The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Haven't had the energy to write lately...takes alot of energy to work this program. AH stayed out all night last night...this was a first for him..came home with a "could care less and I did nothing wrong " attitude. See the disease taking over...scary to watch. Wasted half the day worrying and upset but refuse to give up anymore of my time to HIS problem. If happiness is a choice I choose happiness. Refuse to get sucked down with him. Feel sorry for him but he is a smart man and he will have to find his own way. Family event in 4 weeks...after that hope to have the courage to make a break. Not a healty situation for my teenage daughter or for me. How much worse could it be for parents to split if she has to sit accross from him at dinner obviously seriously buzzed. She already went out one night to get him out of a bar. Blames herself (he likes to blame her too) for his drinking...doing my best to convince her she is not that powerful. He drank long before she was born just not as bad. I personally have had enough of this disease. Better to be alone then to watch my husband of 32 years become a shell of a person. I know marriage is for better or worse but .....?????? He will never change if I stay...he might if we split.....I have nothing to lose.
I feel for you. I know the A I live with is really good at getting just what he wants. I also know that I am really having to look again at some of my really grandiose almost infantile notions of sharing and dealing with problems in a relationship. I think when I met the A I had no idea how to negotiate, set limits ( I basically had none), think about how to handle situations (I just went into over react).
I know it is hard to contemplate the end of a relationship. I think these days there are many many things this relationship has brought me one of them being al anon which I treasure so much.
I hope by the time I leave (which for me is inevitable too) I can do it without bitterness. Your post helped me to move to that place rather than sitting in some more resentment.
The decision to leave.....or stay.....is a personal one, only you know if it is right for you and your child. I have a son that is now 22, but he was around 16 when my A started his drinking and using. My son has also gone and gotten my husband, not from bars but from dealers and other users homes. I have told him that what his step-dad does is not his fault and I can understand why he wants to go get him (I used to do the same) but no matter how many times he picks him up and brings him home, he will not stop using until HE is ready. Eventually my son listened to me and stopped. I think this is just as hard for the older kids, if not more so, than it is for us. Keep talking to her, eventually you will get through
