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New here. Wife of a drug user/alcoholic, can't take much more.
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(Preview)
Hi everyone, I don't really know where to start, there's so much! Met my husband 5 years ago. I knew he had had drug issues in the past and he'd been to a rehab so was now clean. Met, became friends, got closer, blah blah, you know the story. Now, I had/have 2 children from a previous relationship. He wa...
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JaneSmall
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44
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2043
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forgiveness
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Serenity is in my life much more than it ever was. Even when I was still living with active drinking, I was still able to feel calm and happy. I realise this is to do with working the program and learning different ways to think about life. One of the biggest gifts was learning how to forgive. It seems like a...
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el-cee
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9
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424
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boudaries
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Boundaries. My husband and I have been seperated for almost 18 months, we were married for 3.5 years prior. The last four months we have started to occasionally date, spending more time together. I have and continue to attend Alanon for almost 2 yrs now. He had attended one AA meeting last week. ...
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whispers
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6
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555
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Prayers Please ..
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A few things going on .. my STBAX is back to randomly obsessing with me and what I'm doing. There was an incident over the weekend .. well more than one that whatever filter he had going on .. literally was out of order. Some of the things he said to the kids .. especially our youngest .. it was awful so over...
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SerenityRUS
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11
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591
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I am a loner with a bunch of drunks
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Hi I am new here and I have been in al anon for the past 8 months. I feel it brings me great stability into my life. My father is an active functioning alcoholic and I married an alcoholic. I did not know it then but my whole life has been impacted and shaped by this disease. Thanks to al anon I was able to unders...
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martas
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11
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611
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Can't live on life's terms
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I'm tired I deeply depressed .
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Wisdom67
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9
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669
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Hope & Reality
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I am about 5-6 weeks into AlAnon. I have jumped in w/ both feet to f2f meetings; the forum, and live meeting/chat; read many articles, listening to videos, and read books. I have found some kind of serenity in AlAnon that is difficult to explain. Anyone that has achieved this understands. On the other h...
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blessed
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5
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469
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Hi again...
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Still Groundhog Day, but tweaks today were purging the house...I am planning on following through, so I've put a few items up on Craigslist to get some money, have donated at least 6 bags of clothing and shoes that my son and I never wear, and I've started going through the house figuring out what next to...
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watts
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7
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454
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What is the permalink area I see near our quote, reply buttons?
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Has it always been there and I missed it or is it new and just added? Regardless of either answer, what does it do or what is permalink meant to do? Does anybody know?
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grateful2be
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9
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365
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Should I cut off contact?
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I recently left my AH (Almost two weeks ago). The problem is he sends me extremely abusive texts almost all day long. I want to block him from my phone but we have 2 kids (7 and 5 months), and we are currently in the middle of a home construction. We also have another home which he is living in. I have so mu...
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Amy3311
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20
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866
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Two kids 11 & 14 and a constantly drunk wife
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I attend one meeting a week which is pretty much all my schedule will allow so I decided to try posting here too. Some brief history... My wife has been drinking excessively really since long before we met (I suspect) but certainly since we've been together for the past 17 years. Like most, I used to help...
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robertnewala
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8
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614
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Betrayed and angry
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AH and I recently became aware of someone in the program that needed help, a place to stay for a few weeks. We prayed and discussed it at length with each other and our sponsors before offering to let him stay in our guest space. Things went well and without any notice, on Saturday he moved somewhere unkno...
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Jessamine
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6
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592
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What do I do?
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My husband has been sober for almost 90 days now and is on step 4 with his sponsor. Shortly after becoming sober my husband stopped being affectionate towards me and basically stopped touching me all together. I confronted him about it asking him why he doesn't touch me anymore. He is very loving and a...
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JaneDoe
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12
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493
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3 months married and I'm new to this
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My husband has 2 children from his previous marriage. Their mom hasn't spoken to the kids in 2 years and left 6 years ago. We started dating two years ago and life was beautiful. He told me about 2 dwi's he had gotten in the past and how they affect him getting a job and such. While we were dating, there w...
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anonymous1989
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5
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584
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Lost it - Sort of
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I work in a private doctor's office, and we have awesome patients, mostly, and a few "challenges". I am being very kind. :) Today, one of those ladies and me didn't do so well. I know it is my place to keep it civil as I am the professional, but she just pushed my buttons one too many times w/ her de...
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blessed
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5
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380
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Small Victories - But No Meeting
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New recovering husband and also dealing with infidelity discovered over the weekend. I know that God is in control, but this is all so new that when I woke up this morning and knew it would be a hard day. I read the "Just for Today" card and started my day with "having a program." #1 o...
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kebwcb
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2
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327
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Pals 'n' Gals...
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Was a time i called Alanon 'laughter and tears'. I have had a good measure of both. My home town group folded, as did the one up the road. Even our assembly looked a bit rocky... but now it might be starting to even up. Went to three meetings in South Dakota. Alanon is really strong up there. The meetings a...
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DavidG
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5
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381
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Happy but dismayed simultaneously
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She is sober . This is awesome. And I understand her bond with her new AA friends. But you know how when people are out there drinking and drugging , they tend to hang with a lower class of people cause they don't expect as much out of you? Well her new aa friends all are of a lower class too. they might be sob...
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barbaralewis
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6
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626
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I'm down and out
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Hi Everyone Been lurking but not much ESH given. I'm down in the dumps. I was invited to a 4th party at my friend house on Thursday night. I went...drank TWO glasses of wine and I got so drunk I ended up in the pool fully clothed because I was told later I wanted to be incognito. GEEZ... I had to have so...
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Cathyinaz
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14
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568
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1st mtg yesterday - what now: best books, strategies, etc.?
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I went to my first Al-Anon meeting yesterday. I have so much to learn and do and process. I want to get the best books, literature for me and would like your suggestions. First a little background: Been married for 30 years.... We always drank socially. We grew up and live in a big party town. Discov...
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allicat1214
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8
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520
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Getting Them Sober
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by Toby Rice Drews was one of the first books I read when I first joined al-anon and Codependent No More by Melody Beattie was the second, I glanced through them both lately and still suggest these books to anyone dealing with an A and that likes to grow and dig into themselves and al-anon. The 3 daily read...
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Breakingfree
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7
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2253
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uncomfortable feelings
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In trying to be the person I want to be I thought I should bring out into the open how im feeling recently regarding religion. In the 12 step alanon booklet, the obstacles to success, it says that alanon is not allied with any sect or denomination, everyone is welcome. It then says, let us not defeat our pu...
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el-cee
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37
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842
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Wife threatened suicide today, called 911...
(Preview)
Married for 5+ years. Wife has a drinking 'problem' (2-3 bottles of vodka per week). She had an angry outburst today that turned violent (threw iced tea at me, slammed remote control and kicked her way all over the house). I offered to leave the house until she got better and I actually left and went to my...
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unicornhunter
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15
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707
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detachment-C2C, 7/5
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This reading is exactly what I am working on-detachment yet still trying to care. The reading says to keep my own identity and still love, care about, and identify with the feelings of others. It says to try and not take things so personally. It suggests detaching without losing compassion. Thes...
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Lyne
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2
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505
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Good morning campers!
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I say that to my residents when I open my serving hatch in the morning, well anyway, yesterday I got up early husband had come in late the night before, it was killing me not ask where had he been,and my usual detective self was looking for clues, and my alanon self was saying pack it up, leave it be, so I got m...
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Katy
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5
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489
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Unusual Day
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Today, i was cleaning garge and took a few things down to the workshop. While I am in there my son (17) says, "Hey mom, wanna see something cool?" I look over and he jumps up and pulls a liquor bottle in a wrapper from the rafters in the celing, and threw it on the workbench. But, this is the man tha...
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blessed
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6
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510
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kicked him out…now he won't give my stuff back
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Why do they constantly harbor drama!!!! I had such a hard time finally reaching this point of needing change and now after all of this, in my panicked state, I realized he has several important things of mine. A recorder my friend gave to me with my songs on it and the keys to my scooter and storage shed. I...
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astallaslions
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2
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375
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Congratulations pinkchip
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el-cee
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38
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1046
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Step 10 posted to the Step Board
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Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery toget Step10 has been posted to the Step Board. Please join in and share your ESHThanks http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t5...
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hotrod
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0
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262
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What strategies work for you?
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My AH came home after a weekend of golfing. I had been home by myself and absolutely loved the peace. I got so much done and felt happy doing it. Flowers planted, lawned mowed, laundry done, and all with a smile and feeling of contentment. Then...... He comes home, drinking, and being dictorial, an...
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slowlearner
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13
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702
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Higher Power
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I grew up Catholic and married a very Catholic man who happens to be a raging alcoholic who goes to church on Sunday for show, and he's pretty much a hypocrite about it. Anyway for years I tried to find the Catholic within me and I prayed. And grew very bitter when my prayers were never answered and stopp...
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slowlearner
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5
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623
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Confrontation while husband in active recovery
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First time poster, but desparate for some thoughts of people who have lived with an alcoholic spouse and who has been in active, serious recovery. My husband has been a heavy drinker for years. He had 3 years of a dry-drunk phase, but then the past 3 years of resumed drinking and the last year of extreme...
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kebwcb
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5
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500
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Life of the spouse of A
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After reading so many life experiences posts that have been so encouraging, I actually feel so wonderful because I am not alone. Being the wife of an AH, there are many common things that I cannot describe but were so wonderfully written here. 1) getting excited over the slightest improvement in at...
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sunshine23
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4
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498
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Are there any ACOA members here whose sober parent left the A?
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I am feeling bad for my daughter. This marriage will be my second divorce. My mom 's dad was an alcoholic. She is encouraging me that my daughter will be ok with us divorcing because it will be better than her living with fighting parents and an alcoholic father. I am seeking words of encouragement from a...
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Newlife girl
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6
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436
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Trying to take care of me!
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We are still not talking, I have tried, but I am not forcing it, he is behaving as he always does and I am trying my upmost hardest to do something different for a different result, I usually feel that depressed when he throws me a curve ball and I caught it again,after that, I find it soooooo hard to pick mys...
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Katy
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4
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371
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Not using my victim card anymore
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I've been practicing the steps and going to on-line meetings and came to realize something that I was doing that I don't like. I play the role of the victim - didn't realize I was doing this until I started analyzing my behavior. I don't do it all the time but I do do it. I get the poor me, self-pity thing g...
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slowlearner
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7
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1118
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my son today
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I had to ask my son to leave a few times over the last few years because of his drinking as some of my friends here knows. So the last time he stayed with me was after he was hurt and left hospital, he then went to stay with a friend and he met someone. She is a really nice girl, friendly, sensible, calm, funny....
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el-cee
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15
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644
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Didn't Brood This Holiday Away
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Holidays can be hard in most of our situations and I remember last year sitting on the couch SO lonely on the 4th of July. I caught the televised fireworks from DC and since I'm only a couple of hours away and it is something I have always wanted to do, I vowed that this would be the year. I still don't know if m...
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wornoutmrsfixit
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5
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441
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Denial
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I've been reading a lot of the posts on this board lately, but I havent posted replies because Im new. When I read the threads, its like Im sitting in on an open discussion, but Im doing all the listening. Recently I read some discussion threads on denial. Wow, how I could relate to these!! For many years...
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cloudyskies
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6
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576
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Groundhog Day
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I feel as if I've been through the same thing over and over....sure, I tweak it and I get slightly different results, but none that get me out of this cycle. 12 years together, alcohol used to be fun at first, nights out, friends, laughter....but then I got pregnant 2 years into the relationship. Thin...
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watts
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7
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512
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He is gone
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He's gone. I made him leave. We are broken up. When I finally said enough was enough, my heart broke. I had several panic attacks. My appetite has been ruined since he left. I lost my father to cancer, and this is such a very different, very specific form of grief, but I don't regret my decision. I know i did...
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astallaslions
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10
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624
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Tools
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What of all the alanon tools do I need right now in my sit. dealing with my a bf????serenity prayer being one.
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lookingup
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4
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408
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the power of alanon
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I recently spoke to someone who is leaving her A husband after many years. She has been going to alanon for 9 years, and she said something I will never forget: "9 years of alanon prepared me for this moment!" I loved hearing that and I see the empowerment through recovery, Lyne
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Lyne
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4
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350
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Happy Birthday Ray!
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Kinda of an odd day,, I've found myself thinking of my ex father in law who passed away a couple of years ago several times and wondered why I felt like I "missed" him today. Missed is not the right word but best I can do. Anyway then I noticed a reminder on my face book page (from an old account o...
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glad
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3
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335
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And this is why Sponsors are sooo AWESOME :)
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I had a bit of a reality jolt my STBAX is trying to foist his new "friend" on the kids and has officially said she's his girlfriend. That hit me .. not because I have any hallucinations of wanting him back ... because I am really beyond ready to let go of the relationship in its entirety. So of c...
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SerenityRUS
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5
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363
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jest more pics! (c:
(Preview)
well bits and pieces. all are of my husband who died. Our two babies...
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Debilyn
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13
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587
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Back at Step One
(Preview)
We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. It seems Im back at step one. Admitting that I am powerless over alcohol was easy, but actually stopping the battle or war is another thing altogether. Ive never been a quitter, and throwing in the towel to alcohol is te...
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cloudyskies
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7
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586
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Today is a hard day for me
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The 4th of July is my AH's favorite holiday. He likes to blow things up. Seriously. I am hating him one day, then wanting to share a holiday with him the next. I am trying to create something in my life that has NEVER existed!! My 2 marriages have been LIES and HURT the majority of the time. So why do I feel lon...
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Newlife girl
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4
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502
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Hmm, interesting.
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Now I'm not making a plan right here because my plans, in recent years and especially recent months, just don't happen the way I say that they should. So I'm just saying, this is interesting. It piques my curiosity. I intend to explore it further. I was talking to a dear friend of the al-anon persuasion...
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missmeliss
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11
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567
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Can't get it off my mind
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i can't get it off my mind my a bf affairs ,it's not good to bring it up to him everyday,makes him upset cause he says it's in the past,and I keep bringing it up to him everyday I guess I'm trying to get closer with what he did,I know he has been good to me ever since but I'm haveing such a huge problem with it and d...
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lookingup
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4
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683
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Thanks, and I'm Awesome Lists
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I never seem to find myself motivated to do Gratitude & Asset list daily anymore. So, I'll start this thread where we can do them and maybe anyone who is interested can also add theirs daily and we can see how long we can keep it going  I think it will work because if people add to it daily it should sta...
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missmeliss
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8
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1299
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Told me his lawyer is calling me this week...and what about a Prepaid Legal Plan??
(Preview)
My AH does not want to hear me tell him I can't ever live with him again so he told me today to be expecting a call from his lawyer this week. Made me laugh. he doesn't have a job. His emotions are all over the place. I think it was an idle threat, but it also scared me a bit. Then I realized...I don't have to talk t...
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Newlife girl
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6
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510
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Feeling a lot of hate
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Is it normal to hate your a bf?i e been unable to cope all day due to his blame ing me for his affairs,I feel soo much hate for him I e got to let it go and somehow realize what he really is I need to also stop letting him see me like this.what happens if I were to get cleaned up and just leave and go out .prolly nothi...
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lookingup
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10
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586
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Well .. now who would have thought :)
(Preview)
So I kind of had a bit of an epiphany today, I had a go round with my STBAX yesterday afternoon over the visitation .. he's scheduling work when he should have the kids and honestly I'm sure would have forgotten about it had I not text him. One of his parting digs was I can take any situation and make it com...
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SerenityRUS
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6
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697
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Pushed too far
(Preview)
I've pushed my a bf soo far for soo long that he decided to get involved with anot her woman this morning I found texts on his cell while he was asleep messages saying from him to her and visa versa I love you soo much and am missing you already etc etc it hurt me soo bad she is married also to a 70 y/o man ,and acti...
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lookingup
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13
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638
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Friday night and I had a deadline...
(Preview)
Hi all. Things have been a lot calmer in my household/mind/heart for the last few days, thanks HP, MIP, Al_Anon! However today I kind of wobbled a little bit. It is Friday night and H has the weekend off (and we know what it means). I have been swimming in coursework and research for the last 2 weeks as tomo...
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Luiza
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8
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497
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Disease
(Preview)
One of the greatest challenges for me, mentally, has been the idea that alcoholism is a disease. I am not closed to the idea, but have to understand how it came to be. I have listened to opinion, and also scientific "evidence" and views from the medical community. There is a wide range of view...
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blessed
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7
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518
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uncomfortable times and a snake in a party hat!
(Preview)
Medicare goofed, my meds were not ready due to expired card. NO it wasn't but I had to clean up the mess...its ok now. I keep thinking about my xah. making me nuts. My son has not gone to check on him yet. But in reality, I want to see him. I have checked on him since I was 17. this is the longest I have ever gone. I...
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Debilyn
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4
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1571
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My assets and gratitude list
(Preview)
Assets...compassionate,careing,supportive,generous,loveing,understanding
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lookingup
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4
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668
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Forgot I had tools.
(Preview)
Wow I had some bad days there. Daughter is away, the bad news just kept coming and coming, every silver lining turned out to be a bigger blacker cloud coming from behind, lol I let it get on top of me big time. I got into bed and I stayed there for days. No-one needs to tell me that isn't healthy or good but i did...
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missmeliss
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10
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505
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