Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

missmeliss · missmeliss

I'm feeling pretty low today. I'm having no luck finding a place to live. The real estate agent has become unfriendly and today suggested I should move to another town. I was puzzled, she's always been friendly. I now learn A has been on a gambling binge and has not been paying his share of the rent, it is a...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Was sitting outside before with kitty in my lap. He was rolling around in the sun being the happiest, purriest kitty in the world, enjoying belly scratches and rubbing his teeth on my face which I think passes for kissing in kitty-world. And then 2 birds landed in the yard and kitty changed...suddenly...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Happy Friday Everyone Over this couple of years it had been my AS I was detaching from and now I'm working on detaching from my SO. I am taking it one step/one day at a time. Well after two weeks I now leave for work without waking him up or bring him coffee...something I have done for 20 years with resent...

Mel-gfj · Mel-gfj

so i am having a hard time dealing with all my resentments and right now they are all directed towards my mother. although there is a long list including my own faults. things lately are crazy between her and i. i relize there will never be a true relationship between us but i it hurts and just sucks!!! she...

Temple · Temple

Today another woman took part of her power back. And an Angel got its wings. And I don't mean to exclude our brothers. There are men on here who have suffered/are suffering, as well. I have a friend who is being double-teamed by diseases in the generation before and the one after him, and it is devastat...

grateful2be · grateful2be

I awakened today grateful for a host of things. I made sure to identify them for myself and some with my sponsor. After running a few errands and doing some things I needed to do around my home, I went outside to sit in the sun - aware that I'm probably catching a cold and it wouldn't hurt to place my body in...

joker · joker

its hard for me to believe my abf, has now been sober for 13 days. This is a man that could not stay sober for more than 3 days. He says he is thinking and feeling so much better and feels hope. He has been praying daily and reading his bible and going to AA meetings. Not everyday but when I drive him to a meeting...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi all. I am new here and would appreciate advise on how to handle my AH. He has really bad mood swings, very negative and manipulates conversations until I am confused about my feelings. I have been having really bad anxiety, yet the thought of leaving him gives me even more anxiety. Can anyone expl...

lgnutah · lgnutah

I'm sure everyone who has an A adult child has confronted this issue. You are at a social gathering and meet up with someone from your (now adult) child's past. Or you are at a grocery store or somewhere public, and you run into someone a few times a year (not someone you care to share every detail of your...

el-cee · el-cee

Its a dreecht nicht the nicht but its the night when my country has spoken either for or against independence. I cant see around corners only my hp can so my vote was based on my limited view and understanding. I have faith that whatever it is, 6am this morn, it will be the right decision. Thanks alanon, t...

Luz2014 · Luz2014

Hi there. First of all, I want to say that I've been reading a lot of these posts and I appreciate how everyone directs us back to ourselves. I grew up with a mom who was a child of an alcoholic; I'm grateful that I did not have an alcoholic in my immediate family. But it is all around us in her family and I've g...

Collateral Damage · Collateral Damage

Hello. I am the wife of an alcoholic. We've been married for 14 years, 12 of which he's been an alcoholic. We have an 11 year old daughter (read: she's never known her father to be sober). We have started over financially four times already due to his drinking, and I am now dealing with round 5. Two w...

Jessmine · Jessmine

My AH says if our marriage ends, then he will kill himself. I have no doubt that he will. And he won't wait -- he'll do it right away. I have no doubt. Please help. He has been to inpatient treatment 9 times. The last time for 4 months. I don't know what to do & would appreciate any advice. I cannot live w...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Need to spend all of my waking hours listening to and for HP so I can attempt to gain and maintain my peace of mind and serenity. Stay the course. Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. (((((MIP)))))

sookie · sookie

So, my AH, who moved out 3 years ago, and I are finally going for a divorce. It's been pretty awful in terms of the financial impact on me (I have a great job--he works 15 hours a week for minimum wage--so I am screwed with the spousal support, etc...) plus he has decided he agrees with the law and is entitled...

Spur · Spur

I'm already detached from my AH and we live separate lives however, the kids don't see him for who he is and that's okay, but I do worry that one day they'll realize fathers are suppose to be more than what they got. So, last week my daughter who's a senior asked if she could have her class out here for a bonfi...

Spur · Spur

I have been reading several books on recovery but this one really speaks to me and I'd like to recommend it to everyone here. Author is Lisa Frederiksen. -- Edited by Spur on Wednesday 17th of September 2014 12:52:12 PM

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

So I sold my van when I moved and that was about what .. 5 months ago. I gave all of the necessary paperwork I did not have a title to the van (I lost it) I had my STBAX, my self and the woman who bought sign what I was given from the DMV. Fast forward 2-3 months into that mess I am contacted saying she needs a POA s...

Luiza · Luiza

I spent the whole day feeling so happy. After two days off work STBXH went out to work early and I finally could relax at home a bit more. I kept imagining all the changes I will do once he moves out, how I will organise the furniture, how I will keep the home and specially my bedroom nice and clean (mission im...

littlelionman · littlelionman

I know in al anon they say to not make any major life decisions for at least 6 months after your first meeting. Considering how often my perspective has changed/evolved over the last 7 weeks since my first meeting I can see why! Here's where I'm at and how I got here: At my first meeting I had to admit my w...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Well, another little house has come up, within my price-range. It just appeared on the local real estate website. Don't know if it's pet-friendly....fingers crossed...it's perfect so far from what i can see...I will go and check it out tomorrow and put in an application if so. Otherwise it's going t...

Katy · Katy

I am verging on thinking it's my codependency, so I came home after six weeks away, I came home because he kept asking me to, telling me he missed me, I came home because I missed him, I missed parts of us and our life together, and my family unit, what I didn't miss was the manipulation, the total lack of re...

Seahorse7 · Seahorse7

first time ever having this kind of interaction about this topic. I'm an introverted non joiner and have avoided al anon meetings for that reason. But I am so lonely now, I need help. I don't have many friends And my family is not the type i can turn to. My high functioning AH of almost 20 years is wonder...

jm · jm

Hi all don't post often but need to now. Its 520am and I'm finding it hard to sleep. Finally got my ex to leave the house yesterday as I could no longer put up with his madness and my anger would be very bad when he would start with his mad thinking (no excuse I know I have to work on anger). But when I was droppi...

PP · PP

This forum and my al anon stuff is keeping me in a sane groove these past few days. I had a rough weekend and, as a result, I was in an overly sensitive space and misinterpreted something my husband had said. There was no fighting or loud words, but I did express my hurt and my perceptions and a bit of minor...

cloudyskies · cloudyskies

I have been attending Al-Anon f2f meetings weekly for almost 5 months, and I come here to fill the gap between my meetings. I want to thank each of you for your ESH for without you all and my f2f meetings, I'm not sure where I would be. I have begun working step 4 (am working from Blueprint for Progress, Al-...

Newlife girl · Newlife girl

Tonight AH asked me to bring him over some ginger ale and Immodium. He had been having diarrhea all day I guess. At first I said yes. Then when I got off the phone I texted him back and said I didn't feel right doing it. So I didn't do it. he later told me he drove to the store and got it himself...then he quickly...

Temple · Temple

A beautiful, slender, rather small bright yellow bird just landed in the hackberry tree outside my window. He'was breathtaking. A little grey on his back. Is he a wild canary? When we lived in Oklahoma City, there was a wonderful woman who was married to one of the control freaks in Husband's compa...

phiphi · phiphi

HELP ! I am not sure about how to deal with this. I depend on my AH for finances. I gave up my job three years ago when my baby was born and even though I start working next year my earnings can never be enough to support the family. So it looks like I will be dependent on him all my life. The problem is, AH seems t...

missmeliss · missmeliss

We went to a friends for lunch today, and when I arrived I realised, I didn't have my phone with me. Now I've known this friend for a year or so and when I started going over, I would check my phone constantly. It was usually a Sunday, I had usually been fighting with ABF and I was usually in a state of awful tur...

Kah27 · Kah27

I don't even know where to start. This year has been a roller coaster that never seems to end. ofcourse I never seem to get off of it. I had a chance to leave my ah a week ago. Lease was almost up he had gone to the strip club yet again this time drinking and driving home. I was staying with my parents prepared to...

Beulah · Beulah

Hi all, I have a 53 year old brother who retired early (because of a buy-out), has no wife/children, nor responsibilities. He retired to the mountains in an area where he is surrounded by a lot of extended family in a small town in Virginia. He went through rehab and was clean/sober from 1997 to 2010. I...

Flower49 · Flower49

Hello everyone! Sometimes I find myself really having great debates with myself, when I catch myself I say OOOPs and remember to turn it over, relax, etc. Lately my debate with myself comes about when every time I attend a house activity with my AH, I am bombarded with his housemates, counselors, croi...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

There are a few things that I have come to realize in terms of the divorce and how long that it's taken. That is a good thing. I could have done without the expense .. there is a reason it did take this long and I am feeling mentally and emotionally healthier than I have for a long time. Like since I left my f...

vm54 · vm54

Our daughter has been gone for days at a time for the last month saying she was working 80 - 90 hours a week. She has gambling and alcohol addictions, but she just recently admitted the alcohol problem. She gambled heavily in June and July with huge losses, but then turned almost exclusively to alcohol...

Tash2 · Tash2

Hi all would like some advice about when to tackle issues with AH. He's been really stressed at work & has a very high powered job. This was his excuse for binging this week which resulted in him having an awful hangover, clearly annoyed at himself for using drink to escape & him taking time off w...

Temple · Temple

I think recovery will perhaps mean being surprised at nothing. Not there yet. Here's the story: When DDH spent his 6 months or so in AA many, many years ago, he met a man who was apparently in pretty bad shape. And I guess husband was doing a 12 step exercise, because he gave him my bicycle--without aski...

grateful2be · grateful2be

Liam Neeson. On GMA. Now! Thank you, HP! And now, he's gone from the screen. Oh, well. All good things must come to an end. -- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 17th of September 2014 07:49:25 AM

andromeda · andromeda

Yep, it's all my fault, just ask him. AH approached me today to figure out when we're going to do this separation. Putting pressure on me to iron out details and find a job, etc. I told him that we had agreed that I would finish our son's sophomore year and that I needed time to get my resume together, etc...

Temple · Temple

Don't know how to cut and paste a link here. You can probably Google it. Kerry Washington is working to raise awareness of financial abuse. She says that is the reason so many women stay. Good for her! Temple

Temple · Temple

Is that a plaid dog, or is wearing a sweater? Hugs, Temple

grateful2be · grateful2be

I notice as I grow older, I lose all the various support persons I have had in my life. As I told my daughter this week, it feels like my whole life is falling apart. I've lost my Dad and 3 persons who were my main go to people at various times in my life and me for them in less than a year. Many of the plans I'd m...

Yazzymedo86 · Yazzymedo86

I need some advice. My husband has been in and out of the house and spending nights in I don't know where. I feel like its not even bothering him that I am not speaking ot hi or helping him in any way. I don't know if I should ask him to leave the house and file for divorce or just wait to see what would happen ... I...

BlueSky · BlueSky

My AH is 3 years and 10 months sober. I guess I thought things would be better by now, but they actually seem worse. In the first year he quit drinking, I was basically holding on with white knuckles, waiting to see how things would play out--would he even stay sober? He did. Second year, I decided to get my...

LynnH · LynnH

Not sure what the protocol is for new members,but here goes: Married to an incredible man for 25 years,he's been drinking for about 30,so it's not as though I went into this blind. He's always said he's not an alcoholic because he doesn't fit what he believes an alcoholic is. Our marriage is surpris...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi again-I was thinking this morning how much respect and admiration I had towards my (not yet) spouse when we met almost 23 yrs ago. I remember telling my mother I met "someone of quality." This person was (is) a gifted musician and taught children and loved it. I saw no signs of addictio...

texasgal · texasgal

My ah emailed me back and after several emails back and forth he said he would pay for divorce and hopefully he will file. Although I know what he says and what he does are two different things. If he doesn't follow through which is likely with his track record at least it is out their in the open. If he doesn...

Tricia911 · Tricia911

-- Edited by Tricia911 on Saturday 14th of December 2013 04:12:31 PM

missmeliss · missmeliss

Just got a call from the real estate agent. The landlord rejected my application because he absolutely won't have pets at the property. She said "I tried to talk him around and explained you have been a good tenant and your pets have done no damage in the 2 years you have rented from us but he wouldn'...

cloudyskies · cloudyskies

I don't know if it is permissible on this board to talk about another treatment program, but I sure do have some questions. I saw a commercial about a treatment facility (won't say the name) that does not do the 12 steps, but advocates a "cure" for addiction. The spokesperson says, " I k...

vm54 · vm54

Hi, I'm new here as well. My 25 year old daughter has been an admitted gambling addict for several years and went to a month long treatment two years ago, before she had a really bad relapse this July where she lost almost $30,000. How she could get this much in credit and loans I don't know, because...

JustBreathe · JustBreathe

Hi, I am new here. I haven't gone to any Al-anon meetings because I'm scared. I believe my husband has had a drinking problem for the better part of a decade, maybe longer. We have been married for 12 years, together for 14. We live near my family, his is quite a distance away. My family noticed a prob...

Cooper · Cooper

Today's the day, my troubled son is moving out, and I have mixed emotions. As much as I have tried to disconnect from his problems I think my being around him everyday has had a positive influence on him, at least in so that he regulates his partying knowing I am paying attention. But after today he will b...

Mirandac · Mirandac

My dry ah family is not being supportive or nice to me. Is this common? Ah served me papers and now lives with his gf and at his mothers. Ah mother is treating me with extreme coolness as is the rest of ah family. He is the adulter and has left his marriage of 29 yrs.It is a small town.

PP · PP

I had a rough weekend. I reluctantly accompanied my husband, his Celebrate Recovery Ministry leader and her husband to a cabin they have in Northern Michigan. My husband was very excited to get away with them, I was not. I agreed to go because he was excited and I can usually make the best of most situ...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Reading Jerry's post about going quiet from my tablet at my mom's and driving home yesterday , 90+ miles alone and listening to music - I thought about the value of going quiet for me. Mom's going through chemo, lives a hoarder's life with my oldest sister - how they don't see how awful it is in that house i...

sadsusie · sadsusie

Backstory: 14 years of Marriage to my AH. Verbally abusive. Controlling, manipulative. I worked 80 hours a week at our businesses while he told me what a loser I was. I am sure you now the drill. He never treated me well. I just made excuses. He made promises. Got into Doing drugs. Has spend over $100,000...

afglin · afglin

I have a question. I want to know what you used as a guide when you worked Step Four. I have been in Alanon 22 years. I worked step 4 about 5 different times and always used the small book Blueprint for Progress. I did alot of writing after each section and listed my strengths as well as growth areas I neede...

Yazzymedo86 · Yazzymedo86

So I finally was able to talk to my husband two days ago.. For the first time in my life ( thanks to all of you) I was very calm when I spoke to him. I told him I loved him, and I always would but I can no longer support him and watch him destroy himself. That he has to handle the decisions he has made on his own. I als...

texasgal · texasgal

I went on a few dates with a man I met, but I didn't feel comfortable anymore. I am still not divorced from my ah. I haven't seen or had any contact with him in 8 months. But I am still legally married and since I am I do not feel comfortable dating. I just sent my ah an email requesting divorce. The man I went on d...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	My big friday whinge. (Preview) I'm feeling pretty low today. I'm having no luck finding a place to live. The real estate agent has become unfriendly and today suggested I should move to another town. I was puzzled, she's always been friendly. I now learn A has been on a gambling binge and has not been paying his share of the rent, it is a...	missmeliss	30	833	Sep 21, 2014 by Cathyinaz
	A cat is a cat. (Preview) Was sitting outside before with kitty in my lap. He was rolling around in the sun being the happiest, purriest kitty in the world, enjoying belly scratches and rubbing his teeth on my face which I think passes for kissing in kitty-world. And then 2 birds landed in the yard and kitty changed...suddenly...	missmeliss	7	319	Sep 21, 2014 by grateful2be
	Little Changes that make it right (Preview) Happy Friday Everyone Over this couple of years it had been my AS I was detaching from and now I'm working on detaching from my SO. I am taking it one step/one day at a time. Well after two weeks I now leave for work without waking him up or bring him coffee...something I have done for 20 years with resent...	Cathyinaz	12	664	Sep 21, 2014 by andromeda
	resentments (Preview) so i am having a hard time dealing with all my resentments and right now they are all directed towards my mother. although there is a long list including my own faults. things lately are crazy between her and i. i relize there will never be a true relationship between us but i it hurts and just sucks!!! she...	Mel-gfj	9	587	Sep 21, 2014 by PP
	Starting a new topic in hopes everybody will read it. (Preview) Today another woman took part of her power back. And an Angel got its wings. And I don't mean to exclude our brothers. There are men on here who have suffered/are suffering, as well. I have a friend who is being double-teamed by diseases in the generation before and the one after him, and it is devastat...	Temple	8	530	Sep 21, 2014 by PP
	Surprises and gratitude (Preview) I awakened today grateful for a host of things. I made sure to identify them for myself and some with my sponsor. After running a few errands and doing some things I needed to do around my home, I went outside to sit in the sun - aware that I'm probably catching a cold and it wouldn't hurt to place my body in...	grateful2be	13	495	Sep 21, 2014 by PP
	a miracle (Preview) its hard for me to believe my abf, has now been sober for 13 days. This is a man that could not stay sober for more than 3 days. He says he is thinking and feeling so much better and feels hope. He has been praying daily and reading his bible and going to AA meetings. Not everyday but when I drive him to a meeting...	joker	4	523	Sep 20, 2014 by cloudyskies
	New and need advice about AH and 30 days dry (Preview) Hi all. I am new here and would appreciate advise on how to handle my AH. He has really bad mood swings, very negative and manipulates conversations until I am confused about my feelings. I have been having really bad anxiety, yet the thought of leaving him gives me even more anxiety. Can anyone expl...	Helpangel	11	547	Sep 20, 2014 by hotrod
	so, how do you answer their questions about your adult alcoholic child without sounding curt? (Preview) I'm sure everyone who has an A adult child has confronted this issue. You are at a social gathering and meet up with someone from your (now adult) child's past. Or you are at a grocery store or somewhere public, and you run into someone a few times a year (not someone you care to share every detail of your...	lgnutah	3	516	Sep 20, 2014 by Debilyn
	the power of prayer (Preview) Its a dreecht nicht the nicht but its the night when my country has spoken either for or against independence. I cant see around corners only my hp can so my vote was based on my limited view and understanding. I have faith that whatever it is, 6am this morn, it will be the right decision. Thanks alanon, t...	el-cee	14	597	Sep 20, 2014 by Debb
	Supporting my cousin? (Preview) Hi there. First of all, I want to say that I've been reading a lot of these posts and I appreciate how everyone directs us back to ourselves. I grew up with a mom who was a child of an alcoholic; I'm grateful that I did not have an alcoholic in my immediate family. But it is all around us in her family and I've g...	Luz2014	4	669	Sep 20, 2014 by Luz2014
	New here .... (Preview) Hello. I am the wife of an alcoholic. We've been married for 14 years, 12 of which he's been an alcoholic. We have an 11 year old daughter (read: she's never known her father to be sober). We have started over financially four times already due to his drinking, and I am now dealing with round 5. Two w...	Collateral Damage	8	551	Sep 20, 2014 by grateful2be
	Suicide (Preview) My AH says if our marriage ends, then he will kill himself. I have no doubt that he will. And he won't wait -- he'll do it right away. I have no doubt. Please help. He has been to inpatient treatment 9 times. The last time for 4 months. I don't know what to do & would appreciate any advice. I cannot live w...	Jessmine	13	857	Sep 20, 2014 by lgnutah
	Going quiet for now. (Preview) Need to spend all of my waking hours listening to and for HP so I can attempt to gain and maintain my peace of mind and serenity. Stay the course. Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. (((((MIP)))))	Jerry F	17	691	Sep 19, 2014 by bud
	a light at the end of the tunnel (Preview) So, my AH, who moved out 3 years ago, and I are finally going for a divorce. It's been pretty awful in terms of the financial impact on me (I have a great job--he works 15 hours a week for minimum wage--so I am screwed with the spousal support, etc...) plus he has decided he agrees with the law and is entitled...	sookie	10	649	Sep 19, 2014 by Debb
	Same Ol' Same Ol' (Preview) I'm already detached from my AH and we live separate lives however, the kids don't see him for who he is and that's okay, but I do worry that one day they'll realize fathers are suppose to be more than what they got. So, last week my daughter who's a senior asked if she could have her class out here for a bonfi...	Spur	13	712	Sep 19, 2014 by Hullibee
	If You Loved Me You'd Stop-Read It (Preview) I have been reading several books on recovery but this one really speaks to me and I'd like to recommend it to everyone here. Author is Lisa Frederiksen. -- Edited by Spur on Wednesday 17th of September 2014 12:52:12 PM	Spur	10	570	Sep 19, 2014 by Flower49
	My karma with Cars .. LOL (Preview) So I sold my van when I moved and that was about what .. 5 months ago. I gave all of the necessary paperwork I did not have a title to the van (I lost it) I had my STBAX, my self and the woman who bought sign what I was given from the DMV. Fast forward 2-3 months into that mess I am contacted saying she needs a POA s...	SerenityRUS	4	551	Sep 19, 2014 by bud
	Lots of mixed emotions (Preview) I spent the whole day feeling so happy. After two days off work STBXH went out to work early and I finally could relax at home a bit more. I kept imagining all the changes I will do once he moves out, how I will organise the furniture, how I will keep the home and specially my bedroom nice and clean (mission im...	Luiza	5	574	Sep 19, 2014 by Luiza
	I don't see how our marriage can work (Preview) I know in al anon they say to not make any major life decisions for at least 6 months after your first meeting. Considering how often my perspective has changed/evolved over the last 7 weeks since my first meeting I can see why! Here's where I'm at and how I got here: At my first meeting I had to admit my w...	littlelionman	17	1166	Sep 19, 2014 by Spur
	Let's try that again :-) ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Well, another little house has come up, within my price-range. It just appeared on the local real estate website. Don't know if it's pet-friendly....fingers crossed...it's perfect so far from what i can see...I will go and check it out tomorrow and put in an application if so. Otherwise it's going t...	missmeliss	42	1266	Sep 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	love or codepedency? (Preview) I am verging on thinking it's my codependency, so I came home after six weeks away, I came home because he kept asking me to, telling me he missed me, I came home because I missed him, I missed parts of us and our life together, and my family unit, what I didn't miss was the manipulation, the total lack of re...	Katy	10	578	Sep 18, 2014 by Newlife girl
	Lonely in my marriage (Preview) first time ever having this kind of interaction about this topic. I'm an introverted non joiner and have avoided al anon meetings for that reason. But I am so lonely now, I need help. I don't have many friends And my family is not the type i can turn to. My high functioning AH of almost 20 years is wonder...	Seahorse7	7	577	Sep 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	Games people will play (Preview) Hi all don't post often but need to now. Its 520am and I'm finding it hard to sleep. Finally got my ex to leave the house yesterday as I could no longer put up with his madness and my anger would be very bad when he would start with his mad thinking (no excuse I know I have to work on anger). But when I was droppi...	jm	7	680	Sep 18, 2014 by grateful2be
	Cancelled Vacation (Preview) This forum and my al anon stuff is keeping me in a sane groove these past few days. I had a rough weekend and, as a result, I was in an overly sensitive space and misinterpreted something my husband had said. There was no fighting or loud words, but I did express my hurt and my perceptions and a bit of minor...	PP	30	860	Sep 18, 2014 by PP
	I am learning how to forgive myself. (Preview) I have been attending Al-Anon f2f meetings weekly for almost 5 months, and I come here to fill the gap between my meetings. I want to thank each of you for your ESH for without you all and my f2f meetings, I'm not sure where I would be. I have begun working step 4 (am working from Blueprint for Progress, Al-...	cloudyskies	9	633	Sep 18, 2014 by Debilyn
	Can't decide if I made the right decision (Preview) Tonight AH asked me to bring him over some ginger ale and Immodium. He had been having diarrhea all day I guess. At first I said yes. Then when I got off the phone I texted him back and said I didn't feel right doing it. So I didn't do it. he later told me he drove to the store and got it himself...then he quickly...	Newlife girl	4	532	Sep 18, 2014 by Advocate_For_Steve
	Any Birders on here? (Preview) A beautiful, slender, rather small bright yellow bird just landed in the hackberry tree outside my window. He'was breathtaking. A little grey on his back. Is he a wild canary? When we lived in Oklahoma City, there was a wonderful woman who was married to one of the control freaks in Husband's compa...	Temple	28	497	Sep 18, 2014 by PP
	Being so dependent my alcoholic (Preview) HELP ! I am not sure about how to deal with this. I depend on my AH for finances. I gave up my job three years ago when my baby was born and even though I start working next year my earnings can never be enough to support the family. So it looks like I will be dependent on him all my life. The problem is, AH seems t...	phiphi	8	540	Sep 18, 2014 by hotrod
	Yay for Sunday. (Preview) We went to a friends for lunch today, and when I arrived I realised, I didn't have my phone with me. Now I've known this friend for a year or so and when I started going over, I would check my phone constantly. It was usually a Sunday, I had usually been fighting with ABF and I was usually in a state of awful tur...	missmeliss	6	480	Sep 17, 2014 by Newlife girl
	I don't know what to do (Preview) I don't even know where to start. This year has been a roller coaster that never seems to end. ofcourse I never seem to get off of it. I had a chance to leave my ah a week ago. Lease was almost up he had gone to the strip club yet again this time drinking and driving home. I was staying with my parents prepared to...	Kah27	4	722	Sep 17, 2014 by Kah27
	First Message on Board - Advice needed (Preview) Hi all, I have a 53 year old brother who retired early (because of a buy-out), has no wife/children, nor responsibilities. He retired to the mountains in an area where he is surrounded by a lot of extended family in a small town in Virginia. He went through rehab and was clean/sober from 1997 to 2010. I...	Beulah	4	913	Sep 17, 2014 by Newlife girl
	Debating myself (Preview) Hello everyone! Sometimes I find myself really having great debates with myself, when I catch myself I say OOOPs and remember to turn it over, relax, etc. Lately my debate with myself comes about when every time I attend a house activity with my AH, I am bombarded with his housemates, counselors, croi...	Flower49	9	724	Sep 17, 2014 by Newlife girl
	New Truths for me .. (Preview) There are a few things that I have come to realize in terms of the divorce and how long that it's taken. That is a good thing. I could have done without the expense .. there is a reason it did take this long and I am feeling mentally and emotionally healthier than I have for a long time. Like since I left my f...	SerenityRUS	11	698	Sep 17, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Advice For Alcoholic Daughter Wanting To Come Home (Preview) Our daughter has been gone for days at a time for the last month saying she was working 80 - 90 hours a week. She has gambling and alcohol addictions, but she just recently admitted the alcohol problem. She gambled heavily in June and July with huge losses, but then turned almost exclusively to alcohol...	vm54	4	558	Sep 17, 2014 by hotrod
	When to detach & when to speak? (Preview) Hi all would like some advice about when to tackle issues with AH. He's been really stressed at work & has a very high powered job. This was his excuse for binging this week which resulted in him having an awful hangover, clearly annoyed at himself for using drink to escape & him taking time off w...	Tash2	19	731	Sep 17, 2014 by Debilyn
	Want to hear a funny? (Preview) I think recovery will perhaps mean being surprised at nothing. Not there yet. Here's the story: When DDH spent his 6 months or so in AA many, many years ago, he met a man who was apparently in pretty bad shape. And I guess husband was doing a 12 step exercise, because he gave him my bicycle--without aski...	Temple	15	662	Sep 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	Gratitude List (Preview) Liam Neeson. On GMA. Now! Thank you, HP! And now, he's gone from the screen. Oh, well. All good things must come to an end. -- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 17th of September 2014 07:49:25 AM	grateful2be	13	466	Sep 17, 2014 by grateful2be
	It's all my fault (Preview) Yep, it's all my fault, just ask him. AH approached me today to figure out when we're going to do this separation. Putting pressure on me to iron out details and find a job, etc. I told him that we had agreed that I would finish our son's sophomore year and that I needed time to get my resume together, etc...	andromeda	23	954	Sep 17, 2014 by SerenityRUS
	Kerry Washington on Financial Abuse (Preview) Don't know how to cut and paste a link here. You can probably Google it. Kerry Washington is working to raise awareness of financial abuse. She says that is the reason so many women stay. Good for her! Temple	Temple	3	455	Sep 17, 2014 by Temple
	Debilyn, I just have to asK: (Preview) Is that a plaid dog, or is wearing a sweater? Hugs, Temple	Temple	14	806	Sep 16, 2014 by Flower49
	Aging and loss (Preview) I notice as I grow older, I lose all the various support persons I have had in my life. As I told my daughter this week, it feels like my whole life is falling apart. I've lost my Dad and 3 persons who were my main go to people at various times in my life and me for them in less than a year. Many of the plans I'd m...	grateful2be	33	777	Sep 16, 2014 by grateful2be
	Advice (Preview) I need some advice. My husband has been in and out of the house and spending nights in I don't know where. I feel like its not even bothering him that I am not speaking ot hi or helping him in any way. I don't know if I should ask him to leave the house and file for divorce or just wait to see what would happen ... I...	Yazzymedo86	5	533	Sep 16, 2014 by vm54
	Between a rock and a hard place (Preview) My AH is 3 years and 10 months sober. I guess I thought things would be better by now, but they actually seem worse. In the first year he quit drinking, I was basically holding on with white knuckles, waiting to see how things would play out--would he even stay sober? He did. Second year, I decided to get my...	BlueSky	3	651	Sep 16, 2014 by hotrod
	First post here-dipping my toe in the water. (Preview) Not sure what the protocol is for new members,but here goes: Married to an incredible man for 25 years,he's been drinking for about 30,so it's not as though I went into this blind. He's always said he's not an alcoholic because he doesn't fit what he believes an alcoholic is. Our marriage is surpris...	LynnH	5	577	Sep 16, 2014 by milkwood
	Respect for the A-GONE (Preview) Hi again-I was thinking this morning how much respect and admiration I had towards my (not yet) spouse when we met almost 23 yrs ago. I remember telling my mother I met "someone of quality." This person was (is) a gifted musician and taught children and loved it. I saw no signs of addictio...	Lyne	5	649	Sep 16, 2014 by Spur
	divorce (Preview) My ah emailed me back and after several emails back and forth he said he would pay for divorce and hopefully he will file. Although I know what he says and what he does are two different things. If he doesn't follow through which is likely with his track record at least it is out their in the open. If he doesn...	texasgal	1	289	Sep 15, 2014 by hotrod
	A study of the Serenity prayer. (Preview) -- Edited by Tricia911 on Saturday 14th of December 2013 04:12:31 PM	Tricia911	38	59693	Sep 15, 2014 by gunner
	Oh :-( (Preview) Just got a call from the real estate agent. The landlord rejected my application because he absolutely won't have pets at the property. She said "I tried to talk him around and explained you have been a good tenant and your pets have done no damage in the 2 years you have rented from us but he wouldn'...	missmeliss	21	704	Sep 15, 2014 by Tossed Salad
	A cure for addiction? (Preview) I don't know if it is permissible on this board to talk about another treatment program, but I sure do have some questions. I saw a commercial about a treatment facility (won't say the name) that does not do the 12 steps, but advocates a "cure" for addiction. The spokesperson says, " I k...	cloudyskies	17	623	Sep 15, 2014 by DavidG
	Confused About Dealing With Daughters Problems (Preview) Hi, I'm new here as well. My 25 year old daughter has been an admitted gambling addict for several years and went to a month long treatment two years ago, before she had a really bad relapse this July where she lost almost $30,000. How she could get this much in credit and loans I don't know, because...	vm54	3	457	Sep 15, 2014 by Debilyn
	New here-alone and confused. (Preview) Hi, I am new here. I haven't gone to any Al-anon meetings because I'm scared. I believe my husband has had a drinking problem for the better part of a decade, maybe longer. We have been married for 12 years, together for 14. We live near my family, his is quite a distance away. My family noticed a prob...	JustBreathe	6	478	Sep 15, 2014 by Luiza
	son moving out today (Preview) Today's the day, my troubled son is moving out, and I have mixed emotions. As much as I have tried to disconnect from his problems I think my being around him everyday has had a positive influence on him, at least in so that he regulates his partying knowing I am paying attention. But after today he will b...	Cooper	5	546	Sep 15, 2014 by vm54
	Divorcing ah family (Preview) My dry ah family is not being supportive or nice to me. Is this common? Ah served me papers and now lives with his gf and at his mothers. Ah mother is treating me with extreme coolness as is the rest of ah family. He is the adulter and has left his marriage of 29 yrs.It is a small town.	Mirandac	23	608	Sep 15, 2014 by PP
	Debriefing (Preview) I had a rough weekend. I reluctantly accompanied my husband, his Celebrate Recovery Ministry leader and her husband to a cabin they have in Northern Michigan. My husband was very excited to get away with them, I was not. I agreed to go because he was excited and I can usually make the best of most situ...	PP	22	614	Sep 15, 2014 by PP
	And the Beat Goes On (Preview) Reading Jerry's post about going quiet from my tablet at my mom's and driving home yesterday , 90+ miles alone and listening to music - I thought about the value of going quiet for me. Mom's going through chemo, lives a hoarder's life with my oldest sister - how they don't see how awful it is in that house i...	likemyheart	6	527	Sep 15, 2014 by PP
	Needing a mantra or two (Preview) Backstory: 14 years of Marriage to my AH. Verbally abusive. Controlling, manipulative. I worked 80 hours a week at our businesses while he told me what a loser I was. I am sure you now the drill. He never treated me well. I just made excuses. He made promises. Got into Doing drugs. Has spend over $100,000...	sadsusie	10	1545	Sep 15, 2014 by Temple
	Step Four (Preview) I have a question. I want to know what you used as a guide when you worked Step Four. I have been in Alanon 22 years. I worked step 4 about 5 different times and always used the small book Blueprint for Progress. I did alot of writing after each section and listed my strengths as well as growth areas I neede...	afglin	12	609	Sep 15, 2014 by afglin
	A little update.... (Preview) So I finally was able to talk to my husband two days ago.. For the first time in my life ( thanks to all of you) I was very calm when I spoke to him. I told him I loved him, and I always would but I can no longer support him and watch him destroy himself. That he has to handle the decisions he has made on his own. I als...	Yazzymedo86	5	562	Sep 15, 2014 by Yazzymedo86
	moving forward not so easy (Preview) I went on a few dates with a man I met, but I didn't feel comfortable anymore. I am still not divorced from my ah. I haven't seen or had any contact with him in 8 months. But I am still legally married and since I am I do not feel comfortable dating. I just sent my ah an email requesting divorce. The man I went on d...	texasgal	3	447	Sep 14, 2014 by Mirandac
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.