....working out of town and being alone and around heavy drinkers triggered him into taking a drink on Oct. 27th. This lead to a 11 day heavy extreme drinking binge (not working, not functioning, passed out 22 h...	sdisnie	5	690	Dec 1, 2010 by abbyal
	Positive feelings do happen, hip hip horray!!!! (Preview) I can't say for certain if it is the new anti-depressants my Doctor prescribed about two weeks ago, my determining to replace negative rambling worries with fun happiness and peace for me (repeating this over and over in my mind today) or the Alanon Meeting I attended Saturday but I can say for sure th...	glad	3	1387	Dec 1, 2010 by tiredtonite
	Detachment (Preview) Detachment is something that has gotten so much easier the more I've practiced it. I say "practiced" because it IS all just practice - I've not gotten it down perfectly by any means, but it is definitely easier. Today I had lunch with my AH. I was happy, enjoying his company, enjoying my lu...	White Rabbit	10	650	Dec 1, 2010 by Sweet Stanley
	Getting them Sober (Preview) Hi Everyone - I am still new to this forum and have seen lots of posts about the book "getting Them Sober". What is this book about? Also, I looked on Amazon and saw there is a work book? Would you recommend this book? And the workbook? Also, are there any other books anyone would recommend?...	stomoxys	7	827	Nov 30, 2010 by nmike
	Intervention (Preview) Anyone do an intervention to get an A into treatment? How did it go, what steps did you take etc?	sdisnie	15	774	Nov 30, 2010 by member922
	I have run out of patience! (Preview) So I get treated like crap this weekend by this Abf. Today I get the "sorry" email. Then he phones me and starts a fight. WTH?? Tells me that as soon as I change, by making him dinners (he wants a 1950's relationship), then he will change. If I do it first to prove my love or whatever, then he...	member922	13	915	Nov 30, 2010 by member922
	Something interesting from therapy today (Preview) My therapist has been really helpful in helping me draw connections from my childhood with Afather to today. I need to quit thinking (from childhood) "what if" and concentrate more on "what if not" (today). Just wanted to share.	member922	3	735	Nov 30, 2010 by abbyal
	Fun, happinesss and peace for me today! (Preview) Just for today when my mind trys to race and those same depressing thoughts try to roll around and around I will replace them with the words: Fun, happiness and peace for me today!	glad	2	484	Nov 30, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	thank you for the meeting this morning (Preview) Thank you to xeno and Robinks for hosting the meeting this morning. Great meeting.	LarryWhiteford	1	506	Nov 30, 2010 by xeno59
	trying to not sabotage the good days... (Preview) The book The Language of Letting Go made me think a lot today when I read about "the good days". I have had so many times in my life where something that feels good (anything) should also hurt or have a time when the other shoe falls and it turns out all wrong. The page on May 10th reminded me to e...	sunflowergirl	3	719	Nov 30, 2010 by pineapple
	Difficult night last night (Preview) I had to do everything I could to maintain my composure last night. We went downtown to see the parade of lights, and to see the the lighting of the christmas tree. We found a place that was a restaurant that had outdoor seating where we had a great view of the parade. When we got there and got sat down, th...	kimmy1975	6	699	Nov 30, 2010 by kimmy1975
	Acupuncture (Preview) This may be old news but just to share it with you anyway............ My councillor advised me to try acupuncture to relieve some of my stress and I guess anger, after the turmoil of the last 15 years. I gave it a go and completed my 6th session yesterday along with taking a selection of Chinese herbs. The...	Speck	5	517	Nov 30, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Divorce (Preview) Not planning anything or considering the possiblity of divorce at this time. But I'm wondering how divorce fits into our recovery process from Al Anon's perspective? Is it something that can be considered a natural step in the process of working on us?	usedtobeanyer	12	1957	Nov 30, 2010 by abbyal
	I am so mad at myself that I could scream (Preview) I went grocery shopping this afternoon, and right when I got there AH calls me. He asked me if I was still at the store, which was odd, because the store is less than a 10 minute drive from my house, and he knows it usually takes me an hour total to get there, get groceries and come home. It was a strange conv...	kimmy1975	12	847	Nov 30, 2010 by Christy
	New here, new to recovery, need some advice (Preview) Hi everyone, I'm so glad to have found this site. Please, please forgive the length, as I really need to get this out. Even if no one "listens." :) My husband has been a closet drinker our entire 4 year marriage, and probably for years before that. I didn't know the extent of it until Than...	pamommy	9	904	Nov 29, 2010 by pamommy
	I like this advice . . . (Preview) http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904	tlcate	9	710	Nov 29, 2010 by lyndebi
	BINGE DRINKERS AND M.I.A. STYLE? (Preview) Im getting educated in this matter but I still have a long road ahead of me. My husband is a binge drinker and every time he starts a binge he DISSAPEARS. He doesnt go with other women, as a fact he usually texts me the motel and room where he is at, or who's friend house. Can someone with any experience on thi...	Bambina10	6	772	Nov 29, 2010 by Bettina
	Anyone out there married to an A and is also a stepparent? (Preview) Hi all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that mine was good this year - my AH was still actively drinking for the past 2 years. So, it was nice to be able to have a "normal" Thanksgiving this year. :) My question is this: does anyone else have difficulty steppare...	stopandchat	2	695	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	A happy Thanksgiving (Preview) We had a lovely Thanksgiving. My AH arrived home late Wednesday evening. I had determined earlier in the week to enjoy the holiday, regardless of his attitude or behavior. I had a Plan B and a Plan C in mind, if he had been surly and difficult. I resolved to detach from his drinking and his abusive beh...	stephaniej	2	436	Nov 29, 2010 by sunflowergirl
	Next step - the fight! (Preview) Sorry to keep blabbing so much! So last night with the STBXabf lol. He starts contradicting everything he ever said to me about "straightening up his act" and replaces it with "nobody is going to tell me what to do". I wasn't planning on having this conversation with him for ano...	member922	6	697	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	My program is bringing positive results (Preview) As some of you know I have been quite distressed about how to afford the smoking where my A is concerned. I decided today after much thought to just give him the remainder of our funds until Tuesday for his cigarettes which was only 20 dollars. I let him know I will not fight this anymore and will make his c...	clep	4	832	Nov 29, 2010 by clep
	Trying hard to keep my mouth shut (Preview) AH and I both smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are my only addiction. Last week AH made the announcement to me that he is going to cut way down on his smoking and eventually quit. Just a few minutes ago, we both went outside to smoke, and he jokingly called me a chimney. He said he has noticed that I seem to...	kimmy1975	4	841	Nov 29, 2010 by xeno59
	Trying to keep the Hope (Preview) Hello Friends, I haven't been around much of late. First of all had the flu or something for about a month, feeling somewhat better now. School is keeping me tied up as mid-terms are here and wow it's a lot of work. Espically for an old fart like me. Son got a job as soon as they called him in to ask if he had a...	Andrea12	6	712	Nov 29, 2010 by maresie
	Question on how to work on ME in a certain situation (Preview) Hello, so I'm constantly trying to work on me, going to my support group, church, everything, trying to stay busy while the A has been on a massive binge, basically this binge has been going on since Oct 28th, two weeks of intense non stop drinking with 3 hospital visits during that time span until the la...	sdisnie	6	813	Nov 29, 2010 by Bambina10
	detachement and boundaries question (Preview) Hi everyone, I really need some guidance please:) ok, so I'm trying really really hard to detach with love and set boundaries. I nicely told my AH while he was sober one day that we would no longer be having series talks while he is drunk. Also, that when he's drinking, I will try to longer get upset about...	danielle0516	6	908	Nov 29, 2010 by danielle0516
	Budgeting for cigarettes (Preview) Things are much more relaxed now in our home. I am just busying myself with my program and looking after myself. My one issue that still remains is if it is wise for his smoking money to come out of the family budget. After taking the budget back in hand there is not much left for the month of December. Ja...	clep	10	865	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	MONDAY A.M. AL-ANON MTG (Nov 29) (Preview) I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday a.m. Al-Anon Meeting (November 29), as I will be out of town all day. Hopefully, someone will step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Just a reminder, any member present whether they be Room Ops or not can step up and do some service work by chair...	shimo	1	403	Nov 28, 2010 by living_with_my_a
	Hard To Access Chat Room (Preview) Hi, I'm not sure if it is a UK problem, I know other members who are having same difficulty, but..... I just can not get into the chat room. This is not the first time, I spent half a night, and disabled stuff I did not know I had enabled.... but forget how I did it. There used to be a lovely member, I think he wa...	Flora123	0	431	Nov 28, 2010 by Flora123
	Need Chair for Tonights meeting 7pm est (Preview) Need chair for tonights Sunday night meeting, i am unable to attend. if someone could fill in i would appreciate it Thanks Kerry (aka kerisha)	kerry5	0	332	Nov 28, 2010 by kerry5
	Feeling low (Preview) Hello - just posting because feeling low at present. AH has started drinking again - seriously. If you have been following my particular saga you will know that AH nearly died in the summer. A three week stay in hospital put him on the road to recovery - at least it would have been if he had stayed off the bo...	Tattyhead	8	703	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	Was it wrong of me? (Preview) So my Abf has told me, a couple weeks ago, that he was going on the wagon with smoking/drinking. I know when he has been staying with me that he doesn't do those things. As far as at his own home, I have no idea what he does. I figure that is a topic that he can bring up if he chooses to talk about his progress...	member922	10	861	Nov 28, 2010 by lyndebi
	Still hard, but starting to heal (Preview) Hey everyone. So I'm still having a really hard time letting go of my ex A. Since he was my best friend and boyfriend, we did EVERYTHING together and went everywhere together. So naturally I'm reminded of him everywhere I go. But one thing that has helped is my family. I have been spending a lot of time wit...	Brookiebabe222	4	611	Nov 28, 2010 by ythannah
	Hello - My Story (Preview) Hi Everyone I'm new on here so I'll tell you my story....................... Strangely I thought this situation was rare, how wrong can you be. I kept it secret for some time, not knowing how to discuss it with friends, it's so vile you just don't know where to start. Then the cracks appear and you have t...	Speck	4	1247	Nov 28, 2010 by Speck
	Happy Birthday Kimmy :) (Preview) ((Kimmy))) Have a great birthday , Happy Happy Birthday !! May all your dreams come true..in Extra Large :) -- Edited by DreamXL on Thursday 25th of November 2010 09:15:58 AM	DreamXL	7	1189	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	My vision is getting (Preview) so much more clearer and I'm not talking about my eyesight alone. The surgery worked, is doing what I was told it would do and I had no idea that my spiritual vision had gotten so cloudy also. I am grateful that my eyesight was repairable and that in short weeks, if I follow directions and not mess with t...	Jerry F	6	823	Nov 28, 2010 by tlcate
	I'm so excited I could just burst (Preview) My day has been trying with my A again this morning but I am handling it okay. He feels he is not the same as other A's and does not have the same behaviors or thinking patterns. I did not argue it with him or try to share my views about it at all. I l just left him on his pedestle and will be here when he falls of...	clep	6	822	Nov 28, 2010 by clep
	Medication (Preview) My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common...	ntxalanon	11	982	Nov 28, 2010 by stopandchat
	On a good day it can make me laugh... (Preview) So this morning, my AH (who insists he is NO LONGER an alcoholic) wakes up feeling poorly. He exclaims..."All I had last night were two drinks...and I can't believe how awful I feel. I can't believe how much I used to be able to drink" (when he was on anti-depressants and benzos and therefore...	looking_for_peace	4	587	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Profoundly Thankful... (Preview) and grateful beyond imagination. Yes the surgery is over and the "Pirate patch" or "Fly eye" device will be surrendered to the surgeon tomorrow, Thanksgiving day. I mentioned earlier that I would not have wanted the surgery date changed when I was told the 24th and 25th beca...	Jerry F	12	1475	Nov 27, 2010 by Tattyhead
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.