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Post Info TOPIC: all new to me


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 15630
Date:
all new to me


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Post InfoTOPIC: All new to me...
 
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I'm new to this, new to alanon.  I've read a lot of different posts and I feel like mine may seem minor to most others.  I met my husband 11 years ago. He was very upfront and honest with me about his alcoholism.  He attended AA meetings just about every evening.  He had such a great attitude about life and love.  He was positive.  I was happy to be with someone on the recovering side of alcoholism.  My ex was an alcoholic and was very mean to me and my daughter.  Every family pic had that beer bottle in it. I hated showing off our pictures after a while.  Everything revolved around his being able to drink.  So again, when I met my husband, it was like a breath of fresh air. We moved south in 2015, away from the cold and snow.  It was great at first.  It was just he and I and my daughter (in high school).  It was one of those states though that had wine tasting around every corner.  And that Christmas (2015), we invited an elderly couple over for Christmas dinner.  My husband bought them a bottle of wine.  Then he asked if it would be okay if he had a glass of wine.  He said it was just for that day and he'd send the wine home with our neighbors.  I expressed my fears, but he kept reassuring me.  That night turned into him wanting a drink only on special occasions to wanting a cold beer after a hot work day.  Basically this turned into a daily thing.  I have expressed my feelings, but they seem to be unheard.  We moved back home last summer and during moving things really blew up. My daughter was graduating and my husband wanted to spend the day packing the truck.  She just wanted to get ready for graduation.  He was drinking and that night, after graduation, my pup got loose and he was very mean to it.  My daughter worked with rescues and the humane society so she got really angry with him.  And told him she didn't want another drunk a--hole for a dad.   He said he'd stop.  He did for like a week or so.  He has drank every single night.  His attitude is much more negative, he gets irritated easy and over minor stuff, and we hardly talk.  There is zero intimacy.  I've been stressed out about things and feel lonely in my own home, so I've put on more weight than I care to admit.  I've tried to get him to walk with me, exercise with me, go to the gym...anything.  He won't.  I want that partner back that would do things with me, would talk to me, look into my eyes again.  He has such a negative outlook and complains about everything.  When he used to get into those moods, I'd tell him he needs a meeting, and he would go and feel so much better.  Now it's like nothing is wrong in his eyes.  I have found a bottle of alcohol in the garage garbage, but only once and I did confront him.  He said he saw it and thought he'd try it....but does that mean the whole bottle?!  He said he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again.  But he works all day, on his own (self employed), and I don't know that he isn't drinking hard stuff while he's not here.  I'm just so lost and confused and unhappy...I don't know what to do.



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Cynthia Schmand Philbrook


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 15630
Date:

Welcome Cynthia Alanon is a fellowship of members who share their Experience, strength and hope in order to find a new way of living after being affected by the disease of alcoholism .

Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the White pages.. It sounds as if the disease may be driving your partner's actions so then, I suggest that you search out alanon meetings and attend. It is at these meetings that we learned to keep the focus on myself, as we live one day at at a time. trusitn a Power greater than ourselves. There is help and hope
Keep coming back


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7998
Date:

Welcome to MIP Cynthia - glad you found us and glad that you posted/shared. So sorry for the disease and how it's affecting your family and life - it's progressive and extensive. I also suggest you reach out to local Al-Anon meetings - that's where I found I was not alone and there was help and hope in recovery.

As loved ones, we tend to isolate and wonder what we can do to fix 'this'. In reality, nothing we do, try, say, etc. will change another yet we can find change in ourselves to better survive how the disease raises up. I also encourage you to keep coming back here - we do understand and listen without judgement and/or advice.

Glad you are here!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Newbie

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Posts: 4
Date:

I want to let you know that I feel what you are going through. I have been with my husband for 13 years and the drinking has been an up and down rollercoaster. He finally went to treatment and was sober for 3 years and now drinks a case of beer every day for the last 8 months. It snowballed just like your husband's drinking and started with the occasional beer. I have been to Al-Anon meetings and highly recommend them...I have not been for a while, but plan on going back. Your daughter might also benefit from the program since it sounds like she has had to deal with her fair share of alcoholism as well.

It is comforting to know that there are people out there with the same trials and tribulations as myself and know that you are not alone. I pray for you and your family and hope your husband finds his way back to sobriety.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 434
Date:

Hi, Cynthia, you are in the right place. I'm so sorry for your pain and the craziness around alcoholism... Reaching out for help and support was the first step towards recovery for me, so I'm glad you are here. Face to face meetings are a good place to be and I encourge you to attend. Keep coming back here as well! ((((Hugs))))

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 193
Date:

(((Cynthia))) You aren't alone. I'm so glad you found MIP. I was desperate when I came back into Alanon. It's so easy to forget alcoholism is a family disease. You'll find hope and a way of living life without the hopelessness that this disease causes. I do hope you can find a face to face meeting and by all means keep coming back. As shared above, it would be wonderful if your daughter could attend also. Alcoholism effects every single person living with it.

Hugs!

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