Just had a phone conversation with a sponsee who's alcoholic is near terminal.  He is feeling lonely, helpless and lots (but not all) the things I used to feel when I was new to Al-Anon.  He has chosen to hang on and be supportive to his alcoholic while they ride the roller coaster together and she is near terminal.  This is a fatal disease.  It can and will take the life of the chronic drinker and anyone near and at hand also.  I have seen it take family members while the alcoholic continues to stand and drink.   Cunning Powerful and Baffling is an appropriate discription of alcoholism.  And it is affecting me.  I know them both and love them both.  Additionally I am on the sidelines as my own family is going thru the consequences of years of alcoholism that ended in the death of a cousin and the destruction of the family.  The destruction is still going on. 

After the phone call I sat and spoke with my Higher Power about miracles in my life and the lives of so many others I have met in recovery.  My HP knows I take extreem pleasure at watching the miracles happen.  My HP knows why I would like a miracle for others especially my family and my sponsee and his alcoholic.  Miracles just feel good.  Miracles happen when I run out of power and inspite of my will.  Miracles happen when I quit trying to make things happen and turn this all over to my HP. 

I've learned alot in recovery including how to feel; compassionately and deeply still some of these feelings are empathy with memories of what it use to be like for me and I get a hang over because of it.  It's okay to feel sad and concerned.  I am vunerable and human.  Some feelings put me directly in contact with my HP and that is always good.

I know that she is in later stages alcoholism and if she continues to drink the way she does the next rescue call to emergency may not be a two way trip from home to home.  I know what trying to find god in a bottle is like and that the only god there wants me dead or deranged.  It doesn't matter what I know.  What I want is another miracle for my sponsee and his near dead wife and so that is what I told my HP to do; If it is within my HP's will. 

HP and I discussed why I wanted the miracle and I know that HP agrees that I want it because of the ones I have been allowed to have.  The first miracle is a chance; just a chance.  For it to happen she must hit a bottom before she dies. 

I have held and hugged them both.  It feels good.  I love them both. It must feel this way to HP also.  So I believe that HP wants the miracle also. 

In order to have a chance, she must be more willing to stop drinking than to continue.  She must be so sick and tired of being sick and tired that she does not have the strength to raise that fifth off of where ever it's at and lift it to her mouth.  She must have the strength only to call out to her HP for help.  If it would work by having me do it, it would have happened long ago and then I have only been able to do it for one person only...myself.

I am feeling the frustration, helplessness and utter entrapment I felt before I finally cried out in anger and dispair.  I pray that is what she is feeling at this moment.  The miracle will come when she cries out for help. 

She is loved by many in and out of the program because she has been around for a while.  We cannot do it for her.  We sit in prayer and consultation with our HPs and we all agree that this is what we want for her because we have all had that miracle; the chance that comes after the helpless cry for help. 

My sponsee and I are without expectations other than the obvious.  If she continues she will die very soon and very much in pain as the alcohol devastates her mind, body, spirit and emotions.  I am not without hope because I have seen the miracles and believe that a miracle is always in progress once I surrender myself and the alcoholic.

Miracles in Progress is one place that I come to watch it happen.

Thanks for letting me share!

(((((hugs)))))