Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · Truth

I am beginning to realize their is a difference between alcoholics/addicts and abusers. I am also beginning to realize that victims of domestic violence heal differently. I am beginning to see "red" flags of domestic violence in the rooms. These are the woman and men that appear out of co...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

Well, STBAX has the kids today. He offered to take our daughter for a haircut. Now this is after telling her he had no money and wouldn't until he'd been moved out and so on. I know him well enough to know he's thinking if he does this the judge will think he's a nice guy and he's going to lower the child s...

Caspita08 · Caspita08

TRIGGER WARNING...... link to image of addiction below So the wife of a very good friend of mine posted the following image on Facebook and I sort of lost it : I was so triggered that I blocked her. Well....truthfully first I mentioned that the picture was not funny as someone wh...

Truth · Truth

About the horse thief?

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH decided to tear down an old wooden play structure in our backyard. My older children with my first husband helped him build it. They remember helping him and it meant a lot to them, even though the structure needed to be torn down. It had termites and was in bad shape. My AH mentioned tearing it down t...

Truth · Truth

I am beginning to understand the fear tactics the alcoholics/addicts in my life use to control the situation. They accuse you of judging them, they accuse you not letting them make mistakes, they accuse you that you are responsible for who they associate with. They recruit and get negative advocate...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I just spoke to my relative whose functioning A (at least I think so) had a heart to heart talk with my AH in a bar (lol). Verdict is "you are asking for the impossible"( eyes rolling) "his job requires him to drink" (eyes continues to roll with blood pressure rising) and everyone t...

Gaby · Gaby

My morning started rough. I get a call from my sons daughters mom. I chose to not answer. This just tells me that my son has not been over there to see his daughter. I have not heard from my son for a week and have not seen him going on 4 weeks. I have to have to get my energy an my strenghth for what ever comes my wa...

sunshine23 · sunshine23

After I have moved out, AH also moved out after 10 days. Now I have two places to stay. Since I signed a 6 months lease, I am now responsible to pay this and my first house. my family members asked if I regretted moving out since I could have waited for 10 days and AH may moved by then. I actually feel that the ac...

StargazerLily · StargazerLily

I had a falling out with my parents over a year ago and have not spoken to them since then. My sister got mad me over it without talking to me about what happened. I wanted so badly to talk to her about it for a few reasons. In 2008 we tried family counseling with my parents but my parents dropped out because th...

Truth · Truth

Gosh I have so much trouble with this statement. What if sometimes it is real evidence appearing real and your body is reacting naturally?

sunshine23 · sunshine23

I have moved out for 2 weeks. I know it is definitely the right decision. Beside moving, I also divided our savings after he hurled insults at me about leaving him broke. He told that to people who know about our situation. Every time he said such things about me, it will hurt and drive me insane. How coul...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi I have a friend who's daughter is graduating this next week and is all upset about having to get her daughter a new dress. Excuse.....she's wearing a cap and gown why does she need a dress.

Well it took me back. I didn't have much of a family growing up because my mom died young and my dad was a very bu...

Mirandac · Mirandac

I am having problems with my dry a tone of voice.once in awhile his Tone will be nasty or disrespectful. I call call him on it sometimes, sometimes Other people are around or its the wrong time or place. Should i just hand him his nastiness back or Say " that tone of voice is not acceptable behavior&q...

giraffe13 · giraffe13

So. Phew. It has been 2 months since I saw him last. Passed out on the floor, and 2 weeks since we talked and I left him. I kept my side of the road clean through it all, despite his trying to trigger me. I didn't react. Inside some days I was raging mad at how irrational and angry he behaved after we broke up, ov...

Gaby · Gaby

Today marks 4 days I have not heard from my son. I believe he sold his phone. I have not seek my son going on 4 weeks. I am trying to stay busy.. And praying. And believing and having faith that god will pull me through this and I know our god is with my son. But I do have to admit it hurts. I say over and over my son k...

Beeker · Beeker

Hi guys, I'm new to the board and to Al-Anon. I need some advice concerning my older brother, who is an alcoholic. Apparently he has had a problem for about 10 years and it has grown increasingly serious, with some particularly bad events happening this past December, but since he lives is a different...

mongowal · mongowal

I received divorce papers the other day, STBEX wants the divorce as soon as possible so he can come out with his relationship to the woman he had the affair with me on. Of course I'm hurt but trying at the same time to realize that this is my HP plan for me and it must be for my betterment. Since my STBEX h...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I know I was with him 15 years and he knows how to push my buttons like no one else, but I have gotten so good at not communicating with him and letting my 16 year old and him work out visitation through text, that I forget what a pain he can be. I will have been divorced 3 years this July and it has gotten easier e...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

It has been years that I have had an AH. He goes to meetings regularly and still relapses consistently. Just when I think he has sobriety like some of the AA members have had for many years, he is drinking again. I feel our marriage is being undermined steadily. After each bout, I usually feel depres...

Thoughtanya · Thoughtanya

I just typed a long long long email to my husband who drove home drunk again last night... The long email was beautifully written, with love... But it was about what I call boundaries... I sent it to him or I thought idid... Then I looked in my sent mail to re- read it... Not there!!!! Ahhhhh do you think thi...

Mari1978 · Mari1978

I would like to thank all those who have shared experiences on what we can do to be supportive. My 7 year old is ever challenging and her genetics scream her father quite often. After a difficult day and feeling exhausted and a little weak I dialed her bio dads number. I didn't know why I bothered I didn...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I had a great therapy appointment today and I really needed it and something that he said that really struck me was about anxiety and what part it plays in terms of for me why I had basically what he classified as a mini panic attack recently that really really threw me .. I am really not used to feeling thi...

bluedawn · bluedawn

I am new. I am seeking help. I am not sure I am on even in the right place or how to do this.

el-cee · el-cee

I tried to ask a question about this but it is a closed topic. I dont know anything about copyright or the risks to this site so I think its important to have clarification on it. As far as I know we are ok to post small extracts, not full pages, as long as we state where it came from. Is this correct? Alanon all...

Onlyhope · Onlyhope

Today it's been ten weeks since I've spoken to my daughter and her husband who are my current active A's in my life. I was heartbroken 12 weeks ago when I found out that my daughter had become an active alcoholic along with her husband. We went through years of her in recovery from drugs as a young teenage...

onestep33 · onestep33

Hi all, I've been lurking for awhile since my AH went to rehab after stealing thousands of dollars from his parents because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol. He had a spiritual awakening at rehab and is home now and seems to be doing well. He is attending meetings once or twice a day, working with h...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

So I know I'm not suppose to focus on my stbax .. however .. LOL .. that being said .. this was something else that came up in therapy the other day .. There is some BIG dejvu happening right now .. 2 1/2 years he's back at his mothers for the 3rd time 5th move during this time. So pretty much he's in the exact sa...

abba31 · abba31

I want to try and start taking my 17 year old and going to some meetings...however i have 2 smaller boys that cannot be left at home.

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

I was at a family type event yesterday.... AH had originally planned to be there, until he decided that the cure for his hangover was more beer. At the family event, a friend says, "Where is Brad today?" (Not really his name....) The thought that ran through my head was, "He's cur...

Beatrice · Beatrice

" You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it." Coehlo

oldergal · oldergal

A New Kind of DoingThursday, May 22, 2014 In the second half of life, we do not have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people, as much as we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happ...

el-cee · el-cee

A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...

Beatrice · Beatrice

"Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo

Slugcat · Slugcat

So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...

deacon · deacon

and then, almost every time you go away for a few hours, gets into the alcohol, what does that really say about your relationship. I am just so emotionally tired of coming home and finding him trying ever so hard to hide that he has been drinking. I suspect that his age is now really against him and he can't...

SunshineGirl · SunshineGirl

Hello all I am feeling very grateful to my program. One thing I learnt quite some time ago that has helped me enormously is that everything my AH does/says can be treated as an 'invitation' not a given. Meaning I can chose to accept the invitation to his fight, pity party, insanity, buy into lies, etc...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

My AH tried apologizing to me last night. I heard lots of excuses, a bit of blaming (even though he would follow it up with: that's my issue), and a lot of alternate reality talk. What I'm trying to remember is that he made an effort. What bothers me today is that I didn't care. I was more frustrated tha...

1lostmom · 1lostmom

I consider myself a good wife. I work full time, I do all the driving for my daughter to and from daycare, I make dinners when I am home first, and I grocery shop. On the weekends, I do a load or two of laundry so my husband, daughter and I have clean clothes for the week. I do ALL of the dishes in my house. My...

hotrod · hotrod

Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t57634504/alanon-step-7/

mm830 · mm830

i can't take credit for this one but it's got me thinking quite a bit. In yoga tonight the instructor told us there are two things, the story, and the truth. The story consists of all the dramatic details, i.e. the A drank a whole bottle of vodka then took off in his car and called and verbally attacked me an...

Kerrymom · Kerrymom

Growing up my older sister was always demanding attention, she's adopted and don't know if it's attachment disorder or something in her genes, but everything is always about her, even now when she has 3 wonderful kids, her problems are more important, if I was trying to talk to our mom she would either...

Jill · Jill

You consistently keep this site safe. I appreciate all the time and dedication you have.

Truth · Truth

He is not sick. He is not a victim. He is a twisted individual. I am not crazy. It is not my fault. I have power. He is not healthy. He is not a positive role model. A positive role model does not do what this man does.

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I kind of had an A-HA moment in terms of realizing that there is a good probability my STBAX will never be close to being the same man I married .. I don't think he was ok then .. however the progressiveness of the disease is unreal. I don't know why this struck me so hard last night. I consider myself fairl...

Gaby · Gaby

I'm a bit sad mad hurt confused!!! My son sent me a message yesterday that they let him go from work on Friday. I was not surprised. This disease or I should say his poor choices will take everything away from him. This message was about noon. Then I get a message in the late PM and he said mom my phones about t...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Im having the tough time excepting my son and his denials and non-truths. He cant tell me anything without exaggerating it to the max or lying about it. I asked him yesterday if he had talked to his dad and he said no. I know for a fact he did. When I was quite about it, he then said. oh I think I talked to hi...

KennyFenderjazz · KennyFenderjazz

I was waiting for the wife outside her meeting last night. She came up and introduced me to a couple that were at her meeting the first time. The guy was an A, hadn't been to AA for 30 years, hadn't drank in thAT time, but HAD recently relapsed. his wife went to the meeting because it was open, but my wife r...

Frustrated Daughter · Frustrated Daughter

Today casually texting with my mother turned bad when I realized she was in fact drunk at 2 in the afternoon and had started a text rant about members of our extended family. My cousin expressed a couple years ago that my mother thinks she's better than the rest of the family. The thing I don't understand...

Truth · Truth

So at our mediation session my ex-a tried to label me as judge and jury. I never once said the word good or bad, (he did) however I stuck to behaviors. He also told me I was bi-polar. Today I am having a hard time not letting his comments sink in. I know I need rest.

Fifi · Fifi

These days the little things show me how much work I have to do for myself and for healing my disease. Example. It is night time and I go to bed early with a migraine. When sober BF comes to bed, I wake up. I feel upset and "wronged" because "he woke me up". I still have my migraine and I...

Hot Chicka · Hot Chicka

My older son is noticing more and more when AH is drinking. Most of the drinking is done after the kids go to bed, but lately he's been spending more and more weekends drinking all weekend. My son says.... "He acts so weird." "He talks so funny." "He smells so bad."...

Lyne · Lyne

When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...

PP · PP

ssilver · ssilver

Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...

lookingup · lookingup

Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...

Gaby · Gaby

Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...

sadsusie · sadsusie

Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Alcoholics/addicts and Abusers (Preview) I am beginning to realize their is a difference between alcoholics/addicts and abusers. I am also beginning to realize that victims of domestic violence heal differently. I am beginning to see "red" flags of domestic violence in the rooms. These are the woman and men that appear out of co...	Truth	13	573	May 26, 2014 by grateful2be
	Follow up to irony .. (Preview) Well, STBAX has the kids today. He offered to take our daughter for a haircut. Now this is after telling her he had no money and wouldn't until he'd been moved out and so on. I know him well enough to know he's thinking if he does this the judge will think he's a nice guy and he's going to lower the child s...	SerenityRUS	5	305	May 26, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Overly sensitive at offensive jokes? (Preview) TRIGGER WARNING...... link to image of addiction below So the wife of a very good friend of mine posted the following image on Facebook and I sort of lost it : I was so triggered that I blocked her. Well....truthfully first I mentioned that the picture was not funny as someone wh...	Caspita08	6	542	May 25, 2014 by Caspita08
	What is the saying.... (Preview) About the horse thief?	Truth	9	249	May 25, 2014 by hotrod
	I have to stop engaging in conversation with the A. He did something malicious :( (Preview) My AH decided to tear down an old wooden play structure in our backyard. My older children with my first husband helped him build it. They remember helping him and it meant a lot to them, even though the structure needed to be torn down. It had termites and was in bad shape. My AH mentioned tearing it down t...	Newlife girl	8	386	May 25, 2014 by Debilyn
	Using Fear Tactics to Control (Preview) I am beginning to understand the fear tactics the alcoholics/addicts in my life use to control the situation. They accuse you of judging them, they accuse you not letting them make mistakes, they accuse you that you are responsible for who they associate with. They recruit and get negative advocate...	Truth	9	651	May 25, 2014 by Truth
	Keeping cool (Preview) I just spoke to my relative whose functioning A (at least I think so) had a heart to heart talk with my AH in a bar (lol). Verdict is "you are asking for the impossible"( eyes rolling) "his job requires him to drink" (eyes continues to roll with blood pressure rising) and everyone t...	sunshine23	7	396	May 25, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Needing to express what I feel... (Preview) My morning started rough. I get a call from my sons daughters mom. I chose to not answer. This just tells me that my son has not been over there to see his daughter. I have not heard from my son for a week and have not seen him going on 4 weeks. I have to have to get my energy an my strenghth for what ever comes my wa...	Gaby	6	417	May 25, 2014 by Pamela1954
	Moving out, enabling and resentment (Preview) After I have moved out, AH also moved out after 10 days. Now I have two places to stay. Since I signed a 6 months lease, I am now responsible to pay this and my first house. my family members asked if I regretted moving out since I could have waited for 10 days and AH may moved by then. I actually feel that the ac...	sunshine23	11	647	May 25, 2014 by ssilver
	Sister's wedding is stirring things up (Preview) I had a falling out with my parents over a year ago and have not spoken to them since then. My sister got mad me over it without talking to me about what happened. I wanted so badly to talk to her about it for a few reasons. In 2008 we tried family counseling with my parents but my parents dropped out because th...	StargazerLily	21	745	May 24, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real (Preview) Gosh I have so much trouble with this statement. What if sometimes it is real evidence appearing real and your body is reacting naturally?	Truth	33	951	May 24, 2014 by grateful2be
	Staying detach (Preview) I have moved out for 2 weeks. I know it is definitely the right decision. Beside moving, I also divided our savings after he hurled insults at me about leaving him broke. He told that to people who know about our situation. Every time he said such things about me, it will hurt and drive me insane. How coul...	sunshine23	6	541	May 24, 2014 by Debilyn
	Remembering my Graduation (Preview) Hi I have a friend who's daughter is graduating this next week and is all upset about having to get her daughter a new dress. Excuse.....she's wearing a cap and gown why does she need a dress. Well it took me back. I didn't have much of a family growing up because my mom died young and my dad was a very bu...	Cathyinaz	3	461	May 24, 2014 by PP
	Tone of voice (Preview) I am having problems with my dry a tone of voice.once in awhile his Tone will be nasty or disrespectful. I call call him on it sometimes, sometimes Other people are around or its the wrong time or place. Should i just hand him his nastiness back or Say " that tone of voice is not acceptable behavior&q...	Mirandac	10	536	May 24, 2014 by Mirandac
	Fear of exabf dying (Preview) So. Phew. It has been 2 months since I saw him last. Passed out on the floor, and 2 weeks since we talked and I left him. I kept my side of the road clean through it all, despite his trying to trigger me. I didn't react. Inside some days I was raging mad at how irrational and angry he behaved after we broke up, ov...	giraffe13	12	405	May 24, 2014 by el-cee
	Heart breaker.. Please help me stay sane.. (Preview) Today marks 4 days I have not heard from my son. I believe he sold his phone. I have not seek my son going on 4 weeks. I am trying to stay busy.. And praying. And believing and having faith that god will pull me through this and I know our god is with my son. But I do have to admit it hurts. I say over and over my son k...	Gaby	6	483	May 24, 2014 by el-cee
	Need advice on sharing information (Preview) Hi guys, I'm new to the board and to Al-Anon. I need some advice concerning my older brother, who is an alcoholic. Apparently he has had a problem for about 10 years and it has grown increasingly serious, with some particularly bad events happening this past December, but since he lives is a different...	Beeker	10	496	May 24, 2014 by PP
	Does the Lying ever end? (Preview) I received divorce papers the other day, STBEX wants the divorce as soon as possible so he can come out with his relationship to the woman he had the affair with me on. Of course I'm hurt but trying at the same time to realize that this is my HP plan for me and it must be for my betterment. Since my STBEX h...	mongowal	14	593	May 24, 2014 by sunshine23
	I let my exAH trigger me this morning (Preview) I know I was with him 15 years and he knows how to push my buttons like no one else, but I have gotten so good at not communicating with him and letting my 16 year old and him work out visitation through text, that I forget what a pain he can be. I will have been divorced 3 years this July and it has gotten easier e...	Breakingfree	10	679	May 24, 2014 by Breakingfree
	What do I do with anger? (Preview) It has been years that I have had an AH. He goes to meetings regularly and still relapses consistently. Just when I think he has sobriety like some of the AA members have had for many years, he is drinking again. I feel our marriage is being undermined steadily. After each bout, I usually feel depres...	wifeofalcoholic	8	610	May 24, 2014 by 1lostmom
	Question regarding boundaries (Preview) I just typed a long long long email to my husband who drove home drunk again last night... The long email was beautifully written, with love... But it was about what I call boundaries... I sent it to him or I thought idid... Then I looked in my sent mail to re- read it... Not there!!!! Ahhhhh do you think thi...	Thoughtanya	6	496	May 23, 2014 by Jerry F
	Handy tools (Preview) I would like to thank all those who have shared experiences on what we can do to be supportive. My 7 year old is ever challenging and her genetics scream her father quite often. After a difficult day and feeling exhausted and a little weak I dialed her bio dads number. I didn't know why I bothered I didn...	Mari1978	4	380	May 23, 2014 by Jerry F
	A new way to look at anxiety .. (Preview) I had a great therapy appointment today and I really needed it and something that he said that really struck me was about anxiety and what part it plays in terms of for me why I had basically what he classified as a mini panic attack recently that really really threw me .. I am really not used to feeling thi...	SerenityRUS	7	443	May 23, 2014 by hotrod
	asking for help (Preview) I am new. I am seeking help. I am not sure I am on even in the right place or how to do this.	bluedawn	15	564	May 23, 2014 by Beatrice
	question on copyright material (Preview) I tried to ask a question about this but it is a closed topic. I dont know anything about copyright or the risks to this site so I think its important to have clarification on it. As far as I know we are ok to post small extracts, not full pages, as long as we state where it came from. Is this correct? Alanon all...	el-cee	3	329	May 23, 2014 by grateful2be
	Trying to Not be Sad.... (Preview) Today it's been ten weeks since I've spoken to my daughter and her husband who are my current active A's in my life. I was heartbroken 12 weeks ago when I found out that my daughter had become an active alcoholic along with her husband. We went through years of her in recovery from drugs as a young teenage...	Onlyhope	4	286	May 23, 2014 by Onlyhope
	Trusting again? (Preview) Hi all, I've been lurking for awhile since my AH went to rehab after stealing thousands of dollars from his parents because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol. He had a spiritual awakening at rehab and is home now and seems to be doing well. He is attending meetings once or twice a day, working with h...	onestep33	8	466	May 23, 2014 by Debilyn
	Ok .. Dejvu .. (Preview) So I know I'm not suppose to focus on my stbax .. however .. LOL .. that being said .. this was something else that came up in therapy the other day .. There is some BIG dejvu happening right now .. 2 1/2 years he's back at his mothers for the 3rd time 5th move during this time. So pretty much he's in the exact sa...	SerenityRUS	4	494	May 23, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	can you take children to alanon meetings (Preview) I want to try and start taking my 17 year old and going to some meetings...however i have 2 smaller boys that cannot be left at home.	abba31	6	1044	May 23, 2014 by Debilyn
	"What's your husband up to today?" (Preview) I was at a family type event yesterday.... AH had originally planned to be there, until he decided that the cure for his hangover was more beer. At the family event, a friend says, "Where is Brad today?" (Not really his name....) The thought that ran through my head was, "He's cur...	Hot Chicka	10	423	May 22, 2014 by giraffe13
	helpful thoughts (Preview) " You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it." Coehlo	Beatrice	5	263	May 22, 2014 by grateful2be
	Second Half of Life (Preview) A New Kind of DoingThursday, May 22, 2014 In the second half of life, we do not have strong and final opinions about everything, every event, or most people, as much as we allow things and people to delight us, sadden us, and truly influence us. We no longer need to change or adjust other people to be happ...	oldergal	6	360	May 22, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Our own unacceptable behaviour (Preview) A member shared tonight on unacceptable behaviour and it got me thinking. When you read the CAL there are a lot of readings on unacceptable behaviour. There are plenty on the A's unacceptable behaviour but there are also many readings on our own unacceptable behaviour. One reading talks about how we...	el-cee	16	864	May 22, 2014 by Breakingfree
	thoughts (Preview) "Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere." Coehlo	Beatrice	1	307	May 22, 2014 by hotrod
	hanging up on drunk people (Preview) So I rang and hes mad so i said i dont want to talk to you when you are drunk so later he rings me back and is all emotional and misses me etc but he says "he doesnt want to sound clingy" but hes drunk. and i wanted to scream get lost i dont want to talk you while u are drunk i put up with the conversat...	Slugcat	9	541	May 22, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Really need feedback from members with ESH. Help! (Preview) I am so confused. I will try to make this short. my AH is trying to convince me has changed just in the last few months I have moved out. I actually see him doing new things like cleaning up a lot of JUNK surrounding our house. For that, I give him credit. What hurts is the fact that he wouldn't do any cleanup w...	Newlife girl	18	551	May 22, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	If someone professes to love you (Preview) and then, almost every time you go away for a few hours, gets into the alcohol, what does that really say about your relationship. I am just so emotionally tired of coming home and finding him trying ever so hard to hide that he has been drinking. I suspect that his age is now really against him and he can't...	deacon	6	811	May 22, 2014 by Beatrice
	Invitations! (Preview) Hello all I am feeling very grateful to my program. One thing I learnt quite some time ago that has helped me enormously is that everything my AH does/says can be treated as an 'invitation' not a given. Meaning I can chose to accept the invitation to his fight, pity party, insanity, buy into lies, etc...	SunshineGirl	10	501	May 22, 2014 by SunshineGirl
	Apologies from the AH (Preview) My AH tried apologizing to me last night. I heard lots of excuses, a bit of blaming (even though he would follow it up with: that's my issue), and a lot of alternate reality talk. What I'm trying to remember is that he made an effort. What bothers me today is that I didn't care. I was more frustrated tha...	ilovedogs	21	524	May 22, 2014 by milkwood
	Resentment (Preview) I consider myself a good wife. I work full time, I do all the driving for my daughter to and from daycare, I make dinners when I am home first, and I grocery shop. On the weekends, I do a load or two of laundry so my husband, daughter and I have clean clothes for the week. I do ALL of the dishes in my house. My...	1lostmom	8	481	May 21, 2014 by Debilyn
	Step 7 (Preview) Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t57634504/alanon-step-7/	hotrod	2	468	May 21, 2014 by hotrod
	The Story and the Truth (Preview) i can't take credit for this one but it's got me thinking quite a bit. In yoga tonight the instructor told us there are two things, the story, and the truth. The story consists of all the dramatic details, i.e. the A drank a whole bottle of vodka then took off in his car and called and verbally attacked me an...	mm830	10	650	May 21, 2014 by Debilyn
	My problems do matter (Preview) Growing up my older sister was always demanding attention, she's adopted and don't know if it's attachment disorder or something in her genes, but everything is always about her, even now when she has 3 wonderful kids, her problems are more important, if I was trying to talk to our mom she would either...	Kerrymom	11	395	May 21, 2014 by Kerrymom
	Thank you to our moderators (Preview) You consistently keep this site safe. I appreciate all the time and dedication you have.	Jill	6	387	May 21, 2014 by WorkingThroughIt
	He is an abuser (Preview) He is not sick. He is not a victim. He is a twisted individual. I am not crazy. It is not my fault. I have power. He is not healthy. He is not a positive role model. A positive role model does not do what this man does.	Truth	29	572	May 21, 2014 by Jerry F
	The Brain Damage . . (Preview) I kind of had an A-HA moment in terms of realizing that there is a good probability my STBAX will never be close to being the same man I married .. I don't think he was ok then .. however the progressiveness of the disease is unreal. I don't know why this struck me so hard last night. I consider myself fairl...	SerenityRUS	10	578	May 21, 2014 by pinkchip
	Update: ;( (Preview) I'm a bit sad mad hurt confused!!! My son sent me a message yesterday that they let him go from work on Friday. I was not surprised. This disease or I should say his poor choices will take everything away from him. This message was about noon. Then I get a message in the late PM and he said mom my phones about t...	Gaby	8	553	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Continue to let it go and go with the flow (Preview) Im having the tough time excepting my son and his denials and non-truths. He cant tell me anything without exaggerating it to the max or lying about it. I asked him yesterday if he had talked to his dad and he said no. I know for a fact he did. When I was quite about it, he then said. oh I think I talked to hi...	Cathyinaz	10	426	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Irritated (Preview) I was waiting for the wife outside her meeting last night. She came up and introduced me to a couple that were at her meeting the first time. The guy was an A, hadn't been to AA for 30 years, hadn't drank in thAT time, but HAD recently relapsed. his wife went to the meeting because it was open, but my wife r...	KennyFenderjazz	15	521	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	My rigid mother Mom Denial Coping Unhealthy (Preview) Today casually texting with my mother turned bad when I realized she was in fact drunk at 2 in the afternoon and had started a text rant about members of our extended family. My cousin expressed a couple years ago that my mother thinks she's better than the rest of the family. The thing I don't understand...	Frustrated Daughter	6	8715	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Brain is trying to trick me today (Preview) So at our mediation session my ex-a tried to label me as judge and jury. I never once said the word good or bad, (he did) however I stuck to behaviors. He also told me I was bi-polar. Today I am having a hard time not letting his comments sink in. I know I need rest.	Truth	7	424	May 21, 2014 by Breakingfree
	Little thing, big work (Preview) These days the little things show me how much work I have to do for myself and for healing my disease. Example. It is night time and I go to bed early with a migraine. When sober BF comes to bed, I wake up. I feel upset and "wronged" because "he woke me up". I still have my migraine and I...	Fifi	5	259	May 21, 2014 by Fifi
	The kids..... (Preview) My older son is noticing more and more when AH is drinking. Most of the drinking is done after the kids go to bed, but lately he's been spending more and more weekends drinking all weekend. My son says.... "He acts so weird." "He talks so funny." "He smells so bad."...	Hot Chicka	3	376	May 21, 2014 by 1lostmom
	HP (Preview) When I came to alanon, I already had a relationship with HP. I'd had a "religious" experience 20+ yrs ago and went from agnostic to believer. So to incorporate HP into my recovery was not a struggle. My A on the other hand told me today that she is looking for her HP. I said "good."...	Lyne	3	383	May 20, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Apparently I am selfish (Preview) My AH still doesn't have a job. We aren't living together so he thinks I shouldn't be asking him about his plans on getting a job. He finds my questioning offensive. When I express my concern about this subject, he tells me I am selfish. when I get upset i read CAL. I opened up the book "opening our hea...	Newlife girl	6	483	May 20, 2014 by grateful2be
	Yep, you are enough! (Preview)	PP	12	582	May 20, 2014 by pinkchip
	A or B? (Preview) Hi. I visit this board often, but only post occasionally. I'm almost 5 months in Alanon, with f2f meetings and a sponsor. I am truly grateful for the support of the program and mostly the beautiful people who help each other. While I've made significant progress, I think, I still grapple daily with my d...	ssilver	8	558	May 20, 2014 by PP
	How do you deal with the internet? (Preview) Is there such thing as internet innocence ?between a married woman and A single man that has a steady g/f that he lives with??or am I just jumping to conclusions and being mean????thats what I'm feeling from all that .and now they both are off the internet and have each other's cell phones but he says the...	lookingup	8	475	May 19, 2014 by KennyFenderjazz
	Faith Faith Faith (Preview) Today I got a message from my son saying : many prayers needed. I responded : I will always have you in prayers and giving you to god is healthy for me as well as yourself. I know my son is going through a lot but I can't do nothing for him that he can not do for himself. I have turned him over to god. I have so much f...	Gaby	6	367	May 19, 2014 by Pamela1954
	Am I still "sad" susie anymore??? (Preview) Thank you PP for such a simple yet thought provoking challenge! PP kept asking me if I was still "sad" susie. I didn't think much of it the first few times, but I did today. I can think of a million other things that describe my present journey as well as what I HOPE for my journey to look like. Th...	sadsusie	5	282	May 19, 2014 by sadsusie
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.