Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

tortuga · tortuga

Today wasn't a good day. ABF out of rehab, me available to talk (what was i thinking again??), him torn between 'I hate you' -'i love you', accusing me, that he has been through hell, and all of it just for our love (he was a non-discovered alcoholic when we met, with my presence and awareness he had to come...

Katy · Katy

And so as not to hijack anyones thread, I lay in bed this morning reflecting on my relationships and there was soooooooooooo much I didn't notice about myself when I am busy evaluating everyone else, i can see how ron out it would make a person trying to figure everyone else out and then having such an hig...

Katy · Katy

Maybe this is principles over personalities, I had words with mydaughter last night, I found her to be a little harsh and short with me, so I told her that maybe she needs a change of attitude towards people as she seems to have alot of problems alot of the time, I could never do this before but for her sake a...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I've been here. Not frequently but reading and trying to sometimes comment. I read my daily readers, ODAT and C2C daily, they are amazing!!! I have my meeting, no matter how tired I am I never regret going!!! Last night I got home after a long day, and I could see it in his eyes, that he wasn't there. It was t...

Theoceancalls · Theoceancalls

So tonight was good then turbed bad. Isnt that the way in a active alcohoic marriage.i spent the day on lake without ah...he was working but it was saturday so drinking was involved. Id had a few on the lake too....we met back up around dinner time...it was clear he had "had a few" buf I ignored...

daisy31 · daisy31

How in the world do you detach from and set boundaries with family - that seems to be where I get stuck the most? I have such guilt when it comes it. I would love to hear your experiences and how you do it.

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, I've been on vacation in FL for the past 2.5 weeks. My 13 year old is currently playing in a top national tennis tournament and he's really enjoying the higher level competition. He lost all his matches but he's got a great attitude and is handling the losses really well. Also, I have been hit on 3 ti...

Outsider · Outsider

After a 30-day treatment and a few months of unsuccesful meetings I finally left my husband when the pain of living became too unbearable. We have two very small children (the only thing that kept me from jumping off a bridge) and I am completely capable of raising them alone...but the allure of a norm...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

So, here I go: It is a miracle that my AH is still married to me. Many reasons, many bad experiences to tell but I will be brief because I need to stop bringing up the past like it says in the do's & don'ts. It has been 13 years today since I married my husband on a beautiful sunny day! We started off strong b...

pam2012 · pam2012

As i have said i am very new here but i am lookn for advice n help as to how i can change my life for the better....

Katy · Katy

Let your smile change the world, But don't ever let the world change your smile .

pineapple · pineapple

I don't even know what to title this thread. My A and I have been separated for over a year now. Unfortunately we are still living on the same property, in a foreign country, which we jointly own-the property, not the country :) He is still drinking every day although his health has been rapidly deterior...

All I can be · All I can be

I wish to share todays entry from my journal as follows. I hope it helps someone. I am playing Scrapple and have the following letters remaining: QXWVWZV This is what is left by the time perfectionism takes away the basics. It is all useless by itself. A true perfectionist can not enjoy things and just...

Amandakay · Amandakay

Wow! Today's reading really hit home for my marriage situation... Although my husband is being a jerk... I can't make up my mind what I want and he called me out on it but I didn't believe him until I read today's reading and thought on it...It says, "...At a meeting, I was relating how my spouse was...

Ziola · Ziola

My recovering addict husband and I have been going to couples counseling but sometimes I feel like it's never going to work because it legitimizes his insane behavior. He projects all his frustrations onto me, blaming me, etc. He treats me so disrespectfully I feel like it's bordering on being abusi...

Pushka · Pushka

Thank you so very much for walking with me on this difficult journey. Court was today and I'm a little confused what my STBXA (soon to be ex alcoholic) thought was going to happen? He apparently feels blindsided and I could see a serious look of defeat on him today after court. I am in a really weird pla...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Sometimes I think timing is everything! I have been noticing how much timing makes a difference in my life lately. I just think about something sometimes & it comes to fruition. I ask & I get! I give & I receive. I am blessed & I am a blessing to others. I have a lot to offer this program &am...

summer242 · summer242

My mom has been drinking for as long as I can remember. Along with her drinking came physical and mental abuse toward everyone else in the house (myself, my sister, and my father). Growing up I had a love/hate relationship with her. When she was sober, she was fun, caring, and lovable. Then when she dran...

Amandakay · Amandakay

Okay, so I am finding myself flirting with the option of divorce. It is an option afterall. I don't have to chose to live like this but I need to know that I am serious about a divorce and not using it as a tool to try and manipulate my AH into being serious about his program/rehab and about us. Honestly, I...

katfshh · katfshh

My AF is finally on the East Coast. Phew! I spoke to his ex wife this am. His very close friend, 13 years sober in the program, picked him up. He told her that my AF is a big mess. (Um...I told them this already, but I guess they had to see if for themselves.) His sober friend is trying to get him to detox there. T...

amills4294 · amills4294

Hello all! I have found that when I get wrapped up in all that is going on or in my recovery that sometimes I forget to take care of my physical well being. I get so wrapped up in the emotional side of it and frankly my brain needs a vacation and my body needs help! LOL... I finally started getting physical...

dragonflys · dragonflys

I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I should move back to my hometown where all my friends and family live. I am here in Cali with a great job which I love dearly! I love the peeps I work with and really do enjoy the work I am doing. I dont think I can take this job with me...it would be a longshot to...

g319 · g319

Hoping someone can provide insight on the guilt that an A feels. I'm in my early 40's and a few months ago ran into a girl I knew 20 years ago. We were crazy about each other back in the day, but timing prevented us from ever getting together. I knew she ran into drug and alchol problems and it was one of the fir...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

He called me tonight sobbing. He is having a hard time with his Uncle who is dying and he goes and helps him do things around the house. His uncle has esophageal cancer and it is bring ing up memories for him of helping his Grandpa when he was dying of Lou Gerhig's disease 20 plus years ago. I have known him 1...

Lyne · Lyne

I can't shake the anger @ my mother's friend/caregiver, who is a major A & a control freak. He thinks he's helping but he is actually doing damage. I tried to let it go but sometimes the letting go is easier said than done. I am taking steps with my brother to remedy the situation, and hopefully the...

Carla042 · Carla042

Hi all, just came to read the message board and try to get right for the moment. I know where to come, now if I could only find the strength to reach out sooner rather than later..anyways my DD is back at recovery house after a crazy last few months...too long to go into but safe to say that I'm in the midst of c...

Katy · Katy

Help me so much to understand things from an alchoholics perspective, It is very important to me when you desrcibe the situation from thier eyes, in recovery and not, it helps me to separate myself from exspecting my alchoholic to be on the same page as me, and explains why these realtionships are very...

Shelliebear · Shelliebear

My mom survived 3 weeks of rehab and has been home almost 2 weeks. She's already drinking again and worse my dad is enabling her. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. She makes a good point--she says, "A person with an eating disorder wouldn't never eat food again." So she thinks she ca...

AStrongerMe · AStrongerMe

I'm stubborn and I know it. I like me and my personality but I like knowing my limitations. So through this whole relapse experience with my BF (been going between calling him ABF and RBF.. just going to stick with BF) I've had to really face that I might have made some huge strides in my illness (who am I...

katfshh · katfshh

My AF left this morning. We live on the west coast, he is from the east coast. He left here on a flight about an hour ago. I dropped him off at the airport. He had all of his clothes and pretty much everything he can transport that wasn't furniture or tools. I didn't even give him a hug goodbye. I couldn't even...

Bettina · Bettina

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echo's of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration" These are the words of American writer Pearl S. Buck. Easy for Pear...

Debh · Debh

Hi..first post but been reading for a while..all your posts have been so helpful. Married 15 years. AH left last July..just came back home not to get back together but because he had no where else to go. I've been in therapy for almost a year healing from the insanity of this disease. I have also met an ama...

tortuga · tortuga

Dear all, this is a longer post, but I really needed to get this out of the system.I need a little bit of help here to put things into perspective. I don't know, I keep loosing track. Somehow I know who I was, who I am, and why I'm here. And I started working on the 12 steps, and it slowly helps me to get calm and...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi all, been reading some of the posts on here and have heard talk about an asset list. It got me thinking one of the big affects that alcoholism has had on myself esteem is I am very critical and blamimg of myself. My ABF had no self esteem and pulled me down often in a very covert manner and this has took it...

JJ21 · JJ21

I feel like I need to go to an AA meeting and give them the third degree. Why, Why, Why...... Any former A's that can help with this would be appreciated...

Katy · Katy

It was always so easy for me to fall back on tired and well worn self pity, it's a been really really hard understanding how I got like this and to have faith that no matter what I can overcome the horriblist of things, I am a person that used to put things off that frightened me to tackle head on, all I ever did...

Amandakay · Amandakay

I think I'm trying to run before I walk. I want answers and I want them now... I am not being patient but I am being forced by my Higher Power to be patient and I don't like it. I just want to know if my marriage will eventually work out or not... but I have to take this all one day at a time. I know my husband is b...

willowtree · willowtree

I am recently back in touch with my parents after a few years of no contact due to family dysfunction ect...and it has been quite healing to reconcile with my parents but here are my issues. 1. How do I set boundaries when I don't know how to set them? My mother is very co dependant and I don't want to get s...

srn2 · srn2

Hi- I am feeling confused and could really use some advice or at least know that others have experienced something like this before and I am not alone. My recoving fiancée doownfall has always been his friends. He is very young, 23 but sought help and went to rehab on his own 2 years ago. He was sober for...

Chaya · Chaya

I'm truly pensive today. I've been spending a lot of time thinking and reading. I'm quiet though. I'm not thrashing about in the ways I have been when im hurt. I can handle this discomfort and sort through it. Maybe it's because I'm thinking now instead of obsessing. I am hurt and angry about my last rela...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

It is totally a God-thing that I experienced yesterday--the whole day was God showing me that he is there. First of all, I got a call from a lady who is visiting our area. I told her to call me if she got a chance. I ended up spending time talking to her. We have a lot in common. She used to go to Al-anon back when...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

I heard someone share in a meeting recently how "their own thinking" was always getting them into trouble in the past, and until they relinquished control and gave up the illusion that they "were in charge" they just continued to struggle and struggle. It was important for me t...

CDK · CDK

Last night before bed, I took a look at some photographs of myself and my kids that were taken about three months before I started dating my exA. Goodness. I was so stinkin' cute. I was thinner. My skin looked great. my posture was awesome. I had done my hair and makeup, and I remember that I used to do it tha...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

So out of the 4 guys I went on dates with I have no chemistry with any of them and 3 of them are clingon's, ready to settle into a relationship and own my space and time. Mr. grabby pants and Mr. codependent were already shut down, but today the guy I had a few fun dates with wants to go camping with my 2 kids and h...

Chaya · Chaya

Last night I dreamt of telling my ex on the phone how much he hurt me in the relationship and his inability to love another person, when suddenly his new gf gets on the phone and tells me before abruptly hanging up, "I feel loved by him." I woke up not knowing if it really happened as it was such a r...

Jessamine · Jessamine

I've been attending meetings since August but have struggled with the idea of taking the leap into working the steps. In recent weeks I've come to realize that the promises in step 3 are what I long for. I found a gal I can relate to and we talked a handful of times before I asked her to be my sponsor. We spent...

silent · silent

he has drank ad slept most of day ,decided he wanted a joint to smoke so called up someone he knew that could get him to one ,wanted me to go to drive him and i said no i didnt want to go over to where his freinds were ,he got mad and stomped out ,slammeing the door,he didnt want to drive cause he had been drinknin...

callmemara · callmemara

When discussing the first step, someone in my meeting said "powerless doesn't mean helpless" I like the way this sounds but don't understand what it means in reality. Any thoughts or an example would be nice if you care to share! thanks!~

Jennifer · Jennifer

I took every precaution to protect a certain portion of my life and laid out the boundary with well defined lines and consequences when i made the decision to stay a part of my exAH's support system. He knew them and crossed them. I handled it well the other day. Compassion, simple explanation and sever...

Eddie1248 · Eddie1248

Hey guys, I am going to ask a very basic question. I already know the answer to it, but sometimes it helps to get everyone else's input. My AW planned a cook-out for all of my family for this weekend. We were going to pick up my parents and my sister and meet at my grandmother's house about 90 out of town. ...

grannylips · grannylips

My 36 year old daughter is an alcoholic with 2 children in the home with her and her boyfriend who is the father of one child. I worry constantly about the kids. i have tried to make her see the damage the drinking is doing to her and her children. I try not to enable her but I have the children alot because of h...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Post if you agree w/ me that what goes around comes around. I had an experience w/ this just yesterday. Now to some folks finding money is not the biggest deal ever but I did yesterday. I believe that if I continue on the path I am on many blessings will come my way. I am already blessed beyond belief! I have t...

JJ21 · JJ21

All literature and doctors state that alcholism is a progessive disease. How long does it take to progress? How long are they generally in a stage, before it moves forward. I've had relatives that drank into their 70's. They were mentally imparied, but still held jobs and no major health issues...

kimberlyrt · kimberlyrt

My AH and I have had struggles with this disease for about 2-3 years now. He would binge drink for weeks then "stop" then go right back to it. It was a living nightmare. He was never violent, just passed out and our 4 year old son had to watch it all, and I could not control the rage that came over me...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

The topic in my meeting last night was focusing on yourself. We read the 12/29 entry in Courage to Change, which concludes with the quote "A man can see a speck on someone's hair, but cannot see the flies on his own nose". It's a great quote for me and a great topic for me as for really my entire ad...

Hopeful06 · Hopeful06

Hi, I'll try to keep this brief but am looking for some perspective with my current situation. I have been off and on with an alcoholic boyfriend for almost two years who I love very much. I've broken up with him several times as he was too deep in his disease (benzos, alcohol). In January he went to rehab f...

oldhippie · oldhippie

Been attending alanaon for few mts, my group consist of all married women with AH,, i attend because of my 33 yr old son,,having a hard time with powerless, first instinct is to rescue child when falling down,, no compassion for mothers,, is there literature that would help Moms??

Pushka · Pushka

I have to put this down in words .. oi .. the fact that I am semi normal or maybe I'm just this side of dysfunctional as a norm. There is a HUGE reason I have been in and out of therapy as long as I have. Anyway, my aunt passed away the other day and it's been kind of rough. I'm dealing with discovery paperwork a...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I have been in my new town for a month and well I have my 3rd date with guy number 3 tonight. Guy number 1 didn't make it to date number 2, guy number 2 I had a 3rd date with yesterday, guy number 3 is a first date tonight. I have been divorced for a year on the 19th of this month and have held off to work the steps a...

1911A1 · 1911A1

These were my personal Twelve Steps of Dysfunction. Maybe you can relate... 1. I admitted that I was powerless over EVERYTHING - in fact, people, places and things all had power over me. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than myself didn't give a flip about me - I was completely alone and on my own....

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	just got my ass kicked by ABF (Preview) Today wasn't a good day. ABF out of rehab, me available to talk (what was i thinking again??), him torn between 'I hate you' -'i love you', accusing me, that he has been through hell, and all of it just for our love (he was a non-discovered alcoholic when we met, with my presence and awareness he had to come...	tortuga	12	793	Jul 20, 2012 by katfshh
	On the strength of what I have read here this morning, (Preview) And so as not to hijack anyones thread, I lay in bed this morning reflecting on my relationships and there was soooooooooooo much I didn't notice about myself when I am busy evaluating everyone else, i can see how ron out it would make a person trying to figure everyone else out and then having such an hig...	Katy	1	394	Jul 20, 2012 by hotrod
	sometimes it pays to be the bigger person. (Preview) Maybe this is principles over personalities, I had words with mydaughter last night, I found her to be a little harsh and short with me, so I told her that maybe she needs a change of attitude towards people as she seems to have alot of problems alot of the time, I could never do this before but for her sake a...	Katy	2	496	Jul 20, 2012 by Tracy
	When they know (Preview) I've been here. Not frequently but reading and trying to sometimes comment. I read my daily readers, ODAT and C2C daily, they are amazing!!! I have my meeting, no matter how tired I am I never regret going!!! Last night I got home after a long day, and I could see it in his eyes, that he wasn't there. It was t...	Jackie11	7	698	Jul 20, 2012 by Theoceancalls
	Thinking of leaving.... (Preview) So tonight was good then turbed bad. Isnt that the way in a active alcohoic marriage.i spent the day on lake without ah...he was working but it was saturday so drinking was involved. Id had a few on the lake too....we met back up around dinner time...it was clear he had "had a few" buf I ignored...	Theoceancalls	7	656	Jul 20, 2012 by Theoceancalls
	How do you detach from family (Preview) How in the world do you detach from and set boundaries with family - that seems to be where I get stuck the most? I have such guilt when it comes it. I would love to hear your experiences and how you do it.	daisy31	7	993	Jul 20, 2012 by daisy31
	LOL, having fun in FL! (Preview) So, I've been on vacation in FL for the past 2.5 weeks. My 13 year old is currently playing in a top national tennis tournament and he's really enjoying the higher level competition. He lost all his matches but he's got a great attitude and is handling the losses really well. Also, I have been hit on 3 ti...	ilovedogs	3	398	Jul 19, 2012 by Inawhirl
	Divorce or not?? (Preview) After a 30-day treatment and a few months of unsuccesful meetings I finally left my husband when the pain of living became too unbearable. We have two very small children (the only thing that kept me from jumping off a bridge) and I am completely capable of raising them alone...but the allure of a norm...	Outsider	12	710	Jul 19, 2012 by Outsider
	13th anniversary & it is a miracle! (Preview) So, here I go: It is a miracle that my AH is still married to me. Many reasons, many bad experiences to tell but I will be brief because I need to stop bringing up the past like it says in the do's & don'ts. It has been 13 years today since I married my husband on a beautiful sunny day! We started off strong b...	Hoot Nanny	2	427	Jul 19, 2012 by Jackie11
	im very new to this but would like to get to talk to ppl from ireland for support. (Preview) As i have said i am very new here but i am lookn for advice n help as to how i can change my life for the better....	pam2012	1	343	Jul 19, 2012 by hotrod
	these help me:-) (Preview) Let your smile change the world, But don't ever let the world change your smile .	Katy	3	338	Jul 19, 2012 by ELEKTRAWMN
	??????? (Preview) I don't even know what to title this thread. My A and I have been separated for over a year now. Unfortunately we are still living on the same property, in a foreign country, which we jointly own-the property, not the country :) He is still drinking every day although his health has been rapidly deterior...	pineapple	8	1021	Jul 19, 2012 by Jerry F
	Perfectionism. (Preview) I wish to share todays entry from my journal as follows. I hope it helps someone. I am playing Scrapple and have the following letters remaining: QXWVWZV This is what is left by the time perfectionism takes away the basics. It is all useless by itself. A true perfectionist can not enjoy things and just...	All I can be	3	1716	Jul 19, 2012 by hotrod
	Hope for Today, July 18th's reading - Very Timely (Preview) Wow! Today's reading really hit home for my marriage situation... Although my husband is being a jerk... I can't make up my mind what I want and he called me out on it but I didn't believe him until I read today's reading and thought on it...It says, "...At a meeting, I was relating how my spouse was...	Amandakay	3	3590	Jul 19, 2012 by Amandakay
	Couples counseling (Preview) My recovering addict husband and I have been going to couples counseling but sometimes I feel like it's never going to work because it legitimizes his insane behavior. He projects all his frustrations onto me, blaming me, etc. He treats me so disrespectfully I feel like it's bordering on being abusi...	Ziola	5	685	Jul 18, 2012 by Outsider
	Update part II (Preview) Thank you so very much for walking with me on this difficult journey. Court was today and I'm a little confused what my STBXA (soon to be ex alcoholic) thought was going to happen? He apparently feels blindsided and I could see a serious look of defeat on him today after court. I am in a really weird pla...	Pushka	8	515	Jul 18, 2012 by Neesabean
	one thing to another (Preview) Sometimes I think timing is everything! I have been noticing how much timing makes a difference in my life lately. I just think about something sometimes & it comes to fruition. I ask & I get! I give & I receive. I am blessed & I am a blessing to others. I have a lot to offer this program &am...	Hoot Nanny	1	438	Jul 18, 2012 by Amandakay
	Should I cut off my alcoholic parent? (Preview) My mom has been drinking for as long as I can remember. Along with her drinking came physical and mental abuse toward everyone else in the house (myself, my sister, and my father). Growing up I had a love/hate relationship with her. When she was sober, she was fun, caring, and lovable. Then when she dran...	summer242	8	5706	Jul 18, 2012 by canadianguy
	Do I chose to stay or head towards another divorce... (Preview) Okay, so I am finding myself flirting with the option of divorce. It is an option afterall. I don't have to chose to live like this but I need to know that I am serious about a divorce and not using it as a tool to try and manipulate my AH into being serious about his program/rehab and about us. Honestly, I...	Amandakay	6	570	Jul 18, 2012 by Amandakay
	Phew! (Preview) My AF is finally on the East Coast. Phew! I spoke to his ex wife this am. His very close friend, 13 years sober in the program, picked him up. He told her that my AF is a big mess. (Um...I told them this already, but I guess they had to see if for themselves.) His sober friend is trying to get him to detox there. T...	katfshh	6	489	Jul 18, 2012 by katfshh
	Taking care of physical health as well (Preview) Hello all! I have found that when I get wrapped up in all that is going on or in my recovery that sometimes I forget to take care of my physical well being. I get so wrapped up in the emotional side of it and frankly my brain needs a vacation and my body needs help! LOL... I finally started getting physical...	amills4294	3	397	Jul 18, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Trying to figure out the next steps in the right direction (Preview) I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I should move back to my hometown where all my friends and family live. I am here in Cali with a great job which I love dearly! I love the peeps I work with and really do enjoy the work I am doing. I dont think I can take this job with me...it would be a longshot to...	dragonflys	5	596	Jul 18, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Guilt (Preview) Hoping someone can provide insight on the guilt that an A feels. I'm in my early 40's and a few months ago ran into a girl I knew 20 years ago. We were crazy about each other back in the day, but timing prevented us from ever getting together. I knew she ran into drug and alchol problems and it was one of the fir...	g319	5	658	Jul 17, 2012 by g319
	This has never happened to me in the 17 years I have known my exAH (Preview) He called me tonight sobbing. He is having a hard time with his Uncle who is dying and he goes and helps him do things around the house. His uncle has esophageal cancer and it is bring ing up memories for him of helping his Grandpa when he was dying of Lou Gerhig's disease 20 plus years ago. I have known him 1...	Breakingfree	4	448	Jul 17, 2012 by Pushka
	angry day (Preview) I can't shake the anger @ my mother's friend/caregiver, who is a major A & a control freak. He thinks he's helping but he is actually doing damage. I tried to let it go but sometimes the letting go is easier said than done. I am taking steps with my brother to remedy the situation, and hopefully the...	Lyne	1	298	Jul 17, 2012 by amills4294
	Struggling to stay in the minute... (Preview) Hi all, just came to read the message board and try to get right for the moment. I know where to come, now if I could only find the strength to reach out sooner rather than later..anyways my DD is back at recovery house after a crazy last few months...too long to go into but safe to say that I'm in the midst of c...	Carla042	7	533	Jul 17, 2012 by Carla042
	Jerry F, YOU? (Preview) Help me so much to understand things from an alchoholics perspective, It is very important to me when you desrcibe the situation from thier eyes, in recovery and not, it helps me to separate myself from exspecting my alchoholic to be on the same page as me, and explains why these realtionships are very...	Katy	3	411	Jul 17, 2012 by Jerry F
	She's drinking again (Preview) My mom survived 3 weeks of rehab and has been home almost 2 weeks. She's already drinking again and worse my dad is enabling her. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. She makes a good point--she says, "A person with an eating disorder wouldn't never eat food again." So she thinks she ca...	Shelliebear	2	533	Jul 17, 2012 by pinkchip
	Sometimes God is really loud (Preview) I'm stubborn and I know it. I like me and my personality but I like knowing my limitations. So through this whole relapse experience with my BF (been going between calling him ABF and RBF.. just going to stick with BF) I've had to really face that I might have made some huge strides in my illness (who am I...	AStrongerMe	4	576	Jul 17, 2012 by 1911A1
	He is all gone! (Preview) My AF left this morning. We live on the west coast, he is from the east coast. He left here on a flight about an hour ago. I dropped him off at the airport. He had all of his clothes and pretty much everything he can transport that wasn't furniture or tools. I didn't even give him a hug goodbye. I couldn't even...	katfshh	11	734	Jul 17, 2012 by CDK
	The Key to Happy Relationships starts with us! (Preview) "The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echo's of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration" These are the words of American writer Pearl S. Buck. Easy for Pear...	Bettina	3	403	Jul 17, 2012 by CDK
	Feeling bad for AH (Preview) Hi..first post but been reading for a while..all your posts have been so helpful. Married 15 years. AH left last July..just came back home not to get back together but because he had no where else to go. I've been in therapy for almost a year healing from the insanity of this disease. I have also met an ama...	Debh	3	446	Jul 17, 2012 by pinkchip
	I keep jumping off the train to recovery. (Preview) Dear all, this is a longer post, but I really needed to get this out of the system.I need a little bit of help here to put things into perspective. I don't know, I keep loosing track. Somehow I know who I was, who I am, and why I'm here. And I started working on the 12 steps, and it slowly helps me to get calm and...	tortuga	10	902	Jul 17, 2012 by Carla042
	what is good about me ? (Preview) Hi all, been reading some of the posts on here and have heard talk about an asset list. It got me thinking one of the big affects that alcoholism has had on myself esteem is I am very critical and blamimg of myself. My ABF had no self esteem and pulled me down often in a very covert manner and this has took it...	Tracy	13	664	Jul 17, 2012 by canadianguy
	CAN ANY FORMER A'S ENLIGHTEN US SPOUSES WHY U CHOOSE THE ALCOHOL (Preview) I feel like I need to go to an AA meeting and give them the third degree. Why, Why, Why...... Any former A's that can help with this would be appreciated...	JJ21	12	831	Jul 16, 2012 by likemyheart
	It's never too late! (Preview) It was always so easy for me to fall back on tired and well worn self pity, it's a been really really hard understanding how I got like this and to have faith that no matter what I can overcome the horriblist of things, I am a person that used to put things off that frightened me to tackle head on, all I ever did...	Katy	4	430	Jul 16, 2012 by Breakingfree
	My ramble for the day... (Preview) I think I'm trying to run before I walk. I want answers and I want them now... I am not being patient but I am being forced by my Higher Power to be patient and I don't like it. I just want to know if my marriage will eventually work out or not... but I have to take this all one day at a time. I know my husband is b...	Amandakay	4	406	Jul 16, 2012 by Amandakay
	Any thoughts for me? (Preview) I am recently back in touch with my parents after a few years of no contact due to family dysfunction ect...and it has been quite healing to reconcile with my parents but here are my issues. 1. How do I set boundaries when I don't know how to set them? My mother is very co dependant and I don't want to get s...	willowtree	7	521	Jul 16, 2012 by Debilyn
	AF asks to drink again? (Preview) Hi- I am feeling confused and could really use some advice or at least know that others have experienced something like this before and I am not alone. My recoving fiancée doownfall has always been his friends. He is very young, 23 but sought help and went to rehab on his own 2 years ago. He was sober for...	srn2	15	650	Jul 16, 2012 by GreenerGrass
	Self-forgiveness (Preview) I'm truly pensive today. I've been spending a lot of time thinking and reading. I'm quiet though. I'm not thrashing about in the ways I have been when im hurt. I can handle this discomfort and sort through it. Maybe it's because I'm thinking now instead of obsessing. I am hurt and angry about my last rela...	Chaya	4	521	Jul 16, 2012 by Jen
	another blessing; can I take anymore? (Preview) It is totally a God-thing that I experienced yesterday--the whole day was God showing me that he is there. First of all, I got a call from a lady who is visiting our area. I told her to call me if she got a chance. I ended up spending time talking to her. We have a lot in common. She used to go to Al-anon back when...	Hoot Nanny	4	437	Jul 16, 2012 by Jen
	Struggling with turning everything over to my higher power (Preview) I heard someone share in a meeting recently how "their own thinking" was always getting them into trouble in the past, and until they relinquished control and gave up the illusion that they "were in charge" they just continued to struggle and struggle. It was important for me t...	usedtobeanyer	10	798	Jul 16, 2012 by usedtobeanyer
	It wears on you... (Preview) Last night before bed, I took a look at some photographs of myself and my kids that were taken about three months before I started dating my exA. Goodness. I was so stinkin' cute. I was thinner. My skin looked great. my posture was awesome. I had done my hair and makeup, and I remember that I used to do it tha...	CDK	8	735	Jul 16, 2012 by Jen
	Hmm dating, what did I expect? (Preview) So out of the 4 guys I went on dates with I have no chemistry with any of them and 3 of them are clingon's, ready to settle into a relationship and own my space and time. Mr. grabby pants and Mr. codependent were already shut down, but today the guy I had a few fun dates with wants to go camping with my 2 kids and h...	Breakingfree	6	586	Jul 15, 2012 by Tigger
	Dreaming of hurt, waking up with resentment (Preview) Last night I dreamt of telling my ex on the phone how much he hurt me in the relationship and his inability to love another person, when suddenly his new gf gets on the phone and tells me before abruptly hanging up, "I feel loved by him." I woke up not knowing if it really happened as it was such a r...	Chaya	2	334	Jul 15, 2012 by JJ21
	Fear or Regret? Step 3 (Preview) I've been attending meetings since August but have struggled with the idea of taking the leap into working the steps. In recent weeks I've come to realize that the promises in step 3 are what I long for. I found a gal I can relate to and we talked a handful of times before I asked her to be my sponsor. We spent...	Jessamine	6	1054	Jul 15, 2012 by Jessamine
	a/bf is about to be at itagin (Preview) he has drank ad slept most of day ,decided he wanted a joint to smoke so called up someone he knew that could get him to one ,wanted me to go to drive him and i said no i didnt want to go over to where his freinds were ,he got mad and stomped out ,slammeing the door,he didnt want to drive cause he had been drinknin...	silent	9	657	Jul 15, 2012 by pinkchip
	Powerless not helpless (Preview) When discussing the first step, someone in my meeting said "powerless doesn't mean helpless" I like the way this sounds but don't understand what it means in reality. Any thoughts or an example would be nice if you care to share! thanks!~	callmemara	7	3760	Jul 15, 2012 by callmemara
	Vent (Preview) I took every precaution to protect a certain portion of my life and laid out the boundary with well defined lines and consequences when i made the decision to stay a part of my exAH's support system. He knew them and crossed them. I handled it well the other day. Compassion, simple explanation and sever...	Jennifer	4	508	Jul 15, 2012 by Jennifer
	Need a little advise on a tough decision (Preview) Hey guys, I am going to ask a very basic question. I already know the answer to it, but sometimes it helps to get everyone else's input. My AW planned a cook-out for all of my family for this weekend. We were going to pick up my parents and my sister and meet at my grandmother's house about 90 out of town. ...	Eddie1248	11	738	Jul 15, 2012 by hotrod
	My grandchildren with their alcoholic mother,my daughter. (Preview) My 36 year old daughter is an alcoholic with 2 children in the home with her and her boyfriend who is the father of one child. I worry constantly about the kids. i have tried to make her see the damage the drinking is doing to her and her children. I try not to enable her but I have the children alot because of h...	grannylips	3	4153	Jul 14, 2012 by grannylips
	what goes around comes around, right? (Preview) Post if you agree w/ me that what goes around comes around. I had an experience w/ this just yesterday. Now to some folks finding money is not the biggest deal ever but I did yesterday. I believe that if I continue on the path I am on many blessings will come my way. I am already blessed beyond belief! I have t...	Hoot Nanny	4	394	Jul 14, 2012 by Bettina
	Progressive Disease? (Preview) All literature and doctors state that alcholism is a progessive disease. How long does it take to progress? How long are they generally in a stage, before it moves forward. I've had relatives that drank into their 70's. They were mentally imparied, but still held jobs and no major health issues...	JJ21	9	610	Jul 14, 2012 by Chaya
	Recovery then Relapse (Preview) My AH and I have had struggles with this disease for about 2-3 years now. He would binge drink for weeks then "stop" then go right back to it. It was a living nightmare. He was never violent, just passed out and our 4 year old son had to watch it all, and I could not control the rage that came over me...	kimberlyrt	11	562	Jul 14, 2012 by grayduchess
	Focusing on yourself (Preview) The topic in my meeting last night was focusing on yourself. We read the 12/29 entry in Courage to Change, which concludes with the quote "A man can see a speck on someone's hair, but cannot see the flies on his own nose". It's a great quote for me and a great topic for me as for really my entire ad...	usedtobeanyer	6	574	Jul 14, 2012 by Jerry F
	New to this and need to make a decision to stay or go (Preview) Hi, I'll try to keep this brief but am looking for some perspective with my current situation. I have been off and on with an alcoholic boyfriend for almost two years who I love very much. I've broken up with him several times as he was too deep in his disease (benzos, alcohol). In January he went to rehab f...	Hopeful06	6	593	Jul 14, 2012 by Jerry F
	meetings? (Preview) Been attending alanaon for few mts, my group consist of all married women with AH,, i attend because of my 33 yr old son,,having a hard time with powerless, first instinct is to rescue child when falling down,, no compassion for mothers,, is there literature that would help Moms??	oldhippie	8	448	Jul 14, 2012 by xeno59
	Morbid story .. funny in a you gotta know my family .. (Preview) I have to put this down in words .. oi .. the fact that I am semi normal or maybe I'm just this side of dysfunctional as a norm. There is a HUGE reason I have been in and out of therapy as long as I have. Anyway, my aunt passed away the other day and it's been kind of rough. I'm dealing with discovery paperwork a...	Pushka	8	617	Jul 14, 2012 by amills4294
	Impulsive much? (Preview) I have been in my new town for a month and well I have my 3rd date with guy number 3 tonight. Guy number 1 didn't make it to date number 2, guy number 2 I had a 3rd date with yesterday, guy number 3 is a first date tonight. I have been divorced for a year on the 19th of this month and have held off to work the steps a...	Breakingfree	6	615	Jul 14, 2012 by Pushka
	My 12 Steps prior to recovery (Preview) These were my personal Twelve Steps of Dysfunction. Maybe you can relate... 1. I admitted that I was powerless over EVERYTHING - in fact, people, places and things all had power over me. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than myself didn't give a flip about me - I was completely alone and on my own....	1911A1	7	435	Jul 14, 2012 by Breakingfree
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.